ABSTRACT Title of Dissertation: BRIDGING THE GAP: A PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY OF UNIVERSITY LIAISONS IN PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT SCHOOLS Mary Margaret Madden, Doctor of Philosophy, 2005 Dissertation Directed by: Professor Francine Hultgren Department of Education Policy and Leadership In this hermeneutic phenomenological study, I explore the lived experience of six university faculty who serve as liaisons and coordinators in Professional Development Schools (PDSs) and bridge the gap between P-12 schools and universities. My question for this investigation asks, ?What is the lived experience of university faculty in Professional Development Schools?? The themes arising from their lived experiences are opened through the lifeworld dimensions of lived body, time, space and relation. Throughout this study, I have used the metaphors of bridge and building to understand the liaisons? experiences, as well as other metaphors brought forward by my conversants. These metaphors led to my understanding that the experience of a liaison is grounded in movement, that they become bridges as they engage in the process of building them. I examine the manner in which they were called to this work, and the importance of building relationships in order to sustain them. Through the building process, the liaisons are building identities as liaisons, as well as experiencing changes in their personal lives. I identify exuberance (Jamison, 2004) and sacrifice as essential elements of the liaisons? work. Reflecting on these themes has made me more aware of what the liaisons are required to do, the combination of relationship and administration, and I suggest ways in which schools and universities can re-design perceptions and structures to provide support for the liaisons as they do their work. BRIDGING THE GAP: A PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY OF UNIVERSITY LIAISONS IN PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT SCHOOLS by Mary Margaret Madden Dissertation submitted to the Faculty of the Graduate School of the University of Maryland College Park in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy 2005 Advisory Committee: Professor Francine Hultgren, Chair and Advisor Professor Roxanna Dellavecchia Associate Professor Randy McGinnis Dr. Virginia H. Pilato Professor Sylvia Rosenfield @Copyright by Mary Margaret Madden 2005 ii DEDICATION This work is dedicated to: Maryland?s Professional Development School Liaisons, who exuberantly build bridges of relationship in education and Dr. Dennis Hinkle (1943- 2003), friend and mentor, whose trust in my ability enabled me to take the first steps across the bridge iii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thank you to Dr. Francine Hultgren, my advisor, who modeled patience and care as I struggled with multiple metaphors and multiple drafts of my work. She knew that somewhere, as I uncovered the meaning behind the words of my initial drafts, I would find the essence of the liaison?s experience. Thank you to other members of my Advisory Committee, Dr. Roxanna Dellavecchia, Dr. Randy McGinnis, Dr. Virginia Pilato, and Dr. Sylvia Rosenfeld, for their support of my work. I extend particular thanks to Dr. Virginia Pilato, who provided me with the time and support I needed to reflect and write. Thank you to my research participants, Devon, Diane, Frank, Lenore, Pamela and Sue, for their willingness to share their experiences with me in conversation and to continue the uncovering process as they reflected on my thematizing in Chapter Four. Thank you to Teresa for beginning the conversation with me in Chapters One, Two and Three. Thank you to Dana, Kurt, Jim, and Tess, dear friends who often provided me with productive writing space in a caring environment. Thank you to Barbara and Mary Ann for their constant encouragement and response to my writing. Our conversations helped me see the liaisons? experiences more clearly. Thank you to Celie, Cindy, Ed, George, Joann, Marty and Toni, whose friendships have sustained me as they have been continual sources of encouragement, and to Dr. Kenneth Horvath (in memoriam) for his support. Thank you to my son, Grath, for transcribing ?Mom?s confusing notes? and helping with all of my final preparations. Thank you to Susan for her friendship and supportive technical assistance. Thank you to my friends and colleagues from the Maryland State Department of Education, Cheri, Kim, Liz, Louise, Michelle, and Norma who have supported me in many ways in my work. Thank you to all members of the Maryland Professional Development School community, particularly Cheri and Sue, who never failed to voice their interest in this study. iv TABLE OF CONTENTS Chapter I Turning to the Phenomenon Building the Bridge 1 Building a Bridge of Understanding 4 Liaison as Bridge: Coming to Terms 9 Called to the Bridge 12 Professional Development Schools: Being in the 15 Center of the Bridge My Questioning Begins: Sitting on the Bank of the River 18 The Designated Driver: Crossing the Bridge 19 Maryland Writing Project and Professional 22 Development Schools: Twin Spans The Call to Teaching Teachers: Intrigued by the 26 Vision of the Bridge Bridging Cultures: Passing on the Span 31 Building Bridges: Personal Experiences 32 Pre-understandings Shaping My View of Education 35 Learning about Teaching: Trapped on the Span 37 Beginning to Dwell-in-Teaching: Looking to 43 the Water Below Supervision Revisited: Bridge Over Troubled Water 47 Building Policy: Supporting the Span 50 Leaving the Bridge to Find A New Home 54 An Ever Changing View: Sunset behind the Bridge 55 Hermeneutic Phenomenological Research: The Bridge to 57 Understanding Lived Experience Chapter II Exploring the Phenomenon Through Existential Sources A Metaphorical Connection: Building a Bridge between 60 Imagination and Reality Bridging the Gap: Melding Theory and Practice 63 Bridges: Fear and Fascination 68 Widening the Horizon 72 Bridges: Multiple Meanings 75 Changing Identity: Who am I?Really? 76 Differences, Tensions and Dialogues: Lived Experience 77 Accounts of Building Building Capacity: Remodeling or Reconstructing? 82 Seeking Money to Build: Developing the Architectural 88 Renderings Building Relationships: Laying the Foundation 93 Building Bridges: A New Engineer Begins the Process 95 The Toll Collector: Who?s Really in Charge Here? 99 v Developing the Infrastructure: The Initial Platform/Principles 100 for PDSs Culture: Bridging Meaning Through Action 104 Warning: Bridge Under Construction?Proceed at Your 106 Own Risk!!! Building: Playing Against the Elements 107 Chapter III Philosophic Grounding for Methodology and Phenomenological Questioning Questions, Questions, Questions: Why Questions? 112 In What Way Does the Researcher Use the Question to Bring Forward the Lived Experience of a Phenomenon? 114 What is Hermeneutic Phenomenological Human Science 116 Inquiry? In What Way Will I Engage in Hermeneutic 121 Phenomenological Research? The participants 122 The conversational process 124 Thematizing 128 In What Way is Writing a Tool for Uncovering Lived 129 Experience? To ?Be? or ?Not to Be??Is That the Question? 132 Being-in-the-World 133 Care 134 Temporality 136 Historicity 138 How Do I Reconcile Heidegger?s Political Actions 139 with His Philosophy? Building on Being: Is Authenticity Possible in 145 Community? What is the Bodily Experience of Being a Liaison? 148 Building and Dwelling: What is Their Place in a PDS? 151 Phenomenological Researchers: Being or Called to Be? 156 Questions: Yours, Mine or Theirs? 158 Is Listening the Other Side of Voice in 161 Phenomenological Research? Chapter IV Becoming the Bridge: Building Identity in Professional Development Schools Building the Bridge: The Bridge Builders 166 Pamela: Instructional Facilitator for Professional 170 Development Schools Frank: Director of Professional Development Schools/ 172 Associate Professor in Education Lenore: Professional Development School Coordinator 174 Diane: Professional Development School Coordinator 175 vi Sue: Professional Development School Coordinator/ 177 Lecture Devon: Professional Development School Coordinator 179 Metaphors of Movement 180 Moving in the ?right? direction 184 Body consciousness 187 Coming together in movement 190 Personality traits 194 Being Named 198 Coordinator 201 Instructional facilitator 214 Director 218 What?s in a name? 220 Being Called to Build 222 Being Called Upon 226 Responding To The Call 229 Making a Choice 236 Crossing Boundaries: Re-memberings and Being 238 Being one of them 241 Crossing over into trust 249 Building Relationships 252 Being Present 256 Being in Place 262 Being in Time 266 Experiencing time 266 Counting time 269 Time as accomplishment 272 Making decisions 274 Being Inside 279 Being a native 281 Being a visitor 284 Maintaining communication 287 Being accepted 289 Being a Parent: Providing Support and Discipline 291 Gaining Acceptance and Trust 293 Sharing Ownership: Learning From Each Other 300 Respecting Support: Being Inclusive 304 Being Part of a System 308 Coming Together: Staying Involved 309 Bridging: Outside the Boundaries 316 Gathering In: Making a Home 319 Building a Wonderful Life 321 Building Identity 325 Being Authentic 327 Being in the Center 331 Being Passionate 336 vii Feeling Inadequate 340 Being Professional 344 Transformation: Becoming the Bridge 347 Chapter V Redesigning the Bridge: Building Structures to Support Professional Development School Liaisons Looking at the Landmarks from the Bridge 351 Building the Bridge of Understanding Through 353 Metaphor Re-Designing for a Changing Landscape 356 Building with Exuberance 359 Sacrifice 362 Choosing a Position: Finding Balance 366 Building a Community of Nurturance 368 Making Changes: A One-way Trip across the 373 Bridge Beginning the Re-Design: Listening to the Bridge Builders 375 Showing Interest 376 Coming Out of Isolation 379 Bridges of Meaningful Conversation 381 Building Structures of Support 386 Feeling Responsible: Becoming Response-able 387 Building Power with 390 Re-designing Perceptions: Building Respect 395 Building a Foundation of Research 400 Re-designing Structures 403 Providing resources 408 Being accountable 409 Handing Over the Blueprints 410 Becoming Dispensable: Being Reachable 411 Standing Together for Change 413 Appendices Appendix A?Guidelines for Multiple Site Professional 416 Development Schools Appendix B?Participant Consent Form 418 Appendix C?Standards for Maryland Professional 420 Development Schools References 421 1 CHAPTER ONE: TURNING TO THE PHENOMENON Building the Bridge It's about the kids in schools and the partnership and building the school to the best of its ability. You are building the capacity for folks within the school and the organization to sustain things...in the end; it is the relationship that you build with the people within the site. (Teresa, Professional Development School liaison) Building these experiential and conceptual bridges is a time intensive, empathetic, and caring process. I think of this building process as professional bonding, the cultivation of the professional and human affections of participants?professor, teacher, intern, child?for one another. (Simpson, 1994, p. 254) I am the human link. (Lauren, Professional Development School liaison) For building is not merely a means and a way toward dwelling?to build is in itself already to dwell. (Heidegger, 1971, p. 146) If to build is to dwell, as Heidegger says, then in what manner does the action of building define the life experience of the builder? Building is the process of putting together, combining to produce a structure. For Heidegger, dwelling is ?being-in-the world,? part of a meaningful whole, living in relationship with other people and things, ?at home amid the things in our world? (Polt, 1999, p. 46). In order to be-in-the world we dwell in the world by building relationships with others, creating a bridge through collaboration, a working together with others in relationship. I am called to the metaphor of bridge to describe the work and existence of university faculty liaisons as they build pathways between schools and universities in Professional Development Schools (PDSs). In Maryland, a PDS is defined as: ?a collaboratively planned and implemented partnership for the academic and clinical preparation of interns and the continuous professional development of both school system and institution of higher education (IHE) faculty. The focus 2 of the PDS partnership is improved student performance through research-based teaching and learning. A PDS may involve a single or multiple schools, school systems and IHES and may take many forms to reflect specific partnership activities and approaches to improving both teacher education and Pre-K-12 schools. (Maryland State Department of Education, 2003) My interest in this phenomenon arises from the work I do with PDSs in a state department of education. Through my work, university liaisons are the PDS practitioners with whom I most often come into contact. They are the do-ers of the PDS movement at the university level and, as part of their assignments, they often attend statewide meetings that are focused on PDS implementation issues. When I see them at these meetings, some appear tense, because they quickly begin to realize that building the bridge of collaboration is not an easy task. Some are excited, looking forward to the changes and relishing the process. Some are skeptical, questioning why PDS is their responsibility, not wanting to change. Yet, all of them know that eventually they must change in order to comply with state policy. I also have seen the skeptics, those who came kicking and screaming into the PDS movement, become outspoken advocates for the benefits of being in a PDS. As I have increased the amount and breadth of my interaction with the liaisons, I am struck by the complexity of their experiences. Through my relationship with the liaisons, and because I am responsible for coordinating the statewide PDS network, I am called to come to a greater understanding of their lived experience. In what way can my increased understanding of their experiences be of help to them as I work with them to plan statewide programs and activities? I, too, have had the experience of being a liaison, although not in a PDS. Before I began my PDS work in a state department of education, I worked as a liaison at the 3 university level. I held a split position, part of my time allocated as co-director and then director of the Maryland Writing Project (MWP) and part of the time as assistant to the dean in a college of education. The connection between these two assignments was that in both of them I was serving as a liaison, a bridge, between the university and educators in P-12 schools and often within the university itself. I was helping to develop and support programs that would reach out to P-12 educators and call them into community with one another, whether through MWP activities or cohort masters? programs. My connections with P-12 teachers affected all of the work I did for the college of education, but I still spent most of my time at the university. Because PDS liaisons spend more time in P-12 schools than other faculty colleagues who work in traditional teacher education programs, they have time to extend relationships at the school level, thus altering their relationships with colleagues at the university. As a liaison, I enjoyed my work with teachers and most of the time did not resent the extra time needed to work with them. The relationship building part of my work came easily to me and I thrived on the excitement of bringing teachers together and providing empowering professional development opportunities. But the extra hours spent did, indeed, begin to take their toll. Mounds of paper constantly surrounded me and I had to choose what was most important, building relationships or completing reports. In what way did I reconcile the tension of caring about things or caring for people? Is there ever a time to say, ?NO?? When it came to relationships, I rarely said, ?NO.? The paperwork was another story altogether. In a PDS partnership, who is gathered into the relationship building process? In what way is a PDS partnership different from a traditional relationship between a 4 university and a P-12 school that hosts student teachers? Teitel (1998) provides us with a definition of a PDS that can start us thinking about the way in which a liaison?s experience is different from that of a university faculty member who supervises student teachers: Professional development schools are partnerships formed by two or more institutions engaged in mutual renewal and simultaneously trying to expand professional development opportunities at both institutions, engage in research and development, and improve the education of children, adolescents and prospective teachers. (p.1) This definition assumes that the responsibility of those who work in PDSs extends across the traditional boundaries of P-12 schools and universities. The sense of mutual renewal hints at the extent and intensity of the work in which liaisons are involved. It is no longer a matter of dropping in on a school to visit a student teacher as I did when I supervised student teachers. My experience as a university supervisor in a traditional model has led me to policy work that supports a new manner of relation, that of a PDS. Building a Bridge of Understanding Every project of phenomenological inquiry is driven by a commitment of turning to an abiding concern?So phenomenological research is a being-given- over to some quest, a true task, a deep questioning of something which restores an original sense of what it means to be a thinker, a researcher, a theorist. (van Manen, 1984, p. 37) In our everyday lives most of us drive over bridges without a second thought, but the moment a bridge appears on the big screen, it?s time to clutch the popcorn boxes?something big is about to happen. (Dupre, 1997, p. 92) Orienting to the phenomenon shows itself in a continued interest in the phenomenon, even when it is not on the ?big screen.? For me this orientation process takes place in constant questioning about the lived experience of PDS liaisons. These wonderings lead me deeper into an understanding of the essence of lived experience 5 rather than a superficial acceptance of it. What view of the bridge describes the experience of a PDS liaison? Is the liaison taken for granted?or viewed with awe? I am called to learn more about PDS liaisons because of their critical importance in the building and support of PDSs, particularly because of the tremendous strains that are placed upon them as they build bridges between their higher education institutions and P-12 schools. What is the weight they bear as they gather support from each educational entity they connect? Those of us at the state department of education need to be involved in the bridge building process as well. In order to facilitate continuing conversations among and with PDS practitioners, the state PDS network sponsored three-day Leadership Academies. During the Academies, I was able to learn more about the liaison?s experiences. Their voices continue to inform my uncovering in Chapters One and Two. Since what they do is often ill defined and not traditionally rewarded in the university structure, I am concerned about their well being as people. All too often when I encounter the liaisons at meetings, they speak about the enormity of their workloads and how that workload continues to increase the longer they are involved in PDS work. At the Academy, one liaison remarked, ?Does anybody have a job description? I know I don?t? (Denise). Another liaison replied, ?PDS work is generally an add-on. Our group talked about it as a process, but it?s really not? (Carol). Two concerns are brought forward in these comments, the murkiness about what a liaison is required to do and the fact that whatever it is, it is added on to a pre-existing set of responsibilities. Dr. Lee Teitel, a liaison from the University of Massachusetts at Boston, served as facilitator for the academy. He began one session with the question, ?Who cares?? 6 He said the question usually throws people off guard at first, but it is a question that has deep meaning. My continued concern and interest leads me continually to ask questions about the liaison?s experiences. Who really does care about what happens to faculty and students in a PDS? Is there an ethic of care evident in PDS work? The noun care has definitions that fall into two different categories. It can be defined as ?a burdened state of mind,? ?mental suffering, grief,? ?an object of worry or concern,? or ?caution in avoiding harm or danger.? It also is defined as ?close attention; painstaking application,? ?watchful oversight; charge or supervision,? ?attentive assistance or treatment to those in need.? As a verb, care means ?to be concerned or interested,? ?to provide needed assistance or watchful supervision,? or ?to have a liking or attachment? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 212). The word care derives from ?Old English caru, cearu sorrow, anxiety, grief?in the primary sense of inward grief? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 106). In what manner is care manifested in the relationships PDS practitioners have with one another? Is there attentiveness to the needs of others? Do the relationships that are developed foster personal and professional growth? In what ways do liaisons experience mental suffering and grief as a result of providing attentiveness to others? Is worry an integral part of their experience as they live in relationship with others? Reflecting on relationships, Teitel commented on the way in which university liaisons are in meetings. His observation is that you usually can tell who the university liaisons are by their mode of discourse. University faculty talk more, and in a more academic manner than their P-12 counterparts. University faculty often are reticent to give up their academic titles. If university faculty are Dr., they like to be referred to as 7 such, yet a P-12 faculty member who has a doctorate usually is referred to by first name. In what way is the use of formal titles reflected in the way in which liaisons establish relationships? If a PDS is focused on issues of equity and sharing, does the use of formal titles get in the way of building relationships? At the beginning of the Academy, the voice of university faculty did dominate discussions. We had planned the Academy to include sessions during which teachers could give voice to their experiences, placing teachers in assigned positions as facilitators and reporters. In what way does a liaison provide a safe haven to nurture teacher voice? Is encouraging teacher voice a way in which a liaison demonstrates care for P-12 educator growth? In what manner do liaisons provide support and sustenance for others? The liaison makes a way for easier access for those in a PDS to make connections with others. The liaison establishes the infrastructure to allow those connections to occur. What features of bridge architecture must be in place in order to provide safe support? Upon what foundations does the liaison build? There are many outside forces that place a burden on the liaison. In the case of bridges, Dupre (1997) tells us that, ?Four types of forces act on bridges, either singly or in combination: tension, compression, shear, and torsion. Tension, which stretches or pulls apart, is the opposite of compression, which squeezes or pushes together. Shear is a sliding force; torsion is a twisting force? (p. 12). Just as a bridge feels the effects of nature so, too, the liaison feels the effect of forces that play upon lives in schools. If a school system or the state alters policies to promote a particular type of instruction, the liaison must keep pace with the changes in order to maintain credibility with P-12 teachers. Collay (1995) tells us that it is important for those involved in PDS to build on common ground, crossing the cultural 8 boundaries of custom and language. My own experience as a university supervisor was similar to that described by a university coordinator as she reflects on her experience before the Extended Teacher Education Program (ETEP) PDS was developed at the University of Southern Maine. I did observations in schools, but these were isolated events. I never ?hung out? at the schools, just chatting or interacting with teachers, as I often do [now]. [In the past] I had little or no input into how the program was run. In ETEP, I have a great deal of autonomy, from deciding how the internship will be organized to deciding how the money will be spent. This autonomy is the fun part. (Walters, 1998, pp. 97-98) Because this coordinator now spends more time in schools, she feels more a part of the school community. Building a PDS is a multifaceted process involving a variety of stakeholders, everyone who will live some portion of their time in a PDS, including representatives from the school, school system, higher education institution, and community. A first step in the building process involves bringing together representatives of these diverse groups to develop plans for building a learning community. Through relationship, school and university faculty come together in a different way. They are encouraged to travel across the bridge and become part of each other?s cultures. Bruner (1996) says, ?Nothing is ?culture free,? but neither are individuals simply mirrors of their cultures. It is the interaction between them that both gives a communal cast to individual thought and imposes a certain unpredictable richness on any culture?s way of life, thought or feeling? (p. 14). This richness is brought forward as liaisons create bridges that do not belong exclusively to either culture, but provide a connection that belongs to both. All are somewhere on the bridge. Bruner sees this ?life in culture? as ?an interplay between the versions of the world that people form under its 9 institutional sway and the versions of it that are products of their individual histories? (p. 14). In what manner do school and university faculty dwell in this place together? What is gathered up in this coming together? Liaison as Bridge: Coming to Terms The unassuming poetry of bridges reveals itself to those who would see them. Whether a simple crossing or an intricate labyrinth of steel, each of these structures has much to say about the extraordinary lines, effort, ingenuity, and wonder that come together on a bridge. (Dupre, 1997, p. 7) The faculty member who is the PDS liaison bridges the gap between the university and the school, in an attempt to merge the two cultures to build a new institution. Some are tenured faculty with long-term service at their institutions; some are hired specifically to work in a PDS; some hold joint positions funded by the university and the school system. The term used to describe the university faculty member varies from institution to institution. Some are called coordinators, some facilitators, and some liaisons. For clarity throughout this study, I use the term liaison to describe these higher education faculty members, and in Chapter Four I bring forward my conversants? reflections on these titles. Van Manen (1984) calls us to be attentive to the language we use, particularly the origins of words. ?To be attentive to the etymological origins of words can sometimes put us in touch with the original form of life where the terms still had living ties to the lived experiences from which they originally sprang? (p. 53). In what way do the origins of the words used to describe university faculty who are responsible for implementing the PDS model raise questions about their lived experience as well? What happens to ways of relating that such naming anticipates? 10 The term liaison sometimes distinguishes university faculty from P-12 PDS coordinators, who often are called site coordinators. Liaison is a noun meaning ?one that maintains communication?a close relationship, connection, or link? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 781). In its early use, the English word liaison referred to a union, a binding together (Barnhart, 1995, p. 430). In what way does a PDS liaison become a binding or linking agent? What types of relationships does the liaison help to develop? In what way is communication used to develop relationships? Some partnerships use the term coordinator to describe the university faculty member as well as the school-based coordinator. The word coordinate can be used as a noun or a verb. As a noun, coordinate means ?one that is equal in importance, rank, or degree? and as a verb, it means, ?to place in the same order, class, or rank?to harmonize in a common action or effort? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 306). The term coordinator developed from the adjective coordinate whose meaning was "formed from English co-together, equal + ordinate...from coordination, orderly combination; ?from Latin co-together + ordinationem arrangement" (Barnhart, 1995, p. 160). In what way does order manifest itself in the experience of a PDS coordinator? In what way does this definition of order and combination reflect a view of PDSs? If there is combination, is each institution combined with the other ?as is? or is there an element of internal change involved as well? In what ways does combination conflict with order in a liaison?s life? Other partnerships use the term facilitator to describe the university PDS practitioner. Facilitate means ?to make easy or easier? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 489). In what way does a PDS liaison experience making easy? For 11 whom does the facilitator do this? In making easy for others, does the PDS liaison experience easiness also? An early use of easy refers to the old French aisle, meaning able or having opportunity (Barnhart, 1995, p. 229). In what way does the PDS liaison provide opportunities and for whom? Is making things easy something that the liaison considers important in PDS work? At a recent meeting of PDS liaisons, one faculty member provided a laundry list of things for which she is responsible in her PDS, including coordinating with the maintenance staff. This certainly extends the responsibilities of a PDS liaison who is supposed to provide opportunities for others. What does the difference in terms used to describe these university teacher educators reveal about their lived experiences? What expectations are placed upon them? Are they to form a union, to bind, to make arrangements equally and together? Can this process ever be made easy for those who are gathered up? Who makes the decision about the term to be used? In most cases, the liaison does not have a voice in deciding upon the terminology to be used. Liaisons are hired for a position where the designation already has been determined. What term might PDS liaisons use to describe their own experiences, and what does that reveal about the experience? Teresa includes the notion of mentor as she describes herself: I've done a lot of reading the last couple of weeks on the research on mentoring, and I would like to think of myself not only as a facilitator. I probably don't coordinate anything because I'm not sure anything I do is very coordinated; they're little bits and pieces of things happening. I would like to think that I facilitate things and that I can get things going and get things done and moving. I would like to think that I mentor not only the teachers in the schools but the interns that I work with. And mentoring, the notion that I like the most was that mentoring has two parts, support and challenge. (Teresa) 12 In a PDS, the term mentor often is associated with a P-12 teacher who either serves as a cooperating teacher for a preservice teacher, a designated mentor for novice teachers, or a mentor who has agreed to be available to help preservice teachers on an as-needed basis. A mentor is defined as ?a wise and trusted counselor or teacher.? Mentor in Greek mythology was ?Odysseus? trusted counselor, under whose guise Athena became the guardian and teacher of Telemachus? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 820). The Indo-European root of mentor is men meaning, ?to think? (p. 1529). The word mentor is ?related to Greek menos intent, purpose, spirit, passion? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 470). Teresa brings forth the notion of mentoring, both preservice and inservice teachers, as being of considerable importance to her, perhaps more than facilitating. In what way is the support and challenge of which she speaks experienced in her daily life? For whom is the challenge intended, and how is support provided? In what way do these notions of challenge and support become an inherent part of a PDS liaison?s experience? What called Teresa to the mentoring experience she crafted in her PDS work? Called to the Bridge Vocation does not mean a goal that I pursue. It means a calling that I hear. Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am. I must listen for the truths and values at the heart of my own identity, not the standard by which I must live?but the standards by which I cannot help but live if I am living my own life. (Palmer, 2000, pp. 4-5) Saying yes to the calls tends to place you on a path that half of yourself thinks doesn?t make a bit of sense, but the other half knows your life won?t make sense without. This latter part, continually pushing out from within us with a centrifugal force, keeps driving us toward authenticity, against the tyranny of fear and inertia and occasionally reason, against terrific odds, and against the knocking in our hearts that signals the hour. (Levoy, 1997, p. 4) 13 [T]he simple reason for his enthusiasm was that he was a dreamer, and the most determined type of dreamer who must build what he dreams. Perhaps in the darkness at night he already believed it built, and could have put out his hand from the sheets and touched its cold iron and masonry. (Petroski, 1996, p. 73) Petroski (1996) shares a comment made by a colleague of Bouch, an architect who designed a bridge that collapsed in a fierce storm. Although his bridge failed, Bouch continued to be captivated by the dream of what a bridge could be. In what way was Teresa called as a teacher and an individual to her dream of bridge building in PDSs? Teresa, a delicate mixture of enthusiasm and exhaustion, was one of the early PDS bridge builders in the state. She had previous PDS experience in another state and was charged with replicating that experience at a state university. Although she no longer works directly as a PDS liaison, Teresa continues to pursue innovative methods in teacher education, currently in the area of technology. She continues to be called upon by institutions throughout the state to provide technical assistance, particularly in the beginning stages of partnership development. As my interest in PDS liaisons has continued to develop, I have engaged in conversations with Teresa about her experiences. In doing so, I wanted to establish a focus for myself on what the experience of being a PDS liaison is as it is lived. Since little has been written about the lived experience of PDS liaisons, these conversations inform much of what I have learned and continue to inform my uncovering in Chapters One and Two. When I worked in teacher education at a university, I was able to see some aspects of the life of a PDS liaison because Teresa lived in the office next to mine. She was part of what I referred to as the night and weekend crew. One reason I spent so much time at the university in the evenings was to be able to reach teachers when they 14 were not in their classrooms. I did not mind spending the time because I believed that what I was helping to promote would make a positive difference in the lives of teachers. I did not see much of Teresa during the day because she was out at the school site. When she was on campus during the day, it was to attend meetings or advise students. She would arrive at her office at times when most faculty members, unless they were teaching graduate courses, were already at home. Teresa realized that her work schedule was not the same as many of her colleagues. I probably know a few people who come in, do their eight or nine hours a day, never go out into schools, never are bothered with things, only take student phone calls from two until four on Thursdays, and have office hours only when you can come to them. That's not who I am as a human being. Maybe PDSers, people who do Professional Development School things, are a particular personality. (Teresa) Is there a certain type of individual drawn to the life of a PDS liaison? In what way does a PDS liaison find congruence with her views of herself as a human being? What happens to PDS liaisons who experience incongruence with their personal beliefs about the university's role in teacher education? What outside forces impact the PDS liaison?s experience of being more often in schools than at the university? Teresa always seemed at home in the schools. The school principal often joked that she was the other principal. As indicated in the following, she felt more at home there than she did at the university. I was doing what I thought was right, and what I thought was the purpose of why I was hired, and what I want to be as an educator. I think maybe the folks, and this is wriggling out on a limb, but I think the folks that are successful at being PDS people are people who view their role as not being locked up in a university office somewhere doing things that some day might impact someone somewhere in Kansas, because they read something I write, but that I can go out to places every single day and see things that we are doing that are impacting kids tomorrow?at that point I didn?t have anyone to feel that way with me other 15 than administrators and at some point you just become very alienated with the process. (Teresa) Teresa shares the down side of PDS work by describing what can happen when someone is at the vanguard of a change process. Because of her previous PDS experience, Teresa had developed very definite understandings of PDS partnerships and used her P-12 experience to build relationships. Was Teresa in the right place at the right time in PDS development? What about the PDS experience called her to do things differently? Professional Development Schools: Being in the Center of the Bridge You know what my definition of PDS is. A PDS has three components in an environment of inquiry and collaboration. The first letter is P and stands for preservice. D is for the development of teachers within the school and S is for school improvement. (Teresa) Professional Development Schools came into being as a way to connect more extensive real life school experience for preservice teachers with a focus on providing career-long professional development for inservice teachers in order to improve student achievement. In the early part of the twentieth century there was an interest in field- based education programs such as the laboratory schools promulgated by John Dewey (Pinar, Slattery, & Taubman, 1996, p. 107). One difference between a laboratory school and a PDS is that, in a PDS, the emphasis is on an experience in a real school, not a school where the student population is predetermined. In a PDS, teacher candidates, P-12 teachers and administrators, and college/university faculty strive together to create a learning community, for themselves as well as their P-12 students. Using the model of the teaching hospital, teacher candidates, called interns, take part in an extensive, intensive experience that gives them 16 the opportunity to experience, as authentically as possible, what it is like to be a teacher. An intern is defined as ?an advanced student or recent graduate undergoing supervised practical training? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 684). The word intern derives from ?French interne assistant doctor; literally, resident within a school, etc., from Middle French interne interval? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 394). In what ways does a liaison provide a residential experience for a preservice teacher? Classes often are conducted on site in schools, with programming developed collaboratively by school and college/university faculty. Yet, a PDS does not focus solely on preservice teacher development. A PDS is concerned with whole school P-16 reform, involving P-12 faculty and their higher education counterparts. With this changing structure comes a change in roles and responsibilities, and, consequently, experiences. Each PDS is different, dependent upon the partners and the stage of PDS development. Some PDSs are built slowly; others with preexisting strong foundations take shape quickly. An emphasis on inquiry promotes progressive reform through individual and collaborative reflection. The concept of collaboration reads well on paper, but who will design and build this collaboration, this merging of two cultures? In what ways will it be supported? What does the university liaison do to hold the design together? How does being-in-between bring about the melding of this space? As I ponder these questions, I reflect, through poetry, on the manner in which two liaisons, the Carols, experience being in the in-between space during a meeting that brings university and school representatives together. Linking, shaping Gathering Spaces once separate Landscape created 17 A place for dwelling in community (Madden, 2000) At the beginning stages of community building, the Carols sit quietly by, letting each participant contribute to the list. Two questions are posed to the assembled group. What do we expect a first year teacher to know and do and feel and believe? And what parts of that are our responsibility? The two university liaisons are participating in a discussion concerning new PDSs in a school system served by their higher education institution. At this meeting, representatives from schools, the school system, and the university have come together to make plans for the building of a PDS, a place for dwelling in community. It will be important to build a structure that is suitable in form and purpose, one that takes into account the stresses that will impact it. The outcome of planning sessions such as this will guide PDS efforts in this school system. In another school system served by the same higher education institution, a similar discussion is taking place. Again, a university liaison is engaged in a meeting concerning PDS development facilitated by a representative from the school system. In both instances, major decisions about the roles and responsibilities and, consequently, the lives of the PDS liaisons are being made. As the liaisons engage in this discussion, their lives as teacher educators are becoming different from the lives of traditional teacher educators, and that lived experience is being shaped by all of those who are in attendance, not just the university that hired them. In what types of activities do PDS liaisons engage? They arrange and facilitate meetings, plan and teach preservice courses and field experiences, plan and teach workshops for inservice teachers, serve as members of school improvement teams, and 18 interact with school system personnel. They gather together all stakeholders to become involved in building a learning community. The liaison is the only participant in a PDS who has to, by job definition, live in both institutions while in the process of building a new entity, one not closed in and separated by the walls of a physical structure. What is this in-between place like? What does the PDS liaison set free in this place of gathering? My Questioning Begins: Sitting on the Bank of the River The essence of the question is to open up possibilities and keep them open. (Gadamer, 1960/1997, p. 299) As the state PDS network coordinator, I have come to be part of initial discussions at the university where the Carols are liaisons about the competencies desired for beginning teachers in a PDS. As I listen, my interest is piqued and many more questions than answers flood my mind. Can these hypothetical first year teachers really do everything we expect, even if we lead them there ever so carefully, matching competencies along the way? What is the PDS liaison's role, or function, or purpose in the development of novice teachers? I think of the Carols and their counterparts in other PDS partnerships. I wonder about their lives as teachers of other teachers and how they came to be in these positions. What prepared them for this place of in-between where they bridge the gap between teacher preparation programs and the real life of schools? What is their bodily experience of spanning?being the bridge between two cultures?through their lived experience of constructing this bridge? Little did I realize as I participated in these meetings that, at the end of the academic year, the Carols would no longer be PDS liaisons. Both decided to leave the university and PDS work. Now other liaisons are engaged in a similar process of building community. This time, 19 however, the liaisons are focusing on building relationships with individual schools. The Carols were part of the discussion at the school system level. Those who succeed them are now responsible for making the initial discussions a reality. Was there something about the PDS experience that caused the Carols to leave? Were they afraid, perhaps, of where they were going, or of what they were going to have to do to get there? The Designated Driver: Crossing the Bridge I do what I do because it's really anymore who I am and whether I do it in one system or another, what I do doesn't change as much as where I do it. I do what I do because I think it makes a difference. (Teresa) For it is not only indolence that causes human relationships to be repeated from case to case with such unspeakable monotony and boredom; it is timidity before any new, inconceivable experience, which we don?t think we can deal with. But only someone who is ready for everything, who doesn?t exclude any experience, even the most incomprehensible, will live the relationship with another person as something alive and will himself sound the depths of his own being. (Rilke, 1986, pp. 89-90) A friend of mine who is a priest often says that, in reference to the Canon Law of the Catholic Church, practice changes before law. In the case of state education policy, however, policy concerning Professional Development Schools changed, in most cases, before practice. Since 1995, Professional Development Schools have been a central component of state education policy through the Redesign of Teacher Education (Maryland Higher Education Commission, 1995), yet many P-16 educators and administrators knew little about them five years later at the time of this study. I have spent considerable time as PDS network coordinator for the state providing technical assistance to PDS partnerships. I also have spent much time crossing the Bay Bridge to visit partnerships on the Eastern Shore. This activity is more significant than it might 20 seem at first glance because I hate driving across the Bay Bridge, often wishing I had a designated driver who would transport me to my destination without my hands clenched tightly on the steering wheel of my car?and that?s on a good day. When the weather is bad, with rain or wind, I almost need to unwrap my fingers from the steering wheel one at a time when I am finally safe on the other side. I can feel every rain drop and increase in wind velocity. When the sound of my tires gliding over the metal threads signals that I am at the halfway point, I begin to breathe more easily. When the weather is bad, I tend to stay in the slow lane, traveling below the speed limit with my flashers on. I have a friend who meets this challenge in a different way. She travels at seventy miles per hour in order to get through the experience more quickly! I am not afraid of where I am going when I cross the bridge, but I am afraid of the way I need to travel to get there. In what way does my experience of driving back and forth across the bridge open up the experience of a liaison? Driving across a bridge is a way of passage that causes some travelers to have great fear, so much so that many bridges have designated drivers for those who are afraid to cross. One of my colleagues insists that it is not the height or length of a bridge that frightens her, but the perspective, with familiar things seeming out of proportion or in a different place when viewed from on high. For me, I think it is feeling a lack of control, feeling trapped. I have fewer options of where I can go if a truck is speeding along behind me or if a car in front of me is going too slowly. Do liaisons ever feel trapped in PDS work? They spend a good deal of time traveling between two distinct places, but as liaisons they never completely leave the other place because they have relationships that keep them connected. As they engage with P-12 practitioners in schools, they bring their university 21 experience to bear on their interactions. They are in schools more frequently, and they spend more time when they are there. They also bring something back to the university, a new perspective, perhaps, on life in schools reflected in the way they teach preservice teachers how to be teachers. The PDS partnerships with whom I work are at varying levels of interest and expertise. Some will build PDSs because they want to, and some will begin to build because they have to comply with state policy, just as I know I must drive over the bridge to comply with the requirements of my job. Each time I have been forced to make this drive, however, I have become more comfortable with it. Do PDS liaisons who feel forced to comply with state policy ever become more comfortable with the concept as they live through the experience? Each year we, at the state level, are faced with the challenge of re-educating higher education and school system personnel about PDSs. In that effort, we rely heavily on the university liaison?s understanding of what a PDS is. Sometimes the liaisons come to their positions with that preunderstanding. However, some PDS liaisons are assigned to learn what a PDS is at the same time they have to begin to build one. This experience can be quite frustrating, particularly since university faculty generally do not want to admit that they don?t know how to do something in their area of expertise. One recommendation in the Redesign of Teacher Education calls for teacher preparation programs to provide an extensive internship in a specially designed PDS for all preservice teachers. This policy has implications for all who live and work in a PDS, interns who are learning to teach, inservice teachers who are continuing their 22 professional development, and universities that offer teacher preparation programs. The policy changes the culture of the university as it creates a new culture. In what manner does this policy affect the PDS liaison as she provides support for this recommendation? In what way is this being-in-between the university and the school manifested in the real life of a PDS liaison? Teresa describes a typical day in her life as a liaison. There's never a dull moment and you don't have to worry about routine so those are good things. Sometimes, if I ever lost my calendar I would never know where I was supposed to be next. There will be weeks when I never come to the office except at 6:30 in the morning to pick up my mail and then I head out to a school which starts at 7; my interns show up at 7:15 at these high schools. So you don't have to worry about it, never a dull moment and lots of things going on. I thrive on that. I don't like the same thing every single day; maybe it's because I haven?t really experienced it. There are days when you think, gosh, I really would just like to know where I am going to be and have some sort of routine; then after about 20 minutes of that thought, you decide there is no other way that I could be. (Teresa) Is Teresa?s typical day what policy makers had in mind when drafting the Redesign? What elements of Teresa?s life do other liaisons also experience? Teresa describes the intensity of her work with preservice teachers, yet she is responsible for inservice teacher development as well. In what way is a liaison changed as a result of the constant emphasis on professional growth? Maryland Writing Project and Professional Development Schools: Twin Spans This teaching as letting learn may be the most unsettling concept to grasp in pedagogy, but perhaps it is the most important. The attention and emphasis is on the student, who gropes his or her way toward personal understanding, who discovers, with surprise and delight, what it is like to own knowledge?Most important of all, perhaps, is the teacher's own openness to learning and knowing, a continual and vital process of growth. One must let oneself learn. (Taylor, 1991, pp. 1- 4) 23 An important component of the PDS concept is the emphasis on professional development for inservice as well as preservice teachers. In my experience, the best way to provide this professional development is to use the National Writing Project model. To paraphrase the title of a popular book, ?Everything I Needed to Know, I Learned in the Maryland Writing Project (MWP).? The National Writing Project (NWP) model is based on the ideals of a learning community. At NWP sites, teachers and administrators from P-16 institutions come together to share with one another, to empower each other, and to develop ways of sharing with others outside the initial learning community. The spirit of collaboration and equality is evident in all aspects of Writing Project activities and programs. Through my sixteen-year immersion in the Writing Project, as administrative assistant, co-director, and director, my way of being as an educator has been shaped. When I first heard about PDSs, I immediately was attracted to them because they provide even greater involvement for preservice teachers than Writing Project programs. I already had seen what P-16 collaboration means for individuals, the transformation it provided for ?Writing Project? people. That terminology became a way of describing a way of being that exemplifies collaboration. I now use the term ?PDS? person to describe the same type of collaborative spirit, the sense of enthusiasm about teaching, and the belief in equal contributions from all stakeholders. However, at the heart of these collaborations, there must be someone who brings the partners together, who keeps the collaboration viable, and, in the case of the PDS, it is usually the university liaison. 24 In discussing the benefits of the learning community in education, Jenlink, Kinnucan-Welsch and Odell propose: Creating a design for professional development requires that members of our profession engage in serious and purposeful dialogue. It will require that we transform the disparate and disconnected bundles of professionals from across the professional development landscape into a learning community. Connecting schools and universities is only one important step in the journey. Reducing boundaries between preparation programs, for teachers, administrators, special educators, and other educators is a larger and critical step in creating community. (as cited in McIntyre & Byrd, 1996, p. 80) In what way does a learning community come into being? What is the experience of continuing conversation around issues of personal and professional development in a PDS? In what way does the PDS liaison facilitate conversation? In what manner do PDS liaisons experience teaching and learning in such a learning community? I became interested in PDSs because they embody the National Writing Project (NWP) model at the whole school level. A central component of the NWP model is a summer institute, where P-16 faculty come together at the university to learn from and with one another about how to use writing as a learning tool in all content areas. This spirit of equality is also central in a PDS. Many PDSs sponsor summer strategic planning institutes, which bring P-16 educators together to plan what will happen in their PDS. In many institutions, this is a radical concept, where previously the higher education institution was seen as the ?more equal? partner and the one that controlled all decisions about the teacher preparation program. In the MWP Summer Teacher Institutes, teachers come together at a neutral location with the purpose of sharing. In a PDS, the place for sharing is the P-12 school, and university faculty come to the school site, not a neutral location. Their purpose is to become part of the school, to become part of the culture, to build a new culture, yet 25 remain in their own culture back at the university. What part does place play in successful collaboration? The power a place such as a mere room possesses determines not only where I am in the limited sense of cartographic location but how I am together with others (i.e., how I commingle and communicate with them) and even who we shall become together. The "how" and the "who" are intimately tied to the "where," which gives to them a specific content and coloration not available from any other sources. Place bestows upon them "a local habitation and a name" by establishing a concrete situatedness in the common world. This implacement is as social as it is personal. The idiolocal is not merely idiosyncratic or individual; it is also collective in character. (Casey, 1993, p. 23) In what manner do PDS liaisons experience living in two places, the school and the university? What needs to be in place at both places in order to make them feel comfortable? In what way is the PDS liaison responsible for establishing a home-like setting? In what way does the school provide a dwelling place for the PDS liaison? Van Manen (1984) speaks of a dwelling place as one in which the inhabitants can feel sheltered, ?In the concept of home or dwelling there is a strong sense of watching over something, preserving a space where the human being can feel sheltered, protected, and what is then preserved in the idea of a house with its wall and fences is a safe keeping, holding, or bearing of something which needs to be watched over? (p. 54). Has life on campus prepared, or not prepared, the liaisons for this experience of a changed place? Who is watched over in this place of shelter? Who does the watching? In what ways do liaisons stretch themselves to live between two worlds? At times, I can visualize the liaisons forming a low human bridge, stretching arms and legs to the fullest extent, like bendable toys, in apparent physical pain, the stretching feeling, keeping the body?or at least some part of it?present in both places. But in what way does this reflect our earliest experiences of bridging? 26 As infants, we have the grasping instinct, clutching at the air for something to take us over the void of separateness. We reach from mother to father and back as they take turns holding and bouncing us in their arms, swing bridges transporting us between them. As we grow, we learn that our own arms are bridges to everything. And so are our legs, as we crawl over obstacles between here and there, and then walk and run and skip and jump over space and time more in the joy of doing than in the joy of getting anywhere. (Petroski, 1996, p. 8) In what way does a liaison experience the joyful as well as the painful moments in a PDS? What flexibility is needed as the liaisons endeavor to meet the needs of the school and the mandates of university curriculum? What does the liaison experience if school and university priorities are at odds? As one liaison recently states, ?Trying to be the flexible one gets very frustrating. Whenever something happens, we have to be the modifier? (Denise). At what point does flexibility become problematic? Walters (1998) finds that flexibility and changes are invigorating. She speaks of the way in which a boundary spanner, a term sometimes used to describe a PDS practitioner at the school or higher education level, sometimes lives in two cultures, one flexible, one rigid. It is at the intersection of these cultures that tension exists. Knowing that tension is an inherent part of being in a PDS, what drives someone to it? The Call to Teaching Teachers: Intrigued by the Vision of the Bridge ?vocation emerges at the crossroads of public service and personal fulfillment. Vocation describes work that is of service to others, and that at the same time provides the person with a sense of identity and meaning. (Hansen, 1995, p. 115) A person with a vocational orientation toward his or her work treats it as an architect would, rather than merely as a laborer?a good architect not only has the skill and the imagination necessary for design, but also knows for whom he or she designs the work. (Hansen, 1995, p. 116) What is it like for someone to take on the responsibility of preparing teachers? In what ways does the PDS liaison experience being a teacher of preservice and 27 inservice teachers? Teaching often is described as an amazing combination of science and art. For Gadamer (1960/1997), "...the work of art has its true being in the fact that it becomes an experience that changes the person who experiences it" (p. 102). Like a reproduction of a painting, a list of characteristics to describe a good teacher is only a two dimensional expression. What transforms such a list into a multi-dimensional reality? A teacher is defined as ?one who teaches? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 1320). The verb teach means, ?to impart knowledge or skill to; give instruction to? (p. 1320). The Indo-European root of teach is deik, meaning ?to show, pronounce solemnly? (p. 1510). The word teach developed from ?Old English taecan to show, tech (before 899), from Proto-Germanic taikijanan; related to Old English tacen, tacn sign, mark? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 798). What does the definition of teaching as showing or pronouncing solemnly say about a notion of teaching? Is teaching viewed as a solemn profession? This definition of teaching hints at a transmission rather than transformational model. It is a definition that is one-sided with the teacher giving but not receiving. In a PDS, the teacher should be able to receive as well as to give. What does a liaison do to counteract this stereotype of teaching? What transformation takes place in the liaison as she teaches others to teach? As Conroy (1980) notes in The Lords of Discipline, there are other ways of considering what it is to be a teacher. I developed The Great Teacher Theory late in my freshman year. It was the cornerstone of the theory that great teachers had great personalities and that the greatest teachers had outrageous personalities. I did not like decorum or rectitude in the classroom. I preferred a highly oxygenated atmosphere of intemperance, rhetoric, and a climate of feverish melodrama. And I wanted my teachers to make me smart. 28 A great teacher is my adversary, my conqueror, commissioned to chastise me. He leaves me tame and grateful for the new language he has purloined from others?kings whose granaries are filled and whose libraries are famous. He tells me that teaching is the art of theft, of knowing what to steal and from whom. Bad teachers do not touch me; the great ones never leave me. They ride with me all my days, and I pass on to others what they have imparted to me. I exchange their handy gifts with strangers on trains and I pretend the gifts are mine. I steal from the great teachers, and the truly wonderful thing about them is they would applaud my theft, laugh at the thought of it, realizing they had taught me their larcenous skills well. (p. 271) I would read this quote on the last night of class when I was teaching an undergraduate teacher education course. I had a very difficult time getting through it without getting choked up. What is there about this quote that speaks so meaningfully to me? Why did I want my students to hear it? What does it say about my views of teaching and the teacher educator's responsibility in the process of educating teachers? I wanted to communicate with my students that they were not in the business of education all alone, that they were part of a larger learning community and could share with and learn from one another. I wanted them to understand that even if they took something from another, they eventually could make it their own and then be free to give it away. What might a liaison say about such a quote? Is there a place for such drama in the real life of schools? Van Manen (1991) proposes that instead of understanding teaching as science or technology, teaching should be considered as pedagogy. He identifies the following as essentials of good pedagogy: a sense of vocation, love and caring for children, a deep sense of responsibility, moral intuitiveness, self-critical openness, thoughtful maturity, tactful sensitivity toward the child's subjectivity, an interpretive intelligence, a pedagogical understanding of the child's needs, improvisational resoluteness in dealing with young people, a passion for knowing and learning the mysteries of the world, 29 the moral fibre to stand up for something, a certain understanding of the world, active hope in the face of prevailing crises, and not the least, humor and vitality. (p. 8) Through pedagogical moments, moments in which something is expected of the teacher, either by action or non-action, in order to meet the needs of the learner, teachers interact with their students with understanding and tact. Van Manen (1991) states, ?The pedagogical moment is the concrete and practical response to the question, What to do here?? (p. 44). ?Pedagogy describes all those affairs ...where adults are living with children for the sake of those children's well-being, growth, maturity and development? (p. 28). In what way does the PDS liaison manifest tactful teaching when working with preservice and inservice teachers? A liaison encourages preservice and inservice teachers to come to self-understanding in order to encourage a deeper understanding of others. Self-understanding is a necessary part of professional and personal growth. Palmer (1998) talks of the importance of teacher self-knowledge. Teaching, like any truly human activity, emerges from one?s inwardness, for better or worse. As I teach, I project the condition of my soul onto my students, my subject, and our way of being together. The entanglements I experience in the classroom are often no more or less than the convolutions of my inner life. Viewed from this angle, teaching holds a mirror to the soul. If I am willing to look in that mirror and not run from what I see, I have a chance to gain self- knowledge?and knowing myself is as crucial to good teaching as knowing my students and my subject. (p. 2) In what manner do PDS liaisons participate in building a learning community to sustain the notion of pedagogy and teacher self knowledge indicated by van Manen and Palmer? Does the liaison?s life lend itself to this type of inwardness? Where might these philosophies be connected? The culture of inquiry that exists in a PDS presents opportunities and challenges for liaisons. Inquiry and reflection are both important 30 components of PDSs, and liaisons encourage preservice and inservice teachers to engage in action research and inquiry groups. These activities can provide opportunities for reflection on the part of the liaison only if there is enough time away from the administrative functions of arranging such opportunities for others. Time is always an issue for the liaison, mentioned at every meeting I attend. They speak of their exhaustion, both physical and mental, because they do not have enough time for themselves. Yet they continue to provide time to nurture others. At the PDS Leadership Academy, one liaison comments, ?Thank you for the opportunity to be in still water. We don?t always have the time to step back and look at what we are doing? (Paula). In what way do liaisons come to an understanding of the needs of preservice teachers as they learn to teach? In what way is past experience, as student or student teacher, manifested in the way the liaisons are with their students? Most PDS liaisons learned to teach in traditional teacher preparation programs. Some have never had experience teaching in a P-12 school. When university liaisons interact with preservice teachers, how do they view their being?and take it into account? In what manner does the liaison's way of being-in-the-world show itself to students? Where are inservice teachers in this creative mix and in what way does the university liaison experience collaborative relationships with them? How does ?tactful being? or ?being tactful? prepare the way for dwelling-in-teaching? Whenever a discussion about challenges for PDS partnerships occurs, communication is often cited as being critical to success. Communication in a PDS occurs through a network of collaborations. Is a collaborative nature taken into account when a PDS liaison is assigned or hired? 31 Bridging Cultures: Passing on the Span But, the professional development school is more than a new training site, more than teacher education?s cloudy version of the teaching hospital. It is also, and most significantly, a model of change for public schools themselves and of a profound mutation in their culture. (Lieberman, 1988, p. 226) PDS liaisons experience what it is like to live in more than one culture-?that of the university and that of the school. Since these cultures are so different, what is it like for the liaison to be accepted?or not accepted?in both cultures? In what way does the liaison become accepted as an integral part of both cultures? I recently attended a meeting where the liaison (a former P-12 teacher and administrator) at a small private college just beginning its PDS efforts was leading a portfolio assessment review process. He had assembled a group of educators?faculty and administrators from P-12 schools as well as his colleagues from the college. Their purpose for the day was to use a rubric that had been co-developed by a team of P-16 PDS practitioners to assess pre- service teacher portfolios and to make recommendations for continued refinement of the rubrics and the portfolio assessment process. As the liaison led the preliminary discussion, I noticed his constant emphasis on using the word ?we? instead of ?I.? At the end of the review session, as he debriefed with the participants, one of the P-12 teachers commented to him that ?he? was really going to have a lot of work to do because the new portfolio assessment process was much more time intensive than other forms of assessment previously used at the college. He immediately used that as an opportunity to reinforce one of the basic components of the PDS culture by stating that it wasn?t ?his? process, but ?their? process. They were all in this endeavor together. By making such a public statement, he 32 drew the participants even further into the process, while empowering the P-12 teachers and administrators who are part of that college?s PDS efforts. I remembered a telephone conversation he and I engaged in earlier that semester. He had used a small grant to bring the P-12 PDS faculty together with the college faculty to begin the development of this standards-based portfolio process and wanted to let me know how much fun they were having. He and his colleagues at the college were realizing how much they could learn from their P-12 counterparts. In what way did his previous experience in P-12 schools show itself in his ability to make this transformation in such an effortless manner? In what way is, perhaps, his transition to life as a PDS liaison made easy as he engages in the collaboration? Petroski (1996) talks of the importance of remembering your roots when he discusses bridge engineers, ?Engineers can dream alone, but they can seldom bring their dreams to fruition by solitary effort?The best [engineers] remember their professional roots? (p. 217). In what way do college faculty who do not have previous P-12 affiliations experience this culture crossing? Building Bridges: Personal Experiences To acquire a horizon means that one learns to look beyond what is close at hand?not in order to look away from it but to see it better, within a larger whole and in truer proportion. (Gadamer, 1960/1997, p. 305) In fact the horizon of the present is continually in the process of being formed because we are continually having to test all our prejudices. An important part of this testing occurs in encountering the past and in understanding the tradition from which we come. Hence the horizon of the present cannot be formed without the past. There is no more an isolated horizon of the present in itself than there are historical horizons which have to be acquired. Rather, understanding is always the fusion of these horizons supposedly existing by themselves. (Gadamer, 1960/1997, p. 306) 33 As Gadamer suggests, my past experiences have shaped my present horizon. It is through reflecting on the past that we come to a greater understanding of the present. Even though I have never been a PDS liaison, I have experienced many of the discrete roles that a PDS liaison assumes, roles that have coalesced into a seamless whole over time. Not having been a PDS liaison, in what way might I attempt to bring forward a phenomenon that I have not experienced? Will I be able to do justice to its illumination since I have not experienced it myself? What aspects of my life resonate with the life of a PDS liaison? I have taught preservice teachers, supervised student teachers, conducted professional development for inservice teachers, written grants to seek money to fund PDSs, and facilitated meetings among university, school system, and school representatives. I do PDS work at the organizational level, traveling across the state to help higher education institutions, school systems, and schools develop agreements that will enable them to begin their PDSs with some common understandings. But, most importantly, I have more often than not been in a job where I have served in more than one capacity. I have had to seek?not always finding?the balance. I have had the experience of separation, finding ways to merge some of my responsibilities, moving from one commitment to another, back and forth throughout the day. I have had the experience of determining priorities, working closely with individuals to develop communication and understanding. When I think of liaisons, I view them as having more than one job. Which portion of their job do they do first? Are they really always running, from meeting to meeting, never stopping? PDS liaisons are constantly building?building capacity. 34 They also are melding. Most of them seem as stressed out as I have often felt when working more than one job, particularly when working on collaborative efforts, trying to bring people together around issues of education, and trying to create a humane environment in which educators can work toward their own personal renewal. Palmer?s (2000) use of the metaphor of the life cycle of seasons opens up an understanding of the importance of a dormant time before renewal can take place. There needs to be some down time in order for new growth to occur. In what way is that sense of renewal for inservice teachers evident in a PDS? In what way do the liaisons who enable this professional renewal find renewal for themselves? Perhaps I resonate so with the experience of the liaison because I have experienced the frustration, the tiredness, and the jubilation of enabling people to work together toward a common goal?providing support for preservice and inservice teachers through professional development. I have been in a PDS and sensed the support and energy that are there and yet, looking at the liaisons who stand at the center of the organization, I understand the stresses, both positive and negative, that impact their experiences. Although often we think of stress in a negative way, stress also is felt when things are going well?the adrenaline rush when colleagues come to visit a PDS and everything goes exactly as planned. As liaisons engage in the process of building a PDS, they also are providing support and creating a home-like environment. Creating this environment can occupy so much of their time and energy that they do not have time for themselves as individuals. So, why are certain people drawn to the life of a liaison? Why is the experience of being a liaison intriguing to me? 35 Pre-understandings Shaping My View of Education It is better to make explicit our understandings, beliefs, biases, assumptions, presuppositions, and theories in order then to simply not try to forget them again but rather to turn this knowledge against itself, as it were, thereby exposing its shallow or concealing character. (van Manen, 1984, p. 46) When trying to understand any phenomenon, or the experiences of others, there are always preconceptions or suppositions that color understanding, particularly when coming to an understanding of a lived experience that is not one?s own. Thus, it is important to surface beliefs and pre-understandings. The lens through which one views is shaped and colored by life experiences and a place in history. Van Manen brings the importance of surfacing assumptions forward in his description of the process of doing phenomenological research, the inquiry approach I have chosen to address the lived experience of PDS liaisons. As I turn to my phenomenon of interest, it is important for me to reveal how I was and am in the continuous process of becoming an educator, in order to illuminate how my experiences as student teacher, teacher, supervising teacher, and teacher educator color my view of teaching and pedagogy. Through these reflections I have questioned how my experience has led me to question dwelling-in-teaching. Why have my experiences led me to this interest in these bridge builders? In what way have I myself been a builder of bridges? Each of these experiences has shaped my being as I have worked with PDSs across the state. I have tried to view each experience as a way of coming to an understanding of the manner in which PDS liaisons dwell-in-teaching and why I am called to a deeper understanding of it. These experiences have called me to a role 36 through which I can, by being tactful, provide support for PDSs that are always in the process of being and becoming. The word tactful is an adjective meaning, ?possessing or exhibiting tact, considerate and discreet? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 1380). The noun tact means, ?acute sensitivity to what is proper and appropriate in dealing with others, including the ability to speak or act without offending? (p. 1380). The Indo- European root of tact is tag, meaning ?to touch, handle? (p. 1619). Tact is borrowed from Latin tactus, meaning ?a sense of touch or feeling? with no reference to a quality of discernment made until 1804 in English (Barnhart, 1995, p. 792). For me, discernment is made possible by being sensitive to the needs of others because I have been on the giving and receiving end of non-tactful behavior. Remembrances of experiences are reflections viewed through the mirror of an infinite number of subsequent experiences and reflections on them. Each viewing provides a clearer picture, perhaps uncovering a subtle nuance that is made meaningful by the present experience, which itself becomes a remembrance almost instantaneously. It is through questioning that the significance of the remembrance emerges. Each person brings her own past and present to bear on viewing the remembrance. The words individuals choose to express their remembrances provide clues for them and for others to understand the essence that is fundamental to common experiences. From each answered question another arises. The lens through which one views life at any moment in time can shade the details, enhance the feelings, and lead to different questions at various life stages. 37 Learning About Teaching: Trapped on the Span The power of our mentors is not necessarily in the models of good teaching they gave us, models that may turn out to have little to do with who we are as teachers. (Palmer, 1998, p. 21) I began to look for a way to teach that was more integral to my own nature, a way that would have as much integrity for me as my mentor's had for him...for the key to my mentor's power was the coherence between his method and himself. (Palmer, 1998, p. 24) I did not enter the realm of education willingly. I happened into it. My life as an educator has been one in which opportunities have presented themselves to me, more so than my seeking them out. I was not one who played teacher as a child. I never placed the chairs in neat little rows and perched my dolls upright upon them, as some of my friends did. I spent more time reading than doing. Fortunately I liked teaching, but why was I drawn to a continuing involvement in education? In what way did my experiences as student teacher, teacher, and university supervisor lead me to an interest in PDS and PDS liaisons in particular? My experience as a teacher education student was quite different from the experience of a teacher candidate in a PDS. As a teacher education student, I experienced the traditional mode of student teaching. I did not meet my cooperating teacher until the beginning of my student teaching semester, and I had no previous experience with students, even observational. To make matters worse, I was not even sure I wanted to teach. The only reason I pursued a degree in education was to take advantage of the state?s offer to provide tuition remission for students who would agree to teach for two years upon graduation. If there was anyone who was in need of an extended internship, it was I. 38 I did, however, know my university supervisor beforehand because I had been in two of her classes. She was one of the best teachers in the education department, trying to make connections between her course work and what we would be asked to do in student teaching by using video tapes and asking us to respond to situations that were presented to us. However, I was still having a difficult time making the connections. I was thinking about teaching content instead of children. The lesson plans I developed were usually an outline of content to be covered. At that time I did not understand why that was not enough. Once I began my student teaching, the responsibility for my training was transferred to my cooperating teacher. The adjective cooperating comes from the verb cooperate defined as ?to work or act together toward a common end or purpose,? ?to acquiesce willingly; be compliant,? or ?to form an association for common, usu. economic, benefit? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 306). The Indo- European root is op meaning ?to work, produce in abundance? (p. 1531). The late Latin root, cooperari, combines co meaning ?together? and operari meaning ?to work, operate? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 160). Some are called supervising teachers, having the same origin as the term sometimes used to describe university faculty, tracing back to the Latin super, meaning ?over? and videri, meaning ?to see? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 779). The university supervisor came to observe three times during the semester, visiting me and another student teacher placed at the school. When she did visit, she spent the bulk of her time with the cooperating teachers. After an observation, she would meet with the cooperating teachers who, in turn, would tell us the results of the observation. Because my cooperating teacher was recognized as an excellent role 39 model, this was not problematic. Quite the contrary, because my cooperating teacher was so structured and provided so much in terms of prepared materials, there was no need to worry. Other than coming in to observe, my university supervisor had no connection with the school or the teachers in the school. Her job was to observe and to complete reports. As I continue to reflect on being drawn to the PDS concept, I cannot say that I had an unsuccessful student teaching experience. My cooperating teacher did what she could to enculturate me into the life of the school. I was invited to the monthly after school parties held by faculty in the English Department. I was provided with a multitude of models for successful lesson plans. Everything was scripted for me. However, my university supervisor was not a part of the learning process once I left the college. Her role became one of evaluator. What was her experience of this supervision? The word supervise means ?to have the charge and direction of? (Barnhart, 1997, p. 1364). The Indo-European root is weid, meaning, ?to see? (p. 1622). The word supervise comes from the Latin super, meaning over and videri, to see, one who oversees and inspects (Barnhart, 1995, p. 779). What was covered over and not seen through this ?super? vision? What did my university supervisor see of me as a person interacting with my students? As I reflect on this experience, I do not see any significant effect that my university supervisor had on my daily experiences as a student teacher. Once I finished my course work at the university, my supervisor no longer had any input in my learning to plan and implement lessons. Curriculum planning, for me, consisted of examining and using the plans my cooperating teacher already had developed. In what way might I have experienced curriculum planning in a PDS? What 40 was missing from the process? How might the experience of being in a school for an extended period of time have added to the reality of curriculum planning? The way of being in a PDS is different from traditional teacher education programs because interns and liaisons spend more time together and interns are encouraged to become part of the school community. In a traditional teacher education program, it is not uncommon for student teachers to spend seven weeks in a school and then, just as they are beginning to feel comfortable, have to leave to begin another seven-week placement in a different school. This lack of a sense of community is even greater for a university faculty member who visits a school perhaps only three or four times a semester. In a PDS, the liaison maintains contact with the school across the year, allowing more time to provide challenge for interns. Teresa explains the importance of creating a challenging environment for interns. But I would like to think it would be more important to be considerate or to be supportive...just because that's the human aspect of it and I can learn how to do those other things. I can create new structures. It would be hard to learn to be human, and I think it would take a long time to teach someone to be considerate. And to teach someone to care about other people's feelings so if you look at mentoring in that way, then we want to develop the teachers in our schools to have that same format. Some of them just love their interns to death, but haven't figured out yet how to really structure or challenge. They think by making it easy for them they are really helping them along, and that's not the case. They need to create those challenging environments and those big questions that they ask them, you know, ?Why did you do what you did? Tell me why you made that decision instead of this decision?instead of saying, ?Nice lesson,? and giving them some feedback in that way. (Teresa) During my student teaching I did not face the types of challenges Teresa describes. I was given access to my cooperating teacher's file cabinet, four drawers filled with lesson plans, all in order, just waiting to be pulled and used intact. The 41 materials were bound in manila file folders held secure by rubber bands. The only disarray was to be found in the fringed edges of the reusable purple ditto masters. Each folder contained everything any teacher would need for a lesson?a lesson plan, handwritten notes with lists of activities, as well as additional resources, perhaps a record, some pictures or a text. It was not necessary for me to do too much on my own. My cooperating teacher and I reviewed the materials each day, but I had clear models to follow and there was a master plan in place for how I would gradually assume control of the classroom. What danger exists in a total reliance on someone else?s written plan? What other aspects of teaching must be developed during the student teaching experience? In what way does a PDS liaison contribute to the intern's continuing education at the school site? In what way does a PDS liaison experience opening up teaching for interns and their mentor teachers? Van Manen (1991) warns of becoming too reliant on a plan. Once the plan or program has been drawn up I must sooner or later put it into practice. In a sense, my planning for a particular teaching situation becomes a commitment, an embodied tension, which orients me to this situation in a certain way?But there is a danger in the deliberative nature of planning. Planning that tries to fix totally the future situation robs me of the liberty necessary to remain open to the pedagogical moments of the situation as they arise. (van Manen, 1991, p. 104) Upon reflection, I see that this is the area in which my experience was lacking, because I was not encouraged to do my own planning but rather to use plans developed by someone else. My university supervisor was pleased with the guidance I was being given. I did what I was told to do and my classes went well. What was I learning about teachers and teaching through this experience? What significant changes were occurring within me as a preservice teacher? In what manner would I be able to use this experience 42 and make it my own? As he discusses anticipatory reflection in relation to lesson planning, van Manen (1991) warns of the dangers inherent in planning without attention to pedagogical moments, ?If we merely follow someone else?s plans, we turn into mere executors or technicians of an externally determined set of behaviors? (p. 104). In a PDS, the liaison has more time to work with interns as they develop and implement curriculum. The way in which PDSs are structured is dependent upon the needs of the school and its higher education partner. In a PDS, teacher candidates experience an extensive internship, across the span of a year, in a specially designed PDS, single site or cluster site (See Appendix A for guidelines). Some universities even provide opportunities for teacher candidates to begin their internships in August, before the university semester officially begins. This opportunity enables the intern to experience an important aspect of a teacher?s life?getting the classroom ready for the arrival of the students. Interns, then, spend time?not necessarily full time?in the PDS during the semester before their full time internship begins. This time in the PDS before the full time internship enables the intern to become comfortable in the school setting and to develop a working relationship with the mentor teacher. Sometimes this beginning experience causes the intern to think twice about teaching, and some interns realize that they do not want to become teachers. The extension of the internship to the semester preceding the traditional one-semester full time student teaching experience also expands the relationship the PDS liaison has with the intern, the mentor teacher, and other school system personnel. Conversely, it decreases the amount of time that university liaisons 43 have to spend with their colleagues and changes existing collegial relationships (Tom, 1998). In PDSs, there is more time to devote to interns, but this additional time leads to more intense involvement in their lives, often fostering a deeper emotional connection and investment. In what manner does a PDS liaison experience the possibility for deeper connection with interns? In what way do greater connections develop with faculty and administrators in the school? How does this dwelling-in-teaching together expand the teachable space? What is the nature of trust that develops among those who dwell-in-teaching together? Beginning to Dwell-in-Teaching: Looking to the Water Below Technique is what teachers use until the real teacher arrives... (Palmer, 1998, p. 5) ...good teaching cannot be reduced to technique, good teaching comes from the identity and integrity of the teacher. (Palmer, 1998, p. 10) Learn the rules well, and then forget them... Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old. Seek what they sought. (Basho, as cited in Schiller, 1994, p. 107) I wish I had read the words of the 17 th century poet Matsuo Basho before I did my student teaching. It is not surprising that I did not know what I did not know until I was in my own classroom with students who did not perform according to the plan. The way of being which I had copied from my cooperating teacher was not working with them. What I learned in my student teaching did not prepare me for them. In what way might my university supervisor have helped me to come to an understanding of what to do when the plan does not work? In what ways do liaisons come to an understanding of an intern?s style of teaching? In a PDS, interns spend more time in classrooms than their 44 counterparts in traditional teacher preparation programs. What does this mean for the liaison? What I discovered about the style of teaching that works best for me occurred when I experienced difficulty and had to develop my own way of working with students. I spent two years as a teacher in the school where I student taught, behaving in much the same way as I had been taught. I tried to be very organized and did not venture far from the model lessons I had used as a student teacher. Then I encountered a class that would stretch the limits of what I thought was acceptable classroom behavior. The way of being that I had copied from my cooperating teacher was not working with them. I did not know what to do. Why was it that these proven strategies were not going according to plan? What was I doing wrong? And why, somehow, did I like these students even though they were beginning to make me doubt myself as a teacher? Van Manen (1991) reflects on the awareness of students that is needed in a classroom. No matter how well I have planned my lesson or how enthusiastic I am about the subject matter, the interactive situation in the classroom is such that I must constantly remain aware of how it is for the kids?And yet this awareness is more a thoughtfulness than a calculating or deliberative reflectiveness, which would put one equally out of touch with the students, since that would create a distance that accompanies any manipulation. (p. 112) This particular class would come to me from their math class, usually excited because they had just tortured their math teacher, so much so that she did not return to teaching the following year. With only five minutes between classes, they did not have time to process what had happened. We developed a pattern at the beginning of class that would allow them to vent their frustrations in return for their attention during the remainder of class. It was never specifically stated; it just developed. I remember being afraid someone would walk into the room and I would have to explain why we were 45 talking and not as far along in the lesson plan as indicated on paper. I was not taught to do this as a student teacher and, although it seemed to work, I still felt guilty about it. Since I had not followed the rules, why was this working? Van Manen (1991) might explain this as an example of my style of teaching: Style is the outward embodiment of the person. In some sense, to have a style is being yourself, being who you really are. When someone says, ?That is not my style,? he or she is really saying, ?That is not the way I am. That?s not me?...Novice teachers must spend time discovering who they are, what belongs to them, what habits they can acquire. (p. 121) When I began to see the students as individuals, I began to discover one of my gifts as a teacher, in terms of flexibility and developing interpersonal relationships with students. Were we, in a very rudimentary way, and without consciously realizing it, creating a learning community? My ability to be flexible and to build relationships was my gift that had not been nurtured during my student teaching. In a PDS, there is a continual emphasis on relationship building. The liaison brings people together to discover their gifts and find support through the relationships that are being built. What opportunities are there for PDS liaisons to help preservice and inservice teachers to discover their gifts? There is a hint here that the quality of tact is somewhat like talent. We often think of talent as a fortuitous gift?either you are or you are not blessed with a ?feel? or a talent for the violin, the canvas, or the stage. But, of course, talent must be recognized, developed, nurtured, and disciplined. Similarly, pedagogical tact, although a gift in some sense, needs to be prepared and practiced as a special ?feel? for acting tactfully. (van Manen, 1991, p. 133) If, as van Manen has indicated, pedagogical tact is an essential characteristic of a teacher, what does the PDS liaison do to nurture pedagogical tact? In an extensive internship in a PDS, preservice teachers have more opportunities to work with P-12 students, but is it the amount of time or the quality of the nurturing provided by other 46 supportive adults, including the PDS liaison, that makes a difference? Or, perhaps, does the increased time that an intern and a liaison spend together provide a greater opportunity for a caring relationship to develop? In my case, ways of working tactfully with students were developed by my cooperating teacher rather than my university supervisor. It was not until I was in a teaching situation where my planning did not work that I came to understand the importance of pedagogical tact, although I would not have referred to it as such at that time. My own search for authenticity, as an individual and an educator, leads me toward a continuing interest in pedagogical tact and the ways in which it is authentically manifested in relationships. For Heidegger, living authentically is a goal toward which Dasein, or being, should strive. Inwood (1999) provides a definition of the term Dasein used by Heidegger in Being and Time as ?1. the being of humans and 2. the entity or person who has this being? (p. 42). Heidegger (1953/1996) tells us: Da-sein is my own, to be always in this or that way?The being which is concerned in its being about its being is related to its being as its truest possibility. Da-sein is always its possibility?And because Da-sein is always essentially its possibility, it can ?choose? itself in its being, it can win itself, it can lose itself, or it can never and only ?apparently? win itself. It can only have lost itself and it can only have not yet gained itself because it is essentially possible as authentic, that is, it belongs to itself. (p. 40) Thus a being always has possibilities open to it. Dasein begins its existence by being born into a culture. This does not mean, however, that the culture determines the being of the individual. It is up to that being itself to determine what is authentic being. Polt (1999) explains Heidegger?s notion of authenticity when he says; I am always familiar with a range of social expectations and interpretations that mark me as belonging to a culture. When I exist as the they-self?as I do, most of the time?I simply accept these expectations and interpretations, and let my world be structured by them. But it is also possible for me to exist as an 47 authentic Self?In this case, I work with my culture in order to work out for myself who I am?Authenticity does not involve jettisoning one?s own tradition?which is impossible?but clear-sightedly and resolutely pursuing a possibility that is opened up by this tradition. (p. 63) Since a PDS liaison exists in two cultures, does this make the search for authenticity doubly difficult? The search for authenticity opens up possibilities to create a new culture in which participants can shed light reflectively upon their beliefs and actions as P-16 educators. Through an emphasis on inquiry, PDS liaisons promote reflection with their preservice teachers and, increasingly, with inservice teachers as well. For Heidegger, Dasein exists in an inauthentic, non-reflective mode more often than not. In order to live authentically, an individual needs to get past living according to the status quo. The life of a PDS liaison, because it is different from that of the traditional teacher educator, certainly provides many opportunities for authenticity, but only if the way of being in a PDS is authentically the way the PDS liaison is called to live. What is the experience of those who are ?chosen,? but have not heard the call? Supervision Revisited: Bridge Over Troubled Water When you?re weary, feeling small. When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all. I?m on your side when darkness comes. Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down. Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down. (Simon, 1969) If supervision means to oversee or to see over, what is the experience of looking over something instead of being in the midst of it? As a PDS liaison, the individual is an essential part of the mix, becoming one with it and enriching it. The mix would be different without it. A supervisor, one who looks over, is not essential. Without the supervisor's presence, the school and the university would remain the same. The impact 48 on the individual preservice teacher would be altered, but there would be little or no impact on the school. When I was a university supervisor, I made only three trips to a school each semester, and then only for an hour or two at a time. The teachers and administrative staff did not know I was there, except for my signature on the sign-in sheet in the main office. University supervisors are required to sign in with a secretary, but I do not remember ever meeting any of the building level administrators. The relationship I had with a secretary was polite, but superficial. I never felt at home in any of the schools in which I supervised. When I supervised student teachers in a number of local school systems, it was difficult to keep up with local policy issues. Often school systems would determine a focus for professional development workshops, but I was never asked to attend. In a PDS, the liaison is not only included in professional development activities but also is called upon often to provide or make arrangements for the professional development. I never thought of myself as being part of the school community, but most PDS liaisons become part of the School Improvement Team and are actively involved in the life of a school. In many PDSs, interns begin their time in schools in August, during the time when teachers attend inservice workshops before the students arrive at school. In order for interns to be part of these workshops, the liaison must be available to meet with the interns and their mentor teachers beforehand. As I talk with the liaisons, I am discovering that their summer schedules are not free from PDS related activities. Strategic planning sessions are only a part of their summer responsibilities. Once these sessions are finished, the planning for programs begins. Many of the liaisons do not 49 receive any compensation for their summer work. It is added on to an already full schedule. What gets a liaison through these times? Does a liaison feel excited?or just overwhelmed? As a supervisor, unless my assigned student teacher was having difficulty, no one felt the university presence at the school level. In PDSs, however, liaisons do make a difference because they are responsible for inservice as well as preservice teacher development. Part of their assignment is to make connections and to enable change at the school level because they are there more often and are more directly involved in the life of the school. As I reflect on this in terms of my own experience as a university supervisor for student teachers, I try to remember that experience. In what way did I learn to supervise? To see over? And is seeing over the best way to promote professional development? Was there ever a place for insight? When I became a university supervisor, I learned how to supervise by shadowing a university supervisor for a semester, going along with her for all observations and follow-up conferences. In what manner do PDS liaisons learn to be liaisons instead of supervisors? Is it enough to shadow another liaison? Or are there other experiences that might be helpful? My role was similar to that of my own university supervisor, although I made more visits to the school, three in a middle school placement and three in a high school placement, as opposed to the limited number of visits my own supervisor made. However, when one of my student teachers was having problems, I changed my way of being as a supervisor. Because she was having difficulty with her lesson planning and classroom control, I began stopping by her school each morning on my way to the university. Her cooperating teacher was quite frustrated with her and had called me for 50 help. My attention to their needs led to a deeper relationship with the student teacher and her cooperating teacher. I served as a support for both of them. In what way was I beginning to come to a new understanding of what it means to be a supervising teacher by coming to understand the importance of physically being with the student teacher and the cooperating teacher to provide support? Other than the cooperating teacher, I had no connections with other teachers in the school. I did not know the needs of the school except through conversations I had with the cooperating teacher, and I was having this same experience in the four schools in which I supervised. While I was supervising, I became quite conscious of the issue of time?time to schedule observations with four teachers in four schools in three counties. How was it possible for me to come to an understanding of each school when the student teachers had two placements in two separate schools each semester? In what way does the PDS liaison experience being more intimately involved in the life of a school than a university supervisor does? In many PDSs, classes are taught on site at the school. In what different ways does a PDS liaison experience teaching at the university and at the school site? What support mechanism might be put in place to help liaisons as they live out this new and constantly changing role? Building Policy: Supporting the Span I think you feel like in some institutions in particular you are really out there all by yourself and knowing that you are part of this network of other coordinators, I think it really is an important thing for people to know that there is a support group out there. PDS coordinators. They can help you get over fears that you have. Hi, my name is Teresa and I coordinate PDSs. (Teresa) The society of users, who are in fact willy-nilly the stewards of the world?s bridges?must recognize that every artifact that has been or ever will be created, whether in now traditional steel or concrete or in the composites of the future, must be maintained as well as used. (Petroski, as cited in Dupre, 1997, p. 116) 51 In coming to a state department of education, I have been called even further from direct association with P-12 schools and teacher candidates into the policy arena. In what way can I now look for ways to build bridges between PDS partnerships and the state policy-making mechanisms? What called me to a position at a state department of education was an interest in PDSs and how they could be created to provide learning communities for preservice and inservice teachers. I knew I was going to a place where there were people of like mind who believed, as I do, that preservice teachers should learn to teach through extensive time in real classrooms and that inservice teachers need the support of professional development tailored to their individual needs and to the needs of the school. As part of the interview for my current position, one of the panelists asked me what my goals would be for PDSs in the state. I answered that I wanted to provide support for higher education institutions and school systems as they continue to develop and maintain PDS partnerships. As PDS network coordinator, one of my charges is to maintain the network of PDS practitioners, P-16 faculty and administrators. Although it might not be the 12-step program that Teresa hints at, it does provide a way for PDS practitioners to come together to share with one another and to help in the development of programs and activities at the state level. When I started as the state PDS network coordinator, an existing mechanism for this effort was the PDS Operations Team, which consisted of practitioners, primarily university liaisons and school system representatives, who came together three or four times a year to engage in conversation about what was happening in their PDSs and to share with one another. Through a 52 federal grant, the PDS network has expanded with monetary support for new and continuing PDSs. One of my goals for working with the PDS liaisons was to bring them together so they would be able to share across institutions and provide support for one another, in ways other than formal meetings. Some PDS liaisons were part of committees brought together to sponsor a local and, subsequently, a national conference. I was hoping that learning and sharing would take place in such situations and it did. Another opportunity for shared conversation occurred as a group worked to examine and respond to the National Association for the Accreditation of Teacher Education (NCATE), Draft Standards for Identifying and Supporting Quality Professional Development Schools (NCATE, 1997). The standards reflect a national view ?A PDS is never finished; it is always in the process of becoming.? Most of the university liaisons, as well as some teachers and school system representatives, agreed to be part of the group. During intense discussions, we carefully examined each standard to determine what someone would need to see happening in a PDS to verify that the standard had been met. One of the elementary teachers kept reminding the group how important it was for teacher input to be included. This remark seemed to bother one of the university liaisons who was quick to respond that university liaisons are teachers also. How does the PDS liaison feel when comments such as this are made? In what way does the teacher educator respond to the notion that teaching at the university level is something less than teaching in a P-12 school? Interestingly, this P-12 teacher has now enrolled in a doctoral program and is serving as a university liaison. 53 With the award of additional federal funds to support the PDS effort statewide, there has been a renewed flurry of activity in the PDS community. One component of the federal legislation calls for increased accountability for all teacher preparation programs. This atmosphere of accountability has led to a call for state standards for PDSs. Up to this time, the standards used to guide the development and implementation of PDSs were those developed by the NCATE PDS Standards Project. Through the work of a statewide Superintendents and Deans Committee on Professional Development Schools, Maryland standards for PDS have been developed, piloted, revised and finalized. In what ways will the PDS liaisons be asked to apply these standards? What input will the liaisons have in decision making that indicates compliance with the standards? At a PDS Leadership Academy, fifty-five P-16 practitioners joined state education staff to come to a deeper understanding of the standards and to see, as one liaison described it, ?how the standards are a living document in your PDS? (Margaret). There was intense discussion across the three days, particularly among the liaisons. They are keenly aware that the accountability, which has been experienced for years by P-12 teachers, is now encroaching upon colleges of education. They are leery of standards, concluding that standards are the back door into evaluation instead of implementation. Some are wary of what the state is calling them to do. Others are excited, wanting to know how the standards can be used to provide a deeper PDS experience. As I have come to know some of the PDS liaisons, I have learned through conversations of the stresses they bear as they attempt to build bridges between two cultures. As a result of receiving funding from the state, each PDS partnership became 54 part of a statewide evaluation that consisted of an examination of artifacts relating to PDSs and focus group interviews with a variety of constituents. A copy of the evaluation report was sent to each PDS partnership to review for accuracy. In one instance the liaison shared the report separately with her school and university faculty colleagues. Their responses were quite different. The teachers and administrators at the school thought the report was accurate. Her university colleagues disagreed and wanted to rewrite it. She called me with concern. What was she to do? She said, "I don't know who I am anymore. Am I the school or am I the university?" What happens when a liaison tries to live equally and fully in two worlds? What is it like to try to merge those two worlds into one? In what way does a PDS liaison reconcile what is in her heart and in her head with her own survival in the professional university culture? Is it the PDS liaison's responsibility to be the force for change? Leaving the Bridge to Find a New Home The great bridges of the great engineers remain as spectacular today as they were when they were dedicated, but even the greatest bridges may be least appreciated by those who benefit most from them. (Petroski, 1996, p. 375) Barring accidents, bridges, like health, are the most appreciated when they begin to deteriorate or fail. (Petroski, 1996, p. 377) Many of the PDS liaisons, and some whom I always thought of as very effective PDS liaisons, have decided to pursue other options in education. Some have gone back to teaching on campus or on to other programs that are school-based but do not require as much time working with both preservice and inservice teachers. Is it burnout that drove them away from their PDS experience? Why did they decide to leave? In some instances, the liaison was assigned to another position within the same institution. In other instances, salary was an issue. In what way is compensation for 55 additional time spent in schools a factor in whether a liaison stays or goes? When someone becomes a PDS liaison, there is limited time on campus to pursue special course topics and interests. One of the pioneers in developing a multiple site PDS (one cohort of teacher candidates spread among a cluster of schools with a common professional development focus for inservice teachers) is now going back to campus to develop and implement courses in her area of interest?Reading. Whenever I visited any of the PDSs associated with her institution, her professionalism and commitment to the preservice and inservice teachers always impressed me. The students, faculty, and support staff knew her and seemed to like her style of working with them. She shared with me that she learned, as a P-12 teacher, the importance of being kind to and recognizing the importance of everyone in a school. Was her decision to leave PDS work motivated by personal or professional issues? If she was called to PDS work, is there something that might have enabled her to stay with it rather than to seek another position? Another exemplary liaison has left her university for another institution, and is now working in a school-based (not PDS) alternative teacher preparation program. It was she who had experienced the disconnect between her university and the school system faculty over the evaluation issue. What toll did being pulled in two directions exact? Would she have stayed in PDS work if the support had been there? An Ever Changing View: Sunset behind the Bridge The historical movement of human life consists in the fact that it is never absolutely bound to any one standpoint, and hence can never have a truly closed horizon. The horizon is, rather, something into which we move and that moves with us. Horizons change for a person who is moving. Thus the horizon of the past, out of which all human life lives and which exists in the form of tradition, is always in motion. The surrounding horizon is not set in motion by historical 56 consciousness. But in it this motion becomes aware of itself. (Gadamer, 1960/1997, p. 304) In what ways have my horizons, my views of teacher preparation and PDS, changed over time? When I was a student teacher, I wanted to know the right way to do things. I was perfectly happy to take the lesson plans provided for me by my cooperating teacher and use them as is in my classroom. I believed there was a wealth of knowledge already skillfully shaped and packaged and had no reason to change that belief. When I was a university supervisor, I believed that my responsibility was only to my student teachers?observing, evaluating, and giving concrete help whenever possible. As the state PDS network coordinator, I now see an expanded role for university faculty, one that involves them in relationships with P-12 faculty and administrators, as well as with their interns. My belief in PDSs and their collaborative nature emanates from changes in me that have occurred across time. There was a time in my life, early in my career, when I was quite happy to follow the rules, doing what was prescribed for me. As I grew professionally, my experiences with the Maryland Writing Project provided me with a different view of teaching, and all that it entailed, particularly what it means for teachers to be invested in their own personal and professional development. I came in contact with many talented teachers who exemplified a way of being with their students that contributed to their success in the classroom. As I am called to a consideration of lived experience for PDS liaisons, I turn to hermeneutic phenomenology for a way to address my research question: What is the lived experience of university liaisons in Professional Development Schools? 57 Hermeneutic Phenomenological Research: The Bridge to Understanding Lived Experience ?phenomenology is the study of the lifeworld?the world as we immediately experience it rather than as we conceptualize, categorize, or theorize about it. Phenomenology aims to come to a deeper understanding of the nature or meaning of our everyday experiences. It asks, ?What is this or that kind of experience like?? (van Manen, 1984, p. 37) Indeed, if there is one word that most aptly characterizes phenomenology itself, then this word is ?thoughtfulness.? In the works of the great phenomenologists, thoughtfulness is described as a minding, a heeding, a caring attunement?a heedful, mindful wondering about the project of life, of living, of what it means to live a life?Phenomenological research is a search for the fullness of living. (van Manen, 1984, p. 38) I have chosen to use hermeneutic phenomenology as a way to come to a fuller understanding of the lived experience of university liaisons in Professional Development Schools. Using hermeneutic phenomenology as a research methodology enables me to come to a fuller understanding of the essence of a liaison?s experience without having to divorce myself from relationships with the liaisons as we have continued to work together. Since I work in the state policy arena, I feel it is important to come to know more about what the liaisons experience as they do this work. The philosophy undergirding PDS work, with its emphasis on the importance of real-life experience as the basis for career-long professional development is compatible with the tenets of hermeneutic phenomenological research. As I continue to spend more time in the company of the PDS liaisons, I become increasingly aware of the complex nature of their experiences. In meetings, as I listen to them speak, I often am taken aback by something one of them might say that leads me to a richer understanding of their lived experience, something that goes beyond a list of roles and responsibilities they might generate for a survey. If the PDS movement is to continue, it is crucial to 58 understand what policy makers and the P-16 community are calling these people to do. For me, phenomenology is a natural choice because it allows my conversants to talk outside the box, to share what is really happening in their lives. I am engaging in conversations with PDS liaisons to open up this phenomenon and use van Manen?s (1990) framework for phenomenological inquiry, which is described more completely in Chapter Three: (1) turning to a phenomenon which seriously interests us and commits us to the world; (2) investigating experience as we live it rather than as we conceptualize it; (3) reflecting on the essential themes which characterize the phenomenon; (4) describing the phenomenon through the art of writing and rewriting; (5) maintaining a strong and oriented pedagogical relation to the phenomenon; (6) balancing the research context by considering parts and whole. (pp. 30-31) In Chapter One, I have reflected on my experience of becoming interested in the lived experience of university liaisons building bridges in professional development schools. As I spend time with the liaisons, I am conscious of what they say and what they do. I often find myself at meetings scribbling notes in the margins as I hear them talking about their experiences. As I progress through my research, they accompany me on my journey back and forth across the bridge. Dupre (1997) speaks to the manner in which bridges are experienced: While most vehicular bridges tend to go unnoticed, made invisible by routine commuting, footbridges found in gardens and parks are not only noticed but celebrated. In a garden, there is a pause. In a garden the science and art of the bridge, its role in defining the edge between mankind and nature, can be contemplated. (p. 28) 59 My hope is that through this study, the liaisons will be noticed and celebrated as the footbridges in a garden. In Chapter Two, I begin to uncover the phenomenon of the lived experience of PDS liaisons through literary and scholarly writings, etymological tracings, and conversations with PDS liaisons who are not part of my study. I also continue to uncover a deeper understanding of the metaphor of bridge and the process of building. In Chapter Three, I discuss hermeneutic phenomenology, the research methodology to be used in this study, as well as the framework of the research project. Chapter Four presents the themes interpreted through my engagement in conversations with six PDS liaisons. In Chapter Five, I discuss the implications of these interpretive themes and resulting insights for the development of PDSs at the school, system, university, and state level, as well as reflections on my experience of doing hermeneutic phenomenological research. The next step is to begin the journey across the bridge in order to learn more about it. 60 CHAPTER TWO: EXPLORING THE PHENOMENON THROUGH EXISTENTIAL SOURCES A Metaphorical Connection: Building a Bridge between Imagination and Reality We use a bridge without thinking much about it. A glance into the abyss under the bridge might frighten us; it arouses a sense of the riskiness of Dasein, it shows us the nothingness above which we are balanced. The bridge spans the abyss. With its ends it is firmly supported on the ground. It continues this support by the ground, on which we depend, into the gesture of bearing. Thus our own design, our own elan, safeguards our passage across. The bridge rises above the abyss into the openness of the sky. The bridge, therefore, resting on the ground, not only links two banks with each other but also holds us out into the open and there gives us support. (Safranski, 1998, p. 430) The engineers of our greatest spans began by designing smaller ones. The scale may be different, but the process is essentially the same, and so these bridges have proved to be the training ground for dreams. Furthermore, every bridge, small or large, is also an aesthetic and environmental statement. Its lines are important beyond its span; every bridge must not only bear its burden, whether cows or coal trains, but must also be able to withstand the burden of proof that, in the final analysis, society is better served, tangibly and intangibly, by the bridges being there at all. (Petroski, 1996, p. 7) I began my search into the essence of what it is to be a PDS liaison by frantically searching for a metaphor. ?Metaphors are a great language tool, because they explain the unknown in terms of the known. But they only work if they resonate in the heart of the writer? (Lamott, 1994, p. 7). Many metaphors flew into my thoughts and I would follow each along a natural progression of questions until the metaphor would no longer fit. I could see full plates and spinning plates. I toyed with donning hats and changing shoes. I was reading and writing and thinking and finally, eliminating. Lamott describes this process of discovery in relation to an artist at work: I talked earlier about the artist who is trying to capture something in one corner of his canvas but keeps discovering that what he has painted is not what he had in mind. He keeps covering his work over with white paint each time that he 61 discovers what it isn?t, and each time this brings him closer to discovering what it is. This has happened again and again for me in writing. (p. 80) Palmer (2000) speaks of how metaphors open up the understanding of lived experience. Metaphors are more than literary devices, of course: most of us use metaphors, albeit unconsciously, to name our experience of life. But these personal metaphors do much more than describe reality, as we know it. Animated by the imagination, one of the most vital powers we possess, our metaphors often become reality, transmuting themselves from language into the living of our lives. (p. 96) Van Manen (1984) also speaks of the importance of metaphor in coming to a greater understanding of a phenomenon when he states, ?By way of metaphor, language can take us beyond the content of the metaphor towards the original region where language speaks through silence? (p. 48). I finally have come to use the metaphor of bridge to illuminate the lived experience of PDS liaisons because my understandings of their lived experiences are continually brought forward through this metaphor. The bridge metaphor seemed an obvious choice, even though it was not the first to occur to me. Remarks often are made that PDSs are a way to bridge the gap between theory and practice in teacher education because they place teacher education (theory-driven) in real-life experiences (practice-oriented) in P-12 schools. In my work with a state department of education, I have experienced the PDS liaisons as the link between the P- 12 schools and the universities, making connections between theory and practice so each informs the other. Even when the liaisons are not physically present at the PDS, they are still in the continuous process of building. The liaisons build a safe space within which individual practitioners remain responsible for their own actions, but are encouraged to transform themselves continuously as educators. 62 In what way is the experience of a university liaison brought forward by the metaphor of bridge? A bridge is a physical structure, built to provide a means of connection between two distinct places that are not naturally linked. Even the most sophisticated bridges are based on one of three forms originally found in nature: ?the beam from a log fallen across a stream, the arch from natural rock formations, and the suspension from a hanging vine? (Dupre, 1997, p. 12). Bridges not only have been designed to carry people and other traffic, but also have served other functions as well. In 18 BC, the Romans completed the aqueduct, the Pont du Gard, to carry water thirty- one miles to the city of Nemausus. The bridge still stands and is protected as an UNESCO World Heritage site (p. 15). The stone arch Ponte Sant? Angelo is one of six stone bridges built between 200 BC and AD 260 that are still standing (p. 17). In PDSs, relationships are the connections?the bridge?that enable educators to restructure life in schools. The physical structure of the school and the university may remain the same, but those involved create a new relationship with consequent changes in culture. What does this new formation connect? In what way does the building of the bridge define the builder as bridge? The bridge swings over the stream ?with ease and power.? It does not just connect banks that are already there. The banks emerge as banks only as the bridge crosses the stream. The bridge designedly causes them to lie across from each other. One side is set off against the other by the bridge. Nor do the banks stretch along the stream as indifferent border strips of the dry land. With the banks, the bridge brings to the stream the one and the other expanse of the landscape lying behind them. It brings stream and bank and land into each other's neighborhood. The bridge gathers the earth as landscape around the stream. Thus it guides and attends the stream through the meadows. Resting upright in the stream's bed, the bridge-piers bear the swing of the arches that leave the stream's waters to run their course. The waters may wander on quiet and gay, the sky's floods from storm or thaw may shoot past the piers in torrential waves?the bridge is ready for the sky's weather and its fickle nature. Even where the bridge covers the stream, it holds its flow up to the sky by 63 taking it for a moment under the vaulted gateway and setting it free once more. (Heidegger, 1971, p. 152) In what way does the liaison create the bridge to reflect the landscape it connects? What is ?gathered up? in a PDS? In what ways do the schools and universities come into each other?s neighborhoods? Much that is written about PDS refers to building?both the concept and process of PDS collaboration. When I read about this building process, I turned to the metaphor of the bridge, a place between, and a place of its own. The person who is building in the experiential as well as the conceptual sense is the university PDS liaison. In the building of the bridge, the liaison becomes the bridge, providing support and continuity. Bridging the Gap: Melding Theory and Practice There is considerable documentation that the PDS movement has done much to bridge the gap between university and school-based educators. It has provided the institutional setting where these two traditional acquaintances who used to pass each other on the street with averted eyes, or at the most a civil nod, now break bread together and engage in joint effort. This collaboration, which is a distinguishing feature of PDSs, is also an enabling condition, which makes it possible to fulfill the mission. (Abdal-Haqq, 1998, p. 6) Touching both sides but belonging to neither, bridges express the many dichotomies of life: order and spontaneity, depth and surface, permanence and change, stillness and movement. Appropriately, hashi is the word for both ?bridge? and ?edge? in Japanese. (Dupre, 1997, p. 28) Understanding the meanings and derivations of words also can provide a richer picture of a lived experience. Since conversation around PDSs so often refers to the notion of bridging the gap between theory and practice, in what way do the words bridge and gap open up the experience of being a liaison? The word bridge can be used as a noun or a verb. As a noun, bridge is defined as ?a structure spanning and providing passage over a waterway, railroad, or other obstacle? or ?anything resembling or 64 analogous to such a structure in form and function? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 165). As a verb, bridge means, ?to build a bridge over? or ?to cross by or as if by a bridge? (p. 165). The Indo-European root of bridge is bhru, from the Germanic meaning, ?a log bridge? and the subsequent Old English bru, meaning eyebrow, eyelid or eyelash (p. 1510). The word brigge derives from the Old English bryg. One of its interesting antecedents is the word bryggya from the Old Icelandic, meaning gangway (Barnhart, 1995, pp. 85-86.) Gangway is a noun from the Old English gangweg, meaning a road, passage or thoroughfare (from gang n. and weg way). The word gang had two very different meanings. The Old Icelandic meaning referred to a group of men, while the Old English meaning referred to a going or journey (Barnhart, 1995, p. 309). In what way do these seemingly disparate meanings come together in an understanding of bridge as it relates to PDS liaisons? In what way does the possibility of double usage, as noun and verb, foreshadow possibilities for connecting theory and practice in PDSs? These multiple meanings of bridge all reflect associations with both the physical structure of a bridge and the experience of bridging. Bridges can be formed naturally, such as a log fallen across a stream, or created and built by a group to overcome obstacles in a journey. In many instances, liaisons are called upon to overcome obstacles in processes and relationships. They are bridging as they build structures to support their PDSs. Proponents of PDS say that a PDS is a way to bridge the gap between theory and practice in teacher education. The word gap is defined as ?an opening as in a partition or wall, a fissure, cleft,? ?a break or pass through mountains,? ?a suspension of 65 continuity, interval, hiatus,? or ?a conspicuous disparity? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 542). The Indo-European root is ghei, meaning ?to yawn, to gape, to be open, ravine, chasm? (p. 1517). The word gap comes from the Old Icelandic term gap meaning chasm. Like the word bridge, it too can be used as a verb, meaning to notch or make jagged (Barnhart, 1995, p. 309). In discussing bridge builders, Petroski (1996) tell us that, ?Dreams became necessary when natural gaps became deeper than stones could fill and wider than vines and trees could reach. To bridge such gaps took more than imitating nature; it took the imagination and ingenuity that are the hallmarks and roots of engineering? (p. 9). The gaps between P-12 schools and teacher education institutions are often long-standing and quite rugged. P-12 educators often think that university faculty have no background in the reality of schools because they have not spent time in schools. University faculty often think that P-12 educators have limited understanding of the theory that guides their practice. The assumptions held by both groups have been reinforced through years of separate existence. P-12 educators come to the university as students, and university faculty come to P-12 schools as supervisors. Except for P-16 learning communities such as the Writing Project, it traditionally has been rare for P-16 educators to come together as both teachers and learners. How do PDS liaisons feel as they attempt to build across a chasm, deep and wide? In what way do they understand these seemingly antithetical notions of theory and practice? Is the gap as deep and wide as it might seem at first glance? In a PDS, the liaison becomes the bridge and can influence the attitudes of colleagues if the liaison approaches the differences as opportunities for growth. 66 As teachers, what is the attitude we make when we enter a gap or encounter a barrier? Do we see it as an either-or choice? A hierarchy of better or worse? Or do we consider how we might create a bridge to span and connect our once divided realms? (Kessler, 2000, pp. 101-102) Although theory and practice often are viewed as divided realms, they actually are intertwined, with practice informing theory and vice versa. The word theory is a noun meaning ?a systematically organized knowledge applicable in a relatively wide variety of circumstances, especially a system of assumptions, accepted principles, and rules of procedure devised to analyze, predict, or otherwise explain the nature or behavior of a specified set of phenomena? or ?such knowledge or such a system distinguished from experiment or practice? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 1335). Theory is borrowed from Late Latin theoria, from Greek theoria, contemplation, speculation, a looking at, thing looked at, from theorem to consider, speculate, look at, from theoros, spectator?The sense of the principles or methods of a science or art rather than its practice is first recorded in 1613, and that of an explanation based on observation and reasoning in 1638 (Barnhart, 1995, p. 591). Thus, theory is derived from practice. Lindbergh (1955) gives us a different perspective on theory when she says, ?But theory precedes exploration; we must use any signposts that exist to help us through the wilderness. For we are, actually, pioneers trying to find a new path through the maze of tradition, convention, and dogma? (p. 98). In what ways are liaisons the bridge building pioneers, building a new path that circumvents traditional teacher education programs? They build the bridge and become the bridge. Like bridge, the word practice can be used as noun or verb. As a noun, practice means, ?a habitual or customary action or way of doing something? (American Heritage 67 Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 1028). The word practice also is a verb, from ?practisen, to do, act, or perform habitually? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 591). In what manner does a liaison combine contemplation and action? Through reflection and inquiry, the liaison looks at and speculates on practice, but a PDS certainly is not a spectator sport. In a PDS, reflection, a looking at practice, leads to changes in practice. Theory and practice become a helix-like structure, changing in appearance dependent upon the view. Reflection provides the opportunity for the liaison to take time to examine practice. But, is it possible to think of a bridge without considering those who use it? Those who travel the bridge shape it, in the wear and tear it receives by repeated passages, and often the bridge comes to symbolize more than its original use. In The Bridge of San Luis Rey, Thornton Wilder (1927/1998) uncovers the connections among five fictional Peruvian travelers who are hurled to their deaths as a small rope bridge collapses and they are thrown into the chasm below. ?It was a mere ladder of thin slats swung out over the gorge, with handrails of dried vine? (p. 5). Despite its delicate appearance, hundreds of travelers, including dignitaries and clerics, used it every day believing St. Louis of Rey protected it. ?The bridge seemed to be among the things that last forever; it was unthinkable that it should break? (p. 5). But break it did, and in its breaking, the lives of five travelers are examined. Wilder explores their relationships, bringing them together at life?s end. Breaking is a distinct possibility for the liaisons as well because they often bear the weight of problems encountered at the P-12 and university level. Yet those at the P-12 and university levels might be unaware of each other?s problems. The structure of a bridge is determined by the amount and type of 68 pressure it is to withstand. Since the PDS is seen as a way to bring P-12 schools and universities closer together, it falls on the liaison to withstand the pressure from both sides. What happens when things fall apart? Does anyone come to the liaison?s rescue? In the case of the Bridge of San Luis Rey, those who experienced the rope bridge did not forget even though a new stone bridge was built, as it then took its place in literature and the oral tradition. In the story, the bridge came to symbolize something besides its mere physical structure, serving as a reminder of love for those who perished, even when no one would be left who knew those individuals. ?Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, and the only meaning? (Wilder, 1927/1998, p. 123). In what manner do PDS liaisons provide connections for those who use the bridge each day? In what way do those for whom they have built bridges remember them? In discussing the Brooklyn Bridge, Schuyler notes, ?The work which is likely to be our most durable monument, and to convey some knowledge of us to the most remote posterity, is a work of bare utility; not a shrine, not a fortress, not a palace, but a bridge? (as cited in Dupre, 1997, p. 54). Bridges: Fear and Fascination Moviemakers have long capitalized on the chameleon like ability of a bridge to evoke danger, nostalgia, or romance. As an image, a bridge can deliver a powerful, emotional message that can be manipulated to stir up feelings of fear, honor, accomplishment and futility. (Dupre, 1997, p. 92) Your length like a river or like a buoyant hope ?miles of iron and of sky interwoven? can only be measured with the music of the metres of dream. (Andrade, as cited in Petroski, 1996, p. 341) 69 Andrade, in his poem celebrating the San Francisco Bay Bridge, brings forward the chameleon like nature of which Dupre speaks. Bridges evoke emotion in a way that few other architectural structures do. They celebrate earth, water, and sky. They also can reflect the emotions of the person who looks upon them. PDS liaisons serve as a bridge between the university and P-12 schools. They exist in both worlds and reflect both cultures. As I endeavor to open up the phenomenon of university liaisons using the metaphor of the bridge, I attempt to surface my own pre-understandings of bridges through depiction in art and references in literature and how they are experienced, from one who finds them both fascinating and fearful. When I was a child, I would look forward to a trip to the Baltimore Museum of Art. My favorite painting was "Waterloo Bridge" by Claude Monet, whose strokes of blues and purples and pinks and yellows captured my attention whenever I walked into the room. The bridge is barely evident through the mist?a shadowy figure that provided an illusion through the interaction of color and light. I was fascinated by it. However, two of my greatest fears are height and water and bridges usually have a direct connection with one or both of those elements. Bridges are a combination of science and art, technicality and creativity?a much less frightening possibility for me than height and water. In the Middle Ages, Brotherhoods of Bridge Builders developed in remote areas. Monks of the Catholic Church spearheaded the effort to ?build bridges and streets and thus prepare your way to heaven? (Dupre, 1997, p. 21). In what ways are PDS bridge builders providing care for those who travel between P-12 schools and the university? The monks were supported by donations from travelers who would use the bridges they 70 created. Where do liaisons find support for their efforts? Is support donated voluntarily, or do they need to request it? One group of monks, the Altopascio Order, wore embroidered robes with an insignia of ?the Greek letter [resembling a bridge] (tau), whose arms were nicked or pointed in such a way that the vertical shaft may have represented an auger and the crossbar a hammer or ax? (Petroski, 1996, p. 10). These symbols of building were combined to create a logo of sorts. Sometimes liaisons work with their PDSs to create a logo that signifies their special relationship. It is not uncommon to find the logo on banners, stationery, and even clothing. This outward symbol shows that the wearer is identifying with the relationship and willing to publicly declare it. To meet the needs of travelers, ?the Holy Roman Emperor Frederick II decreed in 1244 that the Altopascio build a bridge.? Because of the church?s connections with bridge building, the pope became known as the ?Pontifex Maximus, the supreme bridge builder? (Petroski, 1996, p. 10). In the Roman Catholic tradition, the pope is seen as a connector, but this connection also implies power. In what ways does a liaison use connections to increase personal power or to diffuse it? The pope speaks as the authority on church-related matters. Is the liaison also seen as an authority? It is also true that many Roman Catholics do not agree with the rulings of the pope and practice is not always consonant with the rules. Does the collaborative nature of PDS protect a liaison from this type of insurgence? Dupre (1997) extends our understanding of the connections between the church and bridges when he says, ?Bridges, frequently employed by the Church as a metaphor for the dangers inherent in the soul?s passage, 71 were often decorated with effigies of saints. Many bridges had chapels, some more than one? (p. 21). Thus, bridges had a spiritual as well as a practical purpose. Heidegger says that by the passage of the ?mortals,? the bridge links the earth with the sky. On ancient bridges, the venture of bridging, this perilous delight at standing and walking in the open between heaven and earth, is specifically represented and celebrated?in bridge sculptures, in the statues of saints on the bridges, which encourage confidence and reflect gratitude for the gift of life, for this sojourn in the open expanse between heaven and earth, for safe conduct during passage. (Safranski, 1998, pp. 430-431) But, as in the case of the Bridge of San Luis Rey, bridges sometimes do not offer safe transit. I always have been conscious of the height of bridges. Those that are flat and short and straight do not frighten me. They allow me to glance out of my car window onto the scenery below. That is not the case with the Bay Bridge. It has taken years for me to overcome even some of my anxiety when traveling over it. Because some of the PDSs I have worked with are on the Eastern Shore, I have had to expand my horizons because of increased practice driving over the bridge. Going from west to east, I know that if I stay in the right lane, I can travel at my rate of speed, thus avoiding some of the metallic threads serving as a reminder that this road is different. Yet, when I get to the center of the bridge, I can feel and hear the encounter with the metal grates. Then I am jolted back in to the reality of being on the bridge. In what ways does a liaison deal with the frightening parts of PDS work? Is there ever a time for complacency? The practice of driving the bridge has smoothed my experience of traveling, along with some tried and true ways I use to convince myself that a bridge is just a road, like any other. Just as a PDS liaison bridges the gap between theory and practice, I have had to bridge theory (a bridge is a structure that provides a safe passage from one 72 distinct place to another) with practice (repeated attempts at doing something habitually.) In what ways is the experience of being on the bridge manifested if it becomes so habitual that it loses its tension? Will I experience driving the bridge in the same way if it does become just a road? In what ways does a PDS liaison keep alive a creative tension to keep a PDS from becoming just another school? Once, when I was scheduled to visit an Eastern Shore school, I toyed with the idea of taking a different route, avoiding the Bay Bridge altogether, even though the journey would be longer. As I considered this, I realized that if I did not cross the bridge for that trip, it would be harder to do the next time, so I summoned my courage, equipped with a mantra to chant along the way, "This is just a road. There is nothing to be afraid of. This is just a road.? What is there about a bridge that can be so beautiful, yet so frightening? Are liaisons, the bridges of the PDS, seen in the same way? In what ways do others perceive the liaisons and how do they perceive themselves? By expanding their horizons, liaisons have the opportunity to learn more about themselves as they extend relationships with others. Widening the Horizon Collaborative endeavors depend on individuals who are willing to talk across their different horizons and are open to an increased awareness of their own prejudices. In this sense, Gadamer gives us a perspective that faces into a future where dialogue and self-knowledge, however difficult and partial, have the potential to create increased understandings. (Johnston, 1997, p. 26) Bridges are designed and built to link two separate entities. The creativity of the bridge building process begins with the way the bridge is engineered?to be sturdy, to be visually appealing, and to fulfill a purpose. According to Dupre (1997), ?The Ponte Vecchio is more than a bridge. It is a street, a marketplace, a public square, and an 73 enduring icon of Florence, a city whose identity has long been defined by its bridges and the turbulent river they cross? (p. 23). The Ponte Vecchio, built after a flood in 1117 AD, is an inhabited bridge, structured to accommodate shops and residences as well as animal drawn carts. During World War II, the Ponte Vecchio was the only bridge in Florence spared by a direct order from Adolf Hitler. The unique nature of this inhabited bridge was recognized, even during warfare. Bridges often are built to provide a means of connecting one shore to another across a body of water. If you stand on one side of a body of water, you can look across to the other side to see the horizon, which appears as a thin line separating the water and the sky. As you turn, the line extends in the direction in which you are turning, but seems to decrease in length in the direction from which you have turned. But that does not mean that the horizon line has ceased to exist. Turning back to it or reflecting upon it can always retrieve an altered sense of the horizon. Gadamer (1960/1997) speaks of the importance of being able to see beyond the horizon. The horizon is the range of vision that includes everything that can be seen from a particular vantage point. Applying this to the thinking mind, we speak of the narrowness of horizon, of the possible expansion of horizon, of the opening up of new horizons and so forth?A person who has no horizon does not see far enough and hence overvalues what is nearest to him. On the other hand, ?to have a horizon? means not being limited to what is nearby but being able to see beyond it. A person who has a horizon knows the relative significance of everything within this horizon, whether it is near or far, great or small. (p. 302) The PDS liaison sees both sides of the horizon?and stands on both shores. The liaison keeps both shores in mind when not in view. Imagine a bridge, going from one shore to the other side, intersecting the horizon. The horizon to be established becomes part of the decision-making process when a bridge is being built. Who decides what the horizon of the bridge will be? What does this decision mean for the liaison? According 74 to Gadamer (1960/1997), ?Every experience has implicit horizons of before and after, and finally fuses with the continuum of the experiences present in the before and after to form a unified flow of experience? (p. 245). If you are walking or driving over a bridge and come to a stop, you continue to feel the movement of the bridge. Bridges are constructed to be flexible in order to adapt to the environment. PDS liaisons often refer to this need for flexibility. Perspective becomes important, along with the willingness to move forward in expanding the horizon because, as Gadamer says, A horizon is not a rigid boundary but something that moves with one and invites one to advance further. Thus the horizon intentionality which constitutes the unity of the flow of experience is paralleled by equally comprehensive horizon intentionality on the objective side. For everything that is given as existent is given in terms of a world and hence brings the world horizon with it. (p. 245) If the horizon always is shifting, in what way do liaisons maintain a relationship with someone on the other shore? In a PDS, the bridge is communication, yet communication is one of the most frequently cited challenges of PDS work. Simply walking or driving from one place to another does not build the bridge that establishes relationships. PDS liaisons are the bridge between the P-12 school and university because they are the communication link. They can help to expand the horizons of those in the PDS community by inviting them onto the bridge where the horizon is viewed from a 360-degree angle, not an angle at all, but an encircling envelopment reminiscent of the traditional French folk song: Sur le pont, D?Avignon L?on y danse, l?on y danse, Sur le pont, D?Avignon, L?on y danse, tout en round. (in Dupre, 1997, p. 21) On the Bridge, of Avignon They dance there, they dance there 75 On the Bridge, of Avignon, They dance there, all in a circle. Being on the bridge is an occasion for celebrating together. Bridges: Multiple Meanings Bridges are designed to carry their own weight, or dead load; to carry people and traffic, or live load; and to resist natural forces, such as wind and earthquakes, or environmental load. (Dupre, 1997, p. 12) Imagine what our lives would be without bridges. (Petroski, 1996, p. 21) A colleague in teacher education uses the metaphor of the bridge in an activity with her students to get them to think about bridges in a lesson. In what manner does a teacher move from one place to another in a lesson? My colleague provides her students with a structured web with the word BRIDGE in the center. There are four spokes to the web which she asks them to think/write about: 1) types of bridges, not only bridges used in transportation, but also dental bridges and musical bridges; 2) the function of bridges; 3) favorite bridges; and 4) least favorite bridges. Using the students? responses, she leads them through a discussion that connects the understandings they generate about bridges to how a bridge is experienced in a lesson? to transport students from one place to another, to provide a connection from previously known to new information. In what way does this activity open up the lived experience of a PDS liaison? My colleague says that having her students think about their most and least favorite bridges opens up the many possibilities of bridges, and how any given bridge can be experienced differently by different people and for different reasons. My least favorite bridge to look at may be my most favorite bridge to drive over. My most favorite bridge to view from a distance might be the most fearful for me to cross. For 76 me, this is the case with the Golden Gate Bridge. It is a magnificent structure to behold from almost any angle, yet every time I have been in a car driving over it, I have felt the uneasiness of crowded lanes and cars jockeying for position, tailgating one another, in an attempt to hurry. This lived experience of going over the bridge is much different from its tranquil appearance in pictures and on post cards. There are some people who drive it every day. What is their lived experience of it?both looking at it and driving over it? Do they take it for granted? A painter on the Golden Gate Bridge has an entirely different perspective, ?And the weather! The wind roars, the fog gets thick and soupy. When it?s icy up here, it?s like a skating rink 75 stories above the water. Sometimes, though, we?re actually above the fog. Down below, tourists are shivering while we?re up here in T-shirts getting a tan? (Wiley, as cited in Dupre, 1997, p. 82). In what way is the lived experience of a PDS liaison like my experience with this bridge? Johnston (1997) speaks of the importance of acknowledging the tensions inherent in doing collaborative PDS work and recognizing tension as an essential ingredient in keeping a PDS alive. Heidegger (1953/1996) might view this as a way to develop a more authentic PDS, where everydayness is not the status quo and tension is acknowledged as a positive force. Changing Identity: Who am I?Really? Like many women, I have played multiple roles that were often in conflict (wife, mother, teacher, other selves) and I liked moving among these positions even with/because of the conflicts/contrasts they created. I relish a certain amount of ambiguity and see myself as a risk taker in some areas. (Johnston, 1997, p. 117) Thus the bridges of an era will often share certain characteristics, reflecting the collective wisdom and prejudices of the leading practitioners, while at the same time bearing the stamp of individuality of the leader or each particular project. (Petroski, 1996, p. 13) 77 In most cases, PDSs are initiated at the higher education level, rather than the state level. Maryland requires its teacher education institutions to move toward a PDS experience for all teacher candidates. This is a complicated process, as a result of which most higher education faculty who deal with initial teacher preparation must do some work in a PDS. They are required to think and act differently. Those who do PDS work at the university level find that being off campus alters the relationships they have with their colleagues. They lose their sense of faculty identity and, in many cases, the norms they had previously established when doing work exclusively on campus (Tom, 1998). Some institutions hire clinical faculty who are not regular faculty and, thus, not subject to promotion and tenure requirements. These clinical faculty often do not have input in developing curriculum as regular faculty do. In my consideration of PDS liaisons, it is the faculty liaisons who are actively working in schools, regardless of their official title on campus, who are the focus of my study. In what way do they develop a new identity as bridge builders? Differences, Tensions and Dialogues: Lived Experience Accounts of Building Usually it is not easy for an architect and engineer to collaborate. The architect has the design; the engineer does the analysis. Frank [Gehry] and Richard [Serra] did not try to design the bridge themselves. Instead they described what they envisioned and how users should feel about the bridge. They also explained that the bridge should be modest, flat, and fit into its surroundings, its urban context. Then, as the engineer, I had boundaries on which to base my proposals, which we in turn discussed and refined. (Schlaich, as cited in Dupre, 1997, p. 9) Structural engineer Jorg Schlaich discusses the collaborative work he did to design the Millennium Bridge that would connect St. Paul?s Cathedral and the new Tate Gallery, across the Thames River in London. He continued his comments by adding, ?This competition was different. The architect defined how the bridge should fit into the 78 city; the artist, how it should touch its surroundings; and the engineer, how it could happen structurally. We were not competing, but supplementing each other?s roles, individual strengths that came together in the final design? (p. 10). As bridges connect one physical place to another, they provide a lifeline to areas that are remote or removed from one another. In what way does a PDS liaison provide and receive support through a collaborative relationship? In what manner do the lives of those who have been removed from one another come together in a PDS as a liaison builds capacity? Although the amount of literature on PDS continues to increase, the focus of most centers on the experiences of preservice and inservice teachers, much of it authored by university faculty as they attempt to fulfill the promotion and tenure requirements at their institutions (Teitel, as cited in Levine, 1998). Marilyn Johnston, Ohio State University, is one of only a few writers who examine issues surrounding the experiences of the PDS liaison. Johnston views the development of PDSs around ?dealing with differences, the productivity of tensions, and learning through dialogue? (Johnston, 1997, p. 21). In her own words, she describes how differences and tensions are woven throughout her experience as a PDS liaison. When I began this project, I had read about the differences and potential conflicts between schools and universities. I thought my 15 years as a classroom teacher would help me bridge these differences. It did not take me long to see how na?ve these attitudes were. I was initially a ?role,? not a person. I came from the university, and because the teachers did not know me otherwise, [to them] I was a representative of a stereotype. My reaction to this realization was to tread softly. I thought that if we talked about our differences too overtly they would get in the way of peaceful coexistence. I also thought that if we constructed enough shared perspectives, the differences would go away. But of course they did not, and the most important differences were the most difficult to talk about. (p. 10) 79 The uncomfortable experience of being seen as a stereotype rather than an individual leads Johnston and Thomas (1997) to consider the ways in which communication, or lack of it, can bury or open up possibilities for collaboration. They begin by trying to cover over the differences, but quickly realize that dealing with differences, acknowledging and celebrating them, is more productive than covering them over. They explain how dialogue enables them to deal productively with differences and their inherent tensions. Dialogue has become the means by which we examine and learn from our differences. Dialogue for us is a conversation where your convictions are on display for all to see. It is a ?growth? environment where you never know exactly what will happen, except that ideas will be shared in a spirit of learning and understandings will develop beyond your individual capacity. Dialogue is a social negotiation of ideas?ideas shared freely, critically, and in ways that nurture rather than destroy. Dialogue is dependent on differences. If we all had the same opinions, or kept our ideas to ourselves, dialogue could not occur. It is because of differences that dialogue is possible, and this promotes our learning. The productivity of tensions is thus sustained through dialogue. (p. 16) Through research dealing with her role in the PDS, Johnston?s descriptions allow us to take a closer look at how she experiences that role. Dialogue is an important component of her lived experience and she examines it to come to a greater understanding of her role. In her second co-authored book about PDS collaboration, I also was able to glean some increased understanding about the experience of being a PDS liaison through text generated by other university faculty at Ohio State University. Throughout this chapter, I use some of their reflections and comments, along with those of Teresa and other PDS liaisons, to open up the phenomenon of the PDS liaison. As might be expected, Johnston?s research examines her experience as a way of supporting her own research agenda. Johnston?s work (Johnston, 1997; Johnston, Brosnan, Cramer, & Dove, 2000) focuses on issues of collaboration and the way in which power is 80 manifested in collaborative relationships. She shares her own power issues, wanting to relinquish control, yet feeling a responsibility for guiding the work of the PDS. She describes a collaboratively developed conference presentation during which Paul, a graduate assistant researcher, veered away from the agreed upon presentation format and opened up the presentation to questions from the audience, effectively eliminating the remainder of the presentation and the speaker who was to follow him. As this happened, Marilyn, by virtue of her role as the university liaison, became the person to whom the questions were directed. Discussions immediately following this incident reveal her level of discomfort with what had happened. MARILYN: But what kinds of rights? Maybe the issue, as Rick and Rosario have said, is about the right of the individual. If we?ve planned to do something like a presentation, and we have in mind what we are going to do, should any of us in that situation feel free to do something that they feel is apropos to the moment? RICK: I think the question is not just about presentation, but where does the individual play a role in the collaborative process in general? MARILYN: I didn?t mean to exclude that. It?s just that personally I did not feel like it was a productive thing to do, because all of a sudden we had people barraging us with questions, and Paul and I were the only ones responding to them. I felt put on the spot because they were asking questions we hadn?t dealt with in the group. How are you going to write up your research? How are you going to write collaboratively? We haven?t talked about those issues yet. I was trying very hard in planning the presentation not to be the ?boss,? not to talk too much, so I felt like it put me in a situation that I didn?t want to be in. SUSI: I felt that definitely. When one of the questions was asked, I felt like, whoosh, right in Marilyn?s direction. A lot of us did. PAUL: So when you said it wasn?t productive, are you saying it wasn?t good? MARILYN: No, I was saying that I felt uncomfortable. PAUL: So it wasn?t good. That?s what I was wondering. What was it not productive of? 81 MARILYN: Maybe not productive of a collaborative process. It felt like all of a sudden we weren?t in a collaborative group, we were in traditional roles? MARILYN: Maybe I have to work on not feeling responsible for answering the questions. (Johnston with PDS Participants, 1997, pp. 55-57) Marilyn Johnston was placed in a position of having to deal with the interpersonal relationship issues involved and the tensions that can arise when a concept, such as collaboration, plays itself out in real life. In her attempt not to control, she faced the issue of losing control because she was not in a situation for which she had planned. She felt uncomfortable. Up to that point, she had maintained control in the collaboration by deciding to give it away. She began to learn, through this experience, that planned collaboration is not easy. Eight months after the incident and the follow-up discussion, Johnston continued to reflect on what happened. I remember during the discussion that I wanted to raise questions about Paul?s opening up the discussion. Was I doing this to encourage dialogue, or had I already decided that this was not a collaborative move? In watching the tape eight months later, I see myself pushing the discussion toward an idealistic definition of collaboration?that is, working as a group, making group decisions, and negotiating changes. In the process of conducting this debriefing situation, Paul?s feelings are somewhat sacrificed for the sake of the emerging norms of collaboration. (Johnston with PDS Participants, 1997, p. 60) In what way does the liaison bridge the theory of collaboration with the practice of the PDS? In what way is the theory of collaboration experienced by a PDS liaison in the reality of doing PDS work? Through her focus on how power is manifested in collaborative arrangements, using a deconstructivist approach, Johnston brings forward tensions she feels as she engages in PDS work. Yet, she acknowledges how Paul?s feelings have been sacrificed for the sake of the cause (or theory) of collaboration. In what manner does she experience the intersection of theory and practice in this situation? Is the tension she experiences positive or negative? Johnston moves forward 82 in her understanding of collaboration because she continuously questions her experience in this collaboration. She brings forward questions and issues of concern to her, particularly her experience with power in relationships. Because of long-standing distinctions between P-12 and higher education faculty, liaisons often find themselves in situations such as Johnston?s. Even when they want to build the bridge of collaboration the perceptions of power can get in the way. Yet Johnston and her colleagues (1997) continue to see collaboration as a positive force in their development as liaisons: For many of us, the lifeline to collaboration with others feels thin and tenuous. But the sustenance we receive from it belies its thin appearance. The changes in our thinking and practices, the reform in our schools, and ways students are benefiting from our work is substantial. We are convinced daily that our professional lives have been directly affected by our collaboration with each other; we worry whether this change is sustainable if the support disappears. (p. 167) Collaboration and dialogue are the lifelines this bridge builder uses to support herself as well as her colleagues. This support enables the liaison to build capacity for all PDS practitioners. Yet this building process can be complicated when trying to build around two already existing institutions. Building Capacity: Remodeling or Reconstructing? As we deconstruct, we work within as we try to change. This is somewhat analogous to tearing down a building while trying to build a new one. A deconstruction is typically more than remodeling. It requires a critical reassessment of the values and principles that adhere in the politics and power of present relations. (Johnston, 1997, pp. 29-30) Most of this entire process is about trust and building the capacity of the folks within the site to understand. Maybe this all goes back to my basic belief that while we are partners in this, we should be collaborative and work together. It's still the school, and it's especially initially their school, and it's their kids, and we need to work with them to do what's best for their kids. (Teresa) 83 Much of the conversation about the PDS concept centers on the notion of building capacity?for P-16 practitioners, preservice teachers, and their P-12 students. Building is yet another word that can be used as noun or verb. As a verb, building means, ?to form by combining materials or parts, to erect; construct,? ?to give form to according to a definite plan or process; to fashion, mold, create,? or ?to establish and strengthen; create and add to? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 174). As a noun, a building is defined as ?something that is built; a structure; an edifice,? or ?the act, process, art or occupation of constructing? (p. 174). The Indo- European root of building is bheu meaning, ?to be, exist, grow? (p. 1509). The verb build is related to the Old English buan, meaning, ?to dwell? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 91). Thus, building relates directly to the meaning of existence. As Heidegger says, ?For building is not merely a means and a way toward dwelling?to build is in itself already to dwell? (Heidegger, 1971, p. 146). As liaisons build, they are ?being-in-the-world? in relationship with others. In what way does a liaison build capacity? Capacity is a noun defined as ?the ability to receive, hold, or absorb,? ?the maximum or optimum amount of production,? ?the ability to learn or obtain knowledge,? or ?the ability to do something; faculty, aptitude? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 199). Capacity derives from ?Latin capacitatem (nominative capacita), from capax (genitive capacis), able to take in (Barnhart, 1995, p. 103). In what way does a liaison enhance the ability of those in a PDS to be more open, to take in more, and to hold on to it? In what way does the experience of liaisons reflect their individuality in building capacity? As I reflect on this, I consider the ways in which different people experience building. 84 When I purchased a new (but used) home some years ago, I decided to do some remodeling before moving in. I did not make any drastic changes, except to have a fireplace installed in the corner of my living room. It never occurred to me before then that I could make such structural changes to a house that had already been built. But I was breaking out of my status quo life and was determined to have certain amenities in place. I wanted to have all of the work done before I moved in because I did not want to live with the hassle of making changes while going about the day to day business of my life, so I devoted one month to having all of the work accomplished. Of course I was not accounting for the trucker?s strike that kept my new carpeting captive in a truck in North Carolina for two weeks while I walked around on floorboards with tiny tacks sticking up because I had planned ahead and had the original carpeting removed. The structural changes I wanted to make took longer than I had planned and I was unable to make all of them because of the cost. Since that time I have not given much thought to remodeling, unless a hole or a leak appears somewhere, but I continue to tinker with decorating. Having lived in the house for many years, I begin to think about some of the changes I might have made before I moved in. I have learned to live without certain things and adapt to what I have. What process did I use to decide upon the types of changes I wanted to make? Was that fireplace, which I viewed as essential at the time, really worth it? Would it have been better to install an allergy filter system on my heat pump? At that time the changes I thought were most essential were primarily cosmetic. In what way do liaisons plan for initial changes in the PDS relationships? Teresa often talks about building capacity as an ongoing process. 85 I think that building the capacity for folks within the school is what we are after, and it may mean that some of the decisions they make initially might not be the ones we would make, and they may not even be the ones they would make two years from now or six months from now, but they need to go through that process, and they need to see that they can develop something, and have some trust in it, and learn from the mistakes. (Teresa) In building capacity, Teresa acknowledges that part of the process is, perhaps, changing your mind. She believes that it is important to do something to get started in order to build confidence. There are other ways of approaching the building process. I know someone who is doing major renovation to a historically designated home. It is a rambling structure, with many additions reflecting various types of architecture and previous uses of the building. He has lived in this home (or at least parts of it) for six years, and in that time he has collaborated with archaeologists, architects, historians, neighbors, roofers, plumbers, etc. to try to figure out the best way to develop the structure into a ?living? place. He wants the building to reflect the integrity of the original structure (and he has old photographs to use for comparison), yet include state of the art technology. He is using a collaborative approach that is lengthening the amount of time to do the work. This approach works well for him because what he enjoys is the process; the product is secondary. As long as he stays in it, this house will always be in the process of becoming. He is building (constructing) and unbuilding (deconstructing) at the same time. To construct means ?to form by assembling parts; build; erect,? or ?to create?by systematically arranging ideas or expressions; devise with the mind? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 286). The Indo-European root of construct is ster meaning, ?to spread? (p. 1543). In what manner do liaisons spread things out? Is this a systematic process? Construct is ?borrowed from Latin constructus, 86 past participle of construere pile together, build up (con-together + struere pile, build)? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 155). The meaning of construction, then, has changed across time from a spreading out to a piling together. Does a liaison need spreading and sorting time before the piling together process begins? By adding the prefix de meaning ?do or make the opposite of; reverse,? or ?remove or remove from? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 355) to construct, we can infer a meaning of deconstruction as a removal from the building or dwelling or an unpiling of parts. According to the dictionary, to deconstruct is a verb meaning ?to write about or analyze?following the tenets of deconstruction? (p. 361). Deconstruction is a noun defined as ?a philosophical movement and theory of literary criticism that asserts that words can only refer to other words, and attempts to demonstrate how statements about any text subvert their own meanings? (p. 361). To reconstruct means, ?to construct again? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 1089). Although my friend began his construction project with certain ideas, he has modified them across time, dependent upon what he discovers in the unbuilding process. Because he took time to work with the archaeologist, he has discovered deep thick walls extending twelve to sixteen feet underground indicating that part of the structure was probably an old ice house. By digging deep, he has gained an extra floor for his renovation. Some of his friends are concerned that the deeper he digs, the more pressure he places on the walls and roof of the house. They are encouraging him to install a support, a structural bridge that will allow the digging to continue without endangering the overall structure of the house. PDSs are restructured environments for 87 building the capacity of a school and all who live there, in terms of professional growth. What happens when a liaison takes the time to dig deeply into the real experience of a P-12 partner school? Is the liaison willing to see beyond the surface and to discover possibilities for creating a new structure? Is there a certain amount of deconstruction needed before reconstruction can begin? Is there a point at which deconstruction can damage the foundation? In a PDS is the experience of a liaison one of reconstructing or deconstructing? Or both? In both deconstruction and reconstruction, there are tensions experienced by the builder and those who are building a PDS also experience these tensions. Some P-12 schools employ zero-based staffing in which all teachers are required to re-apply for their jobs and those who are not on board with the PDS concept move on to another schools. In other instances, PDS liaisons begin their work with the P-12 faculty already in place. In this case the liaison often needs to do a selling job to encourage participation by the P-12 teachers. One liaison speaks of her first meeting with the P-12 faculty with whom she would be working, ?I remember the first meeting. I assumed the conversation had already taken place. They didn?t know what I was talking about? (Dorothy). Johnston recounts a memory from a meeting with schools that would be part of their PDS collaborative. My strongest memory of my advertising role was of our first meeting with the schools who agreed to work with us. I was quite tense. Even though people were there because they had decided to join the project, it felt like the first meeting would set the tone for our future work. I recounted a version of the recruitment story they had heard before. I described where the funding had come from, what I hoped we would accomplish, and how we would try to work together. While this ?presentation? felt very powerful because everyone listened attentively, I was acutely aware of the contradictions. What I wanted most was to de-position myself from a primary leadership role, and here I was, standing in front of the 88 group, advocating for the direction and means by which we would work together. (Kerper and Johnston, 1997, p. 67) Johnston again surfaces her feelings about the tensions she feels in doing collaborative PDS work. Although she identifies herself as a deconstructionist, she also is always in the process of reconstructing both herself and the PDS. She acknowledges the tensions in her continuing efforts to deal with differences and to use them as the foundation of their PDS collaboration. In building a PDS collaboration, the liaison links and combines, while protecting the integrity of each unit. Differences are acknowledged and celebrated. Seeking Money to Build: Developing the Architectural Renderings If I thought my livelihood depended upon my getting a grant renewed, I would have more gray hair than I do now. The notion of living on that soft money and not knowing what you can promise someone and how much your work is going to be able to continue?to me that doesn?t fit in with a model of collaboration and partnership building. (Teresa) The financial link is often the crucial metaphorical span between the dream and reality of an actual bridge. Many a wonderful concept, beautifully drawn by an inspired structural artist, has never risen off the paper because its cost could not be justified. (Petroski, 1996, p. 18) Grant money often provides what is necessary to make something three- dimensional. When I was working at the university, I was part of a small group writing a grant that would provide funding for a PDS collaboration. Representatives from the school system and the university worked together to build in opportunities we thought would be beneficial for preservice and inservice teachers. Who would provide the support and guidance for these activities? Who would bring it all together? In what ways would they build and support the relationships that would be needed to sustain this collaboration? As I reflect on this experience, I see that as grant writers we did not truly 89 consider the ways in which the university faculty would need to change their lives in order to make our vision their reality. Johnston (1997) reflects on the way in which she used the grant process to support her own research agenda, a prominent piece of her life as a faculty member at a research institution, ?Of course, I had written the proposal with questions that fit my personal research agenda. I probably could have gotten the grant with a much briefer evaluation component. I felt some pressure, however, to do research and publish from work that was going to be time-consuming? (p. 43). In what way is her experience reflective of other liaisons who write grants to support their partnerships? In what ways do they need to interact with state education representatives as they experience grant writing? Now I am sitting on the other side of the table, working for a state department of education, having had money to give, instead of having to request it. As a result of grant funding, PDS liaisons find themselves engaging in increased communication with state department personnel. The grant writing (and rewriting) process is intense and complicated, and often falls to the PDS liaisons as their responsibility. When there is money to be given away, the liaison is usually the one who has the greatest knowledge of the PDS partnership in order to write a grant. However, I have come to realize that many of the PDS liaisons have no previous grant writing experience. If they are developing a new PDS partnership, they are caught in the double bind of beginning to build a relationship while translating a projection of what that relationship will come to be (and to produce) across time into a format (a grant proposal) that is unfamiliar to them. 90 In what way does the liaison experience the pressure from the institution to write a fully fundable grant, the pressure from the state to adhere to PDS standards, and the pressure from the school system to include something in the grant for the teachers and the school? What thoughts does the liaison have during the writing process? In what way does the liaison deal with the tensions that arise, both internal and external, as claims are made for allocation of funds and programs to be implemented? Concerns about funding are always evident. Who determines how the partnership money is spent? If funding is not provided, what incentives does the liaison use to encourage participation? PDS liaisons have approached the grant writing process in a variety of ways, each with its own set of stresses and tensions. Some, particularly those who have previous grant writing experience, consider grant writing to be their responsibility and work on grants without their P-12 colleagues. Others use the grant writing process as a way to launch the collaborative process as a way of ?being? for the PDS. Teitel (1998) describes a grant writing experience in one partnership where the representative from the school and the university liaison both admitted they had done most of the proposal writing by fax. This PDS relationship eventually ended in divorce, with the P-12 school almost immediately becoming involved in a new relationship with faculty from another university. One college coordinator comments on the connection between funding and collaboration, ?It takes a long time to build collaboration and it?s important to say that to funders so they don?t just provide money for a few years and then wonder why there is no change? (p. 92). 91 I have had conversations with PDS liaisons?some brief on the telephone and some extended in person?about the PDSs they want to build. Most enter into the initial conversations either concerned or wary or defensive because I am the state and that is not a particularly positive association for them. Many see the state as merely a regulatory agency and it is not uncommon to hear university faculty blame any changes they must make in their programs on the state. Throughout the PDS technical assistance process we put in place, a beginning trust developed. This is not always the case, particularly if the liaison has just finished the second re-write of a grant and there are still problems with it in terms of what the state can fund. In one conversation, where a liaison had written two grants for a maximum amount of funding, I suggested he might need to reconsider asking for full funding for each PDS, particularly since many of the activities in each PDS were going to be jointly held. Up to this point, he and I had been working well together, through a mix of telephone and in person communication. At this point, however, his tone changed and he said, ?You?re changing the rules of the game. We?ve worked very hard on this and we want to go for full funding.? My response to him was that he could do so, but the request for funds would need to be realistic in terms of how the funds would be used. I could sense that our collaboration was becoming tense. His understanding was that the ?up to? in the Request for Proposal (RFP) meant that any funded grant would receive the maximum amount of funding, and it would be up to them to determine how to spend it. As a result of this tense conversation, I offered that two of us from the state would meet with him and others from the university, at a location midway between our two offices, to negotiate the grant. As we entered the room, I could feel the tension. The 92 liaison was pacing back and forth from the meeting room to the door. The conversation began with his description of the current situation in the local school system with which they wanted to work. Their grant, including expenses for materials for the schools, was not what we had in mind initially when thinking about how to spend money to build a relationship. Yet, his arguments were quite convincing?and it was obvious that his institution needed to show it was willing to share its grant funds to provide materials and opportunities for the P-12 teachers. His tension did not center only on funding issues. The dean inadvertently was placing him in an uncomfortable position because the PDS strategic planning session they had scheduled was in conflict with a mandatory meeting. Is it possible for PDS liaisons to build relationships if they are not physically present? A representative from the grants office had come with them and suggested that a call from someone in our office to their dean might help them. He was right. The dean immediately recognized the importance of ?being there? and authorized their presence at the PDS strategic planning session. For all of the activities and programs of a PDS, liaisons often find themselves being there as a central figure. Teresa refers to herself as the point person. When you have as many people that you coordinate, and they view you as the point person, no matter how much you decentralize?I coordinate and the interns have other instructors. If the interns have issues with the other instructors, they call me. If the other instructors have issues with the interns, they call me. And if somebody has an issue with anybody, they call me. But if no one called me, I wouldn?t like it. I would feel as if I wasn?t doing what my role is to be, providing that kind of support. (Teresa) Is the experience of being in a PDS one that opens up possibilities or gets the liaison bogged down in too many responsibilities? In this bringing together, do the liaisons ever lose sight of themselves? 93 Building Relationships: Laying the Foundation All living relationships are in process of change, of expansion, and must perpetually be building themselves new forms. But there is no single fixed form to express such a changing relationship. There are perhaps different forms for each successive stage; different shells I might put in a row on my desk to suggest the different stages of marriage?or indeed of any relationship (Lindbergh, 1955, p. 75) It seems exciting?exciting to create something almost new. This is an exciting prospect. In working together, we developed great relationships. Everything just clicked. I enjoy the process not just the outcome. (Denise) An abundance of relationships exist for a PDS liaison?with PDS interns?with PDS teachers?with PDS administrators?with other university faculty?with the community. There are a never-ending variety of relationships, some that the liaison has with individuals and some in bringing individuals into relationship with each other. A relationship is defined as ?the condition or fact of being related? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 1098). The definitions of related include, ?connected, associated? and ?connected by kinship, marriage or common origin,? or ?having a specified harmonic connection? (p. 1097). Relation is a noun defined as ?a logical or natural association between two or more things; relevance of one to another; connection? (p. 1097). For a connection to be a relationship, a certain harmony or commonality is assumed. The Indo-European root of relation is tel meaning, ?to lift, support, weigh? (p. 1545). This root meaning opens up another aspect of a relationship, not merely a connection, but a support. This is an active rather than a passive relationship. If the liaison is the bridge, the relationship is a public declaration of the connection, a telling of the ways in which the relationship exists. According to Teitel (1998) many partnerships begin as marriages. And, just like marriages, not all are successful long-term relationships. Some end in divorce or 94 separation; some even open up the relationship to allow in new partners. In what ways do PDS liaisons experience this variety of relationship in their professional lives? As with many relationships, the way one begins the relationship sets the stage for the experience of it. Whether done individually or collaboratively, decisions have to be made concerning the way the PDS will be in the real life of the school and the university. Will it be a relationship in name only or a truly collaborative relationship in which each partner is invested? A teacher from one of Ohio State University?s PDSs describes the school faculty?s relationship with their liaison. Learning to work collaboratively in the PDS was a bit like learning to ride a bike, Marilyn [university liaison], like my dad, was the supporter. In the beginning, she ran alongside us. Sometimes she would try to let go and let us find our own way, while at other times she held on tightly and gently guided us. I?m sure there were times when she was just running, not knowing if she should hold tighter or let go. (Westhoven, 1997, p. 109) The liaison continuously makes choices about the parenting nature of the relationship, determining when it is safe to take the training wheels off the bike and when, ultimately, to let go. PDS liaisons begin to develop these relationships through summer strategic planning. Some liaisons, having been trained as teachers or academics, previously have not participated in?or conducted?strategic planning, particularly when bringing together two different communities to work toward establishing common goals and determining how those goals will be in practice. Some liaisons view this summer planning as being content-driven, with the university providing instruction. Others, although they understand the concept of strategic planning, do not feel comfortable with facilitating that process, choosing instead to have an outside facilitator. What do liaisons do if they previously have not facilitated a process such as this? How do they feel if they have to go to others for guidance? One 95 administrator, looking at his new pool of PDS liaisons, sponsored a strategic planning learning session, bringing together experienced and novice liaisons to hear presentations by two liaisons, one current and one former, about two different ways of doing strategic planning. What do liaisons do if this support is not provided for them? Observing the manner in which a people bring themselves forward in this process can begin to uncover who they are as PDS liaisons. I made visits to some summer strategic planning sessions because they gave me an opportunity to meet the P- 12 PDS practitioners and allowed me to see first-hand how the liaisons are in relation to their PDS colleagues. Most often, I see the liaisons at meetings or across the bargaining table as we negotiate the intricacies of grant awards. Summer strategic planning, however, places the liaisons on school turf, sometimes for the very first time. This initial experience of coming together in community begins to establish the norms of this new community life. For my visits, I chose to attend planning sessions where the liaison was new to PDS, hoping to come to a better understanding of how we, at the state level, might provide support in the future. Building Bridges: A New Engineer Begins the Process Bridges have become symbols and souls of cities, and each city?s bridges have been shaped by, and in turn shape, the character of that city. (Petroski, 1996, p. 5) Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men?s blood?Make big plans; aim high in hope and work, remembering that a noble, logical diagram once recorded will never die, but long after we are gone will be a living thing, asserting itself with ever-growing insistency. (Burnham, as cited in Dupre, 1997, p. 68) Burnham, one of the original planners of the Michigan Avenue Bridge, describes his feelings about one of the thirty-seven movable bridges that criss-cross 96 Chicago, which has more bridges than any other city in the world. From the very beginning, Burnham had high hopes and approached his mission with passion. His work would help to create a soul for the city of Chicago. It also is possible for PDS liaisons to approach their bridge-building efforts with the same passion and soul. I had some initial trepidation about going to Jerry?s strategic planning session. Jerry is a retired principal, a PDS coordinator who works with a university faculty member assigned to a PDS, a cluster site of four elementary schools in the beginning stages of PDS development. Having already visited a few planning sessions, I was becoming concerned that having an outsider present might not be in the best interest of developing community. I have to admit that my trepidation also had to do with the fact that our initial conversations had been tense, centering on problems surrounding a grant. Although the initial problems had been resolved, I felt more like an outsider going into the session than any of the others I had attended. I arrive at the session on its second, and final, day. When I enter the room, I am struck that when I come upon Jerry, he seems like a different person than the one I had encountered at those very tense meetings. In previous encounters with him, he had been aloof, perhaps somewhat defensive. Here, however, I find him in rapt conversation with one of the participants. He is relaxed and comfortable. He comes over to welcome me and provide information about what happened the previous day. As the session begins, he introduces me and other new members of the group. He is co-coordinating this strategic planning with the faculty member from the university. In what way is he different in this setting? He engages the participants in a team building activity, obviously influenced by his past experience with experiential education. He asks for 97 volunteers, and the teachers cheerfully come to the front of the room. In what way is he building trust with and among the participants? In what way is my participation, as an outsider, a concern for him? Through his actions, he opens up for me the experience of a PDS liaison who has had previous experience building trust with faculty as a principal. He elicits. He asks questions. He is respectful. He guides. He acknowledges. He inserts humor. He supports. He is exemplifying a way of being that leads to building relationships to sustain PDS. Midway through the morning, Jerry engages the participants in a game to guess why he is wearing a particular shirt. The second person to guess comes up with the correct answer. Jerry, who is Italian, is wearing an authentic Italian soccer jersey in honor of his cousin who will be playing in the European championship game the next day. He is sharing information about himself in order to encourage them to share with one another. The person with the correct answer receives a small prize. For those who did not win the prize, Jerry begins to distribute cellophane wrapped cards. A poem is written on each card and a small pin, a likeness of a bridge, is attached to it. As Jerry distributes the cards, he reads the poem about a bridge builder. The Bridge-Builder An old man going a long highway Came at the evening, cold and gray, To a chasm vast and wide and steep, With waters rolling cold and deep. The old man crossed in the twilight dim- The sullen stream had no fears for him; But he turned when safe on the other side, And built a bridge to span the tide. ?Old man,? said a fellow pilgrim near, ?You are wasting your strength with building here. 98 Your journey will end with the ending day; You never again will pass this way. You?ve crossed the chasm, deep and wide, Why build you this bridge at eventide?? ?Good friend, in the path I have come,? he said, ?Then followeth after me today A youth whose feet must pass this way. The chasm that was as thought to me To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be; He, too, must cross in the twilight dim- Good friend, I am building this bridge for him.? (Dromgoole, 1924) In what way is Jerry?s view of what a PDS liaison does reflected in his choice of this poem? Who is the bridge builder? Is it Jerry? Or is he encouraging those in attendance to become bridge builders along with him? Why does the bridge builder turn back, when he already has made the crossing safely? In what way does the liaison?s view of the chasm show itself in the willingness to continue to build bridges? Jerry has made the crossing safely, as teacher, as principal, and now as liaison. Yet he continues to look back and to look forward again in the building process. Jerry then begins to share the books his preservice teachers will use in their coursework. He has chosen books that are grounded in caring and soul. Because my initial conversations with Jerry had been so tense, I must admit my surprise in seeing that many of the books are ones that I might have chosen. The conversation continues. Each group shares. He refers to sifting, ways of looking for connections, making decisions, determining a focus. He then calls on those of us who are outsiders. What do we see? What can we add? He is engaging us in the process, as well. He demonstrates a 99 careful attunement to the needs of those who are in the room. He encourages their similarities without ignoring their differences. Did he consider in advance how long it might take for individuals from these four schools to come to consensus? In what way is his past experience as a principal reflected in his dealing with teachers? In what way does he experience the relationship with the university faculty member who is also in attendance? In what way does he encourage faculty members? participation to reflect their collaboration? The Toll Collector: Who?s Really in Charge Here? The question of power is not one to be given away or simply avoided. Rather, I have learned from my colleagues that the ways we talk to each other and build shared relationships are more important than who is positioned in what role at what time. I have come to appreciate how leadership and collegiality are most productive when kept in a productive tension. (Kerper & Johnston, 1997, p. 72) One of the most stressful requirements for funding PDSs is determining measurable outcomes for interns, inservice teachers, and P-12 students. Most of the PDS research has been qualitative, but funders and legislators want to see numbers. How do they know if the PDS is working? And, how can the outcomes be expressed in a way that will continue to bring money to support the PDS initiative? This has been the most problematic issue for most of the liaisons who write grants?determining the change they want to see. What data will they collect to show if these changes have occurred? And, how in the world are they ever going to have the time to do anything with all of the data they have collected? Identifying P-12 student outcomes is seen as extreme risk taking by many of the liaisons. What is it like to live in an accountability driven environment? The research that many liaisons are accustomed to doing becomes personalized as it becomes evaluation 100 because they are evaluating themselves. How does the liaison feel if there is no increase in student achievement? Or, worse yet, if there is a decrease? What responsibility does the liaison feel for the success of the partnership? Developing the Infrastructure: The Initial Platform/Principles for PDSs History is God?s bridge-building across immense abysses. We must cross that bridge. But each day it grows by perhaps only the length of one step?We walk into a different, an entirely unfamiliar world?History has no breaks, but its changes appear like downfalls. (Safranski, 1998, p. 360) The change from a traditional teacher education program to a PDS takes place across time. Like history, it is through looking back?reflection?that the changes appear to be drastic. Since PDSs are always in the process of becoming, day by day, it is sometimes hard to tell when a program becomes a PDS. It is that process of simultaneous renewal that is one of the hallmarks of a PDS. In some instances, university faculty were the ones who initiated PDSs on their campuses, although usually because their institution was part of a consortium recommending PDSs as the way to address problems in teacher education and the teaching profession. The work of The Holmes Group, a consortium of deans and academic vice presidents from major research institutions, brought forward the serious nature of the crisis in teaching in two reports. The first report, Tomorrow?s Teachers (Holmes Group, 1986), made the case for viewing reform in teacher education and the teaching profession as inextricably linked. Bridges must be built between P-12 schools and institutions of higher education if real change is to occur. Their goal was to reform teacher education and the teaching profession. The Holmes Group recognized that what was happening in their institutions was not producing teachers who were doing well upon entering classrooms and not supporting teachers who were working in classrooms. 101 This report set the stage for Tomorrow?s Schools (Holmes Group, 1990) which delineated six principles to be used in designing and building PDSs. Principle One. Teaching and learning for understanding. All the school's students participate seriously in the kind of learning that allows you to go on learning for a lifetime. This may well require a radical revision of the school's curriculum and instruction. Principle Two. Creating a learning community. The ambitious kind of teaching and learning we hope for will take place in a sustained way for large numbers of children only if classrooms and schools are thoughtfully organized as communities of learning. Principle Three. Teaching and learning for understanding for everybody's children. A major commitment of the Professional Development School will be overcoming the educational and social barriers raised by an unequal society. Principle Four. Continuing learning by teachers, teacher educators, and administrators. In the Professional Development School, adults are expected to go on learning, too. Principle Five. Thoughtful long-term-inquiry into teaching and learning. This is essential to the professional lives of teachers, administrators, and teacher educators. The Professional Development School faculty working as partners will promote reflection and research on practice as a central aspect of the school. Principle Six. Inventing a new institution. The foregoing principles call for such profound changes that the Professional Development School will need to devise for itself a different kind of organizational structure, supported over time by enduring alliances of all the institutions with a stake in better preparation for school faculty. (Holmes Group, 1990, p. 7) These principles continue to be used as PDSs begin the process of building and continuously remodeling their partnerships. The liaison is charged with making these principles a reality, taking a list and making it three-dimensional. What questions must be considered if this is to be the liaison?s experience? In what manner does a liaison approach the notion of lifelong learning? Are organizational skills important in developing a learning community? Do liaisons support issues of equity?for students and faculty? In what ways does a liaison provide opportunities for professional 102 growth?for all faculty, those in P-12 schools and those at the university? Is inquiry a way of bridging the gap between theory and practice in a PDS? What building process does a liaison use to develop a structure that has relationships at the foundation? These are only a few of the questions a liaison considers in building a PDS. Although these principles provide a basis for PDS development, the liaison builds upon the strengths of the P-12 schools and the university. Thus, every PDS is unique. Collins and Porras (1997) speak of the importance of maintaining a core ideology in order to sustain a successful company over the long term. Companies must have a purpose?a reason for their existence, besides profits?and ?A visionary company continually pursues but never fully achieves or completes its purpose?like chasing the earth?s horizon or pursuing a guiding star? (p. 77). PDSs and visionary companies have this in common?pursuing a guiding star that allows the individual PDS to develop along its own path. In describing leaders of visionary companies such as Hewlett Packard and Merck, the authors talked about these leaders as authentic individuals: They articulated what was inside them?what was in their gut, what was bone deep. It was as natural to them as breathing. It?s not what they believed as much as how deeply they believed it (and how consistently their organizations lived it). Again, the key word is authenticity. No artificial flavors. No added sweeteners. Just 100 percent genuine authenticity. (p. 76) For Heidegger, authenticity is related directly to being. In what way do the Holmes Group principles become embodied in the visionary Professional Development School? The word school has many definitions that can open up an understanding of a Professional Development School including, ?an institution for the instruction of children,? ?an institution for instruction in a skill or business,? ?a college or university,? 103 ?a place of instruction,? ?a class of people distinguished by a convention of manner, custom or opinion,? and ?the education provided by a set of circumstances or experiences? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 1162). A PDS is a place of instruction and also can be characterized by the customs, such as collaboration, that the participants share. The Indo-European root of school is segh meaning ?to hold? (p. 1538). The original word for school was formed from the Greek ?schole school, lecture, discussion, leisure; originally a holding back, a keeping clear, formed from schein to get (echein to have, hold) by the addition of ole? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 691). If the work of a liaison is to build capacity, what is the place of the school in that building process? In a PDS, preservice teacher education is provided through more extensive experiences in P-12 classrooms. Can the process be spread between the P-12 school and the university? In what way do PDS liaisons find ways to make learning more leisurely for students and teachers? Whenever I talk with liaisons, lack of time arises as a constant problem. Is it possible to be leisurely if there is no time allowed to do it? The adjective professional means, ?of, related to, engaged in, or suitable for a profession,? or ?having great skill or experience in a particular field or activity? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 1045). A profession is defined as ?an occupation or vocation requiring training in the liberal arts or the sciences and advanced study in a specialized field,? or ?the act or instance of professing; declaration; claim? (pp. 1044-45). The Indo-European root is bha, meaning, ?to speak? (p. 1507). The Latin root of professional is ?professionem, a public declaration, avowal; also avowed occupation, calling, from professus, past participle of 104 profiteri declare openly? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 604). Is a PDS a place for vocation, a calling? In a PDS, there is an emphasis on continued professional growth for preservice and inservice teachers. A PDS is designated as a special place for being and becoming a teacher. Those who do PDS work, such as the liaisons, declare their intention to work toward developing a learning community. Development is defined as ?the act of developing,? ?a developed state, condition or form,? ?something that has been developed, a product or result of developing,? or ?a group of dwellings built by the same contractor? (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1976, p. 361). Development comes from the verb develop meaning, ?to expand or realize the potentialities of; bring gradually to a fuller, greater, or better state, ?to bring into being; make active; generate,? or ?to make more available; put to use? (p. 360). In a PDS, potential is brought into being. The Indo-European root of both words is wei meaning, ?to turn, roll; with derivatives referring to curved, enclosing objects? (p. 1548). In what manner does the PDS liaison envelop the PDS partners who traditionally have been apart from one another? What ways of unfolding are part of the PDS liaison?s experience? In what way is the liaison?s experience one of public declaration as in teaching? In PDS, the liaison participates in building a culture devoted to the common understanding of professional and personal expansion, and expanding of horizons. Culture: Bridging Meaning through Action A cultural paradigm collects the scattered practices of a group, unifies them into coherent possibilities for actions, and holds them up to the people who can then act and relate to each other in terms of that exemplar?Charles Taylor makes the same point when he distinguishes shared meaning, which he calls intersubjective meanings, from common meaning ?whose being shared is a collective act.? 105 It is part of the meaning of a common aspiration, belief, celebration, etc. that it be not just shared but part of the common reference world. Or to put it another way, its being shared is a collective act? Common meanings are the basis of community. Inter-subjective meanings give a people a common language to talk about social reality and a common understanding of certain norms, but only with common meaning does this common reference world contain significant common actions, celebrations, and feelings. These are objects in the world that everybody shares. This is what makes community. (Guignon, 1993, p. 298) As I mentioned in Chapter One, my original interest in PDSs came as a result of seeing how the Maryland Writing Project (MWP) culture was similar to what I was reading about and seeing in action in PDSs. Judge says that, ?The professional development school is more than a new training site, more than teacher education?s cloudy version of the teaching hospital. It is also, and more significantly, a model of change for the public schools themselves and a profound mutation in their culture? (as cited in Lieberman, 1988, p. 226). Culture is another word that can be used as noun or verb. As a noun, culture has multiple meanings including, ?the totality of socially transmitted behavior patterns, arts, beliefs, institutions, and all other products of human work and thought,? ?development of the intellect through training or education,? ?special training and development,? ?the cultivation of soil; tillage,? or ?the culturing of microorganisms or other living matter? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 337). As a verb, culture means, ?to cultivate,? ?to grow (microorganisms, for example) in a culture medium? (p. 337). Culture derives from the ?Latin cultura, a tending, care, cultivation; from cult-, the past participle stem of cohere to till? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 178). In what way does this apply to the PDS culture? PDS practitioners cultivate the land of the student. They take what is there and work with it in order to help it grow and produce. They turn it again and 106 again. They cultivate the land of the teacher. They work toward increased professional development. They cultivate the land of the school. By continually working with teachers and students, they are able to make changes. They are able to experience growth. Warning: Bridge under Construction?Proceed at Your Own Risk!!! We explained the goals of reform, professional development, and inquiry as part of PDS work, but there were no warnings on the label. Caution: asking questions about one?s basic beliefs may disrupt the rest of your life. Warning: questions about teaching beliefs may also be connected to beliefs about life more generally; reflect on these questions at the risk of disrupting dearly held beliefs and lifestyles. (Johnston, 1997, p. 120) We propose?a bridge where sociality becomes the dominant practical purpose, a structure which allows for and suggests the unhurried appreciation of the complexities and views on both sides of the river and on the river itself. We recognize that there is a potential to become something other than who we are through the constructs we build, and that these constructs can make us experience spaces and places anew. (Statement of Design Intent, as cited in Dupre, 1997, p. 8) Doing PDS work is not for the timid, and it is not for those who do not want to change. As indicated in the statement of design intent for the Financial Times Millennium Competition in 1996, a bridge can be developed that encourages changes in the builder and those who cross the bridge. In what way does the construction of a drawbridge open up the lived experience of a PDS liaison? What happens when a new bridge does not function as planned? Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, is referred to as the Venice of America for its series of canals, with links to the land made by a series of five drawbridges. Life in the community is always affected by the working (or non-working) of the bridges. In recent years, a new drawbridge, which spans higher across the water, with wider lanes for easier automobile access, was in the process of being built. Work was 107 being done simultaneously on both sides of the bridge. However, just before the bridge was scheduled to open, the builders decided to lower the bridge span for the first time. In a PDS the building process sometimes can take place in this way, with P-12 faculty and higher education faculty working in isolation. Finally, both sides of the bridge would come together at last. The builders must have been excited and perhaps a bit nervous to see how their creation would function after three years of construction work. What happened, however, was not in their plans. When the drawbridge closed, it slammed shut, causing structural damage to the foundation and cement supports of the bridge. Repairs then needed to be made to the whole bridge, not just the metal span that was being tested. In order to repair the bridge, the construction workers had to recalculate the electronic components that govern the opening and closing of the bridge while they repaired the structural damage. In retrospect, they had to integrate the ways in which the bridge functioned as a whole, rather than as separate pieces. In what way did the bridge-builders lose sight of this original purpose?to create a bridge that would open and close, providing easy access for auto and boat traffic? In what way is this a particular kind of bridge, with its own special way of being? The mission of the bridge was to provide a means of getting back and forth, but also peripherally around the bridge, a gathering in. Building: Playing Against the Elements Heidegger?s analysis of Dasein is a continual attempt to show that we are creatures who build bridges because we can experience open expanses, distances, and above all, abysses-above ourselves, around ourselves, and within ourselves-and who therefore know that life means bridging abysses and keeping in transit. Thus Dasein is a Being that looks across to itself and sends itself across-from one end of the bridge to the other. And the point is that the bridge grows under our feet only as we step on it. (Safranski, 1998, p. 431) 108 Before PDS, school/university relationships were not built on trust, principles, or on mutual concerns. In fact, relationships were not built, they just existed. (Brosnan, as cited in Johnston, Brosnan, Cramer, & Dove, 2000, p. 272) In what way does a builder experience the process of building? A bridge builder, in the context of PDS, brings people together around a common creation, involving them in the creative process, encouraging and supporting others, as they become builders too. In order to open up a greater understanding of the building process, I have included here some reflections on building that were motivated by watching children build in the sand. Reflections: 2/19/2000 As I walk along this Florida beach, my attention is pulled toward a young boy about five years old who is being pulled away from the edge of the water by his father. There are telltale signs of building in progress?brightly colored plastic shovels and trowels, buckets, and a wide, but not too deep, hole in the wet sand, which the boy was patiently filling with buckets of water that disappeared into the sand almost immediately. Yet, it was obvious the boy did not want to abandon his creation. In what way was this play a process of building? In what way did the boy experience playing alone? The next day, I walk the beach again, and this time four boys, ranging in age from eight to twelve, caught my eye. They, too, were in the process of building? another shallow, yet slightly wider hole. I could tell from their actions and conversations they had a definite investment in this creation and were working together to keep it structurally sound. They began by piling up the sand to make a wall about four inches high around the perimeter of the hole. 109 Perilously close to the ever-encroaching waves, one of them became the wave watcher, looking back at the water and calling out wave conditions to the other builders, becoming the link between the boys and their building. The others kept on, furiously digging and piling as the waves lapped at the edge of the structure. Just then, a wave significantly larger than the previous ones seriously threatened the integrity of the structure by creating a hole in one side of the wall. What happened, then, took the boys by surprise?instead of destroying the structure, the hole created a drainage system that allowed the water to come into the interior of the structure without destroying it. Gleefully, one of the boys began in earnest to deepen and extend the crevice that had been created. They continued working furiously together, as each subsequent wave came closer to what they had built. All the while, the watcher was still watching while engaged in the process of building. At one point, the wave watcher shouted out, ?It?s a really big one!? and threw himself lengthwise in front of the sand structure, breaking the force of the ?really big one? in order to protect what he and his friends had just created. In what way does this protective stance reflect the way in which a PDS liaison is protective of the PDS? In what ways does the process of playful building sand structures on the beach provide insight into the building process? Did these four young boys determine what the structure would be?in form and purpose? What was their decision making process in determining what part each would each play in the building? Why did one of the boys decide to become the watcher?the one who assumed the role of protector? What aspects of play provided energy for them as they built in a treacherous location? What 110 sustained them in their building efforts when they could have given up after the first ?really big one?? To build lasting working relationships, it is essential to begin with people of like minds and common philosophies. The fundamental philosophies must be mutual enough so that even if we differ, we can respect each other?s work and have faith that our underlying principles will not be compromised. (Brosnan, as cited in Johnston, Brosnan, Cramer, & Dove, eds., 2000, p. 273) On the third day, I again ventured along the beach, this time walking crosswise along a portion of the sand more distant from the beach, rather than directly to the water?s edge. I came upon the remnants of a sand structure, built high upon the hill, away from the beach. The walls were still standing although the structure had been deserted. It had become a repository for things?an assortment of shells, a few stones, and small pieces of driftwood. The location was secure, far enough away from the water for it to be discounted as a threat. But had the builders considered other threats?the sand sifter that refines the beach at night, perhaps? Was location a thought for the builders of this sand structure? Did they want to build something that would not be knocked down by the physical forces of their surroundings? Building a PDS is certainly more complicated than building sand structures, but the basic building processes are the same. There is an attention to the environment, to the particular talents of the builders, to the duration of the structure?just to name a few of the common elements. But is building a PDS as enjoyable as building in the sand? What experiences of the building process do the liaisons find enjoyable? What experiences do they find frustrating? In Chapter Three, I examine hermeneutic phenomenological research as a methodology for uncovering the lived experience of the liaisons, concentrating on the 111 existential nature of those experiences. This provides another step in the building process of bridging the gap between what has been revealed about the liaisons this far, and what the liaisons in the study reveal in Chapter Four. 112 CHAPTER THREE: PHILOSOPHIC GROUNDING FOR METHODOLOGY AND PHENOMENOLOGICAL QUESTIONING Questions, Questions, Questions: Why Questions? ?an appropriate topic for phenomenological inquiry is determined by the questioning of the essential nature of a lived experience: a certain way of being in the world. (van Manen, 1990, p. 39) And so when we raise questions, gather data, describe a phenomenon, and construct textual interpretations, we do so as researchers who stand in the world in a pedagogic way?A research method is only a way of investigating certain kinds of questions. The questions themselves and the way one understands the questions are the important starting points, not the method as such. (van Manen, 1990, p. 1) I have chosen to open this chapter with a heading phrased as a question because, when I think of hermeneutic phenomenology, my mind immediately goes to the priority of the question. If someone asked me to do a word association for hermeneutic phenomenological research, I would have to say?the Question. What is a question? The word question used as a noun is defined as ?an expression of inquiry that invites or calls for a reply,? ?a subject or point open to controversy; an issue,? or ?a point or subject under discussion or consideration? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 1121). The word question also can be used as a verb to mean, ?to put a question to,? or ?to analyze; examine? (p. 1121). The word inquiry is a noun that means ?a question; a query? or ?a close examination of a matter in a search for information or truth? (p. 702). Both inquiry and question derive from the same root word, quarere, meaning to ask (Barnhart, 1995, pp. 390, 627). When we ask a question, it calls for an answer, but we can never be sure what the answer will be. Sometimes we ask questions because we want specific information. We also might have the intention of analyzing 113 the response. Is the answer truthful? Do we always want a truthful response? Many times we stop at that first seemingly correct answer or the answer we want to hear. We do not wish to probe any deeper than the surface. Polt (1999) surfaces the importance of the question in Heidegger?s philosophy when he remarks, ?For Heidegger, providing an answer to the question of Being is less important than awakening us to it, and using it to bring us face to face with the riddles of our own history? (p. 4). For Heidegger, it is important for beings to raise questions continuously about their own existence. These questions are often tough questions, ones we are unwilling to ask ourselves, but asking these questions is necessary for us to move beyond our current place in history. The questions that occur in phenomenological research are different from questions raised in quantitative research methodologies. Phenomenological questions are not static questions raised at the beginning of a research study, where the researcher identifies variables and posits a null hypothesis. Rather, in hermeneutic phenomenology, questions are about the nature of lived experience. Questions arise from the conversants involved in the research, from texts that offer insight into the phenomenon of interest, and from the researcher who is engaged in interaction with all of these elements, continuously writing and rewriting about them. The questions that arise from these interactions are focused on coming to an understanding of the essence of a particular lived experience, in this instance, the lived experience of Professional Development School liaisons. Questioning is the doing of phenomenological research. Questions are at the heart of phenomenology. In this chapter, I use questions that have guided my understanding of hermeneutic phenomenology as headings to illustrate 114 the importance of the question as I bring forward the lived experience of PDS liaisons. Rilke?s (1986) words illuminate the ways in which questions are important in themselves as a way to bring experience into consciousness: ?to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don?t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. (pp. 34- 35) Questions are essential to the process of human science research. Questions prompt conversation; questions arise from writing and rewriting; questions reflect my interaction with various texts as I attempt to uncover the essence of the lived experience of PDS liaisons. Questions evolve, extend, and change as a result of doing hermeneutic phenomenological research. Questions are life, and are about life. In What Way Does the Researcher Use the Question to Bring Forward the Lived Experience of a Phenomenon? The essence of the question is to open up possibilities and keep them open. (Gadamer, 1960/1997, p. 299) The art of questioning is the art of questioning even further?i.e., the art of thinking. (Gadamer, 1960/1997, p. 367) Gadamer views the importance of questions as a way of opening up possibilities instead of providing definitive answers. In hermeneutic phenomenology, questions are more conversational than analytical as they uncover lived experience in a way that is reflective of the reality and experience of living through the eyes and language of the conversant. Rather than asking the conversant to provide answers only to a series of 115 predetermined questions, the phenomenological researcher asks illuminating questions that arise from conversation and textual analysis. As van Manen (1990) says, ?the methodology of phenomenology is more a carefully cultivated thoughtfulness than a technique?Phenomenology has been called a method without techniques. The ?procedures? of this methodology have been recognized as a project of various kinds of questioning, oriented to allow a rigorous interrogation of the phenomenon as identified at first then cast in the reformulation of a question. The methodology of phenomenology requires a dialectical going back and forth among these various levels of questioning. (p. 131) In addition to ongoing conversations, the researcher engages in dialogic questioning with the text that is produced as a result of those conversations and reflection upon them. Do the words chosen by the researcher to illuminate the lived experience do just that? Are they mirrors or snapshots or reflections? In what way do the words magnify or minimize the experience? In what way do the words express the lived experience to resonate with those whose experience is to be understood more fully? In Chapter One, I developed my initial research question, ?What is the lived experience of university liaisons in Professional Development Schools?? as a result of my turning to those university liaisons as a phenomenon of interest. I questioned my experience of relationships with the liaisons and how my own experience as a bridge in other educational situations prompted my interest and concern for them. In Chapter Two, I questioned literature, art, and individual PDS liaisons to learn more about the phenomenon before I began my research. I read with a questioning mind the professional literature to learn more about the experience of PDS liaisons. I discovered there has been little research on PDS liaisons, particularly phenomenological studies, a discovery which immediately led me to question, ?Why not?? In Chapter Three, I use questions that have guided my work thus far to describe the process of doing 116 phenomenological research, to present elements of phenomenological philosophy that are of particular importance to this research, and to continue the illumination of the liaison?s experience through the process of doing hermeneutic phenomenological research. What is Hermeneutic Phenomenological Human Science Inquiry? Phenomenology asks for the very nature of a phenomenon, for that which makes a some-?thing? what it is?and without which it could not be what it is?phenomenology is the systematic attempt to uncover and describe the structures of lived experience. (van Manen, 1990, p. 10) The insight into the essence of a phenomenon involves a process of reflectively appropriating, of clarifying, and of making explicit the structure of meaning of the lived experience. (van Manen, 1990, p. 77) Hermeneutic phenomenology is a research methodology based on describing the lived experiences of a phenomenon (the phenomenological component) and the interpretation of text (the hermeneutic component). ?Hermeneutic phenomenology is a human science which studies persons? (van Manen, 1990, p. 6). Van Manen provides us with a starting point, the first step on the bridge, for opening up the essence of the phenomenon being considered in human science research as he states, ?phenomenology is the study of the lifeworld?the world as we immediately experience it pre-reflectively rather than as we conceptualize, categorize, or reflect on it?phenomenology does not offer us the possibility of effective theory with which we can now explain and/or control the world, but rather it offers us the possibility of plausible insights that bring us in more direct contact with the world. (p. 9) Phenomenology provides this direct contact with the world because it begins with what ?is.? Doing phenomenological research, however, is much more complicated than it might sound. One of the greatest challenges the researcher faces is having to uncover assumptions and preconceived notions about the phenomenon in order to come to a 117 greater understanding of the lived experience as it is experienced-- not how it ?should be??but how it ?is.? Throughout this study, I kept in mind that my assumptions are just those?assumptions. The challenge in doing human science research is often not that we know too little but that we know too much. As human beings, we often take what ?is? for granted. We do not look deeper than the surface, relying instead upon what we think we know. Hermeneutic phenomenology offers the researcher the opportunity to dig deeper in order to bring the phenomenon to light. As Heidegger (1953/1996) states, phenomenology serves ??to let that which shows itself be seen from itself, just as it shows itself from itself?Manifestly it is something that does not show itself initially and for the most part, something that is concealed, in contrast to what initially and for the most part does show itself? (pp. 30- 31). This statement from Heidegger points out two important considerations in phenomenology?that a phenomenon shows itself as it is and that what a phenomenon is does not always show itself at first glance. Heidegger?s notion of showing allows the phenomenon to bring itself forward as it ?is,? not how it should be or how anyone thinks it must be. Often we look only at the surface manifestation of a phenomenon. In the case of PDS liaisons, if I limited my understanding of them to what is included in a written job description, I would not have a realistic understanding of their experience. Even though I spend a significant amount of time with the liaisons in network activities, my understanding of their experiences is limited. The way in which I can come to know their experience more fully is by letting that experience show itself in what it really is, in their descriptions of the day-to-day experiences of living. It is Heidegger who calls us 118 to examine ?being? in light of the ways in which being is manifested in everyday life when he states, The manner of access and interpretation must instead be chosen in such a way that this being can show itself to itself on its own terms. And furthermore, this manner should show that being as it is initially and for the most part?in its average everydayness. Not arbitrary and accidental structures but essential ones are to be demonstrated in this everydayness, structures that remain determinative in every mode of being of factual Da-sein. By looking at the fundamental constitution of the everydayness of Da-sein we shall bring out in a preparatory way the being of this being. (p. 15) Examining being using a phenomenological stance is done without special interventions to determine cause and effect because the purpose of this close ?looking at? a phenomenon is to more fully understand the actual experiences of the phenomenon. In this way, phenomenology is descriptive and not analytical. Polt (1999) tells us, ?Heidegger proposes that we must turn to what is ?ontically closest? to us?everydayness. We must, so to speak, catch ourselves in the act of everyday existence?In everyday existence, we are not spectators, but engaged actors? (p. 45). Polt also says, ?Heidegger will be describing how Dasein and the world show themselves rather than proving they are this way or explaining why they are this way? (p. 39). A description of lived experience arises from the conversants in this research study as they describe what it is like to be a PDS liaison. Their experiences may, or may not, be reflective of current theory about the role that liaisons play in a PDS. Their experiences, however, are real and it is that reality that is uncovered through their descriptions. I use the existential structure described by van Manen (1990) ?? to weave one?s phenomenological description against the existential themes of temporality (lived 119 time), spatiality (lived space), corporeality (lived body), sociality (lived relationship to others)? (p. 172) to illuminate the experience of the liaisons. In practice, the liaison experiences life in a PDS through these existential components of time (increased amount of time spent in a P-12 school); place (the dual location of the PDS liaison); relation (more people and different people with whom to relate on a daily basis); and body (the way in which the body experiences the changes). I wonder if these existential dimensions ever are considered by liaisons as they do PDS work. The manner in which the liaison experiences these aspects of the PDS provides a deeper understanding of the way in which PDS theory is, or is not, reflective of practice. According to van Manen (1990), A distinguishing feature of a human science approach to pedagogy is how the notions of theory and research are to be related to the practice of living. In contrast to the more positivistic and behavioral empirical sciences, human science does not see theory as something that stands before practice in order to ?inform? it. Rather theory enlightens practice. Practice (or life) always comes first and theory comes later as a result of reflections. (p. 15) In a PDS, practitioners hope that theory and practice are conjoined. Human science research, with its emphasis on real life experience, is compatible with the focus in PDSs on providing a real life experience for preservice teachers. For example, the value of an extended internship for preservice teachers is integral to the PDS concept, and many preservice teachers have indicated that an extended internship provides a richer and deeper learning experience for them. This single facet of PDS implementation extends itself to other PDS participants, not just the preservice teacher. In reality, the liaison spends more time at the school site and becomes more enmeshed in the life of the school as the bridge is built and supported. Examining the theory behind extended internships in light of the practice of more time in schools provides an 120 opportunity to discover the ways in which aspects of the PDS are experienced by the liaison. These types of understandings can enable administrators to implement policy in a humane way. An essential part of human science inquiry is interpretation. According to Heidegger (1953/1996), ?the methodological meaning of phenomenological description is interpretation. The logos of the phenomenology of Da-sein has the character of hermeneuein, through which the proper meaning of being and the basic structures of the very being of Da-sein are made known to the understanding of being that belongs to Da-sein itself. (p. 33) Interpretation of lived experience is guided by a focus on being and the way that being is manifested in real life experiences. Polt (1999) credits Heidegger with changing the way in which interpretation is viewed in philosophy by saying, ?Many thinkers now view knowledge not as a static set of correct propositions, but as a continuing search for better interpretations? (p. 41). There is nothing static about being. This process of continuous interpretation might sound like a vicious cycle for the researcher. For Heidegger (1953/1996), however, ?The circle of understanding is not a circle in which any random kind of knowledge operates, but it is rather the expression of the existential fore-structure of Da-sein itself?The ?circle? in understanding belongs to the structure of meaning, and this phenomenon is rooted in the existential constitution of Da-sein, in interpretive understanding? (pp. 143-144). For Heidegger, interpretation is a natural process. As the interpretive process continues, the researcher engages in the challenging work of sifting and sorting, searching for the essence of a phenomenon. Van Manen (1990) cautions, ?To do hermeneutic phenomenology is to attempt to accomplish the impossible: to construct a full interpretive description of some aspect 121 of the lifeworld, and yet to remain aware that lived life is always more complex than any explications of meaning can reveal? (p. 18). So, why try to do the ?impossible?? Through a deeper understanding of PDS liaisons, I seek to bring forward some ways in which I can be of help to them and enable them to find ways to be of help to one another. As I have engaged in the process of writing and rewriting, I have been more conscious of the liaisons, what they say and what they do, as we have been in situations together. This process of direct involvement with the research participants is consonant with human science research. Van Manen (1990) says ??the human science researcher tries to enter the lifeworld of the persons whose experiences are relevant study material for his or her research project? (p. 69). This aspect of human science research has been easy for me because I am involved continuously with the liaisons, which prompted my initial interest in them. At the same time, van Manen underscores the stance that a researcher takes when he says, ?Close observation involves an attitude of assuming a relation that is as close as possible while retaining a hermeneutic alertness to situations that allows us to constantly step back and reflect on the meaning of those situations? (p. 69). In What Way Will I Engage in Hermeneutic Phenomenological Research? From a phenomenological point of view, to do research is always to question the way we experience the world, to want to know the world in which we live as human beings. And since to know the world is profoundly to be in the world in a certain way, the act of researching?questioning?theorizing is the intentional act of attaching ourselves to the world, to become more fully part of it, or better, to become the world. (van Manen, 1990, p. 5) The term ?phenomenology? expresses a maxim that can be formulated: ?To the things themselves!? (Heidegger, 1953/1996, p. 24) 122 Van Manen and Heidegger speak of two important components of hermeneutic phenomenological research: the importance of the active involvement of the researcher and the focus on the lived experience of the phenomenon. Van Manen (1990) describes the process used in hermeneutic phenomenological research as the ??dynamic interplay?? of six research activities: (1) turning to a phenomenon which seriously interests us and commits us to the world; (2) investigating experience as we live it rather than as we conceptualize it; (3) reflecting on the essential themes which characterize the phenomenon; (4) describing the phenomenon through the art of writing and rewriting; (5) maintaining a strong and oriented pedagogical relation to the phenomenon; (6) balancing the research context by considering parts and whole. (pp. 30-31) The hermeneutic phenomenological process is not linear; rather, it is one in which the researcher creates an understanding of the phenomenon through a process of questioning and involvement that is individual to the researcher. I brought forward my interest in the liaisons and surfaced my pre-assumptions about them in Chapter One as I described my turning to the phenomenon of the liaisons. In Chapter Two, I opened up the phenomenon through the metaphors of the bridge and building. Chapter Three allows me the opportunity to provide an understanding of hermeneutic phenomenological inquiry, particularly the way it is appropriate to the phenomenon of the PDS liaison. I begin now to describe the way in which I conducted my study of the PDS liaisons by describing the participants, the conversational process, and the thematizing process. The participants. To uncover the lived experience of PDS liaisons, I engaged in a series of two individual conversations and one group conversation with five PDS liaisons who currently work as liaisons, and one liaison who left her position as liaison 123 to return to full time teaching and supervise interns. I had preliminary conversations, by telephone and in person, with these liaisons to ask if they would be willing to participate in this research study, and all agreed. I identified several criteria for choosing liaisons to be part of this study. I know all of these liaisons personally through their involvement in statewide PDS activities, including participation in three-day Leadership Academies and on conference committees. I chose liaisons who are, or have been, involved actively in aspects of PDS work with both preservice and inservice teachers. I often have called upon each of them to host site visits, do presentations on PDS implementation, or provide direct technical assistance to beginning PDSs. I identified liaisons with whom I have established relationships because I anticipated that they would trust me and be open to sharing their experiences with me. The participant who was not working as a liaison is one of the pioneers in PDS implementation in the state and her descriptions, as one who has chosen not to continue as a liaison, provide a depth of experience because of her long history in PDS. I wanted the participants to reflect a variety of institutional and partnership school settings, as well as experience before becoming liaisons. I asked each of them to determine if they would like their real names used in this research study. Five of my six conversants agreed to have their names used, while the sixth participant chose to use a pseudonym. Frank is a former elementary school principal at a small independent liberal arts college, coordinating a secondary undergraduate PDS program working with two local school systems. Pamela is a former middle school teacher and department chair who moved from a shared school system/university position to an elementary undergraduate faculty position at a large public university working with a paired PDS site. Diane is a 124 long-time tenured faculty member at a mid-sized public university working with a secondary graduate program, who also has served as an interim department chair. Lenore is a former teacher and teacher center coordinator who coordinates an elementary graduate cohort at a private university. Sue is a former elementary teacher who has had experience in the central office of a local school system and is a PDS coordinator at a large public university for a multiple-site elementary PDS. Devon (pseudonym), who is no longer serving as a liaison, is a former P-12 teacher who developed the first multiple-site PDS at a small liberal arts college. Five of the liaisons are women and one is a man. I chose these participants because all of them have expressed a dedication to PDS work despite many challenges they have faced in their implementation efforts. The conversational process. Conversation is a process of coming to an understanding. Thus it belongs to every true conversation that each person opens himself to the other, truly accepts his point of view as valid and transposes himself into the other to such an extent that he understands not the particular individual but what he says. What is to be grasped is the substantive rightness of his opinion, so that we can be at one with each other on the subject. (Gadamer, 1960/1997, p. 385) The conversation has a hermeneutic thrust: it is oriented to sense-making and interpreting of the notion that drives or stimulates the conversation. (van Manen, 1990, p. 98) In phenomenology, a phenomenon is brought to the fore for both the researcher and those whose lived experience is being examined through conversation. Van Manen (1990) tells us that the purpose of the conversational sessions is for ?gathering narrative material for greater understanding? and ?to develop a conversational relation? (p. 66). Because the research is conducted through conversation, there is a dynamic nature to the discovering and uncovering, a naturalness that does not lead the conversants to 125 wonder if they could write beyond the lines on a written survey, or perhaps wonder why certain questions were not asked. Hermeneutic phenomenology allows the conversant to take the lead in uncovering personal experience; the conversant as well as the researcher is an active participant in the process. Van Manen views conversation as a triad involving the two speakers and the phenomenon as the topic of interest. Because a PDS is a learning community, conversation is important. Liaisons are accustomed to engaging in conversations with a variety of stakeholders in the PDS community. But do liaisons ever take the time to talk about themselves and their experiences? Or are they too busy being liaisons? I contacted each of my conversants prior to my proposal meeting to ask if they were interested in being part of this study. At the initial conversation with each of them, they signed participant consent forms (see Appendix B) indicating a possible pseudonym for identification in this study. I traveled to the university or the conversants? homes to conduct and audio tape the conversations. I wanted the participants to feel comfortable in the surroundings and I did not want them to have to travel to meet with me. I planned each conversational session for two hours, asking them to describe their experience of being liaisons. I asked them to describe their roles in their institutions and to reflect on their relationships with all of the PDS participants, both at the school and university levels. I encouraged them to speak about the way in which they experienced issues of time and space. I also asked them to talk about their bodily experience of doing this work. I had the tapes of the first session transcribed and reviewed prior to the next session, which gave me the opportunity to develop elucidating questions and to begin the process of identifying possible themes. At the 126 beginning of the second conversation, I shared possible themes that had surfaced in the initial conversations for their reflection. I also brought all of the conversants together for a final group session. Five of the six conversants were able to attend. The sixth conversant was not able to attend due to a family emergency, so I later went to her home to speak with her about her metaphor. This group session provided an opportunity for the liaisons to be with others, and their conversation led to a text that was fruitful for uncovering the essence of their experience. The session began with each liaison sharing one or more metaphors for their experience, while the others extended the notions that were brought forth in a dynamic conversation. I began the first session by sharing with each my interest in their experiences as well as how I came to be in my role doing statewide PDS work. I explained to them that as we engaged in conversation, I wanted them to bring forward descriptions of their experiences?what did they do??what feelings did they have, both emotional and physical? Van Manen (1990) refers to these descriptions of lived experience as anecdotes, common elements in phenomenological research. He describes the anecdote as ?a methodological device in human science to make comprehensible some notion that easily eludes us? (p. 116). Van Manen goes on to say that an anecdote ?makes it possible to involve us pre-reflectively in the lived quality of a concrete experience while paradoxically inviting us into a reflective stance vis-?-vis the meanings embedded in the experiences? (p. 121). In hermeneutic phenomenology, the conversants are able to present their experiences, rather than respond to images that I have created, and for which I am seeking validation. The conversations in which we 127 engaged came from them and reflect their experiences. According to Gadamer (1960/1997), We say that we ?conduct? a conversation, but the more genuine a conversation is, the less its conduct lies within the will of either partner. Thus a genuine conversation is never the one that we wanted to conduct. Rather, it is generally more correct to say that we fall into conversation, or even that we become involved in it. The way one word follows another, with the conversation taking its own twists and reaching its own conclusion, may well be conducted in some way, but the partners conversing are far less the leaders of it than the led. No one knows in advance what will ?come out? of a conversation or that it was ill fated. All this shows that a conversation has a spirit of its own, and that the language in which it is conducted bears its own truth within it?i.e., that it allows something to ?emerge? which henceforth exists. (p. 383) In the course of the conversations, the questions that evolve are part of the opening up process. Before I began to question the liaisons? experiences, I wanted to determine what terms are used to describe them in their partnerships and asked them to reflect on this naming. Are they coordinators, facilitators, or liaisons?or perhaps referred to by more than one term? I also asked them to describe the way in which they became PDS liaisons. Did they make the decision to become a liaison, or did it become their responsibility without having pursued it? Because conversations have their own ?spirit,? I anticipated that questions might not be addressed in the same order for each conversant, depending upon the way the conversation naturally flowed. And, of course, there were additional questions that occurred naturally within the conversation. In hermeneutic phenomenology, questioning continues throughout the writing and re-writing process. There is a playful dialectic between question and answer that reflects the process of illumination and makes it possible for the reader to have a connection with the text. Although the researcher is looking for text to be shared through the conversational questioning process, additional 128 questions arise as the researcher writes through the process. These questions lead to other questions and other descriptions of the lived experience from the conversant. Thematizing. In determining the universal or essential quality of a theme our concern is to discover aspects of qualities that make a phenomenon what it is and without which the phenomenon could not be what it is. (van Manen, 1990, p. 107, author?s italics) For van Manen (1990), themes are ?the structures of experience? (p. 79). From my conversations with the liaisons, I extracted themes that arose and I present those themes as the text of Chapter Four. I used the existential structures described by van Manen to bring forward the phenomenon through an examination of temporality, spatiality, corporeality, and relationality (p. 101). As I worked through theme identification, I continued the conversational process by asking them to respond to what I had written. I sent the final draft of Chapter Four to each liaison for response, by email or by phone. In these conversations they provided additional clarification of what I had come to understand of their lived experiences. Van Manen describes the way in which the researcher and the conversant continue to research together: Once transcript themes have been identified by the researcher then these themes may become objects of reflection in follow-up hermeneutic conversations in which both the researcher and the interviewee collaborate. In other words, both the interviewer and the interviewee attempt to interpret the significance of the preliminary themes in light of the original phenomenological question. Both the researcher and the interviewee weigh the appropriateness of each theme by asking ?Is this what the experience is really like?? (p. 99) It is important to me that the liaisons were part of the process, so that what I wrote is reflective of their experiences. Extending the conversation through the thematizing and writing of this research study provided opportunities for me, as a researcher, to examine my interpretations from their perspective as those who were 129 involved in this research study with me. I particularly looked forward to this collaborative part of the process because I wanted them to have the opportunity to determine if what I have written is reflective of their experience and to add additional insights. I was not disappointed. In What Way is Writing a Tool for Uncovering Lived Experience? The thrill of writing or of a good conversation is that it leads me to discover what I believe through the process of articulating my thoughts in a way that makes them presentable to others. In some inchoate way, perhaps, those beliefs and ideas were ?in? me, so that when I articulate them now, I can acknowledge them as ?mine?; but, in another way, what I write or say under the pressure of others as the audience for those words surprises me as much as it does them. (McGowan, 1998, p. 64) Phenomenology appeals to our immediate common experience in order to conduct a structural analysis of what is most common, most familiar, most self- evident to us. The aim is to construct an animating, evocative description (text) of human actions, behaviors, intentions, and experiences as we meet them in the lifeworld. (van Manen, 1990, p. 19) For me, the writing aspect of the research process offers the most joy and the most challenge. The actions of writing, rewriting, and engaging in conversations are the basis of my identity as a researcher who does hermeneutic phenomenological research. The writing and re-writing process, coupled with the conversation, is a back and forth, dialogic, continual process of coming to greater understanding by a concentrated focus on the phenomenon. McGowan (1998) uses the examples of writing and conversation to illustrate Arendt?s (1958/1998) philosophy concerning the relation between action and identity, where making public one?s thoughts makes self-understanding possible. Palmer (2000) encourages the writer to engage in the action of continuously examining the words that already have been written when he says, ?If I cling to the words I have written as if they were the last of their kind, the pool of new possibilities 130 will surely go dry? (p. 107 ). In phenomenological writing, the writer, through the process of writing and re-writing, comes to a fuller understanding of the phenomenon. Someone once said that writing is frozen thought; yet, as I write, my mind tracks back onto what I have written almost immediately, already revising in form and substance. What I write might seem frozen, but it can be thawed, reshaped, and re-formed to reflect the environment, just as the essential molecules of ice remain the same as water even though its crystalline structure takes a different shape. Phenomenological writing is an artful rendering of lived experience. Van Manen (1984) speaks of the essence of an artistic text when he says, ?An artistic text differs from the text of everyday talking and acting in that it is always arrived at in a reflective mood. In other words, the artist recreates experiences by transcending them? ( p. 62). For van Manen, ?There exists a hermeneutic dialectic between life and art: art interprets life and life interprets art? (p. 51). In hermeneutic phenomenology, the researcher brings forward the phenomenon through artistic text that is produced through a reflective process of writing and re-writing. Van Manen?s words have prompted me to think about the ways in which the artistic reflects the real. Visual artists create paintings that bring their subjects forward in such a way that they become real. On a visit to an art gallery, I was drawn to an oil painting of flamingoes, where the artist had bracketed out a portion of the painting, defined by three sides of a rectangle in the center of the canvas, in order to highlight a group of flamingoes. The flamingoes within that rectangular border were painted with great detail?and in vibrant hues of coral and pink, with lush greenery surrounding them. The background flamingoes were painted in paler hues?much less detail?with 131 muted scenery. This reminded me of phenomenological writing because phenomenology is the study of instances, very individual, just like the individual flamingoes in the forefront of the painting. However, by carefully examining the painting, I could determine a certain essence of what it is to ?be? a flamingo, shared by those flamingoes that were brought forward in the painting, as well as the shadowy flamingoes in the background. The artist was able to create a three-dimensional effect even though working on a two-dimensional surface. At a lecture by Frank McCourt, author of Angela?s Ashes, he states, ?Nothing is distinctive until you make it distinctive? (9/14/2000). McCourt then shares experiences he had with his high school students that enabled them, through conversation and writing, to see everyday incidents in their lives as distinctive moments. Rilke (1986) echoes the importance of the details of life when he says, In it there is nothing that does not seem to have been understood, held, lived, and known in memory?s wavering echo; no experience has been too unimportant, and the smallest event unfolds like a fate, and fate itself is like a wonderful, wide fabric in which every thread is guided by an infinitely tender hand and laid alongside another thread and is held and supported by a hundred others. (p. 20) Phenomenology allows for this making distinctive through an awareness of the way in which the details of a lived life, when woven together, produce an integrated whole. The details of the lived experience are at the core of what it means to ?be? a PDS liaison. However, the phenomenologist does not research or write simply to produce artistic text. For van Manen (1990), phenomenological research leads to a greater understanding of a phenomenon and a deeper awareness of life experiences. He states: 132 The end of phenomenological research for educators is a critical educational competence: knowing how to act tactfully in pedagogic situations on the basis of a careful edified thoughtfulness. To that end hermeneutic phenomenological research reintegrates part and whole, the contingent and the essential, value and desire. It encourages a certain attentive awareness to the details and seemingly trivial dimensions of our everyday educational lives. It makes us thoughtfully aware of the consequential in the inconsequential, the significant in the taken- for-granted. (p. 8) The purpose of phenomenological research is to affect pedagogy by coming to a greater awareness of it?the theory into practice, as it is lived by real people in real life situations. As a researcher engaged in conversing, listening, reading, and writing, I am not looking at what should be?I am looking at what is. The difference in phenomenological research as described by van Manen is that it should be grounded in a ?pedagogical? relation to the phenomenon rather than a purely ?philosophical? relation as described by the philosopher, Martin Heidegger. To ?Be? or ?Not to Be??Is That the Question? The meaning of [the] being of Da-sein is not something different from it, unattached and ?outside? of it, but is self-understanding Da-sein itself. (Heidegger, 1953/1996, p. 299) Da-sein always understands itself in terms of its possibility to be itself or not to be itself. (Heidegger, 1953/1996, p. 10) Da-sein does not sort of exist and then occasionally achieve a crossing over outside itself, but existence originally means to cross over. Da-sein is itself the passage across. (Heidegger, as cited in Polt, 1999, p. 42) Much of the practice of doing hermeneutic phenomenological research is embedded in the philosophy of ?being? of Martin Heidegger. Heidegger uses the term Da-sein, translated from ?das Seiende, more literally ?that which is?? ?Beings,? and its synonym ?entities,? [that] refer to anything at all that has existence of some sort? (Polt, 1999, p. 2) to describe being throughout his work. As a philosopher, Heidegger 133 contributed a great deal toward a radically different way of looking at the question of ?What is being?? Many of Heidegger?s constructs are illuminating in looking at the lived experience of PDS liaisons. I begin to bring forward some of these constructs in Chapter Three and continue to refer to them and to the work of other phenomenological philosophers in greater detail in relation to the liaisons? experiences in Chapter Four. For Heidegger (1953/1996), ?Being is always the being of a being? and he uses the term Da-sein to refer to this being (pp. 6-7). What identifies a being as a being is that it understands itself as a being. Gelven (1989) clarifies Heidegger?s approach to understanding the meaning of being when he says, ?We do not first ask what a man [sic] is and then wonder what it means; rather we ask what it means to be a man, and then can decide what a man is? (p. 10). This way of looking at being was a radical philosophical shift that established Heidegger as major 20 th century philosopher. Gelven sees Heidegger as ?one who bridges the gap between the ?pure philosopher? on the one hand, who disdains the common problems of existence, and the ?living person? on the other who disdains the ?navel contemplation? of the professional philosopher? (p. 18). Being-in-the-world. According to Heidegger (1953/1996), Da-sein does not exist in isolation; rather Da-sein?s way of existence is being-in-the-world. Heidegger examines what it means to ?be? in a very different way and he developed many hyphenated terms, such as being-in-the-world, to describe his philosophical constructs. Being-in-the-world means that Da-sein exists in a world of things and other beings. This existence takes place in the world and is made meaningful through connection. This concept of being-in-the-world underlies the manner in which one experiences the 134 world through the existential themes described by van Manen: temporality, spatiality, corporeality, and sociality. These existential themes arise from the way in which a being exists in connection to other beings and things that are in the world along with it. This sense of being-in-the-world is at the center of the liaison?s experience for that experience is made meaningful through connection. There is a change in the liaisons? experiences because they are called into relationships with more and different people. They experience space/place differently because they spend more time in schools and less time at the university. These changes in sociality and spatiality come to bear upon their corporeality. In what way do these changes in experience manifest themselves in a bodily way? Is there a difference in the way the liaisons experience time? These are issues that result from the fact that Da-sein does not exist in isolation. Care. Heidegger?s philosophy describes a being that understands itself as both separate from others, but in relationship with them in the world. He then describes the way in which a being manifests itself in the world in relationships with other people and things. The term he uses to describe this manifestation is care. For Heidegger (1953/1996), ?As a primordial structural totality, care lies ?before? every factical ?attitude? and ?position? of Da-sein, that is, it is always already in them as an existential a priori? (p. 180). This notion of care is not exactly what we might automatically think of as care. For Heidegger, care is one?s nature to be aware of itself in relation to things and other beings, ?as soon as Da-sein expressed anything about itself, it has already interpreted itself as care? (p. 171). Care is part of the essential nature of Da-sein. Although care manifests itself in relationship to other people and things, its basis is in 135 self-understanding. Care is related to things in the sense of taking care of them. Care is manifested in relation to other beings as the possibility to care for or about them. For Heidegger (1953/1996), ?The totality of being of Da-sein as care means: ahead-of-itself-already-being-in (a world) as being-together-with (beings encountered within the world)? (p. 300). A being exists in the world, engaged in a constant process of choosing possibilities from among various opportunities. Care has the possibility of showing itself in the way in which one encourages the notion of care in others, enabling them to come to an understanding of the way in which they are in relation to other people and things. It is a heightened awareness, not a taking over. Heidegger says that care is evident in an attunement to the world of things and of other beings and describes ways in which care allows for growth when he states, ?there is the possibility of a concern which does not so much leap in for the other as leap ahead of him, not in order to take ?care? away from him, but to first give it back to him as such. This concern which essentially pertains to authentic care; that is, the existence of the other, and not to a what which it takes care of, helps the other to become transparent to himself in his care and free for it. Concern proves to be constitutive of the being of Da-sein which, in accordance with its different possibilities, is bound up with its being toward the world taken care of and also with its authentic being toward itself. Being-with-one-another is based initially and often exclusively on what is taken care of together. (p. 115) PDS liaisons often are engaged in taking care of others, sometimes as the designated caregiver. For Heidegger, when taking care of people, it is important not to do too much for them in order to allow them to become authentic individuals. This sense of care, in terms of both self-understanding and empowerment of others, is consonant with the theory and practice of a PDS. Heidegger (1953/1996) also says, ?The perfectio of human being?becoming what one can be in being free for one?s 136 ownmost possibilities (project)?is an ?accomplishment? of ?care?? (p. 199). This heightened attunement to life shows itself in possibility where one is always in a process of being and becoming. The notion of possibility permeates life in a PDS where the focus is on continuous professional growth for all stakeholders. Temporality. Self-understanding is another important construct in Heidegger?s work. Heidegger (1953/1996) sees ?understanding as self-projective being toward its ownmost potentiality-toward-being? (p. 179). Initially, Da-sein is what it is because it understands itself. This self-understanding enables one to have possibilities for action. Heidegger tells us that possibility is an option for a being because a being exists in a temporal way, but his view of temporality is different from our traditional concept of time. For Heidegger, traditional time exists only because of Da-sein?s temporal nature. What we think of as clock time exists as a construct because beings created it as a way to measure time. What is more important to Heidegger is that a being understands itself and lives life knowing that existence does have an end. This way of looking at temporality influences the way Heidegger addresses traditional notions of future, present and past. For Heidegger, the future is most important because, in order to live authentically, Da-sein must be in a continuous process of working toward its ownmost possibilities. Heidegger (1953/1996) explains his notion of future when he says, ??Future? does not mean a now that has not yet become ?actual? and that sometime will be for the first time, but the coming in which Da-sein comes toward itself in its ownmost potentiality-of-being? (p. 299). The focus is not on how time is measured but on the way in which one understands that one has possibilities for future actions and is not limited to the experiences of the past. For the 137 liaisons this provides opportunities for encouraging personal growth, their own and others. Life in a PDS is not static; it is constantly growing and changing. For liaisons who have come from traditional teacher preparation programs, this notion can be particularly significant. PDS implementation does not happen overnight. There is a developmental process that moves at a different rate and takes a different shape for each partnership. As liaisons begin PDS work, they are open to the possibilities that unfold as part of living in relationship in a PDS. Through their manifestation of care, they set in motion a way in which all PDS participants can develop their ?ownmost potentiality-for-being.? Although Heidegger?s focus is on moving forward toward potentiality, he does not discount the present and the past. Rather, Da-sein is situated in the world in a temporal way. The present exists because Da-sein is present in the world and able to reflect upon previous experiences. Heidegger (1953/1996) tells us that, ?Da-sein does not first fill up an objectively present path or stretch ?of life? through the phases of its momentary realities, but stretches itself along in such a way that its own being is constituted beforehand as this stretching along? (p. 343). There are not artificial separations in life, rather a continuous experience of being-in-the-world. The past, present, and future are interconnected. Because one exists in the world, opportunities are presented to Da-sein who then chooses a way of being, not only for the present but also for the future. Polt (1999) brings this notion forward when he says, ?A factical entity is faced everyday with the task of being what it has already been and choosing what it can be? (pp. 66-67). In what manner do liaisons determine their possibilities? 138 Are they looking toward the future, or content with the past? In what ways do they encourage a future of self-understanding and possibility? Da-sein exists in a temporal way because it is aware of its own finite existence. This awareness, however, generally is not in the forefront of conscious thought. Rather, beings for the most part live inauthentically, not acknowledging the finitude of life. An awareness of death as an end to existence can cause fear for Da-sein, but it can also be a catalyst to living a more authentic life. As one attempts to live authentically, the notions of care and temporality become very important. Care, as Da-sein?s awareness of itself, shows itself in the way a being relates to other beings as being-with. When beings exist inauthentically, they become bogged down in everydayness where they are content to live without deeply questioning existence. In what way is everydayness experienced in a PDS? What happens in a PDS to encourage reflection and self- understanding? Historicity. Da-sein?s place in the world is not without influence from the world. Heidegger deals with this issue in his notion of historicity. Heidegger (1953/1996) says, ?The analysis of the historicity of Da-sein attempted to show that this being is not ?temporal,? because it ?is in history,? but because, on the contrary, it exists and can exist historically only because it is temporal in the ground of its being? (p. 345). Beings exist in a temporal way; any given moment of existence is placed in time and history. Heidegger calls this aspect of existence ?thrownness? and he says, ??thrownness is the mode of being of a being which always is itself its possibilities in such a way that it understands itself in them and from them (projects itself upon them)? (p. 169). 139 A being has no control over the world or culture into which it is born. Although the culture into which one has been thrown is important, there are always possibilities that are open. In the case of the liaisons, they have existed in various educational cultures before their coming to PDS work. Some have a strong P-12 background; others have spent the majority of their careers in higher education. Their backgrounds, though, do not determine their futures. It does not mean that they have no choices. Rather, for Heidegger, possibilities are always open to beings. In PDSs, choices and possibilities abound. As we examine Heidegger?s emphasis on ?potentiality-for-being,? issues arise concerning Heidegger?s own political actions and the connection to his philosophy. How Do I Reconcile Heidegger?s Political Actions and His Philosophy? Some critics object that the notion of authenticity gives us no guidance at all?Heideggerian conscience speaks by remaining silent?and Heideggerian ethics, if there is such a thing, seems to give us no standards whatsoever. The tax lawyer who feels the pangs of conscience may resolutely decide to remain a tax lawyer, or resolutely decide to give all his money to the poor, or resolutely decide to embezzle a pile of money and fly off to the Bahamas. The paramount rule that Heidegger gives us is simply: Choose! (Polt, 1999, p. 91) ?woven into his own dream of a history of Being and his movements on the political stage are those of a philosophical dreamer. (Safranski, 1998, p. 234) Many philosophers have used Heidegger?s philosophy of being as a basis for their work. And, increasingly, Heideggerian scholars have attempted to provide an understanding of the relationship between Heidegger?s philosophy and his membership in the National Socialist Party. In what way does my reaction to him as a person who was involved in a political movement that was so objectionable influence my understanding of and reaction to his philosophy? When I began reading Heidegger, I did not know about his political actions and I was disturbed when I learned of his involvement with the National Socialist Party. In order to come to a greater 140 understanding of him, I have read some works of Heideggerian scholars who hold a variety of views about why Heidegger behaved the way he did. In addition to wondering about Heidegger as a person, my discomfort with his political actions also has caused me to think about the way I interpret text. Did I begin to interpret his text differently based on what I learned about him? I have realized that when I think about Heidegger, I do think of his actions in connection with his philosophy because I do know about his personal life. Perhaps the controversy surrounding Heidegger has made me read the text more closely. I do not have this same type of personal information about other philosophers, so my perception of their writing is not colored by that knowledge. I examine what they say without an extra lens. In reference to Heidegger?s writing, Polt (1999) says, ?In a sense, it is a blessing that Heidegger?s life makes it impossible for us to be completely comfortable with his writing?He never wanted his thought to be a comfortable party line; he wanted it to be thought-provoking and highly questionable? (p. 164). Certainly, reading Heidegger?s work has been thought-provoking and has, for me, influenced the way in which I attempt to live my life in a positive manner. Heidegger?s notion of authenticity, for example, serves to remind me to remain true to my convictions, despite what might be viewed by others as not correct. It also has made me more sensitive to what might be viewed as inauthentic behavior by others. For example, I have been told that in the 1960s a Catholic archbishop would not allow African American seminarians in his archdiocese, choosing instead to send them to one of the southern states. This highly regarded archbishop certainly was doing what I think is a racist action that now colors my impression of him as a person. In what 141 ways might it also color my views of his writings and homilies? Is what he said or wrote any less valuable or inspiring to me, or do I accept that he was not perfect? Heidegger?s notion of authenticity does not suppose good or bad behavior. What it does suppose is a conscious, reflective choice. Did Heidegger know what he was doing when he joined the National Socialist party? Were there elements of his philosophy that led him in that direction? What part did his personality play in his decision? Safranski?s (1998) in-depth examination of Heidegger?s life provides us with a way to look at connections between Heidegger?s philosophy and his association with the National Socialist Party. At first glance, it was difficult for me to understand how Heidegger, with his emphasis on the importance of the being of beings, could become involved in a political movement that would lead to the destruction of so many people. Safranski argues that if we trace the evolution of Heidegger?s philosophy along with his personal traits and the world in which he found himself, it becomes less difficult to understand. Safranski tells us that Heidegger was ?bewitched? by Hitler and fully believed that Hitler?s politics would be good for Germany. Heidegger was looking forward to a new rule in Germany, leading away from the German Republic. According to Safranski, ?It was far more than politics; it was a new act of the history of Being, the beginning of a new epoch. Hitler, to him, meant a new era? (p. 228). Heidegger saw the enthusiasm and intensity that Hitler generated and he also believed Hitler would save Germany from the evils of communism and technology. Dreyfuss (as cited in Guignon, 1993) supports this when he says, ?Heidegger holds that only some shared meaningful concerns that grip us can give our culture a focus and enable us to resist acquiescing to a state that has no higher goal than to provide material 142 welfare for all. This conviction underlies his dangerous claim that only a god?a charismatic figure, or some culturally renewing event?can save us from nihilism?Heidegger?s personal mistake comes from having thought that Hitler or National Socialism was such a god? (pp. 312-313). Because of his association with the National Socialist Party, many questions have been raised about Heidegger?s anti-Semitism. Safranski (1998) tells us that there are no anti-Semitic statements in either Heidegger?s writings or lectures. However, according to Polt (1999), Heidegger was a ?cultural? rather than a racial anti-Semite (pp. 156-157). Gelven (1989) says that when Heidegger assumed the rectorship at Freiburg University, he sent mixed messages concerning his views about the Jews?he was secretly helpful to some of his Jewish friends while alienating others, but he never spoke out publicly in support of his Jewish colleagues, even when he learned of the seriousness and extent of Hitler?s actions. Safranski (1998) points out ?Nor?did the (soon to be revealed) brutality of Nazi anti-Semitism deter him from the movement. He did not support its actions, but he accepted them? (p. 256). What did his silence say about his ability to listen and to hear what was happening in the world around him? Was he so caught up in the intensity of believing that his philosophy would guide the German Volk to a new and better way of life that he could ignore what was happening? Or was he so afraid for himself that he lost his voice? Heidegger did remove himself eventually from active involvement in the National Socialist Party. Safranski (1998) recounts an incident where Heidegger, who was under surveillance at the time, critiqued biologism and racism in a lecture about Neitzsche. Safranski sees this as an act of ?personal courage,? although he comments 143 that Heidegger?s students were surprised that he continued to use the Hitler salute (p. 323). He still was caught in the conflict between thought and action. There are many views about when, and if, Heidegger ever denounced his membership in the National Socialist Party. He did undergo hearings conducted by the denazification committee which concluded, ?He (Heidegger) believed that Hitler would grow beyond the party and its doctrine, and that the movement could spiritually be guided onto other tracks so that everything would come together on the basis of a renewal and concentration for a Western responsibility? (Safranski, 1998, p. 232). Polt (1999) speaks about some recently published documents written by Heidegger in which he admits that he wrongly supported the National Socialist Party, but then begins a stream of excuses for this support (p. 157). As he reflects on Heidegger?s involvement, Polt (1999) says, ?One must reflect deeply on our Being in order to decide how human thought relates to human life, whether there are absolute moral or political guidelines, and to what degree we are responsible for our choices? (p. 164). In his early works, such as Being and Time, Heidegger describes ?being? as a construct. He was not trying to condone or promote or guard against any particular type of behavior?just to describe what ?is? and to advance the notion that being authentic was the way in which Da-sein should be-in-the- world. Gelven (1989) says, ?Heidegger?s analysis of Being begins with the argument that Being matters, and it does so by analyzing the meaning of Being rather than the knowability of Being or the advantage of moral conduct? (Gelven, 1989, p. 12). For Heidegger, it is the intensity of the experience that is the barometer, not the morality, nor the ethics. 144 Was Heidegger taking responsibility for his authentic choices as he continued to provide excuses for his actions? Safranski (1998) concludes that, ?Over the months of his political engagement, Heidegger has to make the painful discovery that he cannot bring the two worlds?the one he lives in and the one he is thinking in?together in the way he had hoped? (p. 278). His way of looking at being was revolutionary in philosophy. Even his former friend and colleague, Karl Jaspers, who was Jewish, was to say positively of him, ?Can one as an impure soul?can one see greatest purity in insincerity?The strange thing is that he knows about something that hardly anyone notices today, and that his surmise is so impressive? (Safranski, 1998, p. 374). In his careful examination of the life, philosophy, and writings of Heidegger, Safranski notes, ?Heidegger was not one of the ?self-tormentors? either. Instead he saw himself as the ?wise man from the mountain? who in broad perspectives and panoramas described the mischief of the modern age, in which the crimes of National Socialism were included but not especially highlighted? (p. 355). There are no easy answers when it comes to examining the philosophy of Martin Heidegger in relation to his personal actions. Of all that I have read about this subject, Sheehan (as cited in Guignon, 1993) best sums up my way of dealing with this difficult subject when he says, The point is not to condemn a man for his past but to learn something about oneself in the present, not to dismiss Heidegger?s philosophical work out of hand but likewise not to join the Perpetual Adoration Societies that currently thrive among the Heideggerian faithful in Europe and America. The task, for those who care to take something from Heidegger, is to learn how to read him critically, both his life and his works, not to swallow his philosophy whole but to sift it for what is still of value and what is not. (p. 92) 145 This statement is made meaningful for me because of the ways in which philosophers, such as Arendt, Casey, and Levin have used his philosophical notions as a basis for extending our understanding of what it means to be human. Personally, I cannot condone Heidegger?s actions, but examining his philosophy in light of those actions has shown me how difficult it is to aim toward the ?ownmost-potentiality-for-being? of which Heidegger speaks. In the Christian tradition, there is always room for forgiveness and for change?no matter how great the sin. I begin to present some notions from philosophers who were able to sift through Heidegger?s philosophy and use it as a basis for their work. Building on Being: Is Authenticity Possible in Community? For in every action what is primarily intended by the doer, whether he acts from natural necessity or out of free will, is the disclosure of his own image. Hence it comes about that it desires its own being, and since in action the being of the doer is somehow intensified, delight necessarily follows?Thus, nothing acts unless [by acting] it makes patent its latent self. (Dante, as cited in Arendt, 1958/1998, p. 175) This revelatory quality of speech and action come to the fore where people are with others and neither for nor against them?that is, in sheer human togetherness. Although nobody knows whom he reveals when he discloses himself in deed or word, he must be willing to risk the disclosure. (Arendt, 1958/1998, p. 180) Action?always establishes relationships and therefore has an inherent tendency to force open all limitations and cut across all boundaries. (Arendt, 1958/1998, p. 190) Heidegger opened up a new way of looking at ?being? that is evident in the work of other philosophers, such as his former student, Hannah Arendt. Arendt?s concept of action illuminates the community nature of being in a PDS. According to Arendt (1958/1998), ?To act is, in its most general sense, ?to take an initiative, to begin (as the Greek word archein, ?to begin,? ?to lead,? and eventually ?to rule,? indicates), to 146 set something into motion (which is the original meaning of the Latin agere)? (p. 177). Arendt goes on to say, ?In acting and speaking, men show who they are, reveal actively their unique personal identities and thus make their appearance in the human world? (p. 179). Liaisons often are called upon to begin new PDSs, and liaisons always are called upon to keep things in motion. They use their initiative to bring people together in the PDS community. For Arendt (1958/1998), there are two levels at which action and speech are revealed. In a primary manner, speaking and acting manifest themselves in the specifics of what is spoken and acted upon between people. There is another level, however, and that is the process used in speaking and acting. She refers to this intangible process as establishing a ?web? of relationships. This web of human relationships exists in all human affairs; when people act or speak they are doing so in reference to a pre-existing web (pp. 183-184). What does this mean for the liaisons who begin to inhabit a culture that is different from their own? In what way do they create relationships and shape the structure of the web? For Arendt, ?Action?is never possible in isolation; to be isolated is to be deprived of the capacity to act?action and speech are surrounded by and in constant contact with the web of the acts and works of other men [sic]? (p. 188). In a PDS, each individual is encouraged to work toward authentic involvement within the community. In what way does authenticity manifest itself in the PDS community? What happens when the liaison encounters conflicts between authentic individual needs and the needs of the PDS community? Arendt places the focus on the ways in which individuals participate in the life of the community. As the individual acts in the community, ?Every reaction becomes a chain reaction?every process is the 147 cause of new processes?action and reaction among men never moves in a closed circle and can never be reliably confined to two partners? (p. 190). One way of bringing people together is to consider their interests. Arendt (1958/1998) says, ?interests constitute?something which inter-est, which lies between people and therefore relate and bind them together. Most action and speech is concerned with this in-between, which varies with each group of people, so that most words and deeds are about some worldly objective reality in addition to being a disclosure of the acting and speaking agent. (p. 182) What are these interests for a liaison? In what ways does a liaison use common interests to build a PDS? What does a liaison do if there are different, and sometimes competing, interests for different stakeholder groups? Safranski (1998) speaks of the way in which life in community magnifies the experiences of the individuals who are part of the community. In discussing Arendt?s view of the ?world,? he says, ?The world opens among people; it should not, therefore, be understood as the sum total of all things, men, and events, but as the place where men encounter each other and things may appear to them, and where, ultimately, they produce something that is more than the sum of the activities of the individual? (p. 381). As I have visited PDSs and talked with those who dwell there, I am struck by the forcefulness of this statement for I have seen the ways in which this is manifested. Since a PDS is a P-16 learning community, the building and dwelling processes become more intricate as the community expands. In a PDS, liaisons extend themselves not only to dwell in community with their university colleagues or with the P-12 participants, but also to bring these two preexisting communities into community with one another. 148 Arendt (1958/1998) also is concerned with where action and speech take place and she says, ??without a space of appearance and without trusting in action and speech as a mode of being together, neither the reality of one?s self, of one?s own identity, not the reality of the surrounding world can be established beyond doubt? (p. 208). Space is important as the means by which people can engage in action and speech with one another. However, a place is created by the actions and speech of those who inhabit it. Action and speech are bodily functions that become the focus of Maurice Merleau-Ponty and David Levin, who explore the ways in which the body experiences existence. What is the Bodily Experience of Being a Liaison? Our own body is in the world as the heart is in the organism; it keeps the visible spectacle constantly alive, it breathes life into it and sustains it inwardly, and with it forms a system. (Merleau-Ponty, 1962/1995, p. 203) Embodiment is not a curse, not an affliction, but the only opportunity we shall be given to learn the poetry of mortal dwelling. (Levin, 1985, p. 68) The human being exists as a spanning, hearing, and holding open of a realm of perception that is responsive to the presence of whatever phenomena reveal themselves to it. (Boss, as cited in Levin, 1985, p. 135) When we think about educational research, we often ignore the way in which being an educator is experienced through the body. Yet, this existential dimension is important for our consideration of the essence of the experience of a PDS liaison. Merleau-Ponty views the body as an integral part of the world, unable to be separated from it. In what manner is this manifested in the bridging experiences of the liaison? Just as the body would cease to meaningfully exist without the heart so, too, the world would cease to meaningfully exist without the bodies that inhabit it. Levin (1985) reminds us, ?Our first understanding of Being, the primordial understanding we already 149 enjoy as a child, is given to us and belongs to us by way of our embodiment? (p. 8). Without the body, we would not have experiences. We would not have Being. Why, though, is it important to consider the body when looking at the lived experience of a liaison? Merleau-Ponty (1962/1995) says, ?Whether a system of motor or perceptual powers, our body is not an object for an ?I think?, it is a grouping of lived through meanings which moves toward its equilibrium? (p. 153). Levin (1985) says ?Finding our centeredness in that true center of meaning around which our life can pivot in a relaxed, well-balanced way is crucial not only for our health; it is crucial for our emotional well being, and therefore also for our steadiness of principle as moral agents? (p. 271). The body, then, is not separate from thought. Just as the heart cannot be separated from the organism, the mind cannot be separated from the body. Thought and body are conjoined. They way my body feels can influence my thoughts, and my thoughts can influence the way my body feels. Liaisons often are working longer hours, in more places, and with more people. At times there is a sense of overload?for the body and the mind. What do liaisons do when their minds or bodies are on overload? Where do they find the center? Levin (1985), who acknowledges Merleau-Ponty as providing the basis for his work, continues to support the connection between thought and the body when he says, ?We must take our thinking ?down? into the body. We must learn to think through the body. We must learn to think with the body. Thinking is not a question of [bracketing] the body (Husserl?s epoche), but a question of integrating awareness living well focused ?in the body?? (p. 61). Both Merleau-Ponty and Levin make a strong case for acknowledging the importance of the body in examining 150 questions of existence. Is there ever a consideration of the mind/body connection for the liaisons? According to Merleau-Ponty (1962/1995), ?we shall need to reawaken our experience of the world as it appears to us in so far as we are in the world through our body, and in so far as we perceive the world with our body. But by this remaking contact with the body and with the world, we shall also rediscover ourself, since, perceiving as we do with our body, the body is a natural self and, as it were, the subject of perception. (p. 206) Because there is this close connection between mind and body, the body is our way of perceiving the world?through sight, sound, and touch. It is our way of understanding ourselves as well as other people and things. In what way do liaisons perceive their experiences?in the ways they feel, and in the ways they think in relation to those feelings? The body is also the way in which we perceive ourselves. What experiences do the liaisons have that encourage this self-perception? Jung (as cited in Levin, 1985), also speaks of this mind/body connection when he says that we must ?reconcile ourselves to the mysterious truth that the spirit is the life of the body seen from within, and the body the outward manifestation of the life of the spirit?the two being really one? (p. 58). What is the experience of spirit for the liaison? In what ways does the liaison encourage self-perception in others? Merleau-Ponty (1962/1995) also addresses the way in which the body exists in time and space. He advises against thinking of the body as being in space and in time. Rather, he says, Insofar as I have a body through which I act in the world, space and time are not, for me, a collection of adjacent points nor are they a limitless number of relations synthesized by my consciousness, and into which it draws my body. I am not in space and time, nor do I conceive space and time; I belong to them, my body combines with them and includes them. (p. 140) 151 For Merleau-Ponty, space and time are not separate from the body but exist in relation to the body. The body inhabits them (p. 139). This notion of inhabitation is extended through another phenomenological philosopher, Edward Casey, who continues the building process as he examines the importance of place as an existential component of lived experience. Building and Dwelling: What is Their Place in a PDS? ?place serves as the condition of all existing things. This means that, far from being merely locatory or situational, place belongs to the very concept of existence. To be is to be bounded by place, limited by it. (Casey, 1993, p. 15) Implacement is an ongoing cultural process with an experimental edge. It accelerates whatever ingredients it borrows from the natural world, whether these ingredients are bodies or landscapes or ordinary ?things.? Such acculturation is itself a social, even a communal act. For the most part, we get into places together. We partake of places in common?and reshape them in common. The culture that characterizes and shapes a given place is a shared culture, not merely superimposed upon that place but part of its very facticity. (Casey, 1993, p. 31) I began Chapter One with Heidegger?s (1971) notion of the connection between building and dwelling as he said, ?For building is not merely a means and a way toward dwelling?to build is in itself already to dwell? (p. 146). Casey has extended Heidegger?s philosophy of building and dwelling and its situatedness in a given place. In a PDS, place is very important because a PDS locates much of the professional growth for P-16 faculty and students at the physical location of the P-12 school. The liaisons and the interns spend more time in the school building in hopes that the interns will begin to consider the P-12 school as their home. However, the liaison also has another home, back at the university. What happens when a liaison must move back and forth between two homes? In what ways are building and dwelling experienced through this movement? 152 According to Casey (1993), there are two elements that are essential for ?full- fledged dwelling places? First, such places must be constructed so as to allow for repeated return?Second, a dwelling place must possess a certain felt familiarity, which normally arises from reoccupation itself? (pp. 115-116). Thus, dwelling does not mean never leaving; rather it is the returning process, back to the familiar, that strengthens the experience of dwelling. A place becomes a dwelling place because, ?The body has everything to do with the transformation of a mere site into a dwelling place. Indeed, bodies build places? (p. 116). A liaison is in the process of building and dwelling in two distinct physical locations. Is it possible for a liaison to feel familiar and comfortable in both places? As I described my experience of being a university supervisor in Chapter One, I spoke about the way I did not feel at home in any of the schools. Because I was constantly moving from place to place, I was not building relationships with the school. My primary relationship was with my student teacher and I was doing no more than visiting her. Casey (1993) describes this type of dwelling by saying, When we are moving among places in an exploratory manner, we are acutely aware of not having a place to be; however efficient and successful our voyaging may be and however many places we discover, we remain essentially homeless. For we are then between shores and between destinations, somewhere else than home, not ?settled in.? If we can be said to dwell en route, this is dwelling-as-wandering. (p. 121) If I were dwelling anywhere when I was supervising student teachers, I would have to say it was probably in my car, not in any of the schools. Casey (1993) contrasts this type of dwelling with what he refers to as, ??the settled state of dwelling-as-residing, i.e., being somewhere in particular?we are already situated with regard to prominent or subtle landmarks, and our bodies are attuned to the dimensions and parameters of the 153 particular place. The primary issue now becomes a matter of inhabitation, for we are not merely at our destination but fully in it? (p. 121). This dwelling-as-residing is more descriptive of a liaison?s experience, where the feeling of being at home allows the liaison to inhabit the dwelling place, rather than just to visit it. Casey tells us that, ?The more I am attuned with a building, the more it becomes a place I ?live? in, a lived place. From being just one built place among others, it becomes a place for dwelling? dwelling in the sense of residing? (p. 130). Does the liaison feel this way about both the P-12 school and the university? For Casey (1993), the body is the ultimate bridge, an entity that is fluid rather than static. He states that, ?If the lived body is (in Bergson?s phrase) a ?place of passage,? then it is itself a creature of the between. As such, the body mediates between my awareness of a place and that place itself, moving me between one place and another and taking me into the intimate interstices of any given place? (p. 128). The familiarity with the dwelling place, in this case the PDS, takes place through passages away from and returning to the PDS, crossing the bridge. Even when not physically present in the PDS, the liaison is aware of it, carrying it along. As Casey says, ?For dwelling-as-residing is not necessarily sedentary; not the literal absence of motion but finding a comparatively stable place in the world is what matters in such dwelling? (p. 133). In what ways does a liaison create a stable place in a PDS? For Casey (1993), there are two primary modes of dwelling that he terms, ?hestial? and ?hermetic? (p. 133). Which of these terms might describe the experience of a liaison? Each term refers to a god or goddess in Greek mythology. Casey tells us that, ?Hestia was the Greek goddess of the hearth, at the center of the home and family 154 life?Any built place that aims at encouraging hestial dwelling will therefore tend to be at once centered and self-enclosed. The implicit directionality will be from the center toward the periphery and will thus obey the architectural council to extend the inner order outward? (p. 133). Contrasted with Hestia is Hermes, the messenger god. According to Casey (1993), ?If the hestial mainly gathers in (and only lets out by escape or indirection), the hermetic moves out resolutely. The hermetic represents the far-out view, a view from a moving position, in which the slow motions of the caretaker/homemaker give way to the impatient rapidity of the thief, the trespasser, and the traveler? (pp. 137-138). What do these descriptions mean for the life of a liaison? Does a liaison need to choose between a hestial or hermetic manner of dwelling? Or, are there ways in which the hermetic and the hestial come together to create the bridge that links P-12 schools and universities? Casey believes that these seemingly distinct modes of dwelling can come together as each ?calls for and complements the other? (p. 140). For example, ?Hermes not only superintends dwelling-as-wandering but contributes to dwelling-as- residing by returning travelers safely to their hestial origins?under the benevolent and mutual protection of Hermes and Hestia, the two basic modes of dwelling act to enhance each other?s presence? (p. 143). This coming together, perhaps, is one of the most challenging aspects of being a liaison. Casey tells us, ?The Greeks considered Hestia and Hermes to be partners in a number of respects. Both deities symbolized beginnings. Each facilitated the making of connections? (p. 142). 155 A PDS is a new beginning, a new way of being for liaisons. A liaison embodies both a hestial and hermetic manner of dwelling. Although liaisons have a home in the school, they also are traveling back and forth between the school and the university. Those liaisons who are working with paired or multiple site PDSs are establishing homes in many places. Do liaisons realize this before they take on the responsibilities of being liaisons? Are they aware that they will be responsible for maintaining more than one home-like environment? In what way do they create a safe and comfortable space for interns and preservice teachers? In what ways does their manner of dwelling show itself as they build capacity in PDSs? Casey (1993) describes capacity building as ?cultivational in character, for it seeks not to exploit materials but to care for them. In building-as-cultivating, the builder respects the already present properties of that from which building begins? (p.173). As liaisons build a PDS partnership, they take into account the preexisting life and culture in both the P-12 school and the university. Liaisons attempt to build a new collaborative culture using the base of the two preexisting, and quite different, cultures. Casey refers to the root of cultivation as, ?the Latin verb colere, one of whose basic meanings is to care for? (p. 173). The notion of care echoes Heidegger?s philosophy as Casey states that, ?We get back into place?dwelling place?by the cultivation of built places. Such cultivation localizes caring. What is for Heidegger a global feature of existent human being?namely ?care? (Sorge) is here given a local habitation and not just a name? (p. 175). Once again, the importance of self-understanding in relation to other things and beings in the world is brought forward. Is the PDS a place for cultivation? In what ways does the liaison experience the cultivation process? 156 For Casey, just being in a place is not enough. To dwell in a place truly requires continuous care for it. Casey expresses this when he says, ?To dwell is to exercise patience-of-place; it requires willingness to cultivate, often seemingly endlessly, the inhabitational possibilities of a particular residence. Such willingness shows that we care about how we live in that residence and that we care about it as a place for living well, not merely as a ?machine for living? (p. 174). In what ways does the liaison cultivate the lives of those in the P-12 school? What does being in ?place? mean for the experience? Phenomenological Researchers: Being or Called to Be? Hermeneutic phenomenological research is a search for the fullness of living. (van Manen, 1990, p. 12) ?phenomenologists?know the importance of having had real life experiences, of being experienced, of standing in the middle of life, of having a sense of practical wisdom that comes from working and living with those (children, youths, or adults) in whose lives they have pedagogical interest. All understanding is ultimately self-understanding?(van Manen, 1984, p. 51) The power of phenomenology lies not only in the way in which it uncovers the essence of a phenomenon, but also in the ways in which the process of doing phenomenological research is experienced by the researcher. To do phenomenological research, the researcher must approach life in a phenomenological manner, with an attention to the importance of lived experience, what it means to ?be? instead of to ?know about.? The philosophy undergirding phenomenology leads to a greater understanding of the phenomenon while allowing the researcher to come to a greater personal understanding in relation to the phenomenon being described. As I conducted this human science research study, I paid close attention to the way in which I am ?being? in relation to those PDS liaisons whose experience I wanted 157 to illuminate and share with others. I needed to be conscious of the ?being? of those with whom I engaged in conversation, and the ways in which they exist in a relationship that allows them to become more aware of their own experiences. I endeavored to build a relationship of trust between my conversants and myself. Why am I using hermeneutic phenomenology to come to a fuller and deeper understanding of the lived experience of university liaisons in Professional Development Schools? I have learned that, for me, understanding does not come from an analysis of numbers, but from personal interaction. I am committed to the belief that real change will be possible only if we understand the ways in which change is manifested in the real life of schools and for those who dwell in them. Having all preservice teachers participate in an extended internship in a PDS is an integral component of Maryland?s Redesign of Teacher Education (Maryland Higher Education Commission, 1995). Providing professional development opportunities for P-16 teachers is crucial to the PDS concept as well. The PDS offers great benefits and challenges to all who are involved. In order to implement this policy well, however, we need a deeper understanding of what the experience ?is? for those who are the primary implementers. It is only through this understanding that we can develop support for them as they are called to support others. Phenomenological inquiry seems a natural way to conduct such research. Just as Parker Palmer (2000) says of his outlook on life and his strengths, I, too, am ??less gifted at tracking a tight chain of logic, than at leaping from one metaphor to the next? (p. 27). When I first heard about phenomenological research, I felt at home with it. I was called to it as a way of learning more about a group of people who have become 158 very important to me because it enables me to see them as people rather than merely as research subjects. I recognize the individuality of each of the PDS liaisons and the uniqueness of each of their partnerships. Yet I know there are certain lived experiences they have in common. Phenomenology allows me to thematize the essences of those experiences without blurring the uniqueness of each individual. Their stories as individuals lead to a deeper and richer picture of their story in community. In what manner will hermeneutic phenomenology illuminate the lived experience of PDS liaisons in a way that is not accomplished through other research methodologies? Why is it important to me that this lived experience is presented? When I examined the research that has been conducted on PDSs, I discovered that the liaisons are primarily the ones doing the research. Yet, their focus is most often on the effect of the PDS on interns and inservice teachers. That type of research is part of their charge as PDS liaisons?to provide a research base that will validate what they are doing. They present this research to others in order to ensure the sustainability of their PDSs. They are researching in order to justify their own existence. From those PDS liaisons with whom I have spoken, I learned that they do not see themselves as having time to do research about themselves. And, those who are calling them to the PDS liaison experience perhaps do not want to uncover some of the more challenging aspects of a PDS liaison?s life. As I mentioned in Chapter One, I have watched some very effective PDS liaisons leave their positions. Might they have stayed if support mechanisms were in place to help them? Did anyone ever ask them about their experiences? Questions: Yours, Mine or Theirs? There are two ways to know the river (and the ?river? is anything, everything). One way to know the river is to stand upon the bank and measure and analyze it. 159 The river is so many feet wide, so many feet deep, so many miles long. There are so many gallons of water per minute passing any given point. We could dip into the river with test tubes and analyze the constituents of the water. We could measure the temperature of the water. We could identify and label the creatures that live in the water. In this way, we could come to ?know? the river?punch the data into our computers, carry a printout in our briefcases, become ?experts.? But this would be only one way of knowing the river, and a narrow and illusory way at that. The great danger is that we might come to believe that the river we knew in the boxes of our minds was the real river, that we would separate ourselves from the real river, that we would have no dynamic relationship with the river. Then the river would be dead for us, and we would be dead in relation to it. We would be incapable of seeing the real river or living the river. We would be lost and bored behind our hard eyes and our experts? minds? To know the river by entering it is different from standing on the bank and analyzing it. To know the river in this way is to step down off the bank, to enter the river, to feel its water upon our naked skin, to join the river, to become one with it. (Nelson, 1994, pp. 32-33) I am using hermeneutic phenomenological inquiry because standing on the side of the bank of the river does not let me experience and understand the river fully. I was particularly drawn to Nelson?s words because, when I think of bridges, I most often think of them as spanning a body of water. Being in a PDS is all about being in the river. The liaisons do not stand on the riverbanks. Rather, they are at the center, in the deepest part, where they are surrounded by water. There is a sense of unity and connection with the river. Is there also a sense of being in over their heads? Van Manen (1990) explains the ways in which human science research is different from the quantitative sciences where ?precision and exactness are usually seen to be indications of refinement of measurement and perfection of research design? (p. 17). Human science research aims for ?interpretive descriptions that exact fullness and completeness of detail, and that explore to a degree of perfection the fundamental nature of the notion being addressed in the text? (p. 17). For human science research, ?A strong and rigorous 160 human science text distinguishes itself by its courage and resolve to stand up for the uniqueness and significance of the notion to which it has dedicated itself? (p. 18). Just as the river can be measured and analyzed, quantitative questions often are asked of the PDS liaisons and those who support PDS policies. These are questions concerning the success of PDSs. In what manner do those who seek to determine success frame questions to determine success? Might the discourse be changed to reflect a success that is not measured always in numbers? Questions from those in bureaucratic circles often look for success in numbers. Legislators want to know how many people will be impacted and how much it will cost. Financial impact statements never include narrative sections, ways to show how a way of being for preservice and inservice teachers is successful. Yet, when those same legislators visit PDSs or talk with PDS practitioners, they often report being struck by the enthusiasm of those who live and work in PDSs. They understand more fully the experience by talking with PDS practitioners and thus view the numbers they have seen in a financial impact statement in a different way. The numbers become more real because they reflect real people. One of my colleagues who does PDS policy work often comments that she wishes we could take all of the legislators to a PDS so they could experience being there. Statewide, there is an emphasis on doing impact research in PDSs in terms of student achievement as well as effects on preservice and inservice teachers. As valuable as this data is to the PDS effort, it will not lead us to an understanding of what the experience is for liaisons. It is that realization, I believe, that will help those of us in the policy arena to advocate for realistic and humane expectations for those who are called, willingly or unwillingly, to be PDS liaisons. Hermeneutic phenomenology is a research 161 methodology that brings forward the experience and makes it meaningful. The uncoverings of phenomenological research can help us to think about the humanity of the liaisons as they do their work. Is Listening the Other Side of Voice in Phenomenological Research? We sometimes begin an encounter absolutely certain of our knowledge and understanding, absolutely convinced that we have nothing to learn from the encounter itself?We can hear only what we want to hear, or what we already know and believe; we hear nothing different, nothing new. There are some things we can hear only with great difficulty, only with great pain. There are some things we need to hear, but probably never will. There are things we would like to hear, but we are also too afraid to listen. (Levin, 1989, p. 19) Listening to?is the existential being-open of Da-sein as being-with for the other. Hearing even constitutes the primary and authentic openness of Da-sein for its ownmost possibility of being, as in hearing the voice of the friend whom every Da-sein carries with it. Da-sein hears because it understands. (Heidegger, 1953/1996, p. 153) In what way does the researcher provide a place for voices to speak? In what way will I generate questions that are not leading toward what I want to hear? Heidegger (1953/1996) says, ?Discourse and hearing are grounded in understanding. Understanding comes neither from a lot of talking nor from busy listening around. Only he who already understands is able to listen? (p. 154). This presents a challenge for me, to really listen, to hear what the conversants have to say, and also to acknowledge what they have not said, though I might have wished them to. The word listen is a verb defined as, ?to make an effort to hear something? or ?to pay attention, heed? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 791). It derives from the ?Old High German luster to listen, hlosen, to listen, attend? and other roots that pertain to hearing (Barnhart, 1995, p. 437). The Indo-European root of listen is kleu, meaning to hear (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 1599). The word hear means ?to 162 perceive (sound) by the ear,? ?to learn by hearing; to be told by others,? ?to listen to attentively,? ?to listen to and consider favorably,? or ?to attend or participate in? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 626). The Indo-European root of hear is keu, meaning ?to perceive, see, hear? (p. 1599). Listening requires effort. Listening is an active process that suggests openness to the other. In phenomenology, listening is important because, as van Manen (1990) tells us, The phenomenological method consists of the ability, or rather the art of being sensitive?sensitive to the subtle undertones of language, to the way language speaks when it allows the things themselves to speak. This means that an authentic speaker must be a true listener, able to attune to the deep tonalities of language that normally fall out of our accustomed range of hearing, able to listen to the way the things of the world speak to us. (p. 111) In phenomenological research, the researcher must ?pay attention to? the conversant and allow the experience to speak for itself. A former colleague who is peripherally involved with PDS?his campus has PDSs but he is not directly involved in them?wanted to know if I was looking for the edited or unedited version of a PDS liaison?s life. Although I immediately answered ?unedited,? accompanied by a fervent explanation of why I think it is important for the future of PDS work to understand what it REALLY is like to be a PDS liaison, the response made me pause. Would I be able to engage the conversants in a trusting conversation through which we uncover together the unedited version? And, would my rendering of it give truth to the trust they place in me by sharing the unedited version with me? Through an experience of listening to the writings of a group of college students, I was able to come to a greater understanding of the process of bringing people into a trusting, listening relationship in order to encourage them to share their lived experience. Dr. Lynn Nelson, a National Writing Project Director in Arizona, has done 163 extensive work with Native American students at Arizona State University, through a program called Native Images. He encourages them to uncover their lived experiences through the process of journal writing. The process they use is a phenomenological one, involving writing and re-writing their experiences, eventually leading to public sharing of their experiences with others. The process leads to inner healing for the students; much of it is life changing, and the impact it has on others who listen to the reading can be quite powerful also. I was fortunate to be able to attend a reading by a young woman and three young men who were part of Native Images as they, through the media of poem and story, shared their experiences. The reading was held outdoors, against the backdrop of the Santa Catalina mountains. In what way did Nelson work with these students to help them unlock their own experiences in order to be able to share them with others? In what ways will I be able to engage the PDS liaisons in conversation to uncover that same depth of experience? Their initial sharing was not through conversation, but their artful rendering of that experience spoke to its essence and caused me to make connections to my own life experiences and to the way in which Nelson engages students in a sharing manner. By watching him engage these students in conversation following the reading, I sensed that the students trusted him and that he was careful of and concerned for them. I was so moved by the experience that I awoke in the middle of the night with the following poem written in my dreams, Plucked from night sky A poem Dreamed Rhyming, repeating, reflecting Native Images. 164 Creating Sacred and safe space Defined by open air Spirit wind ruffling through trees Decorated with spheres of orange and yellow Color of sun Light filtered, shaded, layered Mountain shadows Colors changing with shifting light Apache Woman Hands and heart intertwined through generations Thoughts, experiences and feelings unleashed Encased, embodied with dignity Sacred and safe in the spirit. Navajo Men Nation, earth, family, birthright Remembering, revealing, recreating Together, together Sacred and safe in the spirit. Experience?traumatic, mundane Nurtured through care Nourished through culture Healing?fresh wounds, scarred wounds Power within personal story Sacred and safe in the spirit. Envisioned, revisioned, visionary Transgressing, transpiring, transformed Reassembled, released, renewed Connection through disconnection Strength through intimacy and sensitivity Sacred and safe in the spirit. Reading, Writing, Listening, Speaking Connecting, Enculturing, Composing Native Images Sacred and safe in the spirit. (Madden, 4/30/99) The silence of the night provided me with the reflective time to bring these images together. Why was this experience so meaningful for me? What enabled the students to 165 feel safe enough to speak so honestly and forcefully? In what way does the PDS liaison experience listening, as one who listens, and as one who is listening? Having listened, is there time to reflect? What is the place of silence in hermeneutic phenomenological research? According to Heidegger (1953/1996) silence is essential to conversation and to understanding that comes from a conversational experience. Another essential possibility of discourse has the same existential foundation, keeping silent. In talking with one another the person who is silent can ?let something be understood,? that is, he can develop an understanding more authentically than the person who never runs out of words?Authentic silence is possible only in genuine discourse. In order to be silent, Da-sein must be in command of an authentic and rich disclosedness of self. Then reticence makes manifest and puts down ?idle talk.? As a mode of discourse, reticence articulates the intelligibility of Da-sein so primordially that it gives rise to a genuine potentiality for hearing and to a being-with-one-another that is transparent. (p. 154) Nelson (1994) echoes Heidegger?s notion of the importance of silence. I came upon the following quote from Nelson a little over a year after I heard his students read and was amazed at the way in which the elements of sacredness and silence were manifested in this piece of writing. These words serve as a guide as I bring forward the rainbow, the bridge of color and light, that is the experience of the PDS liaison. The culture I was born into?the dominant, left-brained technological culture? is too often a bulldozer. And when I am not careful (full of care), it makes of me a bulldozer without my even knowing. But when I am quiet and attentive, I see the colored rags flying everywhere, saying, ?This, too is sacred.? May our time here together be quiet and attentive; may it lead us toward seeing the sacred, toward hearing the silence, toward meeting the light which is coming over the hills. (Nelson, 1994, p. 7) 166 CHAPTER FOUR: BECOMING THE BRIDGE: BUILDING IDENTITY IN PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT SCHOOLS Pursuing our vision and putting ourselves upon the path of our vocation can help bring us into greater alignment with the soul?s powers. From this alignment will come a living, connective bridge between ourselves, our world, and the otherworld. (Matthews, 1999, p. 249) Building the Bridge: The Bridge Builders In Maryland, the Redesign of Teacher Education is the policy that guides the work of preservice and inservice teacher education in Professional Development Schools (PDS). To make the vision of the Redesign a reality, colleges and universities need bridge builders, the heart and soul connection between two worlds?the university and P-12 schools. These bridge builders are the liaisons, whose work is to build a new collaborative creation, a PDS, that brings together people from two different cultures. At the time of this study, PDSs were in early stages of development. Although PDSs now are an integral part of teacher preparation programs, the experience of being a PDS bridge builder continues to light the way for those in their partnerships. Using the vision of the Redesign as a guide, the liaisons put themselves on the path of building this bridge. Their vocation involves building relationships and an infrastructure to support those relationships. Through building, the liaisons create a professional identity that is reflective of who they are in the work they do. Building and maintaining a PDS requires an extraordinary commitment. In The Call to Teach (1995), Hansen suggests that there is a difference between a vocation and an occupation, saying, ?The sense of vocation finds its expression at the crossroads of public obligation and personal fulfillment. It takes shape through involvement in work 167 that has social meaning and value? (p. 3). A vocation requires a professional commitment, and that commitment leads to a sense of personal fulfillment. The liaisons manifest professional commitment in the ways in which they bring together two cultures in a PDS. When the bringing together is successful, the liaisons feel personally fulfilled. As the Coordinator of the Maryland Professional Development School Network, I have the opportunity to be with PDS liaisons across the state on a regular basis. I have visited their schools, attended coordinating council meetings and celebrations, and worked with them, their colleagues and other state education department representatives as we crafted the Maryland Professional Development School Standards and Developmental Guidelines (Maryland Partnership for Teaching and Learning K-16, 2003). They have opened the doors of their partnerships so I might see, first-hand, what their lifeworld is as they build bridges between their universities and P-12 schools. They have shared the good days and bad days, the highs and the lows, in order to reveal the complexity of who they are as they do this work. In doing this work, they find themselves. The six PDS liaisons with whom I engaged in conversations for this study were among the first in Maryland to create and build this new role in teacher preparation programs. The mission of the PDS liaison is to develop a P-16 learning community that brings together and provides support for those involved in preservice and inservice teacher education. Matthews (in the beginning quote) suggests that aligning vision with vocation enables those who are bridge builders to connect with others. In what manner is this experience of bridge building made manifest with the liaisons? 168 The liaisons build connections with and among people, linking them with all of the many stakeholders in the PDS. They are also teachers of preservice and/or inservice teachers. This dual responsibility for building a PDS learning community and teaching in it can create tensions for the liaisons. What takes priority?teaching or administration? Hansen (1995) says, ?In metaphorical terms, teaching is felt by a person with vocational dispositions as constituting more than carrying brick, mortar, and shovel. Rather, it implies being the architect of one?s classroom world? (p. 13). In creating curriculum for their PDSs, the liaisons are both architects and construction workers, linking the theory and practice of teacher preparation and professional development. Being in a PDS is a bringing together in curriculum creation. Through this study, the liaisons have opened up insights about the essence of their experiences. In this chapter I bring forward recursive themes that illuminate their experiences and examine the ways in which they were called to PDS work. This call has led them to a life of building relationships and building community, combining the roles of teacher and administrator. In doing this work, they have constructed a new professional identity for themselves and a model for those who have followed in their footsteps. Within their institutions their roles differ in some ways, but all of my conversants are or have been the primary persons at their institutions responsible for a single-site partnership, a multiple-site, or an institution-wide PDS network. As higher education institutions in the state move toward providing this experience for all teacher candidates, their roles as liaisons are subject to continual change, an element that is inherent in this work. Although details of their experiences may differ according to the 169 nature and size of their programs, there are similar elements of their lived experiences that illuminate what it is to be a PDS liaison. Because these six individuals were at the vanguard of change in teacher preparation programs, they did not have people at their institutions to guide them necessarily. There was no PDS liaison handbook for them to follow, although all did substantial reading about PDSs before they began their work. The liaisons were, indeed, creators of their own destinies. They took on a challenge, building a new creation and endeavoring to develop a role that would fit with their own interests and talents. The ways in which they approach being a liaison are reflective of who they are. Through the metaphors of ?bridge? and ?building,? I examine the construction of the professional identity each of them developed. Although each experience is unique, common themes of the lived experience of being a PDS liaison emerged through our conversations. As I searched through the transcripts of our conversations to identify themes, I used van Manen?s (1990) lifeworld themes, the ?existentials? of ?lived space (spatiality), lived body (corporeality), lived time (temporality), and lived human relation (relationality or communality)? (p. 101), as well as the writings of existential philosophers, to penetrate to the essence of their experience. These lifeworld themes are interwoven throughout the text of the chapter. Throughout my first three chapters, I have used the metaphor of bridge to bring forward aspects of the liaisons? experiences. When I identified the bridge as my metaphor for the liaisons, I saw them as the end product, the work of art, the structure they are in the process of building. Having engaged in conversations with them, I realize now that they have not yet become the bridges, but rather are engaged in the 170 process of doing the work of building bridges. As the liaisons engage in this process, they build relationships, both individually and in community, through a structure that enables them to create personal and professional identities as PDS liaisons. As the liaisons build bridges, they are becoming bridges. As I introduce each of them to you, I share some aspects of their work and their titles. Five of my conversants decided that they would like to have their own names used. In order to protect the privacy of others mentioned in the quotes, one asked that I use a pseudonym. During a final group conversation with the liaisons, I asked each of them to identify a metaphor that would help to open up their particular experience of being a liaison. In this introductory section, I share their metaphors, which are a naming of how they see themselves. Although their metaphors differ, the liaisons resonate with one another in their discussion, building and extending the notions that are brought forward. As they talk with one another, there is more than one phenomenological nod. Pamela: Instructional Facilitator for Professional Development Schools My relationship with Pamela pre-dates our experience with PDSs. We met when she was a department chair in a middle school and I worked at a university. I knew her to be a leader in her school, her school system, and professional associations. Using her soft voice, Pamela speaks loudly of her convictions. In any conversation or meeting, Pamela is regarded as a woman of wisdom. One of her PDS colleagues remarked recently that he enjoys coming to PDS Network meetings just to hear Pamela talk. I think of her often as the conscience of the PDS Network, gently reminding us of what it is that PDS should be about. 171 Originally, Pamela was hired to be a boundary spanner, funded jointly by a school system and a university. Her official title was Instructional Facilitator for Professional Development Schools, and her duties included teaching two courses at the university and assuming half-time PDS duties at the local school system. Being in this joint position meant that Pamela would belong to both worlds, not merely traveling back and forth between one and the other. Pamela answered to two masters, having to split her time and occupy office space in two separate places. To complicate the issue even further, the local school system was funding the equivalent of one full position so, within the school system, she shared the Instructional Facilitator position with another person who did the same type of work but in another school. Not only did Pamela need to negotiate responsibilities between the school system and the university, but also with another person within the school system itself. After two years, the other Instructional Facilitator left and no one was hired to replace her. Pamela?s experience changed dramatically as changes in leadership occurred within the local school system. While previously Pamela had been doing PDS related professional development, she was called upon increasingly to share her expertise across the school system. Eventually, the joint position was eliminated and now Pamela has become a full time faculty member at the university, working with a cohort of interns in a dual-site PDS. When asked what metaphor she would use to describe her experience, Pamela says that the experience of being a PDS liaison is like being a choral director, particularly in getting a chorus to work together as they are singing rounds. The choral director must be aware of the entire chorus, training members to keep on singing, while 172 focusing specifically on the part of the chorus that is just about to enter the mix. The choral director identifies solo parts for certain members, organizes for harmony and provides cues for involvement. The power of the music is enhanced as more and more voices join in. This requires planning, practicing, and timing. The choral director stands in front of the chorus with her back to the audience, soliciting involvement and not taking all of the credit for the music being performed. Pamela approaches her PDS in this way, organizing it to empower those who are part of it. Frank: Director of Professional Development Schools/Associate Professor in Education Frank is Mr. Relationship, a former principal, always trying to make connections. Frank became an administrator early in his career and was brought in often to create change in schools that were experiencing difficulty. His collaborative leadership style enabled him to turn schools around by guiding faculty and staff toward the steps they could take to make positive change. Now he uses those same skills to bring others into PDS work. Frank demonstrates integrity in his interactions with others and is willing to stand up for his beliefs. His talents make many options available to him, and he is unafraid to speak his mind. Frank has a combination of degrees covering early childhood, elementary and secondary education. His previous experiences in a school system enable him to understand the inner workings of a school, what and who are needed to make things work well. Frank readily admits that he is not a detail person. He consistently gives credit to the administrative, support, and teaching staffs at the schools where he was assigned. Frank realizes the importance of the personal touch in doing 173 PDS work. He has a sense of humor and adventure, and loves to play golf. He does not leave his PDS work, however, while on the golf course, as he extols the benefits of PDS to his golf partners, decision makers in his college and the local school system. At his institution, Frank is referred to as the Director of Professional Development Schools, which is a .5 FTE staff position, and as Associate Professor in Education, a .5 faculty position. Thus, Frank holds two separate and supposedly equal positions, one devoted to teaching and the other to directing the college?s PDS efforts. As a former principal, Frank is accustomed to leadership. While Pamela facilitated the PDSs in which she was specifically involved, Frank directs the college-wide network, making arrangements with schools, chairing the coordinating council, and placing interns. Although his teaching load at the time of our conversation was with graduate programs, not related to the work he does in the PDS, he initially taught an introductory course for undergraduate teacher candidates that included a field experience in a PDS. Frank describes his position as liaison using the metaphor of salmon swimming upstream to get to their spawning place. He brings forward the movement that is essential to the liaison experience saying: You know there is an objective out there. There is a glow. There is a determination. Many can start at the same time, but they?re swimming against the tide. They?re swimming upstream and it seems like everything at different points can be a struggle. Some people, some of the salmon, make it and some of them don?t make it. Some who started together make it at different times. I think of that not as taking steps backward, but in looking, taking things in steps, reflecting on where you are now and how you are going to get to the next level, wondering ?Will I make it to the spawning or not?? For Frank, the struggle involved in building a PDS is inevitable, but not impossible to handle. Connelly (1993) says, ?An Oriental notion exists that our struggle and our strength emerge from the same source, and that were we to follow either to the 174 ends of being we would find ourselves at home? (p. 46). Frank experiences the struggles inherent in the change that building something new requires. Rather than seeing the struggle as a barrier, he uses it to strengthen his position. Frank is at home in the PDS world, a home that van Manen (1990) sees as a place ?where we can be what we are? (p. 102). Frank?s work embodies who he is in what he does. Lenore: Professional Development School Coordinator I think of Lenore as the Dean of PDS because she has been involved in one of the long-standing PDSs from its inception. She has extensive and deep knowledge about this field and has been willing to share her expertise with her colleagues statewide. She has served on statewide committees and has opened her partnership on many occasions to local and national visitors. My first association with Lenore occurred when I was working at a university and doing an internship project concerning PDS mentor teachers. I remember the enthusiasm of those mentors when they spoke about their working relationship with Lenore. Lenore believes in engaging everyone in the shared action of the PDS, and they appreciate her confidence in them. If Lenore is unable to attend a meeting, she does not hesitate to send a mentor teacher in her place. Among my conversants, Lenore has seniority as a PDS Coordinator, working with her schools since their inception as PDSs. As a coordinator, Lenore works with a cohort of graduate level interns who are placed in a dual-site for a full-time experience across a full academic year. They are with her and she is with them all day, every day. She is responsible for supervising all of the interns as well as providing or arranging for professional development for the P-12 staff. 175 Lenore begins the description of her experience by comparing PDSs to a game of baseball. It looks very simplistic. You hit the ball, you run to first, you run to second, you get out, you get strikes, you get balls. But those people who know the game know there is so much happening on the field all of the time. When you?re up at bat, the catcher has to know who the batter is in order to signal to the pitcher what kind of pitch not to give as well as to give. I also see players able to play one position they play well and some that are utility positions that can play different areas. You also deal with rookies, people who are away from home for the first time, as well as people that have been in teaching for a long time. The interns and mentor teachers are at different ages and you have to know where to put the interns, where they are going to succeed. Lenore is sensitive to the individual needs of everyone in her PDS, from the rookies to the veterans. When asked where she sees herself in the game, Lenore goes on to say: I think sometimes I am a manager. I?m not exactly sure, because there are things that I do better than other positions that I play, but I wouldn?t say I have one. I?m not the coach, maybe sometimes first base coach, or third base coach. I think I was more of a manager at the beginning. Maybe I?m one of those player/managers. Lenore does not restrict herself to any one position in the game. She is willing to be flexible, to share responsibilities, and to take on new ones as needed in the PDS building process. Lenore brings forward the ways in which being a liaison requires being able to organize the movement of her PDS and to step in at a moment?s notice to take a position on the field. She has a strong intuitive sense and an ability to read the signals to determine what is working and what is not. Diane: Professional Development School Coordinator I heard about Diane before I met her; Diane was one of those people who could turn things around and make things happen in a large institution. From the early stages of PDS, Diane was respected highly statewide and was willing to work with the state, 176 volunteering her time on conference committees and accreditation teams, accepting leadership responsibilities when asked to do so. My first association with her was on a statewide conference committee. I noticed that she was task oriented and insightful. At that time, she was serving in an acting administrative role in her university and doing interim work with PDSs as well. Diane's university used the term Professional Development School Coordinator to describe her work. Like Frank, she does not supervise interns. In fact, her role is primarily an administrative one, although there is still a split in the responsibilities. She is a long-standing, respected member of the university community who knows the formal and informal structures for getting things done. Diane was unable to restrict herself to one metaphor to describe her experience. I share her initial metaphors brought forward, the octopus and the spider, and refer to her other metaphors throughout this chapter: The octopus?there is a center?connected to the center are arms reaching out for food and nourishment and information?coming back to the center. But many times you don?t feel like there?s really a whole connection and the only person that is really trying to connect is you. Those different arms are like faculty at your university, your administration, the school system, the teachers at the PDS, the administration at the PDS, MSDE, and grant people that you have to work with. So there are all of these different arms out there that somehow you are trying to understand. The spider? who tries to make a connecting network so different people know what other people are doing. You would hope that would work without you always having to be in the center. The spider to me was probably a more functional animal, but again sometimes you bring people into the web that may not truly want to be there and they feel like they are being eaten alive. Diane brings forward the importance of making connections, being at the center, referring to the spider which has the option of leaving the web as more functional than the octopus which must always remain at the center. The octopus is connected 177 physically to each entity, but never completely succeeds in having these separate entities in touch with one another without the movement of its appendages. The spider, on the other hand, creates a delicate yet strong web of interconnections that binds all together into a whole. If their web making is fruitful, spiders will build again, often in the same place. Once they have drawn you in, you are theirs to keep, food for their life?s continuation. Diane recognizes the delicate nature of making connections that are strong enough to stand on their own as the PDS grows. Sue: Professional Development School Coordinator/Lecturer I remember distinctly the first time I became aware of Sue. I attended a presentation at her university where she and others were describing the work they were doing. My initial reaction was that they were doing great work for a fledgling partnership, particularly in involving the school faculty in implementation. Sue appeared composed and sure of herself. Sue?s recollection of that meeting is different from mine. She says: I was more intimidated by the presentation when I met you for the first time with all the different people from campus, including the Dean. That was my first time in front of these people. It was one of my more nerve-wracking experiences because I had fifteen minutes and no one in there knew me. These were all very important people. I thought, ?What are you going to say to make it all sound like you?ve got a head on your shoulders?? I was surprised to hear that Sue felt intimidated at that meeting. She appeared to be someone who was quite sure of herself, yet she wanted to make a good impression. Sue is responsible for coordination of both efforts and people at multiple levels, including direct involvement with interns. Her multiple-site PDS was developed in collaboration with a team of full-time university faculty and has grown across time to include thirty teacher candidates. Although she does not supervise all of them directly, 178 she is responsible for providing or making arrangements for professional development in all of the schools. Sue used the metaphor of a caterpillar inching its way along to get out of a well to describe her experience: There is this caterpillar down in a well and it?s trying to crawl out. Every day it crawls up four centimeters and slides down two. Then it crawls up four and slides down two again. Every day it does that. When is it going to get to the top of the well? I know where I want to get to?it?s out of this well, but it does seem like it?s two steps forward and one step back. At this point, she made a shift in her description and extended the metaphor. I actually don?t think that I?m taking steps backwards? maybe it?s like the work you do to get somewhere and I know where my destination is. I?ve plotted out a way to get there, but along the way, I keep taking detours, so it?s taking me longer and I?m going a different route than I thought?but I?m still getting to where I want to go. It?s probably closer because it?s not going backwards. It?s just going this roundabout way that is often unexpected in order to keep moving forward. Sue?s responsibilities cause her to be in constant motion, combining administrative work with the direct supervision of interns and providing professional development for inservice teachers. There is a sense of frustration inherent in this metaphor. A caterpillar has the daily experience of moving forward, but moving backward as well. It is difficult to keep the momentum going. Sue demonstrates an attunement to her environment in her understanding that back and forth movement is part of her PDS experience. Her goal, however, is to get out of the well and eventually experience a transformation, ?an ongoing creation of our corporeal being? (Connelly, 1993, p. 55), into a butterfly. She does not indicate what form that transformation will take, whether it will be within the PDS or outside of it, but while she is there, she is transforming herself as she transforms her PDS. 179 Devon: Professional Development School Coordinator When I met Devon she was teaching courses for interns but not serving as a liaison. However, I knew she was involved in PDSs because I would see her at statewide education committee meetings. My first recollection of her was that she was professional and pleasant. I was new to work at the state and she would go out of her way to include me in conversation during meetings. Devon is the only one of my conversants who was not serving in a specific PDS role at the time of our conversations. I chose to include Devon in this study because her experiences of leaving her position as PDS Coordinator open up those aspects of the liaison experience. She was serving as a full-time faculty member when she was asked to assume the role of PDS coordinator. Since Devon was going into a pre-existing PDS, she inherited the infrastructure that was already in place. Like Sue, she coordinated a multiple site and was responsible for interns as well as PDS programs. Devon was one of the first liaisons to fully experience all of the challenges of doing PDS work. Devon is purposeful, reliable and career-minded. She pays keen attention to the college?s expectations for promotion and tenure, pursuing her own professional growth through scholarly writing and conference presentations. She sees herself first as a teacher, then as a coordinator. She understands that climbing the academic ladder at her college involves a combination of teaching, scholarship and service. Devon identifies with life on campus where she has served in positions outside the education department, including Associate Dean. She is sought out often as a committee chair because she establishes timelines and follows up to be sure work is accomplished. 180 Devon?s metaphor for being a PDS Coordinator, the hub of a wheel, is the only non-living metaphor. Perhaps it is because, for Devon, her role of being a liaison is finished and she can look back on it objectively, placing its discrete aspects on the spokes of the wheel. Yet, being in conversation with others who were engaged actively in PDS enabled her to make connections with the lived experience she had left behind. She builds on the metaphor of being at the center by comparing it to Diane?s octopus metaphor: The different parts of the octopus are the spokes of the wheel and the outer rim of the wheel is what makes the PDS. The tasks like coordinating, the chairing of the coordinating council, would be one of the spokes, and overseeing the interns, planning events, developing videos and newsletters. All of these would have their own spokes. When one of these is not so strong, it can?t support the wheel. Devon sees herself as having been responsible for keeping all of the spokes strong to keep the wheel, the PDS, running smoothly. This includes many of the activities of building and maintaining a PDS. If, indeed, Devon was the hub of the wheel, her priority interest in teaching was only one spoke in the wheel of strength, but one that would be essential to keep her moving forward. If she sees that spoke losing strength, it begins to affect all other aspects of her being in a PDS. She brings forward the strength that is essential to the coordinated movement she seeks. Metaphors of Movement Lakoff and Johnson (1980) tell us, ?The essence of metaphor is understanding and experiencing one kind of thing in terms of another? (p. 5). This statement is couched in the notion that, ?The various metaphorical structurings of a concept serve different purposes by highlighting different aspects of the concept?In general, complete consistency across metaphors is rare, coherence, on the other hand, is typical? 181 (p. 96). By sharing their metaphors, the liaisons provide us with a way to understand aspects of their experiences in the way they see them. Their metaphors also bring forward questions to be considered throughout this chapter. What coherence is found in the metaphors they share with one another? What elements of their experiences come forward as they engage in the process of uncovering meaning through metaphor? All of the metaphors brought forward by the liaisons have a common focus on movement. Each specific metaphor brings forward aspects of movement in which the liaisons are involved. O?Donohue (1997) illuminates the connection between movement and growth: Everything alive is in movement. This movement we call growth. The most exciting form of growth is not mere physical growth but the inner growth of one?s soul and life. It is here that the holy longing within one?s life is put into motion. The deepest wish of the heart is that this motion does not remain broken or jagged but develops sufficient fluency to become the rhythm of one?s life. (pp. 126-27) To understand the manner in which movement and growth are made manifest in the experience of the liaisons, it is helpful to examine the nuances in their meanings and origins. Move has many definitions, including ?to change in position from one point to another?progress in sequence?to follow a specified course? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 893). Movement is an ?act or an instance of moving; a change in place or position? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 893). Moving involves making progress in a coordinated manner. Progress is generally determined by movement forward. The Indo-European root of move and movement is meua meaning ?to push away? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 1605). What do the liaisons push away in order to move forward? Morris, Harrison, Byrd, and Robinson (2000) say, 182 ?Building a PDS partnership means defying tradition at the K-12 site and the university in hopes that you will improve teaching and learning at both sites? (p. 125). This sets up a stressful dynamic for the liaisons who are expending energy pushing away old traditions at the same time they are moving forward in growing their PDSs. Some traditions are not so easy to relinquish, particularly for those who began their careers in higher education. O?Donohue makes a strong connection between movement and growth. To grow is ?to increase in size by a natural process?to come into existence from a source? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 602). Growth is defined as ?development from a lower or simpler to a higher or more complex form? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 602). Growth, then, is a natural process of forward movement. Growing a PDS is quite complex, both in the structure and the number of people involved in the process. Morris, Nunnery, Taylor, Knight, and Brooks (2000) say, ?Each PDS assumes a life of its own, making a commitment to collaboration and becoming a structure within which change can occur. However, when changes in traditional roles and responsibilities are made, individuals and organizations often experience growing pains? (p. 98). The liaisons experience these growing pains both professionally and personally. They resonate with the stress of pushing away from a traditional teacher preparation model. Are they participating in an organic and natural building process? Perhaps the answer is found in the momentum with which they do their work. Momentum shares the same Indo-European root, meua, as movement, and is defined as ?a measure of the motion of a body equal to the product of its mass and velocity? 183 (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 879). Momentum comes from the Latin, momentum, meaning ?movement, moving power? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 485). Momentum for a liaison is determined by the mass, the body of the liaison, and the velocity, the speed at which the liaison moves through the building process. The liaisons move individually and encourage others to move collectively along with them. There are projects to plan, meetings to attend, and schools to be visited. Sometimes the liaisons take on tasks that are new to them, such as grant writing, to keep the momentum going when resources are scarce. They grow, too, in their ways of relating with the many stakeholders in the PDS process?their university colleagues, school and school system faculty and staff, and interns. These relationships provide the fuel for continual movement and growth. However, motion is not always as fluid as the ideal suggested by O?Donohue. There are issues to be dealt with along the way, and dealing with those issues takes time from an already full schedule. For example, when asked if she takes time for her own writing, Lenore says, ?I keep wanting to carve it [time] out, and I have. I mean I get a schedule and then other things happen. It?s not my things. It?s mostly what happens in schools.? For her, the flow is broken, with many interruptions to her well-laid plans. For Sue, the motion is continual, reflecting the non-stop nature of PDS work: It all has to be accomplished, and that?s where I probably will need to have some discussions with myself, about where you cut it off. I think that?s a really big issue with this whole PDS thing. It?s just, you can go in so many different directions, and you can just continue and continue and continue to put quality and quantity into what you do. The reality is you have to make some choices and figure out where to stop it, because the resources aren?t going to support you. If I had a secretary, if I had other staff with me, then I could say, ?Now you take this action research course, and you take this special education course, and you take care of the advisory board meeting minutes for me.? Then you could just keep going. 184 Sue realizes that there is more to do than she can reasonably accomplish by herself, but continues to expend her energy in a number of different directions. She longs for a staff to support her efforts. Frank agrees, saying, ?If I had a half-time person, how much we would get accomplished.? For Sue, it is not a matter of cutting back on doing, but figuring out how to keep moving ahead at the same pace. She is concerned with keeping up the momentum, rather than allowing a natural organic process to keep her PDS moving forward. This is a struggle for all of the liaisons who often are working without support of other university faculty. There is a fear that without a significant push forward, change will not occur. In speaking of her longing for fluid movement punctuated by rest, Dreamer (1999) says, ?I want to be willing and able to move only as fast as I am capable of moving while still remaining connected to the impulse to move from deep within, stopping when I have lost that slender thread of desire and having the courage and faith to wait, in stillness, until I find it again? (p. 22). This stillness is elusive for the liaisons who always are concentrating on moving on to the next step. Moving in the ?right? direction. There are many directions in which Sue can move her PDS, and she wants to pursue all of them. She speaks of the way in which she experiences movement toward specific goals she has set for herself and the PDS. I know where my destination is. I?ve plotted out a way to get there, but along the way I keep hitting detours. It?s taking me longer and I?m going on a different route than I thought I was going to take. I?m still getting to where I want to go, but I am straying from the route I had predicted. It?s probably closer because it?s not going backwards. It?s just taking the round about way, that is often unexpected, to keep moving forward. 185 Sue?s experience of movement is circuitous as she changes positions but not according to a predetermined sequence of events. Even if she is moving forward, Sue experiences the frustration of not being able to develop a plan and stick to it. In reflecting on her goals for the PDS and the ways in which she moves to accomplish them, Sue brings forward the reasoning that helps to determine her movements. We wanted the partnership to benefit the college, school system, school and students. How do we get there at any point in time? We?re veering off to one side, saying, ?Hey, why not try this for awhile? That?s a good idea. We?re still working toward that idea, but at any point in time we are all traveling in different directions with new inspiration or new ideas, or hearing what someone else says, and thinking ?Wow, maybe we should go in that direction for awhile. I guess I?m not sure that will ever change. So we keep trying different little paths. Sue?s description illuminates the non-linear nature of doing PDS work. She is concerned with all of the persons involved in her PDS, and meeting their needs takes her to places she had, perhaps, not intended to go. This can be frustrating for those, like Sue, who are accustomed to developing a plan and sticking to it. Movement can become an end in itself for these liaisons who continually must push away from the way things were in order to build their PDSs. There are so many opportunities and options, so the Coordinator must take the lead in determining which options are viable considering available time and resources, and there seems never to be enough of either. For Diane, movement toward a specific goal is not straightforward either. She shares her reaction to Sue?s comments, ?You were mentioning that you know what the goal is. I think that?s one of my issues sometimes?that I don?t know. Things feel a little bit disconnected. We really are not sure what this is going to look like at the end.? Diane expresses discomfort with not knowing what the ultimate goal is. She provides another metaphor that illuminates her concern about moving in the right direction, ?I 186 feel like a coal miner in a cave with a light on, knowing which direction we want to use, but making sure that I don?t take the wrong path and hit a dead end. Then how do I back up and how do I change?? She is concerned not only about the goal, but what might happen to the PDS if she takes it in the wrong direction. Morris, Harrison, Byrd, and Robinson (2000) say, ?While the collaborative should begin with a clear vision and common goals (and the desired end in mind), the road map is incomplete? (p. 140). Both Diane and Sue would like a road map to guide them. Diane brings forward the sense of responsibility she feels for leading her PDS in the right direction. If she hits a dead-end, she feels the need to change, wondering how she will go backward, how she will change. Hultgren (1995) says, ?To let learn means to provide an opportunity for getting lost in order to write one?s way out into the ?clearing? and to be celebrated in the finding? (p. 383). Diane is afraid that she will become so lost that she will not find the clearing of which Hultgren speaks. Since Diane has the light, she is responsible for leading and moving the partnership forward. Light is essential to forward movement. O?Donohue (1997) refers to light as ??the mother of life. Where there is no light, there can be no life? (p. 5). He speaks of the way in which light is connected to growth, saying, ?If you look at flowers early on a spring morning, they are all closed. When the light of the sun catches them, they trustingly open out and give themselves to the true light? (p. 33). Diane is the light bearer, the one who shines the light so others can see. But even in the light, she often finds herself lost, alone, ?in the dark.? Lenore speaks of the difficulty involved in being the light-bearer, ?When you have that light on, you can only see in front. You can?t see on the sides. When I keep 187 looking ahead, I don?t see the progress from the digging in back of me. I think that just as important as having a mission is also being really cognizant of what we?ve done as a team.? In the constant push to move forward, the liaisons do not always see the progress they have made. They need the time to turn around and examine their progress, learn from their mistakes, but their supervisors want to see results and forward motion. What is lost when one is compelled to move forward? What happens when one cannot take the time to reflect on work already completed? The liaisons become focused on how far they have left to go. What provides light for them to see all that they have accomplished? Body consciousness. The light that supports the openness of building new possibilities requires an energy source. In the case of the miners? hat, the light sits on top, pointing forward, but the liaisons are required to generate their own light. Movement also requires energy, and energy can be quickly depleted when there is constant output. What provides fuel for the liaisons? movements? For Frank, a site visit to one of his schools provides a spark that keeps him moving forward. I had feelings of, let?s see how would I summarize this to somebody?it energized me. I found it renewing, professionally renewing and energizing. We have been under a lot of stress and pressure for a lot of things we were doing [at the school]. To see some things that have really developed and to be able to hear people from the field, from out in the schools, talk about things. We [faculty at the college] either don?t know whether they have the same conceptual understanding about what we are doing, or if they can share that information. Something like today [the visit] says, ?Yeah, we are going in the right direction.? I found it more energizing than anything else. Physically and mentally, Frank is energized by feeling that movement is going in the right direction because the school faculty are able to verbalize their understanding of the work they do together, their purpose for being-with one another in the PDS. 188 All of the forward motion, the digging, and the stress impact both our minds and our bodies. Are the liaisons conscious of the ways in which their bodies experience the stress? Merleau-Ponty (1962/1995) says: Consciousness is being-towards-the-thing through the intermediary of the body. A movement is learned when the body has understood it, that is, when it has incorporated it into its ?world?, and to move one?s body is to aim at things through it; it is to allow oneself to respond to their call, which is made upon it, independently of any representation. (pp. 138-139) As Frank demonstrates, sometimes the liaisons are conscious of the interconnectedness of their mind/body movements. Their aim is to move forward but, as Sue has shared, many times they feel their bodies and their minds moving in different directions and at different speeds. What the liaisons do is experienced through their bodies, both in feelings of energy and its depletion. In a group discussion, the liaisons bring forward the manner in which constant motion affects them physically, making connections between their PDS work and their physical ailments. Diane: You do get on a roller coaster and sometimes you are just going so fast, knowing that everything has to get done. How? Take it home on weekends, I guess. I don?t remember having a free weekend this last spring. Devon: I shared [in one of our conversations] that I went to the doctor umpteen times to be told it?s stress. Frank: I was carrying nitroglycerin tablets for awhile this past year. Diane: Okay, folks, wait a minute. Sue: I don?t differentiate a weekend. It was sick. I don?t remember a day when I hadn?t at least gotten on the computer to do something, maybe not hours and hours worth of work, but it?s really hard to shut it down for a full day. Diane: Well, we all created something that?s very unhealthy. This is unhealthy, folks. We need to do something about this. 189 During this conversation, the liaisons become aware that they are not alone in their feelings of physical stress related to their work. However, they have not been successful in cutting back. Sue speaks of ?the beauty of the struggle,? saying, ?If it was that easy to swim upstream, then what kind of accomplishment would you have in the end?? Devon recalls a paper she delivered at a conference entitled ?One Foot In and One Foot Out: The Role of the PDS Coordinator.? She says, ?My chair at the time read it and she thought one foot in the grave and one foot out. I meant in the door and out the door.? Was her stress showing itself to others even before she began to realize it herself? Even though it was not what she meant, Devon understood how that interpretation could be made. Diane?s metaphors point up the conflict between movement for her survival and the physical and emotional toll it has taken on her. I don?t want to say that I?ve failed. I won?t do that to myself, but there are parts of me who feel like there are really places where I did. I just gave up. I can?t do it. There?s no use going crazy. There?s no use killing myself. All they will do is put your name across the computer. Services with be held at? and you?re forgotten tomorrow. So I really decided I?m not going to kill myself. But it does get really frustrating sometimes to know how hard you are working. At the same time, I haven?t been out to that school. You know, I?m not going to get to that school. Let me get my email boarded up because I just can?t get away from this place. So you try to come up with an alternative way to keep the communication going, but you just know it?s not the way it?s supposed to work. Diane?s metaphors, the octopus that uses its appendages for sustenance and movement and the spider that moves to create a web to capture food for its continued growth, determine a boundary within which movement occurs. The octopus can reach out only to the length of its limbs, while the spider uses the natural boundaries of objects on which it anchors its web. For Diane and her PDS work, the boundary continues to extend outward, stretching her farther and farther, like a balloon ready to pop. No 190 matter how far she extends herself, it is never enough. Yet, she still keeps moving and trying to get others to move along with her. Dreamer (2003) speaks of her struggle to surrender, to ?be? rather than to do, saying, ?I am a woman too often caught in the desire to make things within myself different than they are, a woman often exhausted by doing, a woman afraid that if we are not doing, the things that matter in our individual lives and in the world will not get done? (p. 130). For the liaisons there is always a danger that the fear of not doing will overcome them as they provide support for others. Coming together in movement. What is the liaisons? experience of supporting the movement of others in the PDS? The answer to this is varied. Some move quickly. Others move slowly. All are concerned about moving forward. O?Donohue (1997) illuminates movement in a PDS when he describes a spider?s building process: ?the wolf-spider, which never builds its web between two hard objects like two stones. If it did this, the web would be rent by the wind. Instinctively, it builds its web between two blades of grass. When the wind comes, the web lowers with the grass until the wind has passed, then it comes back up and finds its point of balance and equilibrium again. (p. 102) What does this mean for the liaison whose movement builds between the university and P-12 schools? The liaisons begin their building between the university and the schools both separate from and together with others. They move physically back and forth between the two institutions, creating opportunities for P-12 and university faculty to move out of their own cultures in a coming together. Morgan (in Morgan & Eustis, 2004) shares an insight into building involving cultures that are often more like boulders than blades of grass: It was not until I attended the Louisville National PDS Conference in Spring 1996 with a group of P-16 educators from the partnership that the culture- 191 bridging issue was clarified. As ?I listened to Deborah Meier deliver her keynote address, we [Morgan and a colleague] both had an ?aha? experience. As though she were talking directly to us, she proclaimed, ?Don?t waste your time trying to bridge two cultures; simply build a new one!? Finally, the answer to the dilemma. We had figured out through trial and error that the overriding challenge of trying to bridge the cultures is dealing with the reality of non- negotiable structures with inflexible schedules, different mandates for student performance, and protocols sometimes better understood than being made explicit. Meier?s advice about creating a new culture moved us on a more productive odyssey. (pp. 94-95) Even if they are building a new culture, creating it involves school and university faculty in forward motion. Moving individually is complicated, but moving collectively involves additional challenges. In Lenore?s metaphor, the collective movement involves a baseball game, where players have a goal to get to home plate. The PDS liaison takes a variety of positions on the field in order to move as many players there as possible. In a PDS, the liaison is called to building a PDS learning community where preservice and inservice teachers will feel as successful as if hitting a home run. Levoy (1997) says, ?In heeding a call, the idea is to gain a sense of accomplishment?of movement?early in the game because the sooner you do, the more likely you are to keep going. Position yourself to win, for the same reason that spiders build their webs near porch lights?that?s where the action is? (p. 257). Lenore wants her interns and mentor teachers to feel successful early in their experience, and she provides them with many opportunities to do so. Both Lenore and Diane want to draw their PDS colleagues into their boundaries and keep it exciting enough for them to want to stay. Devon sees herself as the hub of a wheel where, in order for her PDS to move forward, the spokes of the wheel, the elements of doing PDS work, must be strong and moving in the same direction. Like Diane?s octopus, Devon is at the center, with all of 192 the spokes of the wheel radiating out to determine the circumference, the boundary, of the wheel. The spokes of the wheel work together in movement but come together only at the center of the wheel. This places Devon always at the center of the action. The further away the spokes are from the center, the greater the distance there is between them. When Devon is not present, connections among the spokes do not occur. Without Devon at the center, it is possible that the movement will stop. She does not feel comfortable delegating certain responsibilities such as the PDS newsletter to others, preferring to do things herself to be sure that they are done. Pamela?s movement as a choral director is more subtle. She uses the movement of arms and facial expressions to get others to move into the mix. For her, the song is written, making it easy for each of the participants to join in if they follow her cues. When singing rounds, they move in gradually, each at a prescribed point in the process, moving their voices in song. They begin to move along with her and with one another. Pamela facilitates the movement of others, empowering them to continue singing as individuals and as part of the chorus. The growth of her PDS is organic and natural. She developed relationships with school faculty and administrators before they were officially designated as PDSs. She has moved them gradually into portfolio assessments and action research, adding a little at time in order not to overwhelm them. Frank?s metaphor of the salmon swimming upstream shows him moving toward a goal, the PDS, as part of the community but separate from it. He acknowledges that not everyone will get to the spawning pool, but he has a goal and continues to move forward toward it with those in the community who want to come along with him. The salmon?s movements are instinctual, guided by forces predetermined by nature. Frank is 193 drawn to this type of movement. He sees the swim as ?something that has a living beauty to it? with the spawning process as life producing and life preserving. This is true for Frank personally and for those who are building the PDS with him. Matthews (1999) shares the way in which salmon represent a connection between movement forward and personal growth: Like salmon returning to their source, they set their faces toward the fulfillment of their creative destiny. It is a great adventure that few pursue unswervingly to the source; but for all who undertake it, there is no greater joy than to enter ?the smithy of the soul? and bring into manifestation something that was not possible before we brought our creative destiny to play there. (p. 12) Frank pursues his creative destiny as he moves forward, but this sense of adventure is not shared by all. For Sue, the caterpillar experiences the challenge of movement forward, and what she sees as the inevitable, slides backward. Tuan (1977) reflects on this disquieting aspect of backward movement, stating, ?Normally a person feels comfortable and natural only when he steps forward. Stepping back feels awkward, and one remains apprehensive even when assured that nothing lies behind to cause a stumble? (p. 128). This is a solitary journey for Sue who is caught in the well, seemingly alone. Her goal is to move out of the well, not to get deeper into it. In describing her work, she says, ?It?s this constant jumping back and forth. It?s like you felt you were always just one step ahead of what we were going to do next.? Frustration sets in. Frank is reaching for the source, and Sue is searching for the end. Sue might find comfort in the words of Matthews (1999), who says, The way to find the ever-flowing creative river is to dig an artesian well by means of engaging actively and consciously with our creativity?As we continue to work, suddenly our project starts taking shape, though progress is still gradual, inching forward day by day. The creative process cannot be hurried without loss or miscarriage of our project. However much we want it to manifest, it has to have organic space and time. (p. 136) 194 The reality is that organic space and time often are not options for the liaisons, who are held accountable for products as well as process. Personality traits. Reflecting on their metaphors, I wonder if there is a certain personality type drawn to this work, someone who finds energy in the building process, who needs to be in continual movement in order to feel fulfilled personally and professionally. Sue shares her thoughts: Most of us have those personalities, that when you take a look at ideas out there and things going on, the first thing you think is that we can do this. Let?s try this. Why don?t we do this? We can set up this class. We can do this little study. We can gather this. You can make it an incredible job, just so monumental. I think we tend to do that because if you are excited about your profession and about PDS, you hear exciting things and you want to keep trying those things. Sue speaks of this need to be doing, ?We?re enablers in the sense that we keep taking on the 34 th and 35 th and 36 th job that someone gives us, because that is what?s in our personalities. I try not to compare and look at other people because it will just make me angry.? Yet, somehow, she continues to push forward because her creative enthusiasm fuels her. In Western culture, movement forward is viewed as a good thing. No one wants to be known as a backslider. We climb the ladder of success. We reward those who cross the finish line first. The liaisons are very conscious of the need to be successful, feeling that they are being judged by how much they accomplish. Dreamer (2003) says, ??finding a way to sit still and be in the midst of a culture that values and pushes for speed is not easy? (p. 127). The liaisons must accomplish things on multiple levels and with multiple stakeholder groups at both the school and the university, leaving little time for rest and reflection. 195 Sometimes movement is slow, but more often movement is hurried to meet a variety of demands. The French philosopher, Boudrillard, says, ?When things are moving too quickly, nothing can stabilize, gather, or grow? (as cited in O?Donohue, 1997, p. 151). This hurriedness in accomplishing things may make it seem that progress is being made, but often that is not the case. Progress may be impeded rather than aided. Constant movement creates an environment that is not conducive to adequate opportunities for reflection. Devon speaks about the lack of time to be reflective, saying, ?I was out of balance. I took care of business, so in driving from here to there I would be reflecting and getting down details.? Even reflection is done while on the run. Levoy (1997) also speaks to this phenomenon of moving too quickly, ?Too often we travel on cruise control, and the events of our lives flick by like white lines on the freeway, their lessons lost on us? (p. 100). Many liaisons reflect while in their cars, driving from school to school, but how much of their reflections are internalized? Are they thinking about the logistics of doing PDS work or about being with their school and university colleagues? Pamela keeps track of her reflections on post-it notes, leaving her bound journals to gather dust. Lenore says, ?It?s like all of these ideas come in and you don?t have any time to process it until your vacuum cleaner bags are full. Your emotional bank account is full, and then you just empty it and you start again.? It is inevitable that something is lost in this emptying process. Tuan (1977) points to the importance of reflection as an aid to forward movement and growth, ??even complicated repetitive movements turn into habit; their original intentive structure?envisaging ends and the means to achieve them?is lost. It is only when we reflect on commonplace activities that their original intentional 196 structure reemerges? (p. 127). As architects and construction workers, the liaisons need time to build and time to plan for growth. However, there is little time for reflection because they are so involved in their everyday activities. These everyday activities may cloud over what is really happening in the PDS. Johnson (2000) says, ?Dasein is dominated by life and by the how of living life. We live in a world with others and with the tasks of our daily lives. Even when we try not to be absorbed in the everyday, it is still determinative for our lives? (p. 32). It is not unusual for the liaisons to work from dawn to dusk, in schools, at the university, and at home. Do they ever have time to see the light? Does the ?how of living life? overwhelm the experience of it? Sue says, ?I tend to look at what I have to do, not what I?ve done. I don?t turn around too often to say, ?Wow, look what I?ve already accomplished.?? Not having time to reflect may create an environment of tunnel vision. Celebrations of accomplishments often are planned for everyone in the PDS except the liaison, who continues to burn energy to promote growth. The liaisons get caught in the trap of continual doing, of continual movement. There seems to be fear that slowing down is equated to not working. They find themselves brokering change between two cultures that have different needs for expediency: the P-12 school that is accustomed to responding almost instantaneously to changes in education policy, and the university where task forces and committee meetings can go on seemingly forever until consensus is reached. Sue reflects on the meetings she attends: I guess the meetings I have a hard time with are the ones where we get into philosophy for an hour. Again, I have to get used to the difference between university meetings and school-based meetings. Working in schools it was always, let?s get this done. Often at the university, it?s let?s talk theoretically 197 about such and such. I think I?ve got my list of things I need to check off and get done, and I?m wasting an hour here that we need to keep moving. I don?t have a problem with meetings where we get things done and move along. Sue brings forward the tension between the university?s theoretical culture and the school?s practical one. It reflects the difference between an understanding of movement that is product-oriented and movement as growth over time. In writing about the work of Macdonald, Huebner (1999) reflects that, ?The relationship between theory and practice was not one of applying theory to practice. Theory was a mirror for one?s self as a practitioner, a magic mirror that reflects back what you might be and how you might see the world anew with deeper penetration of its structure and qualities? (p. 356). Tensions arise if the schools and the university do not share this understanding. This tension is an expression of the Angst that Heidegger identifies as inescapable for Dasein. Heidegger (1953/1996) says, ?As attunement, being anxious is a way of being-in-the-world; that about which we have Angst is thrown being-in-the- world; that for which we have Angst is our potentiality for being-in-the-world? (p. 178). For Heidegger, ?attunement reveals ?how one is?? (p. 176). Stagnation, not moving forward, occurs when what is and what is mirrored never change. The PDS is rooted in change and the liaisons are the ones who are expected to bring about changes, but the intensity of the work can cloud the mirror. Living through anxiety provides opportunities for Dasein to come to self-understanding and a greater awareness of possibilities. Anxiety is with the liaisons as they build new educational identities that are opened up through the ways in which the liaisons identify themselves through metaphor and how others name them. 198 Being Named Name your daughter after a goddess- and be sure she knows for whom she was named. Name her after a vegetarian burger, after your favorite feminist restaurant, after anything proud and strong and beautiful. Name yourself in a special ceremony of your own creation. Name yourself after your great-great-grandmother who played the saxophone, after a flower whose rare beauty takes your breath away, after an enchanted place you read about on a hot summer day when your hair was in pigtails. (Snyder, 1997, p. 204) The metaphors expressed by the liaisons bring forward the way in which they see themselves, but their titles, the names by which they are known in their universities also open up aspects of their experiences. Were those names conscious choices, tapping into traits exhibited by others who have held the titles previously? Were they new designations, hinting at the complexity of the work they would do? As Snyder suggests, a name can be a powerful tool for symbolizing characteristics such as beauty, strength and independence that are important both to the one who does the naming and those who are named. A look at the names and titles held by the liaisons reveals the way in which they become known by others. Are their titles reflective of what they do and who they are? Examining the definition of name, ?a word or words by which an entity is designated and distinguished from others? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 905), we see that names suggest a reflection of identity, showing that one is separate from others. A name is further clarified by a title, ?a formal appellation attached to the name of a person or family by virtue of office, rank, hereditary privilege, noble birth, or attainment or used as a mark of respect? (American Heritage College 199 Dictionary, 1997, p. 1421). Through further examination of its origin, we learn that, ?Title comes from the Old English titul and the Latin titulus ?inscription, title?. The word originally referred to a placard or inscription placed on an object giving information about it? (Chantrell, 2002, p. 514). For liaisons, a title is an outward sign that designates responsibilities and provides clues to their rank within their institutions. However, as language symbols, titles are open for interpretation when applied to something new. Huebner (1999) speaks to the way in which language might expand possibilities or limit horizons saying, ?Language is dependent on socially shared usages and an acceptance of common objective categories projected into the world; but if accepted blindly, if the user reifies the concepts, then language obscures the world rather than opens it? (p. 79). As the liaisons take on this new role in teacher education, their naming distinguishes them according to pre-existing notions of what the title infers. What the liaisons are doing, however, does not conform to traditional definitions and hierarchies. How the liaisons are named opens up the work they do, but also clouds over some aspects of their multi-faceted experiences. Pamela brings this ambiguity forward when she comments, ?There?s a lot of gray area in this boundary spanning position because there are things that had not been thought of when the position was conceived.? Even though institutions did not know what duties and responsibilities would be essential for the position, they still needed to decide upon a title that would reflect what they thought the liaisons would do. At the outset, this lack of clarity around roles and responsibilities creates tensions that underlie the liaisons? experiences. 200 Based on the literature (Chance, 2000; Teitel, 2003), I have been using the term liaison to describe my conversants. I was surprised to discover, however, that unlike some of their counterparts across the state, none of these liaisons is referred to as such. Each of my conversants is called by a different title but because each partnership is unique, these different namings may not be so unusual. A look at their ?given? titles reveals some tensions involved in perceptions surrounding their roles as boundary spanners in this new educational experience. For Heidegger (1971), ?The naming call bids things to come into?an arrival. Bidding is inviting. It invites things in, so that they may bear upon men as things?In the naming, the things named are called into their thinging. Thinging, they unfold world, in which things abide and so are the abiding ones? (pp. 199-200). Invited and arrived, but do they abide? As they are named, the liaisons are invited to become present in a new way. To abide is ?to put up with; tolerate?to remain in a place?to dwell? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 2). This definition speaks of being present by remaining in a place, in this instance, the PDS. What will the liaisons do while they are there? The Indo-European root of abide is bheidh meaning, ?to be aware, to make aware? (p. 1588). Abide comes from ?Old English abidan ?wait? is made up of, a-?onwards? and bidan ?remain?. The sense ?endure? is seen in late Middle English texts when the semantics include both ?wait and persist? and ?wait and withstand? (Chantrell, 2002, p. 2). Looking at the origin of abide, we see that remaining in place is not without challenges. Abiding for the liaisons involves the persistence of moving forward with changes in teacher preparation and development while their institutions struggle to remain in the place they have always been. In some ways, being 201 a liaison is like being in an endurance contest, engaged in a constant struggle to determine when to wait and when to persist. Johnson (2000) speaks of the way in which names are connected with presence, saying, ?Language speaks by naming, by calling things into a unique form of being present? (p. 69). In what way do the liaisons seek to become uniquely present where they abide, always moving onward, yet remaining? All committed educators, the liaisons say they become involved in this effort because they are interested in forging collaborative relationships that will provide opportunities for professional growth for preservice and inservice teachers. They do not become liaisons with an interest toward administrative and clerical duties, yet, as they become more involved, these duties increase. This establishes a complicated dynamic, where the liaisons constantly are making decisions about how they will be present to others in the work they do. As we examine the titles their institutions gave them, they reveal insights about the way in which they and their institutions viewed what they would do and their experiences of it. Coordinator. Lenore, Diane, Devon, and Sue are called PDS Coordinators. Lenore coordinates a single site, Diane coordinates her university?s network, and Devon and Sue coordinate multiple sites. When the title Coordinator is used at the university level, it is generally understood as a portion of a faculty position, such as graduate coordinator or elementary education coordinator. In contrast, even if the position is assigned as a part-time responsibility, it quickly takes over and becomes all consuming. This difference between perception and reality creates tensions as the liaisons dwell in this new way of being a teacher educator. 202 Examining the definition and origins of ?coordinate? tells us that to coordinate is to ?place in the same order, class or rank; to harmonize in a common action or effort? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 306). The Indo-European root of coordinate is ar, meaning ?to fit together,? originally from the Latin ordo, ?order (originally a row of threads in a loom)? (p. 1585). The French root of coordination means ?orderly combination? and the Late Latin root speaks of ?arrangement together? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 160). A coordinator is charged with a bringing together harmoniously, creating a structure that is tightly woven, where all who are involved are seen as equals. This notion resonates with the spirit of PDS work where strong relationships among the members are important. As with cloth that is woven, the greater the variety of threads, the more textured the cloth and the more intricate the process. The liaisons weave together those in schools and at the university as they engage in the building process. What becomes the priority for the coordinator?providing order or creating tightly woven relationships? Are the two counter-indicative? If the emphasis is on order, it is possible that their work becomes more heavily focused on the results rather than the process. If the emphasis is on relationships, it is possible that the structures that support the PDS might suffer. Since both are essential aspects of their experience, they must learn to live with tension as they strive for a sense of equilibrium. Diane shares a metaphor that brings forward this tension saying, ?Sometimes I have this vision of the circus person who has poles and is trying to keep all of the dishes going. If a dish falls or you take your eyes off of it, what impact does that have on the rest of the dishes?? Diane feels that if she is uncoordinated in her efforts to keep her ?plates spinning,? 203 everyone in her partnership will be affected negatively. Being uncoordinated means ?lacking planning, method or organization? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 1469). No one would ever describe any of these liaisons as uncoordinated as they juggle their many complicated and demanding responsibilities, yet the fear of being uncoordinated is still with them. I asked each of my conversants to speak about their assigned title. Lenore reflects on her title in this way: I was interviewed by faculty from both schools as well as the university. So if the faculty at one of the schools decided they didn?t want me, they would not have hired me. But the good news is that it gave me a tremendous amount of leverage because it?s like, hey this is the person we want. They said the job was to coordinate the professional development school. I like using that term rather than a term from the university because it puts me more in the school life. Lenore?s perception is that the title of coordinator is not directly related to a university hierarchy that might impinge on her desire to do the work of teacher preparation on site in schools. Her university and the two schools had a pre-existing relationship, having worked together for a year establishing basic guidelines and beginning the work of being together. In order to continue to build relationships and refine the structure, Lenore feels she needs to be accepted by both the schools and the university, and she feels this is best accomplished by being present in the schools. She feels that her naming, the manner in which she is distinguished from others at the university, will help her to be accepted. As her title of coordinator suggests, Lenore strives to bring the university to the schools, building an orderly structure that will bind them together. Order is very important to Lenore, and the other liaisons as well. Lenore speaks to this notion of order she seeks in her work: 204 I have a unique situation in that I coordinate all of the interns, my interns, myself. The other coordinators have university supervisors that do that. I really want to have a hands-on approach?I don?t want to be forever cleaning up someone else?s mess. If I want to clean up a mess, it will be my own. When I have twenty to twenty-four interns that I work with at any time I would have lots of university supervisors and there would be several supervisors in the same school. It would take more of my time to coordinate than to do it. Holding the hands of interns as they prepare to become teachers interests Lenore more than holding the metaphorical dustpan and broom she foresees if she is not in full control of the environment. Lenore likes the feeling of order that comes with taking full responsibility for all of her interns and school faculty. She is not interested in coordinating those who might come into the schools from the university. In this way, she can make her own decisions about what happens with her interns and mentor teachers and remain coordinated, harmonizing and weaving her threads together. Wanting to be in control is a common issue for the liaisons, and they are willing to accept the responsibility that goes along with control. In discussing imagination, Casey (1976/2000) says, ?Controlledness characterizes the situation in which the imaginer assumes conscious and practically complete control over the course and content, and especially over the act, of imagining? (p. 72). He identifies three times when this controlledness takes place, ?at its inception, at any given point throughout, and at (or rather, as) its termination? (p. 35). Taking control, then, is possible at any and all times, and the liaisons are not hesitant to take control, even as they imagine the ways in which they will build their partnerships. Being in control implies, as well, the fear of losing control. The liaisons often do not trust that others will do things as well as they or in the manner in which they would like things to be done. Being perfectionists, they would rather do more themselves than 205 rely on others. Although they want their colleagues to feel they are assuming their fair share of the workload, sometimes the coordinators begin to feel that they are taken advantage of because of their need for control. In trying to shield others from additional work, the liaisons unwittingly create order, but only because they assume all of the responsibility for doing work that could be shared with others in the partnership. Are they afraid they will lose support of school faculty if the demands made on them are deemed too high? Again, tensions arise for the liaisons who are accountable to the schools, their administration and state mandates. Echoing Devon?s metaphor, the liaisons consider themselves to be what Anne Morrow Lindbergh (1955) describes as ?the axis of a revolving wheel of relationships, obligations, and activities? (p. 51). Enmeshed throughout their relationship building and activities is this notion of obligation. If an issue arises in the PDS, it goes to the liaisons. Frank shares, ?We had people who said, ?If it doesn?t fit in anyplace, give it to Frank.? They figured that it had to be PDS if nobody understands it or nobody wants it.? Often the liaisons become the primary staff for everything and feel they must ?be? everywhere. In bringing forward Dasein?s way of being as being-in-the-world, Heidegger (1953/1996) tells us: Being-in is not a ?quality? which Da-sein sometimes has and sometimes does not have, without which it could be just as well as it could without it. It is not the case that human being ?is,? and then on top of that has a relation to the ?world? which it sometimes takes upon itself. Da-sein is never ?initially? a sort of being which is free from being-in, but at times is in the mood to take up a ?relation? to the world. This taking up of relations is possible only because, as being in the world, Da-sein is as it is. (pp. 53-54) The liaisons have no choice but to be in relation with two worlds, the school and the university. Lenore spends most of her time in her schools, going to her office on 206 campus primarily for seminars and meetings, so she is able to combine being-with her interns and mentor teachers and the doing-of making arrangements. She is conscious, however, of maintaining a relation with the university and does so with her PDS colleagues when she is on campus. Lenore finds herself with little time for professional relationships at her university outside of her PDS colleagues, yet they provide much needed support for her. The problem, as Lindbergh (1955) describes it, is ?how to still the soul in the midst of activities. In fact, the problem is how to feed the soul? (p. 51). Lenore?s soul is fed through her relationships and she focuses her energy on being-with those in schools. Diane agrees with the choice of her title because it suggests that responsibility is inherent in her work. I like the term Coordinator as opposed to Director. Whether it?s a liaison, I mean that?s another option. Liaison to me just means that you kind of go back and forth and share information, that you don?t really have any designated responsibilities other than serving as kind of a catalyst. I see the Coordinator with much more responsibility. I was intrigued by Diane?s perception that a liaison does not have designated responsibilities, but serves more as a catalyst. A catalyst is defined as, ?that which causes activity between two or more persons or forces without itself being affected? (The Random House Dictionary of the English Language, College Edition, 1968, p. 211). The original meaning of catalysis, the action of a catalyst, is ?to loosen? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 219). The Indo-European root, leu, means ?to loosen, divide, or cut apart? (p. 1602). It is no wonder, then, that Diane does not resonate with the term liaison, given her interpretation of it. In the word catalysis, as 207 defined by The Random House Dictionary, the term implies apart, but none of the powerful tensions involved in the role of PDS Coordinator. Diane?s perception of a liaison contrasts with the origin of the word liaison which evolves ?from French, from lier ?to bind?? (Chantrell, 2002, p. 300). Perhaps the aspect of binding together would be more meaningful to Diane, who both causes activity and feels its effect because she is at the center of the action. Unlike a catalyst, Diane prefers having control, thus attempting to create a certain order for herself as well as the PDS. In catalysis, there is a delicate tension between bringing together and cutting apart. Perhaps Diane?s hesitancy to loosen control alleviates her anxiety, although she is left with the anxiety inherent in feeling that there is too much to do. When I ask Diane to expand on her responsibilities as coordinator, she includes organizing professional development activities, assisting in the placement of interns, and involving university faculty including those in Arts and Sciences. What aspects of bringing together and providing organization are brought forward through her words? For Diane, coordination implies an active and far-reaching role within the university and links outward to the P-12 schools. She says, ?I think one of the biggest charges of the PDS coordinator is to involve as many people as possible, to get the word out, and to institutionalize it.? Diane wants to reach out to everyone involved in her PDS, providing encouragement and support, but creating and keeping order is something she keeps for herself. From her partners she seeks harmonious involvement, not responsibility for building the structure in which such involvement occurs. Because she values order, the title of coordinator is meaningful to her. 208 This title did not seem important to Devon, however. She shares: I had nothing to do with the choice of the title, but I was part of the grant writing team and I believe that was the term we used in that proposal so perhaps it?s the term that was being used at the time and we just adopted it. I don?t recall there being great thought put into it. And I can say I?ve not thought about another term that would more accurately describe all that I did. It was interesting. I did many things that were housekeeping kinds of things. I don?t know that coordinator was the term to use but I honestly haven?t given that a thought. What does this disinterest in the title say about Devon?s willingness to be in this position? Although she did not choose the title, she did not resist it. Once established in her college?s naming system, there seemed no need to change it. Since she was not the first PDS coordinator at her college, Devon had some notion of what the work would entail. Her coordinator?s role in a multiple site PDS involved specific responsibilities, some of which she refers to as housekeeping. Housekeeping involves ?performance or management of household tasks? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 659). Certainly housekeeping involves doing household work, but the definition expands the understanding to include the development of a structure by which work can be done. This structure enables the work of relationship building to be done. Like Lenore, Devon is aware of the chores involved in housekeeping routines, with some chores to be performed on a regular basis and mega-chores to be done once or twice a year. Devon was meticulous in keeping track of the variety of housekeeping chores in her PDS, the regular ones of coordinating council meetings and newsletters, and the mega-chores of mentor recognition celebrations and school site visits. Being coordinator of a multiple site PDS meant that housekeeping was not limited to one location, increasing the need for her to keep all of the spokes of her wheel turning in the same direction. 209 Dreamer (2003) brings forward two perspectives on housekeeping. In one view, she speaks of the feeling of drudgery that comes when the focus is on changing a mess: When I clean my house because it is one more thing on my long list of things to be done, a job I want out of the way, I am rarely in the present moment in my task. Tidying a room because I cannot stand the mess and fear that it will take over and bury me. I tire easily but refuse to stop and rest. I am focused on the goal of finishing the task. I want what is?the mess?to be changed. (p. 134) When she approaches housekeeping in this manner, Dreamer fears that she will be buried under all that needs to be done and does not stop to rest until she has finished the tasks at hand. This ?mess? is just what Lenore feels will happen to her if she is not in full control of her PDS. However, Dreamer also speaks of another way of understanding housekeeping that is more focused on process than product. The quality of my movement and my experience is very different when I let the impulse to care for my home, to create beauty and comfort, pull me into mopping the floor or doing the dishes or tidying up a room with a conscious connection to an inner stillness. I am more likely to take on smaller pieces of the work and enjoy the process, moving more slowly and stopping after even a small bit has been accomplished to rest or move in another direction. (p. 134) Here Dreamer speaks of taking smaller steps, moving more slowly, progressing in a non-linear fashion, and enjoying the work along the way. The liaisons find it quite difficult to approach their work in this way because they have so many tasks to be accomplished, made exponential for those like Devon and Sue who work with multiple sites. What happens, though, is that their enjoyment of the work they initially want to do becomes unpleasant if it is non-stop. Devon is one of the first liaisons to experience this. Did the experience of PDS housekeeping become too much for Devon? Lindbergh (1955) uses the term developed by William James ? Zerrissenheit ? ?torn-to- pieces-hood?. She says [woman] cannot live perpetually in this state. ?She will be 210 shattered into a thousand pieces? (p. 56). What would this mean for Devon, who is so focused on having the spokes of her wheel moving along together? Over time, the housekeeping routine became tedious and lacked interest for Devon. Performance of tasks overwhelmed her desire to care for the home of the PDS. In discussing the notion of taking care of things, Heidegger (1953/1996) posits, ?The average everydayness of taking care of things becomes blind to possibility and gets tranquilized with what is merely ?real.? This tranquilization does not only rule out a high degree of busyness in taking care of things; it arouses it? (pp. 181-182). When one is so busy with details, there is little time for the mind to pursue new possibilities creatively. O?Donohue (1997) says, ?Creativity seems to demand flexible and mirrored tension? (p. 103). With five sites to take care of, there is little time for Devon to rest in the stillness in order to be creative. The pieces of work she took on became larger, and there were more of them. With so much to be accomplished, there were fewer chances to be creative. Although it was not evident to those around her, Devon felt the tension inside. Even if she had seen new possibilities, who would have been there to take on the everyday tasks that needed to be done? Like Diane, Devon coordinated by bringing people together within the structure she established for them but, in so doing, she lost the opportunity to feed her center in this creative work. In her daily practice, Sue feels comfortable with the title of coordinator because it reflects what she does. She enjoys the aspects of bringing people together and providing an orderly structure in which they can do their work. Tension occurs for her when forward movement is hampered and she realizes that she is not in control as much as she prefers. Sue likes having a title that provides an understanding for others of what 211 her responsibilities are, demonstrating a connection between who she is and what she does. However, her understanding of the title and the way it is perceived by others can differ. Sue?s coordination involves working with university faculty, P-12 mentor teachers, principals, intern supervisors, and other PDS Coordinators. To do this work well, she has made organization an art form, developing an extensive communication system, in person and by email, that keeps all of the PDS stakeholders informed and involved. She refers to her extensive email networking lists as ?wonderful.? Sue demonstrates her creativity through the artful way in which she builds and supports relationships through communication. She says, ?I find more than anything that communication is important in a PDS, especially in a multi-site PDS. We?ve got five different schools and everyone has to know what?s going on.? Unlike Devon, Sue has been able to feed her center in this work because she finds value in the details involved in the work of communication. However, Sue?s situation brings forward issues surrounding the way in which her title of coordinator is not reflected in the university naming structure: I guess I should back up because actually that?s [a lecturer] what I?m known as by anyone talking about me within the university. But on my official documentation they call me a lecturer. And I guess that is because it?s the category that I most closely fit into in terms of hiring. So it?s not technically my job title but it?s where I fit into the university. I think the term coordinator accurately sums up what I do because it is truly coordinating lots of different efforts and people. The lecturer title I don?t think really fits me at all. And I think the university is struggling right now to decide another way to capture us officially. Sue?s designation as PDS Coordinator reflects her daily experience, whereas, her formal categorization within the university system seems foreign to her. What does it mean to 212 be categorized? A category is defined as ?a specifically defined division in a system of classification? and ?terms, or things, that mark divisions or coordinations within a conceptual theme? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 221). The Indo- European root of category is ger meaning ?to gather.? Words having the same root are congregate and segregate (p. 1593). Category is ?borrowed from Middle French categorie, learned borrowing from Late Latin categoria, from Greek Kategoria, ultimately from Kata-down to + the root of agoreuein to speak (in the assembly), from agora place of assembly? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 110). For the liaisons it is possible that in being categorized, some are gathered in, while others are segregated. As categories define divisions, giving voice in the ?assembly? is affected. In speaking of the importance of voice, Lashley, Neal and Slunt (1994) say, ?Enmeshed in the notion of being-with is a commitment to a life of dialogue?an ongoing conversation involving listening and speaking, the use of voice to give language and to share commonality of meaning? (p. 201). Universities struggle with identifying a title that reflects and validates PDS work, trying to find commonality of meaning surrounding what a PDS Coordinator is to do and to be. Even though Sue?s university is considering using the category of clinical professor, Sue is not eligible because she does not have a terminal degree in her field, so there is no official category that encompasses what she does. Lack of voice can be an issue for the liaisons, as they often are not part of the decision-making structure at their institutions. Although they are viewed as implementers, it is perhaps not recognized that it is through their creative actions that decisions are made at the practical level. Sue shares her frustration with misperceptions surrounding her work. 213 There are no parameters. What happens is that we become enablers within the university. We go ahead and push ourselves as hard as we can to make sure things happen within a PDS even if there aren?t enough resources. Whether it?s money, people, things, whatever, we try to make sure it happens. I think probably to everyone else it looks much easier than it is. They think, ?Well, this PDS stuff isn?t so bad, you know, because look at all the things that one person can do.? The perception of Sue?s position is nowhere near as complex as the manner in which she lives it. Heidegger (1953/1996) says, ?In this ?dwelling??as the refusal of every manipulation and use?the perception of what is objectively present takes place. Perception takes place as addressing and discussing something as something. On the foundation of this interpretation in the broadest sense, perception becomes definition? (p. 58). Because she pushes herself continually to do more and more, Sue has made a complicated position look easy. This ability, however, creates tensions in how the role is both defined and misperceived. As perception becomes reality, Sue is defining her position, setting standards for herself and those who will follow her. At the beginning of her time as a coordinator, Sue lived on the fringes of university life. Initially she was frustrated because she did not attend faculty meetings or participate in decision making about curriculum. Gradually she moved further and further into the inner workings of the university because she demonstrated qualities of good teaching and a respect for scholarship that were viewed as valuable by the university faculty. She validated the position of PDS Coordinator because of who she was, not because of the title she had. Although her title did not reflect it necessarily, Sue?s experience included a heavy emphasis on teaching, heavier in fact than some of the other coordinators? teaching loads. What misperceptions are made possible through naming that is not adequately reflective of the liaisons? experiences? 214 Teaching interns is not difficult for other university faculty to understand, seeing it as an inherent part of their own responsibility. However, Sue was not a faculty member although her responsibilities included teaching intern seminars, supervising their clinical experiences, and providing professional development for inservice teachers. What is not so obvious to university faculty as a responsibility is the coordination of professional development for inservice teachers. Being with P-12 faculty in their PDSs, the liaisons come to an understanding of faculty needs for continual growth and present opportunities to them. Sometimes the liaisons make arrangements for courses to be offered, but often they conduct courses and workshops themselves. Teaching, sometimes the same school faculty enrolled in graduate programs at the university, is an essential part of a liaison?s experience. Yet, the experience of pulling all of this together is not self-evident. In some ways, the title of coordinator covers over the importance of teaching in a liaison?s experience. Since tension can occur when naming is inaccurate, if teaching is to be an integral part of the position, perhaps another title would provide a greater clue to its importance. The title of coordinator does, however, bring forward the nature of the ordering experiences in which the liaisons are engaged. What it does not do adequately is to reveal the heavy emphasis on administration that continues to grow larger with time. Instructional facilitator. Pamela began her work as an Instructional Facilitator. What does being an Instructional Facilitator entail? Certainly, the term was not a common one to describe any position at her university or in the school system. Looking at the definitions of both terms illuminates the way in which they work together. The 215 word facilitate means ?to make easy or easier? (American Heritage Dictionary, 1997, p. 489). What would be made easy through Pamela?s work? In Pamela?s case, facilitation required a significant amount of administration. As the Instructional Facilitator, she provided easy access into the schools for her interns and made connections with the university for school faculty and school system personnel. To make things easy, Pamela spent considerable time in the schools and the university, and at the school system. As the Instructional Facilitator, Pamela was making it easy for everyone but herself. Tensions arose as she had to prioritize between her school system and university responsibilities. Pamela says: Although the position was 50/50, it was more like 150/150, because there were tasks for the university, supervising interns, that required more than two and a half days per week, not to mention the other responsibilities, like department meetings, faculty meetings, and university meetings. Often I was called to do presentations at conferences. Part of my job was to develop grant proposals, so I did grant writing. For the county, it was really impossible to do the job in two and a half days per week. Pamela speaks of the frustrating nature of recognizing that the work of a coordinator, as described by two different institutions, was becoming impossible. Yet one of Pamela?s primary foci was to be a facilitator. However, administrative facilitating was only one aspect of Pamela?s work. Pamela faced the challenge of combining both aspects of PDS work, instruction and administration. To instruct means ?to provide with knowledge?to give orders to; direct? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 705). To instruct is a synonym of to teach. Instruction, then, has two components. The component that comes to mind most readily is the aspect of providing with knowledge, but the aspect of directing is also an important element. What tensions might exist between facilitating and directing? The root of instruct is 216 ?instructen tell, inform?past participle of instruere arrange, inform, teach (in~on + struere to pile, build)? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 392). Through instruction, the liaisons provide opportunities for interns and mentor teachers to build on their understandings. Learning is not restricted to those who are instructed as the liaisons learn about themselves while they facilitate the learning of others. Heidegger (1971) posits: ?Building is not merely a means and a way toward dwelling?to build is in itself already to dwell? (p. 146). Tracing the origin of the word dwell, Heidegger uncovers its true meaning, saying: The way in which you are and I am, the manner in which we humans are on the earth, is Buan, dwelling. To be a human being means to be on earth as a mortal. It means to dwell. The old word bauen, which says that man is insofar as he dwells, this word buaen however also means at the same time to cherish and to protect, to preserve and care for. (p. 147) Dwelling is accomplished through ?the activities of cultivation and construction? (Heidegger, 1971, p. 148). As noted in Chapter Two, one origin of the word teach refers to cultivation. Here again, the connection between teaching and building, cultivating and constructing, shines forth. In being-with her partners, Pamela demonstrates her care for them through the way in which she constructs her PDS, cultivating and nourishing those who are there with her. Demonstrating this care is the essence of her being. When Pamela left the Instructional Facilitator position, she became a faculty member at the university with no specific title that relates her directly to PDS, yet she is more present to it now than she was previously. Since the culture at her university has evolved to incorporate PDS as an integral piece of faculty life, there is no longer a need for a special naming of it. When does something become so much a part of an experience that it is inherent in it? When is a special naming no longer necessary? 217 When the name by which one is known encompasses that which one is and does, then it is no longer separate. When the fact that it is not separate is perceived by the person and by others, it becomes inherent in the naming. Chantrell (2002) speaks to this connection between names and the individuals who hold them saying, ?Shakespeare questioned the accuracy of name in capturing the true nature of something (Romeo and Juliet: What?s in a name? That which we call a Rose, by any other name would smell as sweet) but generally a name is a ?designation?? (p. 338). Currently, Pamela facilitates instruction even though her title no longer designates it. Whether faculty member or Instructional Facilitator, the essence of her experience is the same when extrinsic demands are removed from it. Pamela feels that PDS involvement needs to be inherent in faculty work, not requiring a special designation: My position when I was Instructional Facilitator was that everyone in the department needed to be involved in PDS. It should not be the sole responsibility of the person who had the title of Instructional Facilitator. PDS should not reside in one person. If that person leaves, then the program really disintegrates. But if everyone is involved in PDS, then it doesn?t matter whether the personnel change because the program is embedded in the department. So now I don?t have a problem of not having an official title that links me directly to PDS, because what I?m doing full time is just an extension of what I?ve been doing part time for the past five years. (Pamela) Pamela?s comfort arises from the fact that her faculty position assumes PDS work is an essential part of the position, that the work of preparing teachers is embedded in P-12 schools and includes the professional development of P-16 faculty who are engaged in teacher preparation. She is no longer required to separate out what she does in schools from what she does on campus. As a faculty member, she is free to make decisions 218 about how she does her work. Without being named other than faculty, she no longer has to struggle with issues of divided loyalty and the tension involved in naming. Director. Frank?s title is Director, defined as ?one that supervises, controls, or manages? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 393). To direct is ?to cause to move toward a goal? (p. 393). The root of director comes from Middle English directen + or, meaning a guide (Barnhart, 1995, p. 207). In what manner does a director both guide and control? Being a guide suggests taking the lead, having information to share, knowing the way, and going along on the journey. As a salmon swimming upstream, Frank is a guide for others in his college and the schools who accompany him. He swims along with the other salmon, his PDS colleagues, as they move upstream, but breaks away from them when they reach the spawning pool. His experience is a being-with, being-in-relation, then letting go. In contrast, being a director suggests the possibility of controlling without having to be constantly present, providing directions but not having to be a part of all of the action. As a Director, Frank administers by guiding others. According to Levoy (1997), ?A guide can be any change agent who is versed in responding to obstacles and helping others manage the discomfort provoked by attempts to reveal the truth to themselves? (p. 295). The truth that Frank?s college did not want to see is that the time for change had arrived and he, someone who had come from outside the college, was going to lead the change process. To keep them moving forward, he identifies possibilities for professional growth and aids in their becoming. Levoy (1997) also sees a guide as a mentor, ?a kind of soulmate and carrier of souls, a kindred spirit who sees something special in us, not just us as we already are 219 but as we could become? (p. 302). PDS work is about changing the ways in which teachers are prepared, acculturated into the profession, and cultivated for continual growth. As a change agent, Frank guides his faculty and those in schools as they construct and cultivate their sites. His interest lies in building structures and letting others take over. Almost immediately, Frank starts working to replace himself, beginning to mentor a graduate student on leave from the local school system, who eventually comes to the college to become a PDS Coordinator. Realizing that he can not ?be? everywhere, he chooses to relinquish control over some activities and use that time in mentoring. Frank encountered roadblocks in the initial stages of the building process in the perception of his role by other faculty members. He is the first person at his institution to be a PDS Director, so he feels responsible for laying a strong foundation. He says: The vast majority of people in the department are very supportive of PDS. We have a couple of senior faculty where I stay in the role of junior faculty and end up trying to accommodate them so they don?t throw stumbling blocks in front of us for moving ahead. I?m finding that I?m getting to the point where I?m beginning to do less of that. Because Frank?s responsibilities are not limited to PDS work, he faces the challenge of deciding where to place his energies. In his designation as Director of Professional Development Schools, Frank is involved with all of the PDS stakeholders, but his teaching duties are separate, in a supposedly 50/50 split. Is this a realistic expectation? In the group conversation, Frank brings forward the ambiguous nature of being a liaison, asking, ?Can you play two different roles?? Sue responds that being a liaison ?is not like a faculty position where there is an identified role because there are so many different ways you could go with it.? 220 Pamela experienced this ambiguity when she was the Instructional Facilitator, always torn between responsibilities, trying to manage the combination. Frank?s experience is similar because faculty titles at his college do not assume that he will do PDS work. Since his responsibilities are so separate, Frank must decide each day what his priorities will be. Although he is supposed to have two equal positions, Frank finds that the PDS Director position requires much more than the 50% of his time allotted to it on paper. Frank says, ?PDS work is much more than a .5 faculty could do, so it?s virtually taken over my role and I teach as half-time faculty. I would say 90% of my time goes into the Director of Professional Development Schools.? Being the PDS Director consumes him. The work involved in constructing the PDS and cultivating the relationships needed to support it are made difficult because his teaching is not directly associated with the PDS. He realized early in his tenure that building a foundation for the PDS, the leadership functions that help organizations run smoothly, is far more demanding than anyone imagined. What?s in a name? What do the liaisons? official titles open up about their experiences? Four of my conversants were identified as coordinators, with responsibilities varying according to their dispositions and the needs of their institutions, ranging from Lenore?s coordination of a cohort of interns to Diane?s coordination of all of the PDSs in her institution. Although this title seems to have a heavy focus on administration, the coordinators themselves opened it up for interpretation. While the aspects of bringing together harmoniously and providing order are certainly present, teaching is not so obvious. However, as the liaisons? positions evolve, those with multiple sites seem to do less teaching than those who continue to 221 work with a cohort of teacher candidates in one or more schools. For them, what fuels their energy, the relationships they have, gradually are taken away from them. While Pamela?s title of Instructional Facilitator seems to identify a primary focus on instruction, her joint position responsibilities became increasingly more bureaucratic, and then her title was eliminated. Surprisingly, her not being named?or her being un-named as other than faculty?opened up possibilities for her. What does this say about the title? Was it necessary to have a split between the two? It would seem that a faculty member already is assumed to be an instructional facilitator. Frank?s title of Director reflects his work of guiding and managing the PDS, where he focuses on the big picture, not on dealing with individual interns. As the Director of a PDS network, Frank?s focus is on administration, but he does this through the building of relationships. He might not be in a classroom, but his work is people- intensive. Whatever they are named, teaching and administering are linked for the liaisons. Tension is created when the liaisons? expectations of the work to be done is in conflict with the work they are doing, with the focus differing across institutions. Even though only one title hints at teaching, all of the titles bring forward administering, but do the liaisons realize just how much administration is involved when they come into their positions? Although the liaisons see themselves as teachers, sometimes they grow into the work they do, often expanding their responsibilities and activities based on their own understanding of what they need to do to support growth and their own perceptions of themselves. Even when administering, they are teaching those in the PDS to be 222 collaborative. Sometimes, however, they grow out of the work, particularly when housekeeping chores outweigh the reasons they came to the position originally. All of the liaisons are relationship-oriented people. They were drawn to PDS because of this orientation; yet, for some of them, the longer they stay in PDS work, the more tensions arise from the administrative demands. Sue speaks of the constant search for balance in doing this work of building structures and relationships: If you pull too much to one side, it?s not going to work. If you?re sitting writing your grants and doing your phone calls and working on campus, going to meetings, trying to make connections and build bridges, but you?re not out there teaching classes, being with the interns, being with the mentors, it?s going to fail. You have to do both and the reality is that you end up a lot of times feeling like you are not doing any of them well because you are trying to do all of those things. What drew the liaisons to PDS work can become incrementally smaller as their responsibilities for expanding PDS networks increase. While this means new relationships, it also means new administrative details to make them happen, and an added feeling of responsibility and sometimes failure. Tensions are created when they must do other than what they felt called to do. Being Called to Build ?The Call? I have heard it all my life, A voice calling a name I recognized as my own. Sometimes it comes as a soft-bellied whisper. Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency. But always it says: Wake up, my love. You are walking asleep. There?s no safety in that! Remember what you are, and let this knowing take you home to the Beloved with every breath. 223 Hold tenderly who you are, and let a deeper knowing color the shape of your humanness. There is nowhere to go. What you are looking for is right here. Open the fist clenched in wanting and see what you already hold in your hand. There is no waiting for something to happen, no point in the future to get to. All you have ever longed for is here in this moment, right now. You are wearing yourself out with all this searching. Come home and rest. How much longer can you live like this? Your hungry spirit is gaunt, your heart stumbles. All this trying. Give it up! Let yourself be one of the God-mad, faithful only to the Beauty you are. Let the lover pull you to your feet and hold you close, dancing even when fear urges you to sit this one out. Remember, there is one word you are here to say with your whole being. When it finds you, give your life to it. Don?t be tight?lipped and stingy. Spend yourself completely on the saying. Be one word in this great love poem we are writing together. (Dreamer, 2003, no page number) Dreamer (2003) says, ?The call is about finding the one thing you came here to say and saying it a thousand different ways?in your words, your actions, your choices?so you and the world can really hear it? (p. 187). Being called is being called into oneself through intentional and public action. Answering a call is about being true to oneself by becoming present to oneself. In speaking of call, O?Donohue (2004) says, ?The heart of all creativity is the awakening and flowering of individuality. The mystery and magic of being an individual is to live life in response to the deep call within, the call to become who we were dreamed to be? (p. 174). Sometimes a call comes from the 224 outside, but often a call arises through living intentionally each day, paying attention and coming to an understanding of what it means to be-in-the-world. For Heidegger?s Dasein, there are two aspects of being called, being thrown ?beyond its own willing into the world? and ?striving toward a new mode of being? (Pollio, Henley & Thompson, 1997, p. 102). For the liaisons, this means that always being called to a new way of being in the world is part of Dasein?s experience. What called the liaisons, knowingly or unknowingly, to PDS work? Some were called, while others were called upon, to be PDS liaisons. All of my conversants are in mid-life, having had successful careers, shaped through a variety of life experiences. Becoming a liaison is an opportunity for each of them to do something different and, in doing so, they discover more about themselves. According to Berman (1994), ?A call may be considered an evocation, which is the calling forth or the opportunity to enter new possibilities, to ask new questions, to be with others in new ways? (p. 9). Through the creation of new ways for university faculty and P-12 faculty to be together as teachers and learners, the liaisons become different themselves, able to ?let a deeper knowing color the shape of [their] humanness? as Dreamer evokes. As Dreamer suggests, the liaisons are present ?in the moment, right now.? Through what they say and what they do, they announce publicly what is important to them as they work with preservice and inservice teachers. Is the educational world listening as they move forward? Reflecting on the connection between following a call and forward movement, Berman (1994) says, ?In following a calling a person follows an invitation to embark on a journey to selfhood. A calling is discovered; it evolves and is a way of being with 225 others? (p. 14). The liaisons are engaged in the evolution of a role that combines teaching and administering, moving themselves and their institutions forward. Huebner (1999) speaks of the ways in which teachers are called: ?by students, content and the institution. The part of the teaching life that is a response to the call of the student results in the work of love; to the call of content, the work of truth; to the call of the institution, the work of justice? (p. 411). As teachers and administrators, the call to be in a PDS provides opportunities for all of these to be addressed. Love, truth, and justice serve as the foundation on which the liaisons do their work. As I reflect on what it means to be called, I connect being called and the notion of vocation. Hansen (1995) says that vocation ?finds its expression at the crossroads of public obligation and personal fulfillment. It takes shape through involvement in work that has social meaning and value? (p. 3). For Huebner (1999), ??a vocation is not simply being called forth; it is also called by? (p. 380). Whether called or called upon, the liaisons seek meaning, both personal and professional, in their work. Diane brings forward this notion of vocation in one of her metaphors: It is a discipleship and a missionary pursuit. All of us have a strong belief that this is a new energy. We are really fervent in our efforts to spread the word. But until one feels the word inside, then they can?t really take ownership, so you?ve got to be a good listener. You?ve got to go out and be a part of their world, work with the issues they might be dealing with. Then, in subtle ways or in direct ways, you get to the new creation. Diane uses this missionary metaphor when she speaks about her good days. She is out in the open, moving and creating relationships. Spreading the good news requires action, listening to those with whom she is in relation, then doing something about their concerns along with them. Diane is connected to the spiritual, fervently spreading the good news. 226 Huebner (1999) tells us that, ?The Latin root of vocation refers to a call or summons. Within a religious context, ?vocation? is often interpreted as a call from God? (p. 379). This call to action, whether intrinsically motivated or a reaction to a summons, can cause one to leave home and make a radical transformation. Perhaps my conversants were called to this work even though they were not aware of it when they began their work. Rather, they were in life situations that provided them with an opportunity to make a change, or they were assigned to a new role that somehow resonated within them. Hansen (1995) brings forward the notion that teaching as a vocation is different from teaching as an occupation. He says: Vocation describes work that is fulfilling and meaningful to the individual, such that it helps provide a sense of self, of personal identity?However, being a teacher?would not be vocational if the individual kept the practice at arm?s length, divorced from his or her sense of identity, and treating it as one among many interchangeable forms of employment. (p. 3) For the liaisons, the call is made manifest in the way in which they find and develop a sense of identity in their work. All would need to decide whether they were called to PDS work, or perhaps to something else. Being Called Upon Other than Devon, I wonder if any of the liaisons had a clear understanding of what doing this work would involve. Devon understood because she had been involved with the PDS coordinating council at her college. When the coordinator position was offered to her, Devon declared that she did not want it. She felt her professional qualifications were better suited to doing other types of work. However, she was informed that she did not really have a choice and would be taking over the PDS coordinator position. Devon shares her feelings about this situation: 227 I declined because I had been part of the professional development school the first year, and I knew what coordinating entailed. I honestly felt that I had a doctorate in reading, so was the administration of a PDS the best use of my talent? But I was begged practically, I think the wording was, ?If you don?t volunteer I am going to have to assign it to you.? So with not too much thought, I said, ?Oh yes, I?ll be the coordinator.? I will say though that in the first year I very quickly came to enjoy it, not necessarily the administrative tasks, but the communication. I loved being in the schools and I loved establishing new relationships with folks at schools. This provided time to do that. Of my conversants, Devon was the one who was most called upon. Although she was doing excellent work and put 100% effort into it, she did not want to continue in the position. It was not her vocation. She felt that her call and her experience rested in teaching reading. Devon says, ?You talk to anybody at the college and teaching comes first. I didn?t happily go into it [the PDS Coordinator position], but then I found a niche and made it work. I really did enjoy it, but I was absolutely torn.? Devon never let on to others that she was dissatisfied with the increasing administrative aspects of the work. On the contrary, she and her PDS were models for others who were beginning to build partnerships. Imagine how Devon must have experienced the frustration of being forced to do something she did not want to do. Huebner (1999) says, ?When we are called to teach, the community that is the school becomes the part of the world which is our responsibility and the place where we live out our values and meanings? (pp. 386-87). Devon was called to teach, and the aspects of PDS work that called to her and provided fulfillment were those that involved communication and relationships with persons in the community of P-12 schools. This is a common theme among my conversants. They begin their work interested in building a new structure that will bring preservice and inservice teachers together in a learning community because they find meaning in being 228 with people. As these learning communities continue to grow, the administrative tasks required for upkeep increase, leaving less time for meaningful in-person relationships. What they were called to do becomes quite different from what they are doing. Diane was called upon by her administrators to be the PDS Coordinator because she demonstrated an ability to build both relationships and structures. At the time of our conversations, she had worked at her institution for twenty-five years, progressing from a non-tenured instructor to full professor and interim Chair, and anticipating retirement within the year. Yet, she still was willing to try something new. When the Coordinator at her institution left, Diane volunteered to take the position on an interim basis. Subsequently, she went on sabbatical, but when she returned there was still no PDS Coordinator. Once again, Diane was assigned. However, this second time, she knew enough about what the work entailed to negotiate with her administration. Diane shares her thoughts, ?I requested a reduction in load to be a PDS Coordinator?all they could do was deny it and they wouldn?t have a PDS Coordinator. The reality is you can?t teach four courses and do this with any kind of integrity. I think they recognized that.? If Diane was going to answer the call, she wanted to be able to do so with integrity. This sense of integrity is a continuing theme for the liaisons, who set high standards for themselves in their relationships and their work. Even though Diane agreed to serve in two acting positions, it was with the understanding that it would be for a limited amount of time. She says, ?The university gave me 50% reduction in load. I got a three-credit reduction for being PDS Coordinator and a three-credit reduction for grant writing. But last semester I spent all of that being Director of Student Teaching and Interim Chair.? So, even with 229 commitments in hand, the reality of university life, having to staff courses and administer education units, altered the Coordinator experience as it was presented to her. Even with this overwhelming workload, however, Diane did not refuse. Initially, when I considered ways in which the liaisons came to be in their positions, I thought of them as being called, inevitably drawn to the work they had chosen to do. However, the reality was not quite that dramatic. Having been called upon, Devon and Diane did not begin their work with the same missionary zeal that Diane now exhibits. Devon and Diane took on these positions because it was important to their institutions, and their respective department chairs asked them to do so. Their commitment to their institutions outweighed any hesitation they might feel. In relation to the metaphors of spiders and wheels, Lindbergh (1955) describes the call that women often feel, ?For to be a woman is to have interests and duties raying out in all directions from the central mother-core, like spokes from the hub of a wheel. The pattern of our lives is essentially circular. We must be open to all points in the compass, stretched out, exposed, sensitive like a spider?s web, to each breeze that blows, to each call that comes? (p. 28). For Diane, being called upon led to a new way of being as an educator where she would bend and stretch to build a PDS as strong, yet flexible, as a spider?s web. For Devon, however, being called upon was no match for her call to go full circle and return to teaching. Responding to the Call While Devon and Diane were called upon by their institutions to be PDS Coordinators, the other conversants were searching for a new way of being an educator at a time when teacher education was changing dramatically. They would make 230 significant changes in their own lives by moving into new institutions and taking positions that were somewhat ill defined. O?Donohue (2004) says, ??time and memory often reveal things later that were staring us in the eye, but we never noticed them? (p. 74). What synchronicity may have encouraged the liaisons to answer the call? The liaisons who responded to the call might merely have been in the right place at the right time, or perhaps they were aware of something happening within them that called them to this new adventure. Levoy (1997) illuminates the notion of synchronicity, through the connection of what is happening outside and what is happening inside. He says, ?Synchronicities are events connected to one another not strictly by cause and effect, but by what in classical times were known as sympathies. This is the belief that an acausal affinity exists between events inside and outside ourselves? (p. 110). What is the nature of this synchronicity? Synchronous is an adjective defined as ?occurring or existing at the same time; moving or operating at the same rate? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 1376). Synchronous is ?borrowed from Late Latin synchronous simultaneous, from Greek synchronos happening at the same time (syn- together + chronos time)? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 789). Synchronicity, then, involves time and movement. Dreamer (2003) brings forward the mysterious nature of synchronicity saying, ?The truth is that even when we are too tired or too afraid to see the movement of the mystery around and within us, it is always there. Once in awhile we are awake enough to see the ripple of the sacred emptiness that holds it all when it comes toward us from another? (p. 204). Sometimes the call to do something new comes from inside, a 231 rumbling of desire for change. At other times, the call comes from others who recognize when a new opportunity would be ?perfect? for someone they know. When the two meet, an incredible energy produces a life changing experience. For the liaisons, the Redesign of Teacher Education is the outside event that called for the liaisons to respond, but each was called forward in a different manner. Sue heard about her position from a principal who was part of a committee drafting a memorandum of understanding that included responsibilities of a PDS Coordinator. She was intrigued by the possibility of a new challenge and looking for a change from her work in the local school system. Sue recognized that her skills and experiences with staff development and mentoring were a match for the position description. However, she soon learned that a list and the experience of doing what is on the list can be quite different. She states, ?A list of the job responsibilities that a PDS coordinator has was six bullets. Obviously, as the job is coming to life, there are lots more than six bullets.? Sue reflects on the synchronicity involved in her decision: I feel that I had great benefit in coming on at the time that I did. Had it been a couple of years prior to that, things weren?t as together in the state in terms of where we were going and in the university in terms of what it [the PDS] was. It just happened when I came on, even the memorandum of understanding between the county and the university. It wasn?t beginning with an old fashioned model and trying to change it; it was based on this new idea. For Sue, outside events and her desire to do something new came together. Even though she was making a significant professional change, she found comfort in seeing that there was some order to what she would be doing. Pamela, too, was looking for a change and almost did not seek the Instructional Facilitator position because she thought it might be offered to someone with a previous 232 connection to the university. Yet, she decided to apply because of her evolving interest in preparing teachers. Pamela says: It fit very nicely with the work that I had been doing as department chair with hosting student teachers and education majors at my middle school, finding classrooms for them to observe in and even coordinating activities for student teachers. I became interested in doing something beyond public school to help influence teacher education because I was very involved with it anyway. I felt that it was sort of a natural next step for me. Pamela?s belief in her own evolution as a teacher provided the impetus for her to make a change. Pamela recalls, ?My own professionalism and my own philosophy about doing things kind of steered me in the direction that I went, because I?m a person who believes that quality is more important than quantity. I have to look at myself in the mirror and feel that I?m doing the best possible job that I can.? Again, what was happening inside Pamela coincided with new possibilities in teacher education, and she was not afraid to take the leap to do something new as long as she could do so with integrity. There is a picture on the Osho Zen Tarot card entitled Trust that depicts a woman leaping, floating on air, face forward and arms stretched outward. The commentary accompanying the card likens trust to ?being a bungee jumper without a cord. There is a tremendous sense of exhilaration if we can take the jump and move into the unknown, even if the idea scares us to death? (Padma, 1994, p. 60). In taking the leap, Pamela trusted her instincts. Pamela?s call is supported by her feeling that this is a natural next step for her. She says, ?Everything happens for a reason. There?s nothing that happens by coincidence or accident, so I?ve been convinced all along that there is a higher force at work and that?s how I?ve handled where I?ve landed.? At a particularly change-filled time in my life, when I would discuss things that were happening that would take me in 233 a new direction, one of my friends would often say, ?Coincidence! I think not!? She was referring to the first insight in Redfield?s (1993) The Celestine Prophecy, which brings forward the notion that we need to ?become conscious of the coincidences in our lives? (p. 6). Pamela?s words echo her understanding of this insight that there is ?an awareness of the mysterious occurrences that change one?s life, the feeling that some other process is operation? (p. 19). Pamela?s belief in a ?higher force? helps to alleviate her fear in leaping across to something new. After retirement from a local school system, Frank sought out a new career in higher education. He applied for a half-time faculty position at a college, but the institution offered him a dual position, half-time faculty and half-time PDS Director. Although he had not intended to take a full time position, and certainly not one associated with PDS, Frank says, ?Actually I was kind of excited because I had no experience with professional development schools before, but I had an interest in them for a number of years.? Frank reflects on his previous interest in PDS saying, ?I first had somebody talk to me about it when I was an elementary school principal and I came to understand what a PDS might be. What happened was that my school wasn?t staffed in a way that I had enough experienced teachers because it was a relatively small school.? Now Frank would have his chance to do PDS work. Initially Frank was called to teaching, but he was not averse to assuming an administrative role as well. Since most of Frank?s professional career was in administration, he understood some of the challenges he would face. According to Huebner (1999), ?To administer is to search for new structures or communities which can reflect the changing values of the members, and it is to mediate between the 234 principalities and powers and the people of the schools? (p. 386). Huebner?s reference to the hierarchy of angels brings forward the ways in which the liaisons serve as the bridge between the ?otherworld? of the university?s ivory tower and daily life in schools. That is what called to Frank, the opportunity to use his strong relationship skills to build a PDS into a learning community. However, Frank realizes that he is not in control in the same way he was as a principal. He recognizes that he will need to be a mediator in order to be a Director. Matthews (1999) tells us: Mediators stand ?between sun and moon,? ready to heed the messages of the sacred sources of traditional wisdom from ancestral depths and to help bring through the ideas and blueprints that originate in the other world. Mediators are the burden-bearers and shock absorbers of our world. They?are called to this work?and shown how to handle the vital power that can transform and bridge worlds. (p. 160) Being a mediator, Frank uses power in a different manner than that to which he is accustomed. Frank?s power over the process of bridging two worlds would need to emanate from his ability to let go. He says, ?One of the things I realize is a key difference between then [as a principal] and now is that I was in charge of everything that went on. Maybe four times a year, I had a boss. I was ultimately responsible, but I also was in charge. I?m not in charge here.? Being in charge and being in control continue to come forward as issues for the liaisons. In being called, how far would any of them go to retain control over the work they do? Lenore actively sought a change in her professional life because she felt she would lose control of her identity as a teacher educator when her job was to be reconfigured. O?Donohue (1997) reflects on the connection between who one is and what one does: 235 Where you belong should always be worthy of your dignity. You should belong first in your own interiority. If you belong there, and if you are in rhythm with yourself and connected to that deep, unique source within, then you will never be vulnerable when your outside being is qualified, relativized, or taken away. You will still be able to stand on your own ground, the growth of your soul, where you are not a tenant, where you are at home. Your interiority is the ground from which nobody can distance, exclude or exile you. (p. 144) Lenore loved the work she had been doing as a teacher education center coordinator, but a staff change in the school system central office would lead to a radically altered job for her. Instead of continuing to focus her energies on working with student teachers and their cooperating teachers, those duties would be seen as only half of the job, the university half. Other duties focused solely on school system needs would have been added to an already full plate. In speaking of her new supervisor in the school system, Lenore says: The school system supervisor didn?t understand that the concept of the job was student teaching and working with cooperating teachers, 50/50. The supervisor said, ?That?s all university time. I want 50% of your time as well.? So she wanted me to coordinate all of the beginning teachers coming into the county and place all of the student teachers in the county. So I decided that this was a good time to start looking around. Lenore was called to a PDS environment by a structure that would enable her to re-create and refine her notion of developing teachers in community. Lenore knew the type of position she was looking for and pursued it. She said, ?I need a smaller system. I need to be someplace where I know people and people know me, not to have to introduce myself to people every time I meet them. That?s not homey.? In my kitchen, I have a plaque that says, ?Home is where the heart is.? Was Lenore?s heart no longer touched when her home was threatened? In speaking of being home, Connelly (1993) says, ?Being present to one?s life is being home? (p. 74). In what way is Lenore always carrying her home with her, 236 wherever she is? O?Donohue (1997) opens up the notion of being home even further, saying, ?Your body is your clay home; your body is the only home that you have in this universe. It is in and through your body that your soul becomes visible and real for you. Your body is the home of your soul on earth? (pp. 44-45). For Lenore, her heart and soul were being threatened by being required to change her way of being so much so that she would be pulled in too many directions and not feel integrity in her work. She would not feel at home in her heart. Recognizing that she would not be able to stay where she was, Lenore was confident enough to approach the superintendent of a school system for advice. Because of her reputation within the education community, she was offered a principalship or assistant principalship, but she knew she wanted to remain in higher education. A week or so later, she received the description for the PDS Coordinator job in the mail. Vorgrimler (1986) says, ?Life is full of events which have a mysterious nucleus? (p. 13). Once again, the mysterious nature of synchronicity was at work. Lenore was willing to wait to get what she wanted, and the opportunity came forward for her. Making a Choice Synchronicity is of little value, however, without intentional action to accompany it. Life brings forth many opportunities and, whether called or called upon, each liaison made a choice. In speaking of the ways in which persons make decisions, Greene (1973) says: Because life situations are so many-faceted, the individual usually has several courses of action from which to choose?The problem for the individual is to try to determine the consequences of following different inclinations, undertaking different actions. No fixed or ultimate principle can be relied on to determine the course of action the individual ought to 237 choose, although commitments and principles must be taken into account as the deliberation proceeds. (p. 247) As Greene suggests, people make choices for a variety of reasons, but principles and commitment play a strong role. Devon and Diane, who were called upon, had a strong commitment to their university. Their university needed them to do something, so they did. The other liaisons had commitments as well, searching for new ways to live out their principles as educators and choosing to answer the call even though they were not quite sure where it would lead them. When faced with such a choice, Snyder (1997) says, ?Choose to do the right thing, the tough thing?not the familiar easy thing?Choose from the heart?Choose to respond with the way you really feel, not the way you?re supposed to feel? (p. 45). Doing the ?right? thing, however, is not always the same as choosing from the heart. Lenore listened to her heart as she chose to leave an unsatisfactory situation when she acknowledged the disconnect she would feel with her teachers and interns, and ultimately with herself. Initially Devon did the ?right? thing by honoring her commitment to the college, but she eventually chose from her heart to return to her true love of teaching. Campbell (1988) says, ?If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are?if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time? (p. 91). The ?track? is often unnoticed when not brought forward through an intentional decision to make a change. For the liaisons, being called or being called upon is not what leads to ?bliss,? but rather the resonance that occurs, coming from deep within, saying, ?Yes, I am in the right place at the right time.? If this does not happen, the 238 liaisons begin to look elsewhere for the sense of personal fulfillment that is essential to vocation. Whatever their choices, the liaisons do not leave the past completely behind them as they move forward, crossing over to a new way of being with others. Crossing Boundaries: Re-memberings and Being Once the liaisons were called, they made a choice to take action, to move forward with a new phase of their professional lives. What would this action provoke? For Arendt (1958/1998), Action?no matter what its specific content, always establishes relationships and therefore has an inherent tendency to force open all limitations and cut across all boundaries. Limitations and boundaries exist within the realm of human affairs, but they never offer a framework that can reliably withstand the onslaught with which each new generation must assert itself. (pp. 190-191) At the time my conversants began their work, they were leaders of a new generation of teacher educators who were building PDSs in response to state policy. In the action of building, they use their past experiences and the traditions that accompany them to cross a boundary, away from traditional teacher preparation programs toward a new way of preparing and sustaining teachers. In cutting across boundaries, they stretch themselves as they bring schools and universities closer together. They force open limitations, for themselves and others. However, even as they move forward, their past experiences and their traditions are always with them, an inextricable part of who they are. Greene (1973) brings forward the importance of personal history in determining a course of action: The individual, however, never makes his choices. There is always a context: a network of socially acknowledged rules and codes; a more or less coherent structure of moral beliefs; a community, a church, a business organization, a school. In addition, there is the individual?s personal history, with all the choices he has previously made, the bonds that link him to other human beings, his place or role in the world. (pp. 214-215) 239 As Greene suggests, when the liaisons engage in the work of building a PDS, their past experiences are an essential element of their current lived experience. Casey (2000) illuminates the integral connection between remembering and identity, saying, ?It is an inescapable fact about human existence that we are made of our memories: we are what we remember ourselves to be. We cannot dissociate the remembering of our personal past from our present self-identity. Indeed, such remembering brings about this identity? (p. 290). Reflecting Heidegger?s (1968) notion of memory as the ?gathering of thought,? (p. 3), Casey (2000) says, ?In its free action, memory gathers much else besides thought: it also gathers emotions, perceptions, bits of discourse?ultimately all the parts of our life history? (p. 292). Thus, memory is comprised of conscious and unconscious elements that are deeply ingrained in Dasein?s existence. In understanding the nature of memory, Casey cautions, ?It would be more accurate in many instances to say merely that ?remembering is going on? rather than that ?I choose to remember.? The going on is the primary phenomenon, not the willed actions of the rememberer; and the ongoing remembering is happening, always, in the thick of things? (p. 305). For the liaisons, remembering manifests in their expectations. Those who are accustomed to long meetings about theoretical models, for example, might find energy in intense discussions, while for those who have experience with the lightning quick decision making that happens in schools, the same discussion might be anxiety provoking. Although the activity is the same, the experience of it might be quite different. Yet, memory does not predetermine action. Casey (2000) likens memory more to a colander than a container, saying it is ?more porous than enframing. Its final 240 freedom of letting the world in through its many subtle pores (and this in many fashions) only in order to allow us to realize how richly we already in-habit the world without? (p. 310). As memories permeate Dasein?s existence, they are made manifest in attunements toward a certain manner of Being. Levoy (1997) suggests that a conscious examination of the past can enlighten Dasein, ?Our past is intricately woven into our calls, and we can learn much about those calls by casting the occasional glance backward. The past tells us what has passed on to us and what we?re attuned to because of it? (pp. 163-164). These attunements are often made visible in traditions, which can be so ingrained that often we do not give conscious thought to them. According to Huebner (1999), ??we are called by the traditions we serve and which serve us. Traditions are the communal recollections and hopes which give structure, meaning, and value to individual and collective life? (p. 381). For communities both large and small, traditions contain meaning that goes beyond physical action. Although traditions generally have a positive connotation, sometimes traditions are required to change, as in the change away from ?traditional? teacher preparation toward a PDS experience. This change from one structure of meaning and value to another is tension-filled. For the liaisons, it means dealing with their own changes while trying to influence change in others. While the liaisons bring traditions along with them, the work they do is about creating new traditions that bring forward values and give meaning to them and their colleagues. A tradition is defined as ?the passing down of elements of a culture from generation to generation, esp. by oral communication; a mode of thought or behavior 241 followed by a person continuously from generation to generation; a set of [such] customs and usages viewed as a coherent body of precedents influencing the present? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 1433). The Indo-European root of tradition is do, meaning ?to give? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 1591). Tradition traces back to ?1382 tradicion a belief, practice, or custom handed down; borrowed from Old French tradicion, and directly from Latin traditionem (nominative tradition) delivery, surrender, a handing down, from tradi, stem of tradere deliver, hand over (trans-over + dare give)? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 825). Traditions, then, are handed down and handed over from one generation to the next. The liaisons come to their positions with previous experiences in teaching and in administration. For those who come from higher education, they must break with past traditions at their institutions as they move forward. Those whose careers have been primarily in public schools must decipher which of their traditions are applicable in a new situation. As we move forward, we will examine the ways in which personal history and traditions inform the liaisons in their new work. Being one of them. In discussing the Celtic view of time, O?Donohue (1997) says, ?Your time is not just past or future. Your time here always inhabits the circle of your soul. All your time is gathered, and even your future is waiting here for you. In a certain place, your past is not gone? (p. 187). Frank, Sue and Pamela have the shared experience of having spent most of their professional lives in P-12 schools, and they feel that these past experiences are valuable in giving them credibility with P-12 faculty with whom they are collaborating. Credibility is defined as ?the quality, capability, or power to elicit belief; a capacity for belief? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 242 1997, p. 325). The Indo-European root of credibility is kerd, meaning ?heart? (p. 1599). In what way do the liaisons use their background of experience to engender belief and trust, tapping into the core of people?s hearts? Frank says it quite simply, ?You can see where people are, having been in that place before.? The liaisons use their experiences to engender trust and belief. We often trust those who have had similar experiences to our own, more so than those who have not, and sometimes there is not only lack of trust but distrust. Teitel (2003) speaks often of the importance of trust in establishing PDS partnerships. In referencing Clandinin?s work, Stewart (1997) says, ?Trust is central to constructing and sustaining the collaborative process?trust in ourselves individually and collectively, trust in individual others with whom we have gathered,?and trust in our processes and our willingness to step forward and move forward through them? (p. 47). As a former principal, Frank is aware of the perception many school faculty have that university faculty live in an ivory tower and so are not to be trusted to understand the reality of life in P-12 schools. Christiansen and Devitt (1997) describe their respective dwellings of university and school using the metaphor of a castle. This metaphor illuminates the separation that sometimes exists between those who inhabit these separate worlds: In medieval times an iron grating (portcullis) which hung over the gateway of a castle was lowered between grooves to prevent the passage of any possible invaders. In contemporary schools and universities it could be argued that a metaphorical portcullis is lowered and raised to control the entry of possible invading ideas which threaten not lives, but the traditions and cultures of these institutions. Unlike the knights of old we cannot be easily identified by the color of our banners. Nonetheless, in our exchanges with one another, university teachers and school teachers often proudly display the ?colors? of our ?castles? using verbal ?banners? such as ?theory? (i.e., ivory tower) and ?practice? (the real world. (p. 170) 243 King (in Bryant, Neapolitan, King, Madden & Rifkin, 2004) expresses the feeling that ?Some PDS participants did not consider my ?home culture? relevant to our working together? (p. 124). As they are more present in schools, the liaisons encounter this separation more frequently and attempt to change it. Frank speaks of the ways in which being a principal provided a basis for trust from those in schools: I?m only five years removed from the principalship. When I went out to the schools, especially elementary, I could let them know that I wasn?t career higher education and that my life had been public school education as a teacher and a principal. I was able to say to them that although we want to be partners, I know it?s important for us to be sensitive to what public schools are, the demands that are on teachers and the demands that are on principals. When I did presentations to the faculties and I met with administrators and site coordinators, I would, without overdoing it, try to acknowledge in some way that I was aware of the demands on the schools. I think that helped me gain some credibility with them. Frank demonstrates his credibility to those in schools by voicing his understanding of the needs of the school and all who inhabit it: support staff, teachers, and administrators. However, Frank also must demonstrate credibility to his colleagues at the university, needing them to trust his judgment in developing the PDS. He says, ?I think the strongest thing about coming from the principalship to this was that it gave me credibility with the schools. I could say to the faculty here in my own department, ?We need to be sensitive. This might not really be the best thing to do but we have to be sensitive to where that school is at this time.?? Frank asks his faculty to trust him because the school faculty and administrators trust him. Greene (1993) says, ?In order to engender trust from others, people must trust others and themselves? (p. 198). Frank?s confidence in his own judgment provides a basis for others to trust him, as he trusts himself. 244 Frank?s understanding of the nature of credibility illuminates the importance of building trust, a key aspect of a liaison?s experience. Without trust, nothing substantive happens. As cited in Shaffer and Anundsen (1993), Friedman says, ?Genuine trust is?a readiness to go forth on this occasion with such resources as you have, and if you do not receive any response, to be ready another time to go out to the meeting? (p. 46). The liaisons must persevere in their attempts to build trust, using whatever resources they have to let open the grate that keeps the castles walled in. Sue brings forward the way in which her perception by school faculty as one of them supports her in her work. Sue says, ?I think it really helped that the school system I worked in was the school system in which I would continue to work. The people in this county knew that I was leaving my job, but I was still servicing their students and teachers, so the transition was easy.? Sue?s credibility is founded in the P-12 teachers? and administrators? perception that she understands them and has the same belief system. However, this does not mean that credibility removes all barriers. Sue says, ?I feel like I?m always trying to bridge the gap between the university and the schools. It?s natural for your peers; each one thinks the other doesn?t understand them. I?m supposed to be a university person but the school-based people feel I understand their perspective and I?ve worked more with them than I have with the university.? To bridge the gap, like Frank, Sue demonstrates credibility to the university as well as the school by being willing to persevere in her attempts to share the rich resources she has and to gain from the rich resources available to her at the university. Sark (1994) says, ?Trust is awesome. Trust is the high swinging bridge we walk with our eyes shut? (not paginated). If, indeed, the liaisons are to be trusted, their PDS colleagues must be 245 willing to close their eyes to differences in background. If they are to trust their colleagues, they must do the same. Pamela views her credibility as coming from her P-12 school background, earning respect from faculty at the university as well as with her teacher candidates. In speaking of faculty, she says, ?I am respected there [the university] because of the five years of experience that I had as a boundary spanner, so folks look to me for insights about PDS. They are willing to learn from my experiences.? Pamela experiences acceptance from her university colleagues because she shares her insights about working in schools with them. She is lifted up and supported by them as she supports them in their work. Pamela also describes her acceptance by school system faculty: Because I was doing work in a county school, I could say, ?Yes, I?m half-time university, but I?m also half-time county.? There was almost an immediate connection and while I was new to the county, I think that helped me also because coming from another system into this system gave me a range of expertise. The down side was that I was learning two institutions at the same time. But education is education, and children are children, and teachers are teachers regardless of where you are. Again, Pamela?s expertise in school related issues aids in her acceptance. Her teacher candidates particularly recognize the importance of her experience in schools as being beneficial to them. Pamela reflects on this, saying, ?I had lots of credibility with the students I was teaching who are elementary education majors because I could speak to them from my own experiences in public schools.? Pamela?s teacher candidates recognize that she has been where she is guiding them to go, and her credibility rises because they view her as being true to herself. Pamela is well received at the university, where faculty are aware of her scholarship and her involvement in educational issues, such as teacher research and inquiry, at the national level. She is able to engender trust 246 from faculty and students alike because she ?walks the talk? and sets high standards for her teacher candidates. For the liaisons with P-12 backgrounds, crossing over involves the experience of coming to the university to become part of it, then taking a university identity back into the schools. Since they speak quite forcefully about how they use their previous P-12 experiences to establish credibility in the schools, it might appear as if they are minimizing the importance of their university role in preparing and sustaining teachers, but I do not think that is the case. Each liaison has chosen to make a commitment to a university to provide a connected experience that combines the theory about teaching with the practice of teaching. They want to be able to move back and forth between each other?s castles, and this requires changing traditions. In reflecting on the necessity of letting go of the old in order to be open to something new, Huebner (1999) says: The future is before us as open or new if we are willing to turn away from what we are and have, if we are willing to let the past in us (the self) die. Life is a journey of constantly encountering the moreness and constantly letting aspects of us die that the new may be born within us. It is not necessarily a comfortable journey, and moments of rest and peace are often more infrequent than we might want. (p. 405) Certainly, the liaisons experience the tension involved in re-creating themselves as they engage in re-creating education programs at their universities. Connections between colleges and university have not always been good, and those who have worked in P-12 schools are fully aware of that reality. Morris, Taylor, Harrison, and Wasson (2000) say that the first year in a PDS is ?primarily one of building rapport with preK-12 professionals, classroom teachers who may suspect the motives of universities and their representatives need time to develop trust, collegiality and a common purpose? (p. 56). The issue is one of trust. Is the university truly there to 247 collaborate, or is it just business as usual? Although proclaiming their school backgrounds, the liaisons are the face of the university when they go into schools. As the liaisons are in relation with others in schools and through the manner in which they do their work, they set the stage for the co-creation of curriculum by bringing people together. According to Grundy (1987), curriculum is, ?a cultural construction?it is not an abstract concept which has some existence outside and prior to human experience?it is a way of organizing a set of human educational practices? (p. 5). In a PDS, the liaisons are creating curriculum based on both theory and practice. The education practices of an institution demonstrate that, ??it is not on the teacher?s shelf that one looks for the curriculum, but in the actions of people engaged in education? (Grundy, 1987, p. 6). In a PDS, the liaisons are living the curriculum. What, then, is the connection between theory and practice? Grundy (1987) shares a story about one of her students who became angry because she thought that she had been doing unique things in her classroom only to discover, ??now I find that there is this body of theory and all I have been doing all along is applying someone else?s theories!? (p. 221). Grundy?s response to her points up the inextricable connection between theory and practice. She says: Of course, she had not been ?applying? the theory at all. She was now simply authenticating it as she engaged in a process of self-reflection through which she tested the theoretical explanation in the light of her own experience?we would expect to find people already acting in ways which were congruent with the theory, but they are not acting because of the theory. (p. 21) Theory and practice are complementary and essential to one another for continued growth. In a PDS, theory informs practice and practice either validates or elucidates theory. PDS liaisons are in a position to broker an exchange between 248 university and P-12 faculty. They bring opportunities for continued professional growth to P-12 schools, and by engaging more fully in the life of P-12 schools, they see the ways in which theories are implemented. Grundy (1987) posits that curriculum can be viewed as product or Praxis. Viewed as product, curriculum presupposes that there are certain truths or fundamentals of a discipline. In the case of teacher education, Grundy uses the example of micro- teaching, having teacher candidates demonstrate mastery of a prescribed set of teacher activities, in a university or P-12 classroom setting. As curriculum makers, teachers see that, ??it is the theorems which are to be scrutinized in the light of practice, not practice in the light of theory? (p. 41). This notion presupposes a shift in structure. In PDS work, it often is said that it is not the university coming to do something to the schools, but rather a reciprocal relationship. For a PDS liaison, this means having an open mind, having credibility with both university faculty and P-12 teachers. It means letting go in order for empowerment to occur. Grundy (1987) says: The practitioner whose knowledge is constituted by a technical interest perceives the external eidos [idea] as a finite plan, and uses his/her skills to modify, adapt and apply it in different situation to produce an outcome that is judged in terms of efficiency and effectiveness. On the other hand, the practitioner whose work is informed by a practical interest grasps the eidos in terms of principles, relying upon practical judgments as the basis for decisions. What is important for him/her is understanding and the creation of a meaningful learning environment. (p. 52) In a PDS, the liaisons encounter elements of the technical outcome oriented curriculum, but there also is a move toward a curriculum of praxis, of practical action. For Grundy (1987), ?Rather than simply claiming that the knowledge and application of sets of rules is a sufficient basis for action, hermeneutics reminds us of the importance of making 249 decisions about both the meaning of the rules and the situation in which they are to be applied before action is taken? (p. 59). P-12 schools are becoming increasingly technically oriented, due to state and federal mandates for assessment. The PDS liaison experiences the tension of recognizing the reality of an outcome-oriented environment, while attempting to develop teacher candidates who are able to make decisions based on their own understandings. Essential to PDS work is an acknowledgment of the wisdom of practice in preparing teachers. An examination of practice creates and refines theories. The liaisons bridge the gap between theory and practice because they are aware of school priorities, such as the emphasis on assessments and reporting requirements. By establishing partnerships, the liaisons are able to bring ?news from the front? back to their university colleagues. They must be cautious, though, that practice does not become more important than the theory that undergirds it. The liaisons are responsible to the university curriculum, a set of interrelated courses and activities, planned to create an experience where theory and practice are enmeshed. Theory and practice are two sides of the same coin. Knowledge of P-12 schools helps them in implementation, where liaisons make the connections and broker the administration. Crossing over into trust. The other three liaisons have spent the majority of their professional lives in higher education. Devon and Diane served as Associate Dean and Department Chair, respectively. Lenore coordinated a teacher education center. For them, the crossing over experience involves bringing the university to the schools and taking this newly built school identity back to the university. 250 Lenore?s experience in a teacher education center, where there would be a significant number of student teachers with one faculty member assigned to supervise them, was a precursor to PDS at some higher education institutions. Diane?s most recent experiences were serving in administrative capacities in an education department. Devon was a full-time faculty member, working directly with university students. In addition, she had administrative experience, having served as an associate dean. However, even without recent P-12 experience, each liaison establishes relationships of trust. Devon links her acceptance in schools to what happened before she became the PDS Coordinator saying, ?I attended coordinating council meetings, for instance, so again I was a known face. And I am a former employee of the school system, not at the elementary school level, but there are people there who taught my children, and my husband is in the system so there are lots of those connections.? This resonates with Lenore?s preference for being in a place where she is known by name. Devon uses her connections to the school system to demonstrate that she is able to be trusted. Even though she has not been in the system for a number of years, she recognizes the importance of acknowledging the importance of the ?other? as ?You? as she does her work. Buber (1970/1996) speaks of this importance: When I confront a human being as my You and speak the basic I-You to him, then he is no thing among things nor does he consist of things. He is no longer He or She, limited by other Hes or Shes, a dot in the world grid of space and time, nor a condition that can be experienced and described, a loose bundle of named qualities. Neighborless and seamless, he is You and fills the firmament. Not as if there were nothing but he; but everything else lives in his light. (p. 59) On one occasion previous to our conversations, I accompanied two colleagues on a visit to one of Devon?s schools. From the time we entered until the time we left, I watched 251 Devon interact with everyone we encountered, interns, teachers and school staff. She recognized each of them in an individual manner, giving public credit to them for their contribution to the PDS. Having been in a teacher education center, Lenore sensed the ways in which a school/university collaboration could work. She wanted to be trusted, to be credible, and she recognized that it takes time to build relationships. For her, the time is worth it because she is not willing to compromise. Lenore felt accepted in the local school system because she had taught in the community. Lenore?s background, both in a teacher education center and in the community, made her comfortable and the school faculty feel comfortable with her. In speaking about her relationships with mentor teachers, Lenore says, ?Once a person is established, their reputation precedes them. The one advantage I have is that other people trust me.? Through the way she is with others, Lenore establishes an identity as someone to be trusted. Diane?s administrative experiences make her sensitive to the importance of acknowledging the ?You? of both school and university faculty. Diane says, ?I think trust comes over time. I don?t come in and say, ?Trust me.?? In speaking about her mentoring course, Diane brings forward the ways in which being from higher education helps the teachers trust her, saying, ?The teachers are talking to someone other than who is in the schoolhouse. You have to set that up at the beginning, that whatever we discuss is confidential unless we all determine that we want to move it forward with some kind of agenda.? This notion of shared governance is not one commonly held in schools. Yet, Diane is able to open up this possibility for her mentor teachers. To keep this from being an empty notion, Diane models the process of building trust in relationships for 252 her mentors. She says, ?You?ve got to experience it. You can?t teach it. You know it has to be built into what you are trying to evolve.? Diane has spoken of the importance of being with teachers in order to understand their needs. Her mentor teachers trust her because she is sensitive to their needs, academically and personally. Casey (2000) says, ?Just as everything participates in memory, so memory participates in everything: every last thing. In doing so, it draws the world together, re- membering it and endowing it with a connectiveness and a significance it would otherwise lack?or rather, without which it would not be what it is or as it is? (p. 313). Each liaison takes strengths and identifies challenges from previous experience and uses those in developing his or her PDS. Of these experiences, it is the building of relationships, personal and professional, that lays the foundations for a successful PDS. Establishing relationships with a variety of PDS stakeholders is the action required to take action. As the liaisons establish relationships with individuals, with groups of individuals, and among individuals and groups, they build new traditions, new ways of being together, along with their PDS colleagues. Building Relationships It was passion finally meeting maturity and practical skills. I?ve learned that a call has to be matched by fortitude. It?s like entering into a committed relationship. If you?re going to promise to be with someone, you?d better be in love or share a common purpose, because you know that being in a relationship is a difficult struggle. There has to be some higher purpose for it, otherwise you won?t be able to maintain it. (Brown, as cited in Levoy, 1997, p. 74) The liaisons speak often of the ways in which both building and maintaining relationships are essential to creating bridges between universities and P-12 schools. The fortitude and commitment of which Brown speaks is necessary in order for the liaisons to build and maintain their PDSs in the face of inevitable challenges. In one?s 253 personal life, there are various levels and purposes for relationships that are built from common interests, found through such means as family and educational affiliations. Professional relationships are essential to a liaison, reaching out to a wide variety of individuals and groups who will engage in the common action of building a PDS. A liaison at a local college recently commented, ?It?s not about the bricks and mortar. It?s about the people in the building.? A relationship is defined as ?a particular type of connection between people related to or having dealings with each other? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 1152). The Indo-European root of relate is tele, meaning ?to lift, support? (p. 1619). The word relation is ?from Old French, or from Latin relatio (n-), from referre (bring back)? (Chantrell, 2002, p. 426). As the liaisons illuminate their experiences of being-in-relationship, they bring forward ways in which they lift and support others in the PDS. What is not so evident, however, is whether support is provided to them as they do their work. Van Manen (1990) says, ?Lived other (relationality) is the lived relation we maintain with others in the interpersonal space that we share with them?As we meet the other we are able to develop a conversational relation which allows us to transcend our selves? (pp. 104-105). Creating relationships is a delicate task, one that can become quite frustrating when dealing with personality conflicts. The liaisons bring many people together, and sometimes have little choice as to who those people will be. Sometimes pre-existing relationships at the schools and the university are unsatisfactory, adding an additional burden for the liaison to handle. However, 254 developing relationships with people who one would not be in contact with ordinarily opens up possibilities for personal friendships as well as professional relationships. Heidegger (1953/1996) says, ?The world of Da-sein is a with-world. Being-in is being-with others. The innerwordly being-in-itself of others is Mitda-sein? (p. 112). Mitda-sein is experienced as being-with, but also as being alone. For Heidegger, ?The being-alone of Da-sein, too, is being-with in the world. The other can be lacking only in and for a being-with. Being-alone is a deficient mode of being-with, its possibility is a proof for the latter? (p. 113). ?Mitda-sein characterizes the Da-sein of other in that it is free for a being-with by the world of that being-with? (p. 113). Since relationships are so important, it is essential for the liaisons to like being with people. In speaking of this, Devon says, ?With each new school that joined the partnership, there was an increase in relationships, so the person who is in the position of PDS Coordinator just absolutely must be a people person and be able to work on a variety of levels because the relationships are at so many different levels.? What does it mean to be a ?people person?? Being a people person implies having a distinct interest in being-with people, as opposed to being alone. Saying that someone is a people person indicates a preference for being with people, thus making the building of interpersonal relationships easier because it is an authentic part of a liaison?s self-identity. Lenore brings forward the way in which she experiences being in relationship as essential for her self-concept. ?The relationship part is huge and growing because my sense of independence has to do with relationships, education being all encompassing has to do with relationships.? Relationships, then, are important for the liaisons as they 255 come to an understanding of themselves by being-with others. Dasein?s way of Being- with others expresses itself through care. Heidegger (1953/1996) describes two ways of demonstrating care and concern: Concern has two extreme possibilities. It can, so to speak, take the other?s ?care? away from him and put itself in his place in taking care, it can leap in for him?In this concern, the other can become one who is dependent and dominated even if this domination is a tacit one and remains hidden from him. In contrast to this, there is the possibility of a concern which does not so much leap in for the other as leap ahead of him, not in order to take ?care? away from him, but to first give it back to him as such. This concern which essentially pertains to authentic care, that is, the existence of the other, and not to a what which it takes care of, helps the other to become transparent to himself in his care and free for it. (pp. 114-115) The struggle between ?leaping in? and ?leaping ahead? is a constant challenge for the liaisons as they strive to accomplish many things while they also are building relationships. They must be careful not to establish a climate of dependence, but rather one of encouragement. Sue echoes the importance of relationships in her work: I think that the intimacy of it is to me the most critical thing. I know all of my mentor teachers. I know my site coordinators and field supervisors. I know the schools. I know their school improvement plans. I know their data, and I don?t know how I can do that if it [her multiple site PDS] gets larger. I keep looking at PDSs where it?s one university and one school and thinking, ?My goodness, of course I could do that easier, if I could have that.? Both Devon and Sue hint of the complexity of building and maintaining relationships, both in number and depth. As Sue indicates, it goes deeper than merely being nice to people in a social situation. Sue wants intimacy, being close, having an understanding of the real person, seeing each as Buber?s ?You.? Knowing the people involved makes Sue feel more comfortable. It is this comfort of being in relationship with people that often draws someone to consider being a liaison, but it is possible for them to have 256 relationships with so many people that they feel drained. Lindbergh?s (1955) words illuminate this aspect of being depleted, ?My life cannot implement in action the demands of all the people to whom my heart responds? (p. 124). Diane describes this as an almost schizophrenic experience, ??like Jekyll and Hyde. At one point I will be saying, ?Leave me alone. Let me do my thing out in the field.? On the other hand, I?m thinking, ?Involve me. I need to be part of the campus and what?s going on. I want to be included but I don?t have enough time to be included.?? However, the work of relationship building is not easy even if one is predisposed to it. It requires time, energy and trust. It requires a disposition toward care for others. Lindbergh (1955) cautions that ?Every relationship seems simple at its start?and then how swiftly, how inevitably, the perfect unity is invaded, the relationship changes; it becomes complicated, encumbered by its contact with the world? (p. 65). In order for relationships to be forged, it is important, first, for the liaisons to be present to those with whom they are in relation. Being Present Being, by which all beings as such are marked, Being means presencing. Thought with regard to what presences, presencing shows itself as letting- presence...Letting shows its character in bringing into unconcealment. To let presence means: to unconceal, to bring to openness. In unconcealing prevails a giving, the giving that gives presencing, that is, Being, in letting-presence. (Heidegger, 1972/2002, p. 5) In order to be in relationship with others, it is necessary to be present to them. For Heidegger, Being and presence are connected inextricably; they exist in relationship with one another. Through unconcealing, giving of oneself, Dasein shares with others. The liaisons give of themselves through their presence in P-12 schools, at the university, and other educational arenas. They take time to be with the interns, P-12 257 faculty, school system personnel, their university colleagues, and the broader educational community. Being present provides them with opportunities to forge relationships wherever they are. What is the essence of being present? Lenore comments on being present in her schools, saying, ?I think by being there all the time, teachers really understand that I understand what they are going through.? As Lenore suggests, teachers feel they are understood when they are seen as ?real? to the liaisons. Lenore underscores this importance in her desire to be in schools where she consequently reveals herself to teachers and administrators there. In this giving of themselves, liaisons provide opportunities for those in schools to open themselves to learning, growth and new possibilities. In relationships with her teachers, being understood is important and Lenore is sensitive to this. She, too, seeks to be understood. The trusting relationship she builds with them supports them as they come to understand each other and ultimately themselves. Her giving certainly involves being physically present, yet being mentally and emotionally present as well. Being present implies an interest, an attunement. Even when she is not physically present, she maintains relationships by phone and email. Through understanding, Lenore is acknowledging the worth of each individual. Being present is energizing for Diane who shares her goal of being present as an active state. When asked what she likes about being in a PDS, she says, ?Being where the action is and taking those things that we think about and then actually talking about them with people to see how they can be activated.? For Diane, the action is important, the action that comes from conversations, but it is the relationships with people that 258 make being in the PDS enjoyable for her. Diane wants change to occur and recognizes that she cannot do it alone. Diane?s words bring forward her understanding of the need for people to be together in relation in order for change to occur. It is not sufficient for the liaisons to be in relation with each individual; those in PDSs must be in relation with each other, as well. Through relationships, the liaisons lift and support their PDS colleagues through the giving of themselves involved in being present to one another. Although Dreamer suggests the importance of being fully present in the moment, being present in one place is difficult enough for the liaisons because there are so many places they need to be. Devon shares her frustration in having to move back and forth between the university and the schools at least thirty minutes away: You can?t imagine how many times I would be in the schools for a meeting, at the college for a meeting, then back in the schools for a meeting. As much as we talked about it, it was never resolved and I don?t know that it can be. When you have so many busy people trying to get together, you just do it when you can and so I would say, ?Okay, I can do that.? To maintain relationships, Devon sacrifices her own comfort to accommodate the needs of others. This is not unusual, particularly for those with multiple site PDSs. However, being present in relationship is not defined by location. Dreamer (2003) says, ?There is simply no place, no location or situation, that cannot be used to wake up and live all of what and who you are, if you are willing to show up, to be present in the only place you ever have access to: here? (p. 78). Dreamer echoes Leder?s (1990) words about the way in which persons experience being bodily present, ?I experience myself as always situated here, not spread throughout existence like a god or pure mind? (p. 22). More often than not, the liaisons experience being spread thin in order to be present in the many ?heres? of PDS schools and the university. The liaisons 259 have enough trouble being in many ?heres,? let alone being fully present in each moment. Understanding the notion of being present brings forward issues surrounding the experience of being absent. Heidegger (1972) tells us, ?The vast reach of presencing shows itself most oppressively when we consider that absence, too, indeed absence most particularly, remains determined by a presencing which at times reaches uncanny proportions? (p. 7). Being absent is experienced by the liaisons both as being absent from the university and responding to the previous absence of university faculty in schools. If the university presence in a school has not been strong, where faculty have been physically present only sporadically, the liaison must try to overcome the perception that higher education faculty are not interested in being in schools. Pamela speaks of her attempts to counter this negative perception of university faculty: When I?m at the schools, I feel like I then spend time with the people in the schools. I?m mindful of complaints that I hear in the schools of university people not being disciplined. ?They [university people] send their interns, and then we don?t see them again until it?s time to do a final evaluation observation or when they come to observe.? So I try to be much more visible than that. I know I am putting in more time than that, but I think the end product makes it all worthwhile. When Pamela is in schools, she is there mentally and emotionally, as well as physically. Since Pamela establishes herself as a presence in her schools by being there, her presence is felt when she is not physically present. Heidegger (1972/2002) illuminates this notion, saying, ??even that which is no longer present presences immediately in its absence?in the manner of what has been, and still concerns us. What has been does not just vanish from the previous now as does that which is merely past. Rather, what has 260 been presences, but in its own way. In what has been, presencing is extended? (p. 13). Pamela?s presence in the schools is extended because she establishes relationships with those who are there. When Frank accepted the PDS Director position, it did not take him long to see that something was missing: the presence of his college with the local school system. He realized quickly that in order for his PDSs to be successful, he would need to develop relationships with representatives of the school system. His experience as a principal told him that a good relationship between the university and the school system would benefit his interns and the staff at the school. He says: What I did the last couple of years was to put a lot of time and effort into trying to establish or reestablish a presence for the college and the school system. We had none. It was like a neighboring college was the only show in town. And that?s fine. They nurtured and they built that relationship. And, certainly, I?m not envious of it. Now we have a similar type of affiliation and we?ve developed a good collegial working relationship with the neighboring college also and with the community college as well. Being absent is also experienced as absence from the university. Some liaisons lament the changing relationships they have with on-campus colleagues, changes precipitated by not being physically present to them. Bryant (in Bryant et al., 2004) likens the changing relationship with on campus colleagues to being in a ?twilight zone? (p. 120). Being away from campus was particularly difficult for King (in Bryant et al., 2004) who says, ?My loss of contact with my university colleagues robbed me of my professional support system and an important source of my professional life?In the school system my accomplishments are unrecognized or co-opted and on campus, they are invisible? (p. 126). 261 As a multiple site coordinator, Devon is very sensitive to the isolation she feels. In describing a conference presentation entitled ?Where Does the Coordinator Hang Her Hat?,? Devon speaks of being ?criticized by my department for not being around? because her classes were being held in PDS schools. She says, ?I did not know what was going on. I really felt like an outcast. It?s too difficult to make the meetings with our being thirty minutes away from campus. So where do I hang my hat? It pretty much stays on my head as I am moving around.? However, when political issues become heated and complicated, there can be advantages to being off campus. Pamela shares, ?I don?t get on campus as much. It?s been good because I can honestly say I don?t always know what?s going on, so I?m grateful that I?m off campus. When I get on campus, it?s usually a Friday or a Monday. If it?s Monday, I?m in meetings. If it?s Friday, there are very few people there.? Although Dreamer (2003) says, ?What matters is how we are together, not where we are? (p. 80), it is important for the liaisons to be in place, in the variety of places where they are called to be. In discussing the relation between space and place, Tuan (1997) says, ??if we think of space as that which allows movement, then place is pause; each pause in movement makes it possible for location to be transformed into place? (p. 6). What does this mean for the liaisons who are so focused on forward movement? As they are more present in the PDS, their movements may become less important than the relationships they develop as they pause there. Pamela shares the ways in which her presence in the PDS, her pausing there, helps her to build relationships: I?m probably in schools a lot more than they [P-12 teachers] are accustomed to seeing university faculty in schools. In fact I was there yesterday and today and 262 someone told me if I?m not careful they?re going to find a space for me and move me in. Another teacher asked me if I had moved in. I feel comfortable with them and they feel comfortable with me for the most part. By sharing time in the dwelling place of the teachers, Pamela is able to establish a comfort level, where the faculty can joke with her about how often they see her. Pamela is in place because she has paused there, taking time to be with those in the school, creating connections between time and place that are a delicate, yet strong, mixture to lay the foundation for a PDS. In doing so, she builds relationships because, just as she learns about school faculty, they begin to learn about her and trust her. Being in Place In bringing forward the connection between being present and being in place, O?Donohue (1997) says, ?The life and passion of a person leave an imprint on the ether of a place? (p. 19). There are some PDSs that I think of by the titles of their schools, perhaps a single site or paired school, sometimes by the name of the university and the partner school system. In other cases, however, I refer to them by the name of the liaison. I think, for example, of Pamela?s or Lenore?s PDS. These liaisons are linked inextricably for me as representing their PDS. Building and dwelling are intricately linked for them as they construct and cultivate their PDSs. O?Donohue (1997) speaks of place as ??not simply location?but as a profound individuality? (p. 85). The liaisons are aware of this connection between place and the individual. For example, when describing a new PDS Coordinator, Sue catches herself saying, ?She was involved in the development at my PDS, scratch that, not my PDS. I don?t need to say that. The names and titles are too long to say in this county. Makes it sound like I?m the only person there.? Why does Sue want to stop herself from 263 verbally stating her feelings of ownership? Being an owner brings forward the notion of control, whereas being present suggests giving of oneself through unconcealing. Casey (1993) would not be surprised by Sue?s statement, telling us: As we feel more ?at home? in dwelling places, they become places created in our own bodily image?For we tend to identify ourselves by ? and with ? the places in which we reside. Since a significant part of our personal identity depends on our exact bodily configuration, it is only to be expected that dwelling places, themselves physical in structure, will resemble our own material bodies in certain quite basic respects. (p. 120) As she dwells in her PDS, Sue is more at home there, a more integral part of it. Sue feels it is her responsibility to take control, and so shapes the PDS in her own image. Frank shares a similar revelation: ?I have to be careful if I start to take too much ownership. I think in this role I have to be careful that this is the college and two local systems? PDS; it?s not Frank?s PDS.? Once again, Frank demonstrates his understanding that being in a PDS is not about being totally in control. Frank tries to guard against taking too much ownership by mentoring someone, guiding her to take his place. Levoy (1997) describes this as ?what Carl Jung called generativity, in which elders turn around and begin helping, serving even, the generation coming up behind them. It?s part of the work of individuation, of people-making and culture- making?Generativity, the passing of the baton from elder to younger, is inherent in mentoring? (p. 303). Through the mentoring relationship, Frank establishes a place for the next generation of liaisons at his college. He and his mentee coexist in cultivating and constructing the PDS so she, too, can feel a sense of ownership for it. They inhabit the place of the PDS along with other colleagues. Casey (1993) speaks of the way in which places are inhabited, saying, ?For the most part we get into places together. We partake of places in common ? and reshape 264 them in common. The culture that characterizes and shapes a given place is a shared culture, not merely superimposed upon that place but part of its very facticity? (p. 31). Thus, the PDS as a place is shaped by more than one person through a culture of sharing, perhaps the third culture of which Morgan (in Morgan & Eustis, 2004, p. 98) speaks. The university and the school are places that already have their own cultures and dwellings. A PDS is a place that is not defined by either existing physical building. Although a PDS exists at the university and at the school, the emphasis seems to be on the school as the place of being the PDS. What does this mean for the liaison who is there to build a space in which both university and school faculty will be present to one another? In his poem, Fire, Brown (as cited in Intrator & Scribner, 2003) opens up the relationship building process. ?Fire? What makes a fire burn is space between the logs, a breathing space. Too much of a good thing, too many logs packed in too tight can douse the flames almost as surely as a pail of water would. So building fires requires attention to the spaces in between; as much as to the wood. When we are able to build open spaces in the same way we have learned to pile on the logs, then we can come to see how 265 it is fuel, and absence of the fuel together, that make fire possible. We only need to lay a log lightly from time to time. A fire grows simply because the space is there, with openings in which the flame that knows just how it wants to burn can find its way. (p. 89) As Brown suggests, the way in which relationships are built is as important as the nature of the persons involved. In building a PDS, the liaisons endeavor to bridge the gap between the university and schools, while still providing space to allow the fire to ignite. To do this, they try to avoid merely collapsing the two together by respecting differences and harnessing the energy available in each. By creating spaces in relationship, they create a structure that produces energy but does not stifle those involved, for their aim is to light a fire that will promote interest in the PDS. The liaisons create places in which growth occurs because they allow spaces to provide fuel for movement, with attention to the necessity of pausing long enough for places to be established. To build this new place, the liaisons look for connections to facilitate relationship building. In The Global Soul, Iyer (2000) describes the way in which persons interact with a new place, likening it to ?the rite of a cocktail party, at which, upon being introduced to a stranger, we cast about to find a name, a place, a person we might have in common: a friend is someone who can bring as many of our selves to the table as possible? (p. 125). The liaisons bring all of themselves forward in encountering 266 the places of both the school and the university as they use their time to cultivate and construct a PDS. Being in Time I think to myself I?m really busy and people don?t understand when they ask, ?What do you do and why does it take so much time?? I guess actually putting it down on paper made me feel better. It?s like it justifies that I?m busy. Wait a minute. Look at all the things I do. Whereas, when you just say it in a nutshell, it really doesn?t sound like that many different things to do. I think we are always struggling to show people what it is that we do and feel that maybe people don?t quite understand the whole realm of what we do. (Sue) Sue?s words bring forward two concerns felt by the liaisons, that they have too much to do in too little time, and that others do not understand their busyness. The liaisons typically spend more time in schools than did their predecessors in traditional teacher preparation programs, as well as doing work on campus and at home. Keeping up with all of their tasks is difficult enough without having to explain what they do to others. We have already seen that being present in schools is essential to being a liaison. For Heidegger (1972), ??Being proves to be destiny?s gift of presence, the gift granted by the giving of time? (p. 22). In spending time in schools, the liaisons share their Being through their presence, demonstrating their commitment by allocating time for the relationships needed to support the PDS. However, the liaisons wonder why, if they are giving of themselves as they spend time with others in many ways and places, their giving is not always recognized. An understanding of the ways in which time is viewed opens up the way in which the liaisons experience time spent doing their work. Experiencing time. In Metaphors We Live By, Lakoff and Johnson (1980) refer to the metaphor of time as money that is prevalent in Western culture. It is difficult not 267 to speak of ?spending time.? However, they suggest, ?This isn?t a necessary way for human beings to conceptualize time. It is tied to our culture. There are cultures where time is none of these things? (p. 9). In the culture of the university and the schools, time is viewed as a very valuable commodity because of this cultural understanding that ?TIME IS A LIMITED RESOURCE, which entails that TIME IS A VALUABLE COMMODITIY? (p. 9). Because time is a valuable commodity for the liaisons, they view giving their time as a significant gift. Feeling that they do not have enough time to do all they are required to do is a pervasive theme for the liaisons. There seems never to be enough time and, certainly, the amount of time required to do the work is nowhere near a match for the amount stipulated in a position description or a contract. As the liaisons view time as clock hours, the discrepancy between expectations by both the university and themselves creates tension when prioritizing among seemingly equal responsibilities. Heidegger (1972) opens up an understanding of time that goes beyond clock time, which is an accounting of minutes and hours, to demonstrate the symbiotic relationship between time and Being: ?if we are to characterize time in terms of the present, we understand the present as the now as distinct from the no longer now of the past and the not-yet- now of the future. But the present speaks at the same time of presence. However, we are not accustomed to defining the peculiar character of time with regard to the present in the sense of presence. Rather, we represent time?the unity of present, past and future?in terms of the now. (p. 11) Heidegger views time as a continuum through which Dasein is present in the world. Time is a series of ?consecutive nows? (p. 16) where ?The matter at stake is not a relation retroactively superimposed on Being and time. The matter at stake first appropriates Being and time into their own in virtue of their relation, and does so in the 268 appropriating that is concealed in destiny and in the gift of opening out? (p. 19). Heidegger brings forward this interrelationship that opens Dasein to relationship with self and others. ?Because Being and time are there only in appropriating, appropriating has the peculiar property of bringing man into his own as the being who perceives Being by standing within true time? (p. 23). In this notion the relation between time and Being is essential for self-understanding. Time is not a commodity to be used, but rather an experience to be lived through. However, it is difficult for the liaisons to speak of time in this manner. Hargreaves, (as cited in Adelman, Eagle & Hargreaves, 1997) describes three ways in which time can be experienced. Those who feel they are ?prisoners of time? work within pre-existing and often outdated conceptions of time, such as clock time (p. 82). Others view time as a way to be ?time bandits? who are ?commandeering time for their own purposes? (p. 83). Still others experience time by becoming ?partners in time,? trying to identify ways in which time can be expressed more meaningfully (p. 85). These three manners of experiencing time are echoed in Flaherty?s (1999) notion that ??temporal organization is not synonymous with the lived experience of time? (p. 10). As the liaisons discuss time, they most often refer to the paradigm of clock time, an accounting of minutes and hours allocated to their work. Since their work is so embedded in their lives as vocation, it is not surprising that they often feel overwhelmed. Heidegger (1972) says, ?Being and time determine each other reciprocally, but in such a manner that neither can the former?Being?be addressed as something temporal nor can the latter?time?be addressed as being? (p. 3). As Being 269 and time exist in relation with each other, so too, the liaisons? sense of self is experienced in the ways in which they experience time, whether counting it, stealing it or relating with it. Counting time. One thing that differentiates a PDS liaison from a traditional university supervisor of student teachers is the amount of time spent in schools doing work beyond the direct supervision of interns. When I supervised student teachers, they had an experience in a middle school and a high school and I was required to do three formal observations in each school. Not only do the liaisons spend more time in schools, but they are in schools in different ways. They hold coordinating council meetings, sit on school improvement teams, and arrange professional development for inservice teachers. Sue committed time to being a liaison even before she officially began in her position. She says, ?I went out exploring what PDS was all about, got on websites, read documents, asked for information to be sent, and then began to see what the whole idea of PDS was. I was very fortunate that I knew well in advance I had the position, so I had plenty of time to get my act together.? To feel comfortable that she had her ?act together,? Sue manages her time in order to develop a credible professional identity as she begins her work. Frank illuminates the hectic nature of time that he experiences as he works in the schools and at the college: I went to a school site twice yesterday, and I think I went somewhere else yesterday. On Tuesday, I was at that same school three times, at another school in a different county once and I was here at the college three times. I came back here yesterday to get some materials from the print shop that we needed, that was one reason I came back. I came back a second time because I had a meeting with one of my graduate students. I came back a third time late in the afternoon 270 simply because I had work to do here and one other time after being at one of the elementary schools. Then I went to a PDS meeting at one of the middle schools, but I came here first to pick up some things for my mentee who is working with me now. Then I came back here. I left that meeting and went straight back over to the elementary school because I did an orientation meeting for mentors in the morning and then I did one in the afternoon and we met with the principal over there. I came back here around three o?clock because I had to use the computer. Frank had been in so many places in the previous 48 hours that it was difficult for him to remember exactly where he had been and when. He relates a comment made by his department chair who said, ?It?s [the PDS] become a monster. It?s a good monster if you can manage it, but a half-time person can?t manage it.? Even though his department chair recognizes the discrepancy between the time allotted for his position and what it requires him to do, Frank experiences a frenetic pace every day. Perhaps he is understood, but this does not change his use of time. In discussing the way in which time is perceived, Flaherty (1999) questions, ?A minute may be a minute, but is there anyone who has not had the sensation that time has passed quickly or slowly?? (p. 2). Frank?s constant motion allows time to move quickly for him, almost unnoticed. Much of Frank?s time involves movement from place to place and he seems energized by it. He is using time as a partner to facilitate his movement. For Lenore, there is only one day on her calendar when she is not officially working. It is the day between when one cohort group ends and the other begins. When she began as the PDS coordinator, she started with the interns, commenting that it was like building an airplane while flying it. She has tried to come to peace with the fact that she cannot accomplish everything she wants to do each day. She says, ?I know in my heart that if I worked 24 hours a day, seven days a week, I will never finish. I won?t finish it, so if I?m not going to finish it, it doesn?t make a difference. The paperwork is 271 always last. People come first.? Gleick (1999) sees this dread of paperwork as a not uncommon phenomenon, ?Time spent on paperwork is part of the cost of living in a complex world. Your mix of activities and responsibilities becomes a machine with more and more interlocking parts, and the cost of running it rises nonlinearly? (p. 130). The interlocking pieces of maintaining relationships and administrative housekeeping require more than 24 hours of clock time for Lenore to complete all she wants to do. In determining the ways in which she will use her time, she follows her heart and chooses to lift and support through relationships, rather than succumb to the demands of housekeeping. She does not want to be a ?prisoner of time,? but though she says that not finishing paperwork does not make a difference to her, she still struggles with knowing that it remains to be done. The tension involved in having to prioritize between doing and being-with is a constant reality for the liaisons. Like the other liaisons, it is the relationship aspect of PDS work that Lenore finds most rewarding, and most important, so she makes time for it. Pamela, too, uses more time than she is required according to her job description. She shares her reasons for doing so: While it probably could have been possible for me to say, ?They only give me 2 ? days so I?m only going to do 2 ? days of work,? I?ve never been that kind of person. My work is a reflection of me and I pride myself in doing the best possible job that I can. So it was a combination of what was required and what I required of myself. Because I think my standards are very high to begin with, I think I?ve gone above and beyond the call of duty in fulfilling the responsibilities of the position. It may have required talking to people beyond the workday, checking email and that kind of thing. I may have been up until 12 or 1 o?clock doing that, developing materials for presentations when it?s not always done on company time, so to speak. Pamela?s pride and integrity call her to do whatever she needs to do, however long it takes. While this is noble, and essential, on Pamela?s part, the university system counts 272 time in terms of credit hour production that is linked to courses, not necessarily time spent. Even though Pamela yearns to be a partner with time, she still finds herself stealing time from her home life. Some of the liaisons were asked to keep track of their time. Frank shares his frustration in doing so, ?My department chair asked me to keep a log of my PDS time, and to be honest after a couple of weeks, I stopped doing that. One week in December I was into Thursday morning and I already had 34 ? hours invested in PDS, and I?m only employed 20 hours a week for PDS.? When Frank examines his work according to clock time, he feels like a ?prisoner of time,? and so decides that it is not a realistic way in which to view his work. This tracking activity stands in contrast to the energy he feels from the movement among schools and the college he describes previously. Time as accomplishment. This frustration is shared also by Sue who speaks about the amount of time she spends doing PDS work: It?s more time than I thought it would be. I guess it?s a fairly overwhelming position in that it?s so scattered. I find I?ll sit down at the computer and pull out my email for the day, although I do that about four times a day, with 15 emails each time, and in the end I will be sitting there for an hour responding to emails, and when I?m done I?ll think, ?What did you get accomplished?? because everything had to do with some other little issue. Hearkening back to Sue?s view of administrative duties as housekeeping, it is not surprising that she feels frustrated with all of the details. In a culture that is focused on accelerated movement, Gleick (1999) says, ?Reading E-mail starts to feel like a forced march through a shadeless landscape? (p. 87), perhaps by one who feels like a ?prisoner of time.? Sue does not view accomplishments as time spent on the ?little issues,? the housekeeping details that are essential to her work. Even though she is busy all of the time, she does not feel she is accomplishing ?big things.? For the liaisons, there is a 273 constant struggle between accomplishing and Being. The frustration they feel demonstrates perhaps an unconscious recognition that the busyness is not indicative of what they are truly accomplishing. Accomplishment is defined as ?the act of accomplishing or the state of being accomplished; something completed successfully? (American Heritage New College Dictionary, 1997, p. 9). The origin of accomplish is from ?accomplisshen, borrowed from Old French acompliss-, stem of acomplir to fulfill, from Vulgar Latin *accomplere (Latin ac-to + complere fill up)? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 6). Certainly, Sue?s time is filled up, but perhaps her distress rests in the notion of completion. In the realm of PDS work, particularly in relationships, completion is not finality. Devon also is conscious of how her time is used, gauging it against the barometer of her expertise. Qualifying what she does, she says that the time spent as a PDS liaison was not ?the best use of my time.? The amount of time Devon was spending on administrative and clerical work cemented her decision to leave the PDS Coordinator position. She says: ?so much of my time was phone calls and photocopying and all the little stuff that, if we had clerical assistance, it might have helped. I guess it was repetitive enough that it was no longer exciting. I had done a newsletter and now it was beginning to be a chore. The internship planning, the internship dinner, doing things more than a couple of times and it gets boring to me. Flaherty (1999) speaks of ?the density of conscious experience?a crucial element conditioning one?s perception of the passage of time? (p. 138). Time seems protracted when there is extremely high or low involvement. Time seems to move according to clock time when there is a moderate routine. Devon?s responsibilities lent themselves more to an experience of counting, leaving little time for partnering. Devon?s and Sue?s 274 work also brings forward an understanding of time as leading to a product. In this view, as time is used, a tangible, completed product should result, particularly when having contributed such a valuable commodity as time. In such a relationship-based model as a PDS, the more essential accomplishments are often not what can be touched, but rather what can be felt. Dreamer (1999) says, ?I have done it a thousand times?confused work with accomplishment, frenetic activity with movement, growth, and learning. We are afraid that we will not be enough. All of our deepest desires are our soul?s way of calling us back to simply being all of who we are? (p. 31). Sometimes being over-committed keeps us from examining our lives?who we are, what is important to us. While caught in the frenzy of building, relationships with ourselves and with others can suffer rather than being enhanced. Making decisions. For all of the liaisons, time is valuable, but they have varied notions about the way their time is best used. They make decisions every day about how much time they will devote to the PDS and its activities. In the Celtic view of time, ?The recognition of presence and the celebration of nature were only possible because time was a window on the eternal. Time was never reduced to achievement. Time was time for wonder? (O?Donohue, 1997, p. 152). With so much to do and so little time in which to do it, a time for ?wonder? seems like a luxury for the liaisons, who exist in an achievement-oriented culture. Yet, time for wonder is needed in developing relationships. The liaisons often are torn between responsibilities of seemingly equal importance, some involving doing and some being-with-others. Lindbergh (1955) says, 275 ?The space has been scribbled on; the time has been filled?For it is not merely the trivial which clutters our lives but the important as well? (p. 115). In what manner do the liaisons determine what to do when such competing priorities arise? Frank uses relationships as the barometer for many decisions regarding how he makes use of his time. If, for example, he receives a call from a school saying that one of his interns is having difficulty, he will leave the college and travel to the school, which could be up to an hour away, and then back to the college, to preserve the relationship he has with mentor teachers at the schools. Frank says, ?I make those decisions based on how I think it is either going to enhance or deter from our relationship with that school. That is really how I make that decision. If I don?t do that right now, will it somehow damage or have a negative impact on the collaborative relationship built here?? Frank is concerned with the macro level of relationship as it is formed by individual relationships. Flaherty (1999) says, ??to experience the passage of time is to make something of one?s immediate circumstance? (p. 9). Frank views each circumstance as a decision-making opportunity. Sue counts her time in inches, the amount of time it takes for the caterpillar to inch its way up the well, only to fall back again. She speaks of how she does not look back at her accomplishments, does not count the results of how she spent her time, only that it was a lot of time spent. Levoy (1997) says, ?As we follow our calls, it is also important to shout a few hosannas about our progress, to throw our caps in the air in celebration of how far we?ve come from where we started, and to be unafraid that if we count our blessings out loud, we?ll somehow jinx everything? (p. 325). Although Sue 276 celebrates the accomplishments of others, she is hesitant to take time to celebrate her own accomplishments. For Sue, her accomplishments are outweighed by all of the things that were not done. She admits that this is due partly to her own personality. She is lured constantly by the many possibilities that are inherent in PDS work. Because she is naturally gregarious and inquisitive, she finds out about opportunities and wants to make them available to her P-12 teachers and interns. Even though she realizes that she is putting herself in a situation that saps her energy and eats up her time, Sue seems powerless to stop herself as long as she is in the well, trying to get out. Gleick (1999) refers to this phenomenon as being ?a mixture of victims and perpetrators with nothing in between? (p. 160). Sue?s work time has no beginning and no end, and leaves little time for soul- searching. Sue is not alone in this as the other liaisons also manifest this tendency to do more and more in any given day. Doing PDS work encroaches upon Sue?s time at home as well. She explains why she spends time doing some work at home: I do a lot on weekends. I do a lot in the evenings. My husband works until 7 in the evening, so I tend to work until about 7 in the evening, which would be outside what I consider the normal workday. The idea of working at home is much better because I feel less distracted at home. I feel like I get more done. When I?m at the schools, I feel like I then spend time with people in the schools. Sue identifies a distinction between the ?doing? of her work, which she can do at home, in order to use the time in schools for the ?being-with? of relationships. The liaisons experience changes in their relationships with significant others as they spend so much time in their relationships in the PDS. Like Sue, Frank?s work encroaches on his life at home. Frank shares an insight concerning this: For the entire year it has really cut into my personal time. I?m basically a ten month employee, yet I think there were probably only a total of eight days last 277 summer I did not do work for the college, almost all of which was for PDS. I?ll give you an example. My wife said to me last semester, ?I think you bring more work home now than you did when you were a principal.? I hadn?t even thought about that. As a principal, I was able to very seldom bring work home because I structured my time in a way that I did not want it cutting into my personal life. I haven?t been able to do that here. Almost everything I do for preparation for my teaching load, I do at home in the evenings and on weekends. Lenore, too, has set a standard for how her time is spent and it is always focused on people and her relationships with them. Lenore struggles with issues of doing work at home as well, saying, ?I could work every single night and I?m really working on not working past 9 o?clock, so at least we [she and her husband] have two hours just for the two of us, even if it?s just sitting watching TV together.? Lenore has said in the past that she would attempt to do less work at home, but admits that she had only talked about wanting to ?have more of a life.? What is the more that Lenore seeks? Why has it taken so long for her talk to become action? O?Donohue (1997) brings forward the connection between the opportunities for growth that are present in a day, regulated by the rhythm of movement, saying, ?Possibility and change become growth within the shape of time that we call a day. Days are where we live. This rhythm shapes our lives? (p. 129). The rhythm to which the liaisons dance is often more like an Irish Ceilie dance, where dancers are constantly changing partners as the tempo of the music increases, leaving the dancers exhilarated, but sometimes out of breath. One of the reasons the liaisons spend so much time doing this work is because they feel that it is ultimately their responsibility. They want to develop the PDS collaboratively, but do not see the collaboration as necessarily involving equal allocations of time. Sue says, I guess I have a realistic perspective of how this is going to be successful, and my perspective is that I?ve got to do about 80% of the work for this to be 278 successful. I know the whole idea of PDS is collaboration, but you?ve got to look for the collaboration at the right times for people to allow them to collaborate. I know that if I?m sending mentor teachers back to their buildings, and they are teaching classes and working with my interns, sending them back with tasks to do is not going to work. The reality is there aren?t many people that I can hand a task to. The liaisons are aware of and concerned about the amount of time they ask of others to become involved. Sometimes I wonder if they are too cautious about asking other people to become involved in accepting responsibility. Commenting on the way time is experienced in reform movements, Adelman, Eagle and Hargreaves (1997) state, ?The nature of many of the elements of reforms currently being implemented requires the active participation of teachers?and, therefore, their time. Further, the successful implementation of many of the reforms requires the willingness of teachers to undertake new roles and assume new responsibilities? (p. 1x). As P-12 faculty are increasingly involved in reform efforts at their schools, the liaisons state that they do not want to burden the teachers, administrators, or other higher education faculty with added responsibilities. They also are reinforced in this behavior by the thanks they consistently receive from teachers. They feel a need to protect others in their PDSs from spending time doing PDS work unless it is attached to a monetary compensation. On one level, I understand their concern; however, I have witnessed the power and energy that Writing Project teachers experience without being paid for everything they do. Do the liaisons realize fully what they are doing when they compensate everyone for everything they do? Since time is a gift, the liaisons should be receivers as well as givers, but that is most often not the case. Although the liaisons attempt to protect the boundaries of others, they are not so good at protecting their own boundaries. Connelly (1993) says, ?So the day opens with 279 a quest?where will I place my boundaries today??Clearly, a being in a question is a being open to looking at the nature of life, and willing to see it whole and as a gift with no boundaries. If I had not an opening, I could not even ask the questions? (p. 44). The liaisons are so busy and their days so full that they have difficulty identifying boundaries between their personal and professional lives. They make decisions about how to spend their time based on what is important to others, often neglecting what is important to them. A strong element of the liaisons? work involves crossing boundaries, rather than establishing them. In describing the nature of borders, Goldberg (1996) says, ?Borders are a big subject in writing because living means constantly crossing them between the physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological realms. This is where two or more places meet, where one ends, another begins, but both exist at the same time? (p. 93). By being present in relationship through the gift of time, the liaisons engage in the constructing and cultivating processes of building across the cultural borders of the university and the school. As they spend time in schools, the liaisons become present by slowing their movements and pausing long enough to develop relationships. What most liaisons want, however, is not only to have a presence in schools but to feel inside. Being Inside There are many ways to view being inside. Neapolitan (in Bryant et al., 2004) defines being an insider as ?if and when I am consulted on important decisions in the partnership? (p. 109) and ?being honest? (p. 115). An insider, according to the American Heritage College Dictionary (1997) is one who is ?an accepted member of a group; one who has special knowledge or access to information? (p. 703). For Relph 280 (1976), an insider lives within the enclosure of a particular place. An insider feels enveloped by the place of living. O?Donohue (1997) says, ?Our hunger to belong is the longing to find a bridge across the distance from isolation to intimacy? (p. xxii). As the liaisons strive to belong in two worlds, that of the university and that of the P-12 school, belonging is important both to the work they do and to their sense of themselves. Chantrell (2003) describes the etymology of longing, ?The Old English verb longian meant both ?grow long, prolong?, and ?dwell in thought, yearn?. Of Germanic origin, it is related to Dutch langen ?present, offer? and German langen ?reach, extend? (p. 307). In longing to belong, the liaisons persist in their yearning to be present. This comes forward in description by Morris, Taylor, Harrison, and Wasson (2000) of PDS liaisons as ?professors who have come to stay? (p. 43). They extend themselves as they reach across boundaries to bring schools and universities closer together. O?Donohue (1999) tells us, ?The structures of our world bring the architecture of belonging to expression. In order to be, we need to belong? (p. 71). O?Donohue resonates with Heidegger?s notion of Being as Being-in-the-world. The ways in which the liaisons build the structure of their PDSs reflect who they are, for as Casey (1993) says, ?In creating built places, we transform not only the local landscape but ourselves as subjects? (p. 111). In describing belonging, O?Donohue (1999) says belonging ?holds together the two fundamental aspects of life: Being and Longing, the longing of our Being and the being of our Longing? (p. 2). Dasein, then, is always longing toward Heidegger?s (1953/1996) ?potentiality of being? (p. 135). Reflecting on the liaisons? longing to be 281 insiders, they want to belong in both places, where they are visitors and natives. This distinction between native and visitor is helpful in understanding what the liaisons feel as they do their work. O?Donohue (1999) describes a native as: ?one who belongs to a place by virtue of birth. The native is from here. The term suggests that somehow your initial belonging to a particular place seeps into your heart in a way that can never be washed out again?the native is faithful to the place and continues the initial belonging. No one knows the feel and memory of a place the way the native does. (pp. 40-41) As natives, the liaisons experience the connection between being and place deep within. They are familiar with the written and unwritten rules, the norms of behavior that are expected. A liaison is also a visitor, ?one who belongs someplace else, but is now here in the world of your belonging?Regardless of the frequency of visits, the visitor remains essentially an outsider, an intruder from another area of belonging? (O?Donohue, 1999, p. 42). By being present at the school and the university, as both natives and visitors, this dichotomy creates tension for the liaisons. Their longing to belong is reflected in the ways in which they make attempts to belong and the difficulties they encounter. Regardless of their backgrounds, each attempts to build a new structure where natives and visitors feel equally at home. In order to do this, each goes through a process of acclimation to the new setting. This does not mean, however, that the liaisons always feel like visitors in the place that was not their original home. Some grow into a practice of dual citizenship. Being a native: Devon is comfortable being a native at the university, but she is not uncomfortable being in schools. Her preference, however, is to be on campus at the 282 college. In the group conversation, Devon says, she disliked ?being a guest in two different places and never fitting in anywhere.? She suggests, ?I think if we could address that in some way, we might have happier PDS coordinators.? Sue responds, ?I really hadn?t thought about it in those words, but that is absolutely how you feel in a lot of different ways. There are a lot of days, when you feel like you belong, but there are some days when you feel like you are between, not really sure of where you fall.? Devon and Sue are not alone in feeling that they are ?between? and do not belong anywhere. Another PDS liaison, Nechie King, describes her experience of being a PDS liaison as being a resident alien. What troubled her was not so much being inside schools as being subsumed by them (in Bryant et al., 2004). Some liaisons feel they spend so much time in schools that they are no longer an integral part of the university. Devon shares her concern about belonging in the college saying, ?I have a history here but I was a little concerned that I was not on a college committee, for instance, because I could never make meetings. I was nominated for some really prominent committees, and I needed to decline until I was through with the coordinator position.? Devon?s perception of belonging at the college is that it is hampered because the coordinator position keeps her from moving forward in her career. She elaborates, ?When I was on campus I would hear, ?Oh, you still work here?? And that feeling of not really fitting in anywhere. I didn?t know issues that were going on, the rare occasion I would go to lunch on campus. But I think it was that loneliness, just wanting to be a part of one world.? O?Donohue (1999) speaks of this delicate balance between longing and belonging, ?The arduous task of being a human is to balance longing and belonging so 283 that they work with and against each other to ensure that all the potential and gifts that sleep in the clay of the heart may be awakened and realized in this one life? (pp. xxvii- xxviii). Devon felt isolated from her colleagues and, although she has come to belong in her schools, she longed to be elsewhere. She did not feel she belonged at the college in the same way since she became a coordinator because the gifts of her heart were not being tapped into. Trying to belong in both places, Devon felt she did not fit in anywhere: A feeling that surfaced more than once was aloneness. So, on the one hand it [being the PDS Coordinator] was very empowering, but it was also very lonely because I was the one. I was in two or three different worlds and always had to be the professional, and couldn?t relate friend to friend with my school system colleagues because I might be slighting someone else professionally. At that time it [the PDS] wasn?t integral. It wasn?t as connected to the department or the department wasn?t as connected to it. It served as an outgrowth of our department. There was the loneliness of being an up and coming associate professor, and not being with people on campus was isolating. Even now I can work at home and be very productive, but after two days, I better get on the phone and talk to somebody. I need people. This sense of aloneness is discomforting to relationship-oriented people such as the liaisons. Although increasing numbers of people surrounded Devon, she felt alone. Heidegger (1953/1996) says, ??factical being alone is not changed by the fact that a second copy of a human being is ?next to? me, or perhaps ten human beings. Even when these and still more are objectively present, Da-sein can be alone" (p. 113). It is not the number of people who surround the liaisons that matters to them, but rather the depth of the relationships they experience. This feeling of aloneness, wanting to be at the university, ultimately led both Devon and Nechie to request on-campus teaching assignments. O?Donohue (1999) says, ?We do not have to face belonging. The longing within us always draws us toward belonging and again towards new forms of belonging 284 when we have outgrown the old ones? (p. 2). Since belonging combines Being and Longing, who one is determines the comfort level of being inside. Some liaisons thrive on the movement back and forth between the university and schools, but others do not. Being in a PDS may not be for everyone and, even for those who are called to it, perhaps it is not forever. The feeling of aloneness is overcome when there is more than one PDS liaison in an institution. Lenore reflects on the importance of having PDS colleagues at the university with whom to share her experiences. The three of us work very well together. We have a great team. That, I think, is the part I would miss tremendously, being alone again, You know, it has its advantages. There was no one to negotiate with. The decisions I made with the schools were basically things I could work out with another person. What we said as far as the content of the cohort, we created it from the very beginning. I miss some of that, but I also feel that we have gotten so large that we need the structure that we have. It?s going from a mom and pop store to a supermarket. As much as Lenore treasures her time in schools, she realizes the importance of creating supporting relationships with others who have similar positions to hers. For her, being collaborative is better than feeling alone. Being a visitor. Those who are not native to the university experience aloneness as well in the process of learning what being a university faculty or staff member entails. The concerns of career higher education faculty are different from those in P-12 schools. Frank brings forward his experience of the differences between the two institutions, ?I come from a different culture. The college culture is very different. My culture has to do with what needs to be done to get the job done no matter what. My observation of the college culture is that?s not what it?s like. They [university faculty] say, ?If I take this on, what will that do in terms of my portfolio??? Frank recognizes 285 that higher education faculty are deemed successful not only by their teaching and service, but also by their scholarship. If he is to belong at the university, he, too, must move past his own traditions and recognize its importance. Early in his tenure at the college, Frank focuses his scholarship on the work he is doing in schools. He says: I don?t think that I could do any type of personal professional development if I didn?t focus it on the PDS and what I was doing because I couldn?t do the PDS work then, I just wouldn?t have the time. The other part is I want to do it and I think even if I didn?t have the role of director of PDS, I would probably focus a lot of my work in that area because there are things there that I believe in, that I truly support and are of interest to me. A concern frequently expressed by liaisons who are held accountable to scholarship requirements in their institutions is having time to do both research and PDS work. As he seeks to move past his visitor status, Frank identifies a way of using his experience and time spent in schools to support his professional development and research agenda. However, this is not easy for the liaisons who continue to be stretched by the time and energy required to support their relationships. Frank identifies what he needs to do to belong at the college, but does not lose sight of what he needs to do in his PDSs as well. O?Donohue (1999) says, ??there are treasures preserved by the natives: ancient rhythms of perception and attunement to the world. This way of seeing life and practicing belonging in the world finds unique expression in the language of the place? (p. 42). When the language used in P-12 schools is at odds with the language of the university, the liaisons learn to code-switch, using different language for different situations. Frank brings forward this notion when he speaks of an experience with a methods course taught at his institution: 286 That?s not the terminology used in the county, and the county teachers aren?t going to pick up the methods terminology; they are charged with using the county terminology. Our people have to understand that and have to start using the county terminology because our interns are getting caught in the middle. You can?t criticize these teachers for doing something a certain way or speaking about something in certain terms if they are being held accountable by their employers to do otherwise. Frank is sensitive to the needs of P-12 faculty and administrators because he is native to that culture. He speaks the language and he listens. Huebner (1999) says, ?Both the listener and the speaker must be disposed to speak, to listen, and to accept the responsibility and opportunity for change? (p. 78). ?The listener cannot listen to satisfy his own desires. By his attitude, his interest, he listens actively; he extends himself to the other, making himself available to the other? (p. 79). Frank keeps an open mind and makes himself available to both the school and the university as they strive together to make change. Hultgren (1995) describes the meaning of listening with an open mind: ?Recognition of the need for attunement is listening that is open?simply being and not entangled with the ego?is what Levin (1989) calls ?hearkening.? Hearkening is a way of listening that is more ontologically attuned through the body and which requires the disciplined practice of Gelassenheit, a letting go and letting be as a mode of listening? (Hultgren, 1995, p. 376). This manner of letting go and letting be is manifested by the liaisons when they open up to listening, both to their school and university colleagues. In doing so, they open themselves to change. Frank?s challenge is to convince his college colleagues that, even if they are not out in the schools, they need to acknowledge that they are preparing teachers for the school culture. This is a tricky process because Frank also must learn and practice the 287 language of the college in professional presentations and publications. This is the often- frustrating nature of the dichotomy of being both native and visitor. Maintaining communication: As a native of P-12 schools, Sue feels comfortable with teachers and administrators. Her place of visiting is the university, where the rules are different. A mechanism for community, those written and unwritten rules, is not always in place. So, it is not uncommon for the visitor not to feel at home initially. In reflecting on the ways in which a typical university schedule is not like that of an elementary school, Sue brings forward the manner in which communication occurs: People aren?t there at the same time. It?s not like you?re all there from 8 to 3, and you have faculty meetings every other week. I can go over there [the university] frequently and not see someone for a whole semester because they?re here Tuesday afternoons and Wednesday mornings, and I?m there on Mondays. It?s not the same kind of communication. Because the liaisons depend heavily on communication in their work, they seek to be in the presence of others. When in-person communication is not possible, they must search for other ways of being-with their colleagues. Lashley, Neal and Slunt (1994) illuminate the connection between being-with and communication: Enmeshed in the notion of being-with is a commitment to a life of dialogue?an ongoing conversation involving listening and speaking, the use of voice to give language and to share commonality of meaning. Being-with others in conversation is both a present happening as well as an ongoing process or movement. It is a dialogic process by which we understand, change, and gather the fullness of life?s offerings. (p. 201) For liaisons who are accustomed to communicating in-person in a P-12 school, this requires a new way of maintaining communication, through meetings and email. It is not as easy to engage in informal communication, stopping by to talk with someone 288 about a question or concern. The discourse can become more formal and more distant. Sue discovers that communicating by email allows her to maintain connections. She says, ?I find more than anything that communication is important in a PDS, especially in a multi-site PDS. We?ve got five different schools and everyone has to know what?s going on. If I didn?t have email, it would be very difficult.? Although Sue is able to transmit information, something is lost in not being present in conversation that occurs face to face. Although some university ways seem foreign to Sue, she is learning to feel at home there. Her coming to a sense of belonging has not been easy. Sue remembers her early days at the university: I guess early on I was awkward at the university. In any other position I?ve been in, you walk in and you get to know people and in no time you are a part of things and you feel comfortable. That happened quickly with the teams that I work with, but then there are all those people walking down the halls, and people who taught there forever, and they didn?t know my face or they would say, ?Well, who are you?? If I ask for a key or something, ?What are you doing?? And so I guess that?s one time when I get a sense for the fact I?m like this little person in this huge network, and the network is a little disjointed, and I don?t really fit in where everyone else does. While Devon felt alone when not on campus, Sue feels alone when she is on campus. She does not have an office and is usually on campus only for specific meetings and activities. As Sue becomes more involved in the life of the university, however, she becomes more comfortable there. She talks about how this change came about, saying, ?First of all, I?m aware of some key issues in the college, and now I know some key people in the college. So it is completely different this year.? Sue is beginning to feel like she belongs at the university because she knows people and the issues that are important to them. She begins to feel ?inside? when she is accepted and has access to important information, but this is not always the case. 289 This notion of having access to information is a concern for the liaisons because if they are truly inside, they are involved in decision-making. Without access to information, they become frustrated and feel de-valued. Accessing information spans a wide range, including the unwritten rules of conduct that natives inherently seem to understand. Sue recounts an incident that brought forward this understanding in reference to a course she teaches: Paul said to me, ?Now we have invited Dr. Smith, Frederick Smith, the chair of the committee, and university protocol says that you ask him to say a few words.? Just tell me this because how would I know what university protocol was? So those kinds of things, just a little at a time, I?ve got to learn and I hope that I don?t step on anyone?s toes as I?m doing it. What to call people, those kinds of things. It?s Dr. So and So all the time. And I still don?t know a lot of that because I?m not over there enough. I honestly don?t have time to dive into those kinds of things because I?m too busy with what I?m doing. Sue recognizes that there are cultural norms at the university that she must learn to feel she belongs there, but wonders how she will do so in the limited time she spends there. She does not have this same learning curve when working in the PDS schools, where she recognizes ways to get inside a school and a classroom. She says, ?I know all of the mentors. I know some of them very well. I go around and visit the schools and walk into their classrooms, and usually it?s ?Hey, how are you doing?? and they will step aside and talk to me for a few minutes, not that I ask them to, but it?s a very relaxed relationship.? Initially, Sue feels awkward at the university and relaxed at the school. She readjusts her tension level as she moves back and forth between the two. Being accepted. There is a danger in doing PDS work that the liaisons will not be accepted outside their institution of origin. For O?Donohue (1999), ?The limitation of the native way of life is that the code of belonging is often quite narrow and tight. Individuals who think differently or pursue a different way of life can be very easily 290 identified, targeted, and marginalized? (p. 42). Change is difficult and PDS liaisons embody the changes in teacher preparation programs. For the early implementers, such as my conversants, even those who were university natives often had to defend their involvement in PDSs. Those who are not native to the university sometimes view it as a place of mystique, the ivory tower. It is most often associated with the theory that undergirds the practice of teaching. Some liaisons who have worked in P-12 schools approach their new position cognizant that there are treasures to be unearthed in the theory of the university to lay the foundation for building a PDS. Others approach PDS work with the view that they have their own treasures, unearthed in their work in P-12 schools, which will shore up the foundation of theory that they have validated by practice. The reality is that both perspectives are essential to doing PDS work, the recognition of a theory/practice symbiosis that reflects the collaborative nature of doing PDS work. It often is personal rather than professional issues that allow the liaisons to become ?insiders.? Neapolitan (in Bryant et al., 2004) describes her experience of feeling truly inside at her PDS: That summer, the principal?s mother died, and I attended the funeral services with the other teachers and staff. We all became closer as we shared in our principal?s loss. On that occasion, I realized I had become a true member of the school?s staff because I saw myself and the others saw me in a new light. This had nothing to do with joint decision-making or collaboration. It was a moment in time when our caring for each other was manifested publicly and was carried beyond the schoolhouse. (p. 115) By recognizing the principal as a ?You? and sharing in a communal expression of care, Jane demonstrates her concern for her relationship with the principal and teachers that 291 goes beyond the work they are doing together. In this way, she permeates the border to be seen as an insider. Relationships, building and maintaining them, are at the center of a liaison?s work. What makes this such a challenge is the number and variety of relationships that a liaison has, beginning with the relationship with their interns. Being a Parent: Providing Support and Discipline The liaisons have varying types of relationships with teacher candidates. Pamela, for example, has full responsibility for a cohort of interns, usually fourteen to sixteen teacher candidates, and she sees herself as a mother to them. She says: I?ve always been guided by wanting to treat other people?s children the way I would want my own children treated, and that?s how I try to treat them. I think I?ve developed the kind of empathy they need. Yes, they need somebody who is going to be strong with them when they need to be strong. They?re still kids, you know, and I refer to this group as my girls and they are in their 20s, some of them even older. As a parent, Pamela provides empathy and strength, and her interns respond positively to this combination. Her parental duties do not end when the interns complete their programs. She maintains connections with them as they leave her nest and begin teaching themselves. Pamela speaks of one former intern, ?who sends me emails and signs them, ?Your adopted son.?? Acting in loco parentis is a natural way of being for Pamela, emanating from her experience as a middle school teacher. Pamela treats her current students not only as ?a? parent, but as ?their? parent. She focuses on understanding them, and they know she sets high standards for them. Pamela recounts that two of her former students told her current interns, ?She [Pamela] is rough, but she will help you get through. Just stick with her.? Pamela says, ?So they helped me 292 establish credibility with this group [current interns] because they saw two former interns who now have jobs in the school.? Lenore begins her parental role even before her interns are accepted into the program. She says, ?I analyze their transcripts. I spend a lot of time on the phone calling them back, saying, ?Here?s what you need. Here?s where I think you can get it.? I spend almost every evening on the phone talking to prospective students.? She seeks to prepare the interns, providing a structure to help them succeed. Once the interns begin, Lenore deepens the relationship through intensive in-person and email communication. Lenore says, ?Even if I don?t observe them every week, they will see me every week, so if there?s a problem, I?ll make time, or if they want to talk something over or brainstorm.? As a parent, Lenore makes time to be present to her interns. Sometimes the liaisons exercise the parental role of setting and maintaining rules. Regarding her relationship with the interns, Diane says, ?Right now I am the gatekeeper. If they want to be placed in a Practicum Three PDS, and if they don?t meet the requirements, then they are going to have to figure out a way to go around me, because they are not going to get through me.? In this instance, Diane expresses the parental role of monitoring the gate, not allowing them to move forward until they are ready. There are also times when the liaisons serve as disciplinarians. Devon experienced being called in as a ?witness? when there was a difficult situation with an intern. Although Frank?s direct contact with interns is more limited he, too, is called upon when difficult situations arise. Frank says: I do not have any evaluative supervisory responsibilities. I monitor the intern program and I try to visit all of the interns. I have involvement with our teaching 293 interns if there is a major problem and I?d say with about three different interns last year I had to sit down with the college supervisor, the mentor teacher, and the intern. If it needs to go beyond the college supervisor, then I?m the presence who comes in. When there is a problem, Frank is the person of last resort, who sometimes must make difficult decisions concerning whether an intern is allowed to continue. As I reflect on the nature of the involvement the liaisons have with their interns, I am struck that the liaisons who seem most satisfied are those who have been able to stay most individually related to their interns. Because they supervise all of their interns directly, Pamela and Lenore seem most content with that relationship. Being a parent, however, is only one of many relationships the liaisons have. Key to the success of their PDSs are their relationships with the principals who allow them the opportunity to belong in their schools. Gaining Acceptance and Trust I?ve been through six administrators since I started, three in each school. Even though one was the same, it was different because it was different schools. (Lenore) An area of continual tension for the liaisons is the tenuous nature of the principalship at their schools. For some liaisons, it might seem like there is a revolving door at the entrance to the school. Each time a principal changes, a liaison must begin again the process of building relationships, gaining acceptance and trust so the work of the PDS can continue. Lashley, Neal and Slunt (1994) speak of the way in which conversation is essential to the building of relationships, ?Conversation, thought, and action are directed toward fostering authentic connections among members as well as personal and social transformation around valued issues of mutual concern? (p. 198). To develop authentic connections, the liaisons wish to convince administrators that they 294 share a mutual concern for students in the schools. Principals do not always have an understanding of what a PDS is, or the way in which it is different from the previous manner of having student teachers in their schools. Sometimes, a principal recognizes the PDS as a positive force, providing extra adults to work with their students. Other principals are not so sure that the extra work they envision for their teachers will be worth it. In either case, however, the relationship between a liaison and a principal can augment or hamper the building process. For Frank, a former principal, gaining acceptance was not difficult. He says, ?I felt that I was accepted very early and I think part of it was having laid the groundwork with the principals who could then introduce me as a colleague and not as somebody coming in to help.? This is a common frustration experienced by the liaisons, trying to convince principals that they are there to ?be-with? not to ?do-to.? Having a liaison be present in a collaborative manner with them is a new concept for many principals. The liaisons realize that as much as they might feel like they belong in schools, they are there as guests only as long as the principal is pleased with what is happening in the school. Morris, Taylor, Harrison, and Wasson (2000) say it is important that liaisons and principals ??clearly understand and respect one another?s role in the partnership. While their approaches to teacher growth may be different, they should be complementary? (p. 57). Neapolitan (in Bryant et al., 2004) points out that this is not as easy as it might seem. She says, ?For me, being under someone else?s roof seemed to change the personal dynamics and rules of the game. Creating a counterculture and trying to negotiate its parameters were not easy for me? (p. 114). 295 In approaching new principals, Lenore says, ?I give them time to get settled. I?ll introduce myself, and usually the principal will say a little bit about the PDS. But for PDS and the interns, they think, ?You?re in charge of that. Great. I don?t have to worry about it.? Lenore presents the PDS to administrators as a win/win situation. Regarding her two schools, she says, ?The way in which both principals are structuring schools, and what I am advocating along with them, is that you can never have too much help.? Lenore invites the principals to all meetings and meets with the administrative team on occasion ?just to make sure everything is on the up and up.? She also makes a point of telling them when she is not going to be there. In this way, she demonstrates respect for them since she is a guest in their home. Diane brings forward the importance of keeping the lines of communication open, hearkening back to a conversation she had with one of her principals: I think one of the best pieces of advice I got from one of the principals was, even though all principals will not participate, it is also important to keep them up to speed, so all information that goes to the site coordinator also goes to the principal. I just try to keep the communication going. I finally was able to get most of them on an email link. Most of them will respond to email easier than they will respond to leaving a phone message. Diane recognizes that in-person communication is not always possible, but that does not necessarily indicate a problem with the relationship. Once again, email provides a solution for communication about basic information. In order for this to be effective, Diane establishes a personal relationship with the principals before their schools become PDSs so that her presence is experienced by them even when she is not physically present to them. She and the school system PDS Coordinator visit each school before making a presentation to the entire faculty. Diane says, ?We talked about what it was we wanted to do and why I thought their school would be valuable for us to 296 have a partnership with, and then requested that they call a faculty meeting for us to present a combined effort from the county and the university.? Diane continues to demonstrate respect for the principals, stating, ?When problems come up, my first contact is the principal.? Although she is not native to the schools, Diane recognizes the importance of proper protocol, recognizing the principal?s responsibility and authority. She realizes that her power in breaking down barriers to move the PDS forward rests in her willingness to acknowledge that she is a guest. Peck (1987) speaks of the importance of conversation in removing barriers: Enmeshed in the notion of being-with is a commitment to a life of dialogue?an ongoing conversation involving listening and speaking, the use of voice to give language and to share commonality of meaning. Being-with others in conversation is both a present happening as well as an ongoing process or movement. It is a dialogic process by which communication is sometimes necessary to bring into focus the clear reality of those barriers before they can be knocked down. (p. 257) The liaisons use their strong communication skills to bring forward issues to break through the barriers that exist between schools and universities. They experience the tension involved in bringing to light what sometimes had been swept under the rug. With each new principal, this process of uncovering to remove barriers begins again. Coming from a school system, Sue recognizes that developing relationships with her principals is an ongoing process. She says, ?That first summer I made an appointment with each principal and I went around to each school during the summer. I sat with each principal and talked to them about what some plans could be, what we might do, and what their school needed, just a one on one meeting so that they could at least get to know me a little better.? Sue becomes present to the principals, opening 297 herself to them to build a trusting relationship based on co-identified needs and desires. She listens to them before she moves forward with any plans. When I ask Sue how she feels about those meetings, she says: My background is such that I had some really neat, excellent principals that I?ve worked with who always treated me as a peer, so that is not necessarily intimidating to me. The principals within my PDS are all just really nice, relaxed people that treat me respectfully but very casually. It?s not a stiff relationship. If they didn?t know me, they sort of knew my name or knew someone who might have known me. Sue is credible to principals because she trusts herself and her understandings of their needs. There is a mutual respect because the principals know who she is and they trust her. The American Heritage College Dictionary (1997) defines respect as ?a feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard?willingness to show consideration or appreciation? (p. 1162). When there is mutual respect, liaisons and principals see one another for who they are and appreciate what each brings to the PDS. The liaisons learn when they need to defer to the principals as they work together. In this manner, they can expect the principals to defer to them in certain issues, as well. Pamela opens up the importance of mutual respect in fostering relationships, the acknowledgment of the other as a valued individual: One of the principals in the two schools and I worked together as colleagues in the school system, so he and I had a history together. We email each other. When I am in the building, we can stop and talk when we have time. The other principal I just met and he lives up to all of the accolades that I had heard about him. My interns adore both of them. They respect them and respect them professionally. If I have a question, I can go to them and ask. If they have questions, they can come to me, so we respect each other?s expertise and respect each other as professionals. I think we have a very good relationship and personally I think that?s the only way that this kind of teacher preparation can work. 298 In demonstrating respect toward her principals, Pamela models the process of showing consideration for her interns. Although Sue and Pamela had not been principals, their reputations concerning their expertise and professionalism within their school systems established a foundation on which trust could be built. As they trust themselves and their principals, their interns learn to trust both. However, as with all endeavors in which people invest time and energy with others, disagreements are inevitable. Peck (1987) says: The overall purpose of human communication is-or should be-reconciliation. It should ultimately serve to lower or remove the walls and barriers of misunderstanding that unduly separate us human beings from one another?Confrontive, even angry communication, is sometimes necessary to bring into focus the clear reality of those barriers before they can be knocked down. (p. 257) The liaison is often the person called upon to break down barriers and negotiate differences between people. Frank says, ?One of the things I?ve tried to do in this role in working with people out in the schools is never present or address anything in a negative way. If it is seen as a negative or a problem, then that is something we have to deal with, and I think that helps.? Peck (1987) says, ??the healthy life consists of meeting and resolving crises as early as possible so that we can get on to the next one? (p. 80). Frank approaches disagreements as a means to move forward and thus is willing to face them. Devon is willing to face disagreements as well, ?You know I handled some difficult things, like the students being used as substitutes early in the experience and that?s unfair to them.? When I asked how she handled that situation, Devon says: Confronting the situation there and walking in and saying, ?I?m the advocate for the student foremost and the learning of the children in the classroom.? I would say, ?I am concerned about what you are asking my students to do. They are 299 really not prepared to do that, so I?m wondering what other solutions you could come up with.? This was the same school where we had the students doing the photocopying for everybody on the team, but once we handled it, then we never had another problem with that issue. In dealing with disagreements, the liaisons strive for Peck?s (1987) notion of community making, which is different from the initial stage of pseudocommunity that is often mistaken for community. In a pseudocommunity, ?The first response of a group seeking to form a community is most often to try to fake it. The members attempt to be in instant community by being extremely pleasant with one another and avoiding all disagreement? (p. 86). Peck cautions that ?Pseudocommunity is conflict-avoiding; true community is conflict-resolving? (p. 88). Peck (1987) elucidates this notion as he describes a community building workshop he had conducted in New York. The workshop seemed to him to be going quite well, almost boring, as participants shared intimate details of their lives almost without thought. Somehow, though, he sensed the superficiality. At the beginning of the second day, he shared his concerns with the group and gave them some time to identify, in silence, what was missing. It was then that they began to share their true feelings. Although chaos ensued, Peck was excited that they were getting at the heart of building real community. Sometimes the liaisons experience the stress of uncovering issues that must be dealt with for a real community to be built. Their tension-filled experiences are compounded when more than one school is involved. One of the challenges faced by Devon was having to deal with five principals who had varying understandings of what being in a PDS community involved: It really is so distinct from principal to principal. There is one that I could call at a moment?s notice and get an answer. I know I would get an immediate call back, or a meeting would be interrupted to talk with me. There is another for 300 whom our best mode of communication was the fax machine. He was out in classrooms all the time, but prompt in getting back to me. And being proud of PDS in that school to the point of owning it, and my backing off saying, ?We are so thankful to be in your school.? Another was not a very good relationship. We had a change of principals, so we went from a very amicable relationship with a principal to one where I was completely ignored. I was asked to speak to the assistant principal so that was uncomfortable and really remained uncomfortable for my duration in the PDS. There was no ?One Size Fits All? strategy Devon could use with all of her principals. Peck (1987) says, ?The basic pretense of pseudo-community is the denial of individual differences? (p. 89). Devon knew that denying the individual differences among her principals would lead only to more stress. Thus, she treated each as an individual and tailored her relationship with them to accommodate their interpersonal styles and her needs as a liaison. In addition to principals, liaisons develop relationships with P-12 teachers, who serve as site coordinators and mentor teachers. These relationships anchor the connections among principals, interns and higher education faculty. Sharing Ownership: Learning from Each Other I think the most critical point that I can remember from the beginning years was the epiphany I had. I was in the hallway at the school and a mentor teacher came over to me and said, ?There is a problem with one of your interns and you need to do something about it.? And I asked what the problem was, and she told me, and I said, ?Okay.? Then I said, ?Wait a second; come back.? She turned around and I said, ?It?s not my problem.? She said, ?Well, yes it is.? I said, ?No. No. It?s our problem. This is our program. I?ll be glad to sit down with you, but we need to solve this together.? She didn?t fight it and she saw she had some ownership for this thing. Lenore expresses a common issue for the liaisons: Who ?owns? what happens in a PDS? To own is defined as ?to have or possess as property; to have control over? (p. 977). The Indo-European root is eik ?to be master of; possess? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 1592). Lenore wishes to have shared ownership of the interns in her PDSs, but her mentor teachers are hesitant at first. They do not want the 301 control over the interns, relegating that to Lenore as the university presence. Lenore, however, is willing to confront the issue to move forward with a more collaborative manner of working with interns. In speaking of an old understanding of community, Shaffer and Anundsen (1993) state ??individuals had to sacrifice themselves to the demands of the group or the leader for the social fabric to stay intact. They did not take into account the phenomenon of synergy: the experience of individuals and groups existing in a dynamic balance and contributing to one another?s full expression rather than detracting from it? (p. 31). Lenore is not afraid that the fabric of the PDS will unravel, but rather be strengthened, by the expression of both partners. The concern about the way in which liaisons and school faculty work together is most intimately felt by the liaisons and school faculty themselves because they are the builders who are constructing and cultivating the PDS. Even if a principal and a liaison develop a trusting relationship, the work of PDS happens as liaisons and school faculty collaborate. The American Heritage College Dictionary (1997) defines collaborate as ?to work together, esp. in an intellectual effort? (p. 273). Collaborate is ?borrowed from Latin collaboratur, past participle of colaborare work (col- with + laborare to work, from labor, genetive laboris, work? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 138). Collaboration, then, involves working together, not just being together. In doing PDS work, tension arises for the liaisons and school faculty as they figure out together who will do what, working against pre-existing notions about the way in which the work of preparing teachers is done. 302 Lenore describes the process of building a new collaboration, ?In the beginning we were sort of feeling each other out, not wanting to come down and say this is what the university wants you to do and this is what the school system wants you to do. It was really setting up a collaborative relationship so we could talk and decide on what kind of things we wanted the interns to do.? Again, communication and the importance of conversation come forward as essential elements of a liaison?s experience. Being collaborative involves being flexible, not only in what is done but in the amount of time it takes to do it. Lenore realizes that building a real collaboration will take time. She reflects on the way this presented itself in her dealings with the mentor teachers: ?It was doing all that collaboratively which took forever and part of it the teachers didn?t like. They wanted to give input and they wanted it to go faster. They would have liked me to say, ?How does this look?? and then they would have reacted to it. But we weren?t doing that.? At the beginning, being collaborative was foreign to the teachers in Lenore?s schools, but although it was difficult, Lenore persevered in getting them to take ownership. Again, because of the nature of schools, mentor teachers and site coordinators often are promoted or transferred. As with principals, Lenore realizes that relationship building with mentors is a never-ending process. She says, ?Every time I add another mentor, some of it starts from scratch again. I sometimes forget they don?t know that they can come to me or call me anytime they want. So toward the end, they?ll say, ?I really wish that I knew more about the expectations.? I understand it at one level, but I?m thinking, ?Why didn?t you ask me??? 303 The liaisons also experience concern about their mentor teachers and burnout. Lenore reflects, ?I find that if mentors are tired of mentoring, and I have only found a couple that needed a break, they?ll just take a break. There is always someone else.? This, however, is not always the case and the liaisons continually experience tension about this. They are concerned about the feelings of their mentor teachers, but they are also concerned that they will lose some of their best mentor teachers if they use them too often. Shaffer and Anundsen (1993) speak to this concern, ??allowing a member or small group to carry one role alone can lead to burnout, stagnation and polarization? (p. 215). As the liaisons attempt to remove the feeling of full responsibility from their mentor teachers, they add to their own stress and sometimes experience burnout themselves. Devon brings forward both positive and negative feelings she has about these relationships, ?I think from the connections I made with teachers knowing that I was the point person, I got to hear the wonderful things, but I also got to hear the things that needed to be worked on.? By forming close relationships that lift and support teachers, the liaisons open themselves to hearing the good news and the bad. Reflecting the notion of shared ownership, Devon takes responsibility for taking communication about what might not be working well back to the college. The liaisons? experiences with mentor teachers can be enriching, as well as draining. This being-in-relation to teachers transforms the liaisons as well as the school faculty with whom they collaborate. Devon says, ?When you form such a close relationship with teachers and you?re in their classrooms and you?re observing students, it can?t help but alter how I teach my language arts methods class.? In speaking of the 304 positive aspects of being-in relationship, Shaffer and Anundsen (1993) state, ?Individuals exist only in the context of the larger whole, embedded in and defined by a nurturing web of relationship? (p. 31). In this instance, Devon?s call to teaching is supported by being nurtured within the web of the PDS. Nothing happens, however, unless mentor teachers are willing to engage in this collaborative process. They must trust that the liaisons will not want to own or possess them, but rather that they will own their work together. The importance of trust comes forward in Pamela?s words, ?For the longest time there were teachers who were nervous when I walked in their rooms. I went there to see my students, but they thought I was critiquing them as well. We meet together at the beginning of the internship. They all have copies of the syllabus. They know exactly when I?m scheduled to be in the building, and they know how to get in touch with me if they need to reach me at other times.? Pamela recognizes that she must overcome the fear that teachers have of being evaluated when someone in ?authority,? perceived or actual, observes their teaching. Respecting Support: Being Inclusive Marganson (as cited in Shaffer & Anundsen, 1993) says, ?Communities are places or entities where each member can give something, where they can contribute something that they feel especially able to give, something they are good at?The gift that community gives back to each member is that of a role and a connection? (p. 31). As the liaisons are sensitive to increased responsibilities for mentor teachers so, too, they are deferential in their respect for support staff, who can be unnoticed as valued members of a PDS. Peck (1987) says, ??as the members [of a community] become 305 thoughtful about themselves, they also learn to become increasingly thoughtful about the group? (p. 66). As a former principal, Frank is thoughtful about what clerical staff are required to do, and he monitors his requests accordingly, ?Out in the PDS sites, I try never to request anything through the office secretary. We don?t have that relationship and that?s not part of the partnership. They are so shorthanded on clerical help that unless it?s just a question or asking for a piece of paper, I never ask them for anything.? Frank knows when it is appropriate to ask for help because his experience as a principal informs his decisions, ?I knew the kinds of things that you had to ask the building service workers. I knew the kinds of questions to ask secretaries that didn?t take up a lot of their time. I knew the kinds of things I really had to clear with an administrator.? Just as she is sensitive to the differences among her principals, Devon also is thoughtful about clerical staff, ?The climates of the schools are so different. I could tell in one school what an inconvenience it was for them to handle a message.? In recognition of the importance of respecting and honoring support staff, Pamela requires her interns to introduce themselves to the school secretary and the custodian. She says, ?I learned as a public school teacher that one of the most important people in the school is the secretary, so secretaries are my friends. The other very important person in the school is the custodian.? Pamela models a respectful manner for her interns so that they, too, will develop a similar respect. With everything the liaisons have to do, it is noticeable that they develop an ethos of care that spans across all in the PDS. They work toward making school staff feel valuable to the PDS process. 306 Unlike Devon, who sometimes must wear her hat ?on her head,? Pamela finds a home for herself in her schools because of her relationships with the specialists. Pamela says: I have cordial relationships with the school social worker, the media specialist. In fact, in both schools, I hang out in the Media Center if I have no place else to sit and work when I'm not in the classroom at the time. In fact, in one school the secretary takes my coat and locks it in her closet and at the other school, the librarian has allowed me to keep my things in her storage room. Again, I think it helps to know schools because that has been my profession and know how not to abuse the welcome and just be flexible. Instructional assistants and specialists are part of the PDS community, as well. When the PDS began, Lenore?s instructional assistants were afraid they would lose their jobs. Sensing this, Lenore includes an instructional assistant on the steering committee at each school. To foster the relationship between interns and school specialists, Lenore includes a school specialist on the steering committee, as well. She says, ?The specialists have embraced the interns. They understand more about the program even though we have been there for seven years. Some of the players haven?t changed, but unless you are involved, you don?t get the full picture. This person goes back and meets with all of the other specialists, reporting to them.? By involving as many stakeholders as possible on her steering committee, Lenore is able to build relationships of sensitivity and understanding within the PDS through the relationships she has with specific individuals. I often attend PDS coordinating council meetings, the gathering together of various members of the PDS community, and I am intrigued by the ways in which the discourse changes the longer the partnerships are in existence. Lashley, Neal and Slunt (1994) say, ?Building community means taking the time to listen to other?s stories? (p. 307 196). Initially, the primary focus of meetings concerns logistics. This is not surprising since the people who are coming together are not, perhaps, from the same school or even the same system. However, once the members begin to know one another and trust their liaison, they are more likely to open themselves up, sharing concerns and bringing forward new ideas. The members are more willing to share themselves and their stories with one another, and to build collaborative stories that represent them. Huebner (1999) says, ?Language sustains man, opens up possibilities for being-in-the-world, comforts him, preserves truth, and provides the platform to jump momentarily beyond himself? (p. 115). Through the coordinating council, the liaisons extend themselves into relationships that are both personal and professional. Sue describes one of her first coordinating council meetings: ?Being in central office and teaching, our paths crossed with a lot of people. So, although many of them were new faces, I could look around the room and see a lot of people I?ve known in some capacity or other over the years. So it was just that I was in a new position in terms of my relationship with them.? Sue has the advantage of being known, but that is not always the case. Diane speaks about what it is like not to get responses from school staff: ?I?m not getting the feedback from the schools. I don?t want to impose, but at the same time I?m not getting the kind of information back from them that says, ?We really need a workshop in this area. How can we collaborate?? When we had our steering committee meetings, I reminded those in attendance that as they plan for professional development, please include us.? Diane discovers that inclusion is not automatically given and therefore she must ask for it. 308 Being Part of a System In addition to developing relationships in schools, the liaisons build relationships with school system staff, particularly the local school system PDS Coordinator or contact person. As the number of PDSs increases, local school systems develop networks which bring liaisons into relationship with liaisons from all of the colleges and universities that have PDSs in their system. The relationships the liaisons have with a county PDS Coordinator is important as they co-determine intern placements and arrange for professional development. These relationships also develop parameters as school systems increasingly require memoranda of understanding that delineate, among other things, a liaison?s responsibilities. Having a trusting relationship with school system staff removes barriers and opens up communication, but building these relationships, however, is not to be taken for granted. Frank speaks to the situation he encounters when he comes to the college, ?It became obvious that our department had pretty much abandoned or divorced itself from the county other than having student teachers placed there. I was appalled. We are within walking distance of the central office.? As a former principal, Frank is amazed that the relationship is not just strained, but non-existent. Thus, Frank takes on the mission of reestablishing relationships with the school system by meeting with the county?s PDS Coordinator. He shares his thoughts after that meeting: She [the PDS contact] said, ?I really didn?t feel that there was any real interest in your department leadership for having us.? And then she invited me to sit on the planning team for the county?s Summer Institute. That?s where I started to see the affiliations and relationships, and we weren?t there. That?s when I decided that we needed to have that relationship. We needed to be a presence there. We needed to be a part of what they are doing. I really began developing that through her and through the principals of the schools. 309 Being present, though, is not just about attending meetings, but rather about becoming involved in work that is done collaboratively. King (in Bryant et al., 2004) finds aspects of her relationship with the school system PDS Coordinator to be disturbing. In King?s experience, the Coordinator tried to limit her involvement, particularly regarding governance of her PDS schools: I soon realized that she [the system PDS coordinator] was not accustomed to being asked to share reasons for her decisions, and my resistance to her request that I tell her in advance of all the meetings I planned to hold with administrators was novel in her experience. It signaled independence on my part that was not part of the ethos of the school system. At the time, I did not understand her need to control the sprawling PDS network she was charged with administering. She had to defend her budget and prove the importance of her work to several layers of administrators above her. From her point of view, she does this best by monitoring the activities of those below her, and she included me in this group. (p. 125) King?s experience stands in contrast to Frank?s and suggests that background experience and the personal style of the PDS Coordinator can create different experiences of this relationship for the liaisons. Coming Together: Staying Involved Although the liaisons do not spend as much time on campus, relationships with their colleagues are quite important to them. Speaking about maintaining communication with faculty in her department, Diane says, ?I typically make sure I?m on the agenda at every faculty meeting to update what is going on, what?s coming up. I also work with the faculty here to remind them that the PDSs are open for them to take their classes.? Diane exudes a welcoming spirit, inviting involvement as she assumes responsibility for making the PDS work. For Diane, ?The title PDS Coordinator carries a number of responsibilities?even though I bridge gaps across to other communities outside the university, it?s hard to disseminate the responsibility within the department 310 without having some kind of structure.? Like many liaisons, Diane excels in providing structure. Having been in meetings with her, I am constantly amazed when meeting minutes arrive only a few days later, accompanied by an agenda for the next meeting, perhaps a month in the future. Diane is conscious of the way in which the structures she develops in the PDS facilitate relationships as she keeps everyone informed. Bridging the gaps requires an architectural plan that connects Diane with colleagues, and colleagues with one another. The liaisons interact with both long-term and new faculty in their departments. Discovering that a new faculty member shared an interest in mentoring, Frank saw a connection with the PDS. He shares his feelings about their collaboration, ?It was a way of giving her something to latch onto in the early stages that could help her to start building her dossier, because that was a real stumbling block for me when I came here. I had no meat to latch onto. And I didn?t know where I was going with it. I thought it would be good to give her a nice step up.? Even though he is stretched to keep up with his own work, Frank is called to mentoring once again. By establishing a supportive relationship with this new faculty member, Frank encourages her to become more involved in the PDS, and she eventually offers her courses on site in PDS schools. Frank sees in her a kindred spirit to bring into the fold. Recruiting other faculty to become involved in the PDS is a constant struggle for the liaisons, and they are heartened when finding someone who does not need to be coerced into the schools. When speaking about her relationship with PDS colleagues, Lenore says, ?We love working together.? When there is a common interest in the PDS, working together is pleasant. 311 However, this is not always the case as exemplified by Frank?s initial experience. Even when he does not feel comfortable in his own department, Frank relates with people from other departments: ?Throughout the rest of the campus, I made associations with people from other departments my first two years here because we were dragging our feet on PDS, and I had no particular purpose for being out in the schools.? Frank?s integrity does not allow him to sit back with nothing to do so, rather than give up, he goes around and outside the boundaries to form connections within the college. Peck (1987) says, ?Integrity is never painless. It requires that we let matters rub up against each other, that we fully experience the tension of conflicting needs, demands, and interests, that we even be emotionally torn apart by them? (p. 235). Gradually, Frank allows the tensions in his department to come to the surface, recognizing the needs of those in his department as well as his own, to continue the building process. Making connections with Arts and Sciences faculty is much appreciated by Diane who has made this a focus for her PDS. She says, ?I just had a very, very successful mid-year strategic planning workshop where I finally got ten Arts and Sciences teachers all to come together. It blew me away and they really had a good time.? Diane?s enthusiasm fuels her Arts and Sciences faculty, and their response gives Diane a lift. When efforts at bringing university colleagues into PDS work are successful, the liaisons feel personally supported. When the relational aspects of lifting and supporting are reciprocal, the liaisons feel lifted and supported, as well. In the group conversation, Diane brings forward her understanding of what faculty in other departments think of the liaisons: ?The faculty in other departments 312 think we?re nuts. They think we are absolutely out of our minds to work like we do. They teach a course, have office hours, they advise. They are angry and they think we are really misunderstood.? Seeming surprised that non-education faculty are angry, Devon questions Diane about why they are angry. Diane replies, ?That we are doing it. So I keep looking at myself. Why am I in here five days a week? Why am I putting miles on my car? Why am I? What is it about me that I feel like that?s what my contract says, whereas these people feel like they have put in twenty hours a week on campus and they have done their job? So I get angry.? Would the liaisons feel comfortable approaching their work in any other way? Sue speaks to her reaction, questioning the amount of work the liaisons do: What I found was a typical initial reaction, like wait a minute, we?re paid the same, how come I?m doing thirty-five different things and this person is doing two, and we?re getting paid the same amount. I have to look at myself and say, ?Would you just do two and leave? You know that?s partially your choice too. You chose that position and you choose to do all of that.? So I try not to compare and look at other people because it will just make me angry again. Sue brings forward the notion of choice, as the liaisons choose to do this kind of work in spite of any frustration and anger they feel. They have chosen to do this work and they can choose to leave it if they find it is too frustrating or no longer satisfying. Frank says, ?I wasn?t sentenced here. I chose to do this.? Pamela brings forward the way in which she experiences support since coming to the university: ?I feel very supported where I am. And let me qualify that by saying I felt supported in the past but not to the same level. I am in this position that they [university faculty] aren?t accustomed to, but I?ve gained credibility there just by doing my job. And when you can gain credibility with your peers and with your students, what else do you need?? Pamela feels satisfied that the way in which she does her work 313 allows her to be trusted by other faculty and her students, providing the fuel that keeps her moving forward. Feeling welcomed and valued are critical to this fueling process, but being welcomed and being valued are not necessarily the same. When Sue came to the university, there were mixed feelings about PDS work, but this did not deter her from moving forward. Sue speaks of the way in which she was welcomed into the university by her faculty team: I felt very fortunate about the way I was welcomed into the university. I became part of a team, and they invited me to all of their meetings and, in fact, we met over the summer. We sat down and talked about how they used to assign students to teachers. In the fall they are really intimately involved in my PDS, but in the spring they still stay involved and come to my board meetings. If I need something they will come out and help with it, but the reality is they move on to a new group of interns and they need to have a more intimate involvement with them. So, they?re probably the only group within the PDS where their involvement fluctuates depending on what semester it is. As Sue is invited to become part of team meetings, she begins to feel comfortable enough that she does not hesitate to ask team faculty to come to her PDS, even if it is not during their assigned semester. There are other experiences, though, that enable Sue to feel valued as well as welcomed. When Sue is interviewed by three PDS researchers, she comments on the way in which they show respect for her experience and insights. Sue reflects, ?They emailed me to say those were really nice insights. That?s what people need to feel, like maybe what I say to you is as valuable as what somebody else has to say. We saw the things that we said reflected in the report which means not only that we said it, but someone actually put it in their report.? Huebner (1999) says, ?The listener, perhaps, establishes the climate for conversation, for it is he who determines whether the words 314 addressed to him are simply to be acknowledged as words, or as signs indicating the willingness of the speaker to bridge the gap separating them? (p. 79). By speaking her mind, Sue begins the process of bridging the gap to bring herself closer to the university. Sue feels validated by the recognition of her expertise, as the researchers not only listened to her, but also put forward publicly what she had to say. O?Donohue (1999) says, ?One of the most beautiful gifts in the world is encouragement. When someone encourages you, that person helps you over a threshold you might otherwise never have crossed on your own? (p. 62). This experience helps Sue realize that she can cross the threshold in order to be a valued member of the university community, if she speaks of her insights and convictions. In addition to regular faculty, there are hosts of adjunct faculty, many of whom supervise interns, that are part of the liaisons? relational world. Devon speaks of the way in which she tried to gather them into the fold: Previous to our PDS, there had not been a concerted effort to meet regularly for our intern supervisors, so we might have four, five, or six supervisors in a semester each doing their own thing. With the PDS, we got together procedures and guidelines for midterms and finals, and we met to talk about progress and common problems. Helping them to become part of a program, where previously they came to do their own thing, get a paycheck, and that was the end of it. I think that was a critical piece. Again, Devon uses her strong interest in providing structure to foster relationships. Relationships with intern supervisors are enhanced by Devon?s willingness to bring them together and keep them involved by meeting with them every two or three weeks. Devon brings forward the way in which liaisons often foster relationships outside the university and schoolhouse walls: First of all we wanted them to be supervisors again, so I wanted it to be a positive experience. I would wine and dine them; I mean they would come to 315 my house and we would have meetings, and maybe muffins and coffee, or maybe lunch. There?s something I did as a PDS Coordinator that I didn?t miss. Actually I kind of do, I loved that social aspect. Devon is torn between not missing the amount of work it took for her to hold meetings at her home and missing the social relationships, the friendships she developed with her supervisors. These relationships were a validation of her work, where she could see changes in teacher education occurring because of her attention to the supervisors as important persons in the process. Lakoff and Johnson (1980) state, ?You cannot function within the environment without changing it or being changed by it? (p. 230). The liaisons are changing their environments and being changed by them as they are in relationship with others. However, Devon also opens up the way in which her relationships at the college seemed to be going backward instead of forward. Devon shares an experience with faculty in her department that was troubling to her: In my second year as coordinator, I got a letter indicating that I was often piqued and upset with people because they didn?t do what they said they were going to do. Let?s say we have a subcommittee meeting and they were supposed to come with stuff, and they didn?t have it. I must have shown it. What my colleagues were seeing was me on campus one day a week, the day I came in to teach my night class. That?s all I was ever here. I was here at night. I was teaching in the county. I had to do everything that I had to do on campus on that day, so they had no clue. I was deeply hurt by that. I said I would have expected my department to be a little more understanding. Devon?s hurt feelings speak to the depth to which being misunderstood is sometimes experienced by the liaisons. Huebner (1999) says, ?Vulnerability can be endured in a community of care and support, one in which members take time for telling and listening to the stories of each other?s journeys? (p. 385). Although her work was supporting the college?s efforts, other faculty did not understand her position. 316 As the liaisons attempt to do what is required of them by the university, their traditional manner of relating with faculty colleagues can become strained. This is particularly stressful when the liaisons feel misunderstood by those who they think will be most understanding. Often, they experience understanding instead from those in similar roles in other institutions, and even persons in the state department of education. O?Donohue (1999) says, ?Because you were once at home somewhere, you are never an alien anywhere? (p. 6). To feel as if they belong, the liaisons must sometimes go outside the boundaries of their university home. Bridging: Outside the Boundaries Although Frank?s initial goal in becoming involved with the local school system was to develop a relationship with the county, he also recognized that an unsatisfactory relationship with another college was not beneficial for either institution. Frank says: The last couple of years, I put a lot of time and effort into trying to establish or reestablish a presence for the college with the county. We had none. It was like the other college was the only show in town. And that?s fine. They nurtured and they built that relationship, and certainly I?m not envious of it. But now we have a similar type of affiliation and we?ve developed a good collegial working relationship with the college and community college, also. Frank?s willingness to overcome strained relationships leads to a more collaborative effort on many fronts, as the web of relationships continues to expand to include more PDS stakeholders. Ever conscious of the way in which networking provides support for a PDS, Frank realizes that the state department of education is part of the relational structure. Frank says, ?What I tried to do, too, during last year was to establish a good positive working relationship with the state. I felt that it was very important that the state see us moving ahead.? As the liaisons speak, they continue to bring forward the notion that 317 moving ahead is a requirement of their work. Since the mandate for all teacher candidates to have a PDS internship comes from state policy, Frank recognizes that a positive relationship with those from the state can be an enhancement. Both entities can lift and support one another. What he does not realize, at the outset, is that by becoming involved at the state level, he will come into supportive relationships with liaisons from other universities. In this manner the liaisons, some from competing institutions, find themselves working together, crossing boundaries and finding the support they sometimes do not receive at their home institutions. On many occasions, following state meetings to draft standards or plan conferences, the liaisons remain to engage in conversation with one another. It is not uncommon to find those conversations continuing outside the building and into the parking lot. Connelly (1993) says, ?All communication depends on our ability to share ourselves. This takes place best in an environment that is alive, perfect for life and open to the continuous movement that life is, an environment that we can enter into and where we can become one with all that is present? (p. 153). As they continue to move forward in their own PDSs, the liaisons provide energy for one another when they come together. Frank speaks of the recuperative nature of being together with PDS colleagues at such meetings: ?It might sound odd but I find what does it [keeping his spirits up] is going to some of the state things like grant writing meetings, where we can focus on and talk about PDS. There?s no paperwork that has to be done. There is, while we?re doing it there, but I don?t have a responsibility for that afterward. And I can hear Pamela talk, very perceptive, very perceptive.? Frank sustains his energy from his 318 relationships in communication with others, speaking with them and listening to them, sharing ideas, frustrations, challenges and successes with other PDS practitioners. Lashley, Neal and Slunt (1994) bring forward the connection between listening and communing: ?Listening is a willful engagement of the mind with the intent of experiencing communion with others? (p. 198). It is ironic that the liaisons often feel a sense of belonging more deeply with colleagues outside their institutions than within them. O?Donohue (1997) says, ?Real conversation is not the construct of the solitary ego; it creates community? (p. 111). Perhaps it is because the liaisons experience community with others in similar roles that they are able to engage in honest and open conversation about their successes and challenges. Sue experiences these meetings as another means for collaboration, always looking for new ways of doing things: ?I like chances to sit and hear other people?s ideas and collaborate with other people. I like hearing how it?s done in other places. That?s why I like things like a PDS coordinator?s meeting and our state meetings because it?s interesting to me to see what other universities are doing.? The extended PDS community provides support by offering the liaisons opportunities for continued professional growth. According to Morris, Harrison, Byrd, and Robinson (2000), ?There is more to changing the roles of participants in a professional development school than changing the scope of the work they undertake. Clearly, the relationships that must develop are key to creating a culture where success can occur? (p. 133). In the case of the liaisons, their relationships permeate to the core of their institutions and radiate outward to the schools and beyond. 319 Gathering In: Making a Home If building relationships is what gives the liaisons the most pleasure, handling the details of building a community infrastructure is perhaps their least favorite aspect of being the architects of PDS work. Iyer (2000) says, ?Architects are among the shrewdest readers of our globe?not only because it is their job to gauge the future but also because it is their task to make their most abstract ideas concrete? (p. 144). Just as bridges have to be flexible to withstand the elements, PDS liaisons develop structures to meet their own needs as well as those of their institutions and their schools. However, their own needs are often at the bottom of the list even when they seem to be in control of this architectural work. If the liaisons are successful in relationship building, they must attend to the development and maintenance of structures that provide the support and scaffolding for relationships to continue to grow. The liaisons find that this detail work eats into the time they previously spent directly with interns, mentor teachers and principals. They use technology, particularly email, to communicate, so face to face interaction often is replaced by time spent at the computer screen. The community the liaisons build consists of the relationships that have been developed and nurtured and the ways those individuals do their work together. Peck (1987) says, ?A group becomes a community in somewhat the same way that a stone becomes a gem?through a process of cutting and polishing. Once it is cut and polished, it is something beautiful. But to describe its beauty, the best we can do is to describe its facets. Community, like a gem, is multifaceted, each facet a mere aspect of a whole that defies description? (p. 60). Because each institution, school and university, has pre- existing structures, this is a significant challenge for the liaison and often provides the 320 most stress. Although the liaison is a link, or bridge, between the university and the school, the university is their employer and the liaisons struggle with living through the process of making changes at the university level. Diane recognizes that facilitating change is essential to her work: ?I think one of my jobs is to try to envision how the model needs to change." However, Etzioni (1993) cautions that support is needed for institutions to work well as communities. It is not enough for individuals to care for one another. Diane opens up the complexity of being a community-builder through the metaphor of putting together the pieces of a puzzle: You lay out the pieces and then you turn them all over. You categorize them and you bunch them and then you put the border around to give you your boundaries, like the wheel. Then you try to put a piece in and if it doesn?t fit, you lay it aside. Then you start working someplace else and things start working. So suddenly you can bring that piece back and it fits. So it?s a slow process. We are not dealing with an early childhood puzzle of six pieces. We?re probably working on a 1000 piece puzzle with very intricate subtle changes. Frank illuminates the puzzle metaphor further by stressing the human dimension when he says, ?I think I would look at those pieces of the puzzle as being living pieces, those that can help you out in finding the fit, and finding their place, and those who need more progression, being directed to their place and helping them to see where they fit in at this point in time.? This metaphor includes all of the PDS stakeholders within the boundaries of the PDS. Where does the liaison fit in the puzzle? Peck (1993) says, ??the path to holiness lies in questioning everything. Seek, and you shall find enough pieces of truth to be able to start fitting them together. You will never be able to complete the puzzle. But you will be able to fit together enough pieces to get glimpses of the big picture and to see that it is very beautiful indeed? (p. 81). The beauty of a 321 PDS can be just as elusive for the liaison, who is surrounded by puzzle pieces with defined boundaries to be inserted in a constantly changing frame. It is possible that, at times, the one who builds the puzzle exists outside of it. O?Donohue (1999) says, ?When we allow dislocation to control us, we become outsiders, exiled from the intimacy of true unity with ourselves, each other, and creation. Our bodies know that they belong; it is our minds that make our lives so homeless? (p. 3). In order for the liaisons not to feel dislocated, they must come to terms with the fact that the boundaries of the PDS are permeable. They are wanderers who learn to travel through boundaries that previously were not open to them. O?Donohue (1999) describes a wanderer as ??one who gives priority to longing over belonging. No abode is fixed. No one place is allowed finally to corner or claim the wanderer. A new horizon always calls. The wanderer is committed to seeing new places and discovering new things? (p. 45). This wandering process is evident in the liaisons? focus on constant movement, for themselves and others, as they attempt to build a home where all will begin to feel at home with, and excited about, change. Connelly (1993) says, ?Home is all embracing, a continuous inclusion of all events: this too and this too and this too and this too. Home en route. Home is the place from which I have come and to which I return. Home is where I always am? (p. 25). As wanderers, the liaisons take their homes with them wherever they go, yet sometimes they still feel isolated. Building a Wonderful Life Frank Capra?s classic film, It?s a Wonderful Life, brings forward the way in which community builders experience isolation. At first glance, there might not seem to be a connection between George Bailey and the liaisons, but once Bailey says he wants 322 to build a bridge a mile long, I began to take notice. Bailey wants to do something important, something big. He speaks of buildings, and tunnels, and yes, bridges. However, George is called to doing something quite different, remaining in his hometown to engage in the process of building and maintaining the Building and Loan Association, the source of financial support for the town, which is constantly under siege. A series of events outside of his control seem to be conspiring against him as he sacrifices his dreams to enable the Association to remain open. In each instance, he uses his relationships with individuals to foster a sense of community, protecting them even when times are tough. However, as tough times seem never to end he grows bitter, doubting that he can continue, not recognizing all the good work he has done. As he has been creating a community, George does not realize how much he is appreciated until he thinks about ending his life, but is saved by a would-be angel who gives him the opportunity to see what life in the town of Bedford Falls would have been like if he had not been there. O?Donohue (1997) says, ?A breakdown is often a desperate attempt by the soul to break through the weary fa?ade of role politics? (p. 151). It was not until the townspeople were able to see Bailey outside of his role, that he was able to see himself outside that role, as well. When George realizes he wants to live, we find him on a bridge, the bridge of the community he has built, linking him with the community and those in the community with one another. He is transformed and thus able to acknowledge the part he has played in developing the community, not just a banking institution. I wonder if the liaisons ever think about what their PDS would be like without them, or if they are so focused on the details, doing the practical work, the day to day administration of 323 keeping an institution going that they do not see the magnitude of their work. Sometimes the liaisons feel taken for granted, as they are expected to be there for all PDS participants. O?Donohue (1997) says, ?Sometimes it is easy to be generous outward, to give and give and give and yet remain ungenerous to yourself. You lose the balance of your soul if you are a generous giver but a mean receiver. You need to be generous to yourself in order to receive the love that surrounds you? (p. 7). As George and the community celebrate what they have built together, George is proclaimed to be the richest man in town because, for many years, he has been present in relationship with others. That realization surpasses economic compensation. To maintain balance for their souls, the liaisons must feel comfortable in relationship as receivers as well as givers. The specific relationships that the liaisons have brought together for themselves and others in the PDS are experiences of community. Buber?s (1970/1996) notion of community points to the integral part that the builder, in this case a liaison, plays in community development: True community does not come into being because people have feelings for each other (though that is required too), but rather on two accounts: all of them have to stand in a living, reciprocal relationship to one another. The second event has its source in the first but is not immediately given with it. A living reciprocal relationship includes feelings but is not derived from them. A community is built upon a living, reciprocal relationship, but the builder is the living, active center. (p. 94) Without the builder, community does not happen, and it does not happen without some tension. In her classes, Hultgren (1995) develops a community in which tension is not denied as the learning community ?evolve[s] into the expression of our beingness? (p. 375). This tension can lead to a letting learn as Hultgren describes, ?To let learn means: 324 To open up opportunities which encourage conversational relations through experiential partnerships? (p. 385). This is what it means to be in a PDS, a place of learning for all who live there, connected through dialogue and experience. The liaisons, through building relationships with individuals and an infrastructure to support them, have in essence built a community of PDS practitioners. It is at this point that maintaining the community becomes increasingly important. Once a PDS is operational, it is never safe from the reality of transfers and reassignments. Community is constantly in flux as new principals, different mentor teachers and site coordinators become part of the existing PDS community, changing the nature of that community by becoming part of it. For liaisons in multiple site PDSs, this is even more challenging, as they learn how to be flexible and how to accommodate change with a positive attitude. O?Donohue (1999) says: The wanderer travels through a vast array of experiences. The word ?wander? derives originally from the verb ?to wind? and is associated with the German word ?wandeln,? to change. The wanderer does not find change a threat. Change is an invitation to new possibility. The wanderer is as free as the wind and will get into corners of experience that will escape the settled, fixed person. (pp. 46- 47) As the PDS develops, the liaisons experience changes in their own roles as they work to integrate others into the PDS, thus changing the community. Shaffer and Anundsen (1993) say, ?Community begins with one-to-one relationships. The most basic of these is your relationship to yourself? (p. 41). Yet, the liaisons thrive on the direct interaction they have with people. These interactions are their energy source, the fuel that sustains the light. For the liaisons, the community expands outside the boundaries as they encourage others in their own PDS communities to venture outside their PDSs to share with and learn from one another. 325 In speaking of the way in which Stephan Brown experiences community within himself, Levoy (1997) says: He also had to recognize that he had to become a community himself, had to establish a certain rough confederacy among the various and occasionally conflicting parts of himself, before he could create a community outside. ?My visionary, for instance, wanted to keep my accountant in the closet, and vice versa.? Passion had to enter into treaty with practicality. Too much practicality, he realized, stifles the imagination; too much passion and you lose your landing gears. (pp. 73-74) Being in community provides opportunities for the liaisons, through the relationships they have with others, to learn more about various aspects of themselves. As they create community, the liaisons also create new personal and professional identities. Building Identity Your identity was not offered for your choosing. In other words, a special destiny was prepared for you. But you were also given freedom and creativity to go beyond the given, to make a new set of relationships and to forge an ever new identity, inclusive of the old but not limited to it. This is the secret pulse of growth, which is quietly at work behind the outer fa?ade of your life. Destiny sets the outer frame of experience and life; freedom finds and fills its inner form. (O?Donohue, 1997, p. 83) When my conversants began their work, they did not know exactly where it might lead them. Through their work they bring forward their creativity, resulting in different ways of interpreting the liaison role in an authentic manner. For O?Donohue, destiny is one aspect of identity, but equally important is the freedom to grow into an identity that is authentically reflective of one?s inner form. Perhaps the manner in which the liaisons define their roles is determined by what they want them to be. While the essence of the liaison experience, with its focus on building and maintaining bridges of relationships, is similar for the liaisons, their inner form is always evident. 326 I have stated that my initial view of the liaisons was through the metaphor of the bridge, the outer frame of their experience. As I have come to know them, however, I begin to see more of the inner form of the work they do building bridges, gradually assuming the identity of the bridge itself. The bridges they have built are similar, yet different. Pamela and Lenore have built bridges to their interns and mentor teachers. Sue and Devon have extended bridges to include multiple schools, and Frank and Diane have built a network of bridges. All have built the bridges of connection with their school system partners and the state. Their identity is perceived in terms of these relationships they have built with others. In what ways do the liaisons support, clarify and enhance their own identities as they build relational bridges in a PDS? Buscaglia (1982) asked his five-year-old niece, ?What is a bridge?? She thought for a long time, and then said, ?A bridge is when the ground falls out under you, and you build something to connect the cracks? (p. 113). Her explanation prompted the following insight, ?The group can do it, but it all begins with the individual. Before we can do it as a group, we have to start with something, and my feeling is that the first bridge you have to build is the bridge to you? (Buscaglia, p. 114). If a PDS is growing and thriving, the bridges of relationship and community can lift and support the liaisons in self-discovery, building bridges to themselves. However, the liaisons must build carefully across the cracks as there is always danger inherent in crossing a deep divide, whether external or internal. When they recognize their role as PDS liaisons as consonant with who they are, they become integrated and centered. 327 Sometimes, however, they come to the realization that being a PDS liaison is not the most authentic way for them to ?be? educators. The liaisons quickly realize that what they envisioned as the parameters of their work are constantly changing to include more and more responsibilities, some of which they do not want to assume. The liaisons, then, make decisions about the way in which they, as individuals, can lead authentic lives, following their bliss as Campbell (1988) suggests. According to Campbell, ?You can?t have creativity unless you leave behind the bounded, the fixed, all the rules? (p. 156). The creativity involved in developing identities as bridge builders is matched by the liaisons? struggles toward authenticity as they move past traditional boundaries and go against established rules. Sue speaks of the many facets of a liaison?s work: ?The problem with this position is that it entails so many different kinds of things. Depending on the situation, you?re always surprised by something new that you didn?t realize it was going to entail.? The liaisons are building bridges of relationship and identity in sometimes shifting sand. As they continue to encounter new expectations, they must decide whether they experience bliss in responding to these new responsibilities or need to seek it elsewhere in a more defined role. At some point, they must question whether being a PDS liaison is an authentic expression of who they are. Being Authentic In what manner do the liaisons experience authenticity as they do their work? Taylor (as cited in Anton, 2002) opens up Heidegger?s notion of authenticity: Briefly, we can say that Authenticity (A) involves (i) creation and construction as well as discovery, (ii) originality, and frequently (iii) opposition to the rules of society and even potentially to what we recognize as morality. But it is also true, as we saw, that it (B) requires (i) openness to the horizons of significance 328 (for otherwise the creation loses the background that can save it from insignificance) and (ii) a self-definition in dialogue. (p. 7) As they move toward developing authentic professional selves, the liaisons are creating an original structure that is outside the traditional rules of their institutions. To do this, they must be open to new horizons, which are continually moving with them. As they engage in dialogue with PDS colleagues, they also are engaging in the process of self- discovery. In discussing Gadamer?s notion of horizon as Dasein?s moving toward something which accompanies it along the journey, O?Donohue (1997) says, ?If you are striving to be equal to your destiny and worthy of the possibilities that sleep in the clay of your heart, then you should be regularly reaching new horizons? (p. 215). For the liaisons, the possibilities of the horizon are seemingly endless, creating challenges as well as opportunities. The endless nature of PDS work makes it difficult for the liaisons to have time for the dialogue that is necessary for them to come to an understanding of themselves. Often, their best opportunity for this is when they engage in conversation with other liaisons, who also are seeking an authentic existence. Oriah Mountain Dreamer (2003) speaks of two essentials for living authentically, ego awareness and essence awareness. Ego awareness is ?our individuated sense of self that identifies with patterns of ever-changing thoughts, feelings, sensations and life situations? (p. 62). Essence awareness is ?the consciousness of the inherent being we are?not particularly concerned with the details of the life I am living?knows that all thoughts, feeling, and situations will pass and that what is eternal and infinite within us will remain? (pp. 62-63). Certainly, the liaisons find themselves in an ever-changing life situation as they are at the vanguard of change in teacher 329 education. To be authentic, they must determine resonance between who they are and what they do. I wonder if there are some persons who are attuned to a bridge building role if placed in the right natural environment. In discussing Jung?s notion of individuation, Levoy (1997) says: ? individuation? is the work of becoming ourselves and making ourselves distinct from our surroundings, from the grabby dictates of the collective and the expectations of others. One way synchronicity may do this, he said, is by reflecting--or perhaps projecting onto events in the outer world--something we already know but don?t know we know: the authentic self as it?s encoded in the soul. (p. 111) Perhaps the call for the liaisons who find satisfaction in their work is instinctual, deeply embedded in their souls. Frank?s metaphor of the salmon swimming upstream points to the instinctual nature that provides both impetus and fulfillment for him as he does his work, and Diane?s spider continues to weave webs even if they are removed every day. These metaphors are reflections of the natural world, where patterns of behavior can be identified as an expression of the essence of a salmon or a spider. These patterns create an expression of natural beauty. Campbell (1988) brings forward this notion that beauty exists within the natural world: ?When a spider makes a beautiful web, the beauty comes out of the spider?s nature. In what sense is it intentional? Or is it the expression of the bird, the beauty of the bird?s spirit?? (p. 79). Are the liaisons? patterns of behavior intentional or natural? If intentional but not natural, there can be resultant stress in trying to fit in a particular mold. If natural, the liaisons find a certain freedom in being themselves. O?Donohue (2004) speaks of this freedom: ?Beauty is a free spirit and will not be trapped within the grid of intentionality. In the light of beauty, the strategies of the ego melt like a web 330 against a candle? (p. 7). The struggle to be who they are in this new role is exacerbated when it is not natural to them. Gadamer (1977) says the beautiful ?bridges the chasm between the ideal and the real? (p. 15). Beauty is reflected in the manner in which the liaisons construct their PDSs through the balancing work they do, building bridges between their schools and their universities. They take the ideal concept of what a PDS should be and make it a real experience. According to O?Donohue (1997), this balancing reflects wisdom as ??the art of balancing the known with the unknown, the suffering with joy; it is a way of linking the whole of life together in a new and deeper unity? (p. 195). The liaisons experience both suffering and joy as they attempt to bridge unity between disparate institutions. Sometimes liaisons construct an identity to fit the norms of their surroundings, molding or shaping themselves without, perhaps, coming to an understanding or actualization of who they are in this process of becoming. This manner of being is what Heidegger refers to as inauthentic. In contrast, the liaisons might build authentic identities, coming to a deep understanding of themselves and living in a manner through which they identify and live out their experiences doing what they feel is most true to themselves. However, being true to oneself is not an easy thing to do. Caputo (1987) says, ?Authenticity means unrest, disquiet, uneasiness, agitation, keeping off balance, resisting the illusion of stability and solid foundations? (p. 200). Being authentic is a challenge for the liaisons because they are trying to build PDSs on a solid foundation, while fully realizing that the instability they feel is not an illusion. 331 Being authentic also becomes important for these liaisons because as they are creating a professional identity, they are building a structure for others who will follow in their footsteps. I wonder if they realize that what they are creating when they do this work will have meaning beyond their own experience of it. Frank demonstrates this understanding as he encourages a mentee who will come to take over much of his initial responsibility. Devon, too, is sensitive to this and uses grant funds to work with her replacement in preparation for her return to full time teaching. In whatever way the liaisons seek to be authentic, they recognize that as liaisons, they are at the center of the action in a PDS, but do they find their own center there? Being in the Center There is no need to run outside For better seeing, Nor to peer from a window. Rather abide At the center of your being? Search your heart and see? The way to do is to be. (Lao Tze, as cited in Connelly, 1993, p. 9) Being at the center encompasses two aspects for the liaisons: being at the center of the action and being at the center of themselves. Being at the center of the action is commonplace for them as they are present to those in the PDS in body, time, place and relationship. The metaphors they use to describe themselves bring forward the ways in which they see themselves as essential to the process of building the PDS. What is not so evident, however, is the manner in which they take time to reflect on themselves and what being in this position means for them. Are they experiencing Campbell?s (1988) notion of bliss and, if not, what do they do about it? Campbell says, ?The place to find is within yourself?There?s a center of quietness within, which has to be known and 332 held. If you lose that center, you are in tension and begin to fall apart? (pp. 161-162). Being at the center can be alive with possibilities, but it can also be quite stressful. Devon?s decision to leave her position was fraught with tension until she chose to make a change. When asked to reflect on her decision to leave the PDS Coordinator?s position, Devon says, ?I didn?t happily go into it, but then I found a niche and I made it work. I really did enjoy it but, yes, I was absolutely torn.? Even though Devon enjoyed certain aspects of PDS work, she was not feeling the professional satisfaction for which she was searching. She continues: I think it was a lot of soul searching. I have to think it was when I was writing my packet of tenure, and I was delighted that I could write my packet and write the part about research as though it were just a natural evolution and a plan. I know it came down to, ?Is this the best use of my Ph.D.?? That?s what it came down to because so much of my time was phone calls and photocopying and all the little stuff that, if we had clerical assistance, it might have helped. I also think it was that loneliness, just wanting to be a part of one world. Devon brings forward two issues that were troubling her, that although she was at the center of the action, she still felt alone, and that her sense of self was not being reinforced in the work she was doing. However, it would take Devon a full year to remove herself from the center of the action in order to reclaim her own center. Being at the center of the bridge that connects persons in PDSs with one another requires the liaisons to become translators, continuing to keep them in the center. When translating across cultures, the liaisons experience the tension of being the ones who are supposed to understand everyone?s feelings and beliefs. This translation is a tremendous responsibility. However, Rushin (as cited in Intrator & Scribner, 2003) brings forward the way in which the tension in being the bridge between people unleashes the power within, enabling one to be of service to others. 333 ?The Bridge Poem? I?ve had enough I?m sick of seeing and touching From both sides of thing Sick of being the damn bridge for everybody. Nobody can talk to anybody without me. Right I explain my mother to my father my father to my little sister my little sister to my brother my brother to the White Feminists the White Feminists to the Black Church Folks the Black Church Folks to the ex-Hippies the ex-Hippies to the Black Separatists the Black Separatists to the Artists the Artists to the parents of my Friends? Then I?ve got to explain myself To everybody? I do more translating than the U.N? You see it?s like this The bridge I must be Is the bridge to my own power I must translate My own fears Mediate My own weaknesses I must be the bridge to nowhere But my own true self It?s only then I can be Useful (p. 119) This notion of being useful is important to the liaisons; however, Devon?s experience indicates that sometimes the liaisons are used up by the details of the work that facilitates their relationships with others. To be useful to others, they must take time for themselves. Lenore reflects on the first time she took two weeks off for a vacation: 334 It was freeing to think, they really don?t need me. They can get along without me. I am replaceable. Feeling irreplaceable is too much pressure. I guess years ago I had this sort of erroneous sense that things would fall apart. The thing is maybe it did fall apart, but it would have fallen apart if you were there, also. So it?s just a matter of do you fix it after you come back or while you are there. Although Lenore seems comfortable with being away from her PDS, it has taken years for her to get to this point. She does not relinquish her responsibility, but she recognizes that she needs time for herself to refuel her energy source. Shaffer and Anundsen (1993) speak to the importance of being in relationship with oneself in order to be in relationship with others: ?Community begins with one-to- one relationships. The most basic of these is your relationship to yourself? (p. 41). If the liaisons are not in relation to themselves, their ability to be in relationship with others is hampered. Lindbergh (1955) says, ?When we start at the center of ourselves, we discover something worthwhile extending toward the periphery of the circle. We find again some of the joy of the now, some of the peace in the here, some of the love in me and thee which go to make up the kingdom of heaven on earth? (p. 128). When the liaisons find their center in a PDS, they are more likely to enjoy their work. The self is not determined in isolation, as Dasein exists in relation to others. Being in relation offers Dasein opportunities for self-awareness; self-awareness makes possible deeper relationships. Being in relationship with PDS colleagues can support the liaisons in finding themselves. Buber (1970/1996) opens up the intricate nature of this process: Man becomes an I through a You. What confronts us comes and vanishes, relational events take shape and scatter, and through these changes crystallizes, more and more each time, the consciousness of the constant partner, the I- consciousness. To be sure, for a long time it appears only woven into the relation to a You, discernible as that which reaches for but is not a You; but it comes closer and closer to the bursting point until one day the bonds are broken 335 and the I confronts its detached self for a moment like a You?and then it takes possession of itself and henceforth enters into relations in full consciousness. (p. 80) When relationships are supportive, the liaisons can focus less on the details of their work and more on the part they play in the process. However, the liaisons seldom have specific time set aside for such reflection. For O?Donohue (1997), ?It is part of the process of reflection that gives depth to experience? (p. 181). Pamela laments this lack of time for reflection, but tries to incorporate it into her daily experience: Right now any reflection that I do is in a section in my planner, a place for notes. I really haven?t had the opportunity to reflect on what I?m doing professionally?I learned how to use post-it notes, so I keep post-it notes and usually wear something with a pocket. I also use a computer from time to time, but I?m really not doing as much written reflection as I would love to. There are lots of great ideas that I have for doing research. Devon, too, finds ways to reflect as part of her day, ?I am a reflective being, much too much. No, I don?t think that?s possible, but I can?t drive in the car that I?m not reflecting, so it may not always get written down.? Devon?s reflection is done during the only unstructured time she has, while driving in her car. Her reflection is done in isolation, not shared with others in the college or the school. O?Donohue (1999) says, ?True belonging is hospitable to difference for it knows that genuine identity can only emerge from the real conversation between self and others. There can be no true self without the embrace of the other? (p. 41). Perhaps Devon?s loneliness could have been alleviated if she were able to share her reflections for response. Through the dialogic process of conversation with other PDS liaisons, the liaisons are better able to respond to the ever-changing nature of what they do, and the resultant changing identity. Levin (1988) describes this as ?...a self which lives with a continuously changing identity: a self open to change in oneself; a self which changes in response to changes in the world; 336 a self capable of changing the conditions of its world according to need. I am not what I am and I am what I am not? (p. 378). As change agents, the liaisons are constantly changing what they do and changing the environment in which they work. The focus of what they do depends on the needs of others, creating a need for them to be flexible when sometimes they must scrap plans they have made, as they experience the stress of dealing with conflicting needs of building in the in-betweeness. As the liaisons radiate their self-energy from the center of their relationships with others and themselves, their passion comes forward if they are, indeed, called to this way of being. Being Passionate Both aspects of living authentically are important as ?Life without essence awareness lacks meaning and connection. Life without ego awareness lacks fire and direction? (Dreamer, 2003, p. 63). Brown (as cited in Levoy, 1997) opens up this notion that pursuing a vision of change must be matched by a feeling of passion for something to endure: I meet with a lot of people who say they?ve got this great vision and are really impassioned, and I ask them, ?What are you willing to do to make it happen?? I want people to really understand what?s required. I?m really in their faces. I met with one group who wanted to start a rural retreat/education center. Highly efficient, professional people, management consultants, business people. I told them they were terrifically capable but that they didn?t seem to have the passion. They were too comfortable, too complacent. I wondered if they had the motivation to create something better, and they understood that. There?s definitely a trade-off between passion and security. (pp. 74-75) For Brown, being capable and talented is not enough for someone involved in the change process. In order for persons to feel successful, to keep moving forward, there 337 must be passion. Diane?s metaphor of the missionary discipleship speaks to the nature of the passion she feels for her work. Shaw (as cited in Connelly, 1993) says: I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no ?brief candle? to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. (p. 157) When I first read this quote, I immediately thought of Diane, whose metaphor of the coal miner in a cave brings forward the importance of light as providing both illumination and energy. Both of her metaphors, the missionary and the coal miner, speak to the dichotomy that the liaisons experience. On her good days, Diane is a missionary passionately recruiting participants for her PDS. At other times, however, she is in the darkness of the cave, using her own energy to provide light for the torch that guides her and others in their movements. The torch becomes even more important in the early years of PDS work, which sometimes operates as an underground movement. There is a fear inherent in the darkness that calls to be overcome. Gleick (1999) says, ?Light is good. Yet in the dark the stars come out. You have to wait long enough for your eyes to adjust to the darkness? (p. 267). Gadamer (1994), too, opens up the positive aspects of darkness: ?darkness is not merely a darkness opposed to the world of light; we are ourselves shrouded in darkness, which merely confirms that we are. Darkness plays a fundamental role in constituting the being of our Dasein. The earth is not only that which resists the penetration of the beams of light. The darkness that conceals is also one that shelters, a site from which everything is brought into brightness?like a word from silence. (p. 191) As Diane serves as the torch in the cave, she provides shelter that encourages growth into brightness. 338 Being passionate about their work places the liaisons in situations where they sometimes must fight for their beliefs and the resources to support their building. O?Donohue (2004) says, ?When we decide to explore our lives through creative expression, it is often surprising to discover that the things that almost destroyed us are the very things that talk to us? (p. 179). These stressful experiences of the darkness provide fuel for growth, and the liaisons demonstrate their passion as they push continually to create their PDSs in spite of the challenges they face. Sue says, ?The problem is you don?t always have the resources to back up your ability to pull those things off, so maybe you try to pull them off on your own because if it is going to happen, you?re going to make it happen, sort of a superman, superwoman kind of thing.? Superman is described as able to ?leap tall buildings in a single bound,? without the use of a bridge. Are the liaisons building structures or continuing to leap back and forth, in mid air and without a net, between structures that have already been built? In either circumstance, they are working tenaciously outside the boundaries. When you open your heart to discovery, you will be called to step outside the comfort barriers within which you have fortified your life. You will be called to risk old views and thoughts and to step off the circle of routine and image. This will often bring turbulence. The pendulum will fix at times on one extreme, and you will be out of balance. But your soul loves the danger of growth. In its own wise trust, your soul will always return you to a place of real and vital equilibrium. (O?Donohue, 1999, pp. 19-20) The metaphors of the salmon swimming upstream and the caterpillar trying to crawl out of the well speak to the tenacity that the liaisons demonstrate in their work. Sue elaborates on both metaphors, ?The salmon know where they?re going and the caterpillar knows it needs to get all the way out of the well, but it?s that idea of having to keep struggling to get there and it?s not such an easy path to get there.? 339 Frank also reflects on this tenacity and the beauty involved in struggle. He describes the PDS: ?something that has a living beauty to it. I describe the PDS as not just being a process but the PDS itself as analogous to a living entity. It?s probably something that I will never achieve because it?s a self-renewing process, as you make gains and strides and accomplishments here and there, some of that process starts over again. I saw the beauty in this spawning process? something that is life producing and life preserving. Listening to Frank?s comments touches Sue who says, ??and the beauty of the struggle. If it was that easy to swim upstream, then what kind of accomplishment would you feel in the end? If it was that easy to crawl out of the well, why is that such a great thing to do?? In reflecting on beauty, O?Donohue (2004) says: Since beauty issues from depth this order has emerged from intense engagement with chaos, confusion and contradiction. It is a beauty that the soul has won from the heart of darkness. Such beauty cannot simply be siphoned off from chaos. Neither can it be fabricated or slipped over chaos as a benign concealing mask. Such beauty engages in the labour and grace of the imagination. (p. 56) Both Frank and Sue bring forward their understanding that the beauty of the struggle is not chaotic, but rather won through determined efforts to create order. Sometimes, however, the order is more difficult to create. Frank says, ?Very often, the PDS coordinator is swimming upstream because we don?t have the resources. All the players involved are not supportive.? Lack of resources is always an issue for the liaisons, whether lack of people, time or funds. They long for adequate resources to implement their PDS vision. Greene (1973) says, ?No matter what the degree of objectivity attained, no matter how universally acknowledged are the rules, the final decision is up to the individual?His attitudes, like the attitudes prevalent in his culture, will affect his decisions?At some level, he must do whatever 340 he considers sensible or reasonable? (p. 253). At some point, the liaisons must decide how much struggle is worth it to them. For Lenore, the issue becomes one of reality. She says: You cannot do this job thirteen months a year and give it 100% in all the different roles you play. I know I cannot be perfect in the coordinatorship, in my teaching, in my advising. It?s totally unrealistic and impossible, so I just decided that I couldn?t do it. I don?t expect that from myself anymore but it bothers me. A lot of coordinators are type A personalities and trying to be perfect all of the time. Several years ago I thought that I?m not good at anything I do anymore. I used to think that I?m really good at this or I?m really good at that, and then you put it all together and you?re nothing. I don?t want to be average. It?s like slow down, you?re average. Lenore?s words illuminate the liaisons? fears that they are responsible, even without adequate resources to support them. Feeling Inadequate One of the most surprising revelations about the experience of the liaisons was their feeling of inadequacy, a fear of not being perfect. Lenore mentions being a Type A personality, the Energizer Bunny of the PDS world. The liaisons go into this work with the notion of being perfect in all areas of what they do. For those who have other responsibilities as well, it can be even more of a drain, because they are trying to measure themselves against their own standards of excellence. Adelman, Eagle and Hargreaves (1997) say, ?At its best, the guilt that comes from endless aspiration is a spur to dedicated professionalism. At its worst, it can turn altruistic enthusiasts into self- denying martyrs and cheerless workaholics? (p. 79). This feeling guilty is a danger for the liaisons as they sometimes err on the side of being too passionate and not enough centered. 341 This issue of feeling inadequate comes forward most forcefully in the group conversation, as Devon speaks of during one of our individual conversations: In one of our sessions, I broke down in tears when I was talking about my less than 100% effort in my teaching. I was going into classes not quite as prepared and that is not me. I didn?t really think that it bothered me the way it obviously did, and that moment has stuck with me and beyond. When I go back and think upon these two conversations, I know I made the right decision. Frank, too, has experienced these feelings of not doing everything as well as he would like because he spends so much time doing PDS work. He says: What brought that to my attention was my self-evaluation of my teaching responsibilities which noticeably changed in terms of what I personally feel I was giving to my students. Student evaluations and feedback were not saying there was any big change from two years ago when we didn?t have so much involvement with PDS, but I know it. I could see it in my own notes and my own preparation, the things I wasn?t doing any longer that enriched my class sessions. I would get angry about that, you know, I slipped right past frustration and went to anger. I think I said it out loud to our president when he came to meet with our department because he knew some changes had to take place. Devon and Frank have experienced the frustration of changes in their teaching since they have become PDS liaisons. They had to make decisions about making changes in their preparation for and execution of their teaching. Although each experienced this frustration, they handled it differently. Lenore chose to make changes in her own self- expectations. Frank used his anger as a means to secure additional human resources to support the work of the PDS. For Devon, the solution for her frustration was to go back to full time teaching and intern supervision. In contrast, Pamela brings forward the joy she experiences as her focus on teaching her interns has intensified: I really enjoy working with the interns, watching them evolve into very confident teachers. So I think that?s the joy of it for me. I?ve always loved teaching, I?ve always loved working with students, and they are just students at a different level. Light bulbs go off for them, as well. This is not a profession 342 where there is immediate gratification, so when it comes, it?s a bonus. Because I?m spending so much time with them, the likelihood that gratification is shown increases. Lenore, too, finds joy in her relationship with interns. When I ask her about the high points she experiences, she says: When I have an intern come up and say, ?I have an open contract.? That?s a high point. Seeing all of their work, the ones that really did well and worked hard, those are the ones that are getting open contracts. Seeing mentor teachers and interns working together, problem solving things that are almost unsolvable? that?s exciting. Both Pamela and Lenore have the most focused relationship with their interns and mentor teachers and fewer responsibilities for a network of PDSs. As I speak with them, I sense that they are the most content with their roles. However, this does not mean that they do not experience stress and frustration on occasion, but they are able to keep a primary focus on teaching, something that Devon and Frank have had less time to attend to as their network responsibilities increase. Each of these liaisons has a commitment to quality teaching, particularly since they are involved in the preparation of new teachers. What is the breaking point for them as their teaching patterns change? Frank explains his criteria for making that decision: I can probably slug through and pretend things are going well, that PDS is happening, but that?s at the point where you compromise your ethics and your integrity. I think those of us in this position have to decide when does that point come. I don?t think any of us will ever compromise on that. I told the president I will not do that and what we got was some resources. Frank is willing to struggle, but he is not willing to compromise his integrity. He recognizes that the passion to do the work must be matched by resources from his institution. In the group conversation, he states, ?I wasn?t sentenced here. I chose to do 343 this.? Thus he accepts responsibility for his own actions in order to promote the well being of his PDS. Diane reflects on the aspects of PDS work that she finds energizing as well as that which exhausts her: I?m not sure that it was really the PDS that did me in because that invigorated me, the concept and the idea. I not only ended up being the PDS coordinator but also the grant writer to get the funds. We have the grants from the state, then the university system grants, and then throw in another grant that the state gave us. I?m sitting here writing and rewriting. The infrastructure at our university just doesn?t support the way it needs to be, so I am always taking four steps forward and then six steps back and then four steps forward, so that there are times on campus when I feel like I am getting nowhere fast. Although Diane felt invigorated by PDS work, her search for resources to support it finally became overwhelming for her. Sue has experienced the same frustration at her own university, affecting her opinion of herself and the work she does, ?You are going to feel like nothing is your best work. Your grant is not your best grant because you?ve got so many other things you?re doing. Your summer institute for planning is not going to be the best because you?re doing other things.? Even when things are going well, the liaisons are tempted to look at their perceived inadequacies. Lenore shares her reaction to a situation that required her to make a change in mentor/intern pairings, an area in which she usually feels quite successful: This past year I had either one or two [mentor/intern pairings] that I had to change. I went home and I was really upset. My husband asked what was the matter and I said, ?I have to change two mentor/intern relationships.? He said, ?It?s two; it?s about 90%.? Then I said, ?I know.? So he said, ?So what do you want?? And I said, ?The other 10. I want to be perfect.? Then he said, ?But you?re dealing with relationships.? 344 Like many of the liaisons, Lenore strives for excellence, even in areas such as the interpersonal relationships of others over which she has only limited control. It is this commitment to responsibility that provides both joy and frustration for her. Being Professional Connelly and Clandinin (1999) say, ??identities have histories. They are narrative constructions that take shape as life unfolds and that may, as narrative constructions are wont to do, solidify into a fixed identity, an unchanging narrative construction, or they may continue to grow and change? (p. 95). The liaisons are in the process of developing professional identities that are in continual flux. Sue says, ?The reality of it is that for most everyone involved in this except me, PDS is just one more thing on their plate. I?m the only one who is looking solely at PDS.? Sue recognizes that her professional identity is tied into PDS work in a way that is different from others who do not have full responsibility for it. She owns it. Lashley (1994) says, ?The development of a professional identity is an ongoing process filled with tensions and contradictions. In aspiring to develop a sense of competence as part of one?s professional identity, one inevitably encounters vulnerability. Vulnerability is experienced as the self is faced with uncertainty?When the self faces uncertainty, it is often left feeling exposed and unprotected? (p. 42). Pamela?s metaphor of a choral director puts her in front of the people with whom she is working, giving her control over the chorus, with its many different forces and talents, but she must turn her back to the audience. Although in her metaphor she is in control, ultimately she is vulnerable. It is this vulnerability that seems to tie the liaisons together. 345 Lashley (1994) goes on to say, ?Paradoxically, the vulnerability that comes from self- exposure and opening oneself up to experience tensions and contradictions may restore a sense of direction and create a new awareness of one?s situatedness and orientation to the world? (p. 43). Iyer (2000) describes this vulnerability as ??the exposedness we feel whenever we?re in a place we don?t understand? (p. 57). By opening themselves up to others, by being vulnerable, the liaisons find themselves. They recognize areas for growth that others might not see. Lenore is looked to as an expert in PDS work. She reflects on her experience at a state leadership academy: I find myself as a sort of person who has been through several years, seven years of this type of work, so I think I can help with advice, help pave the way, but I don?t think people see me as a learner in that type of situation. And I found myself as a learner because there are things that I don?t know, and I haven?t had experience with, so I really like coming together. Lenore?s metaphor of the PDS Coordinator as a player/manager on a baseball team reflects this same self-understanding: ?I see myself as a learner/leader where I?m hoping that I can help other people that are just beginning to avoid some of the things that I?ve gone through.? Although Lenore sees herself as a leader, she acknowledges that she wishes to continue to learn, thus expanding her professional identity. Pamela, too, is acknowledged as a PDS leader. She describes her reaction to hearing how her colleagues hold her in high esteem: Maybe it?s my modesty, but I?ve never seen myself as an expert in PDS and the idea that folks see me as an expert is a high point for me. When I came to the university, there was resistance to PDS, not to me personally, but to this position. But the Dean kept saying, ?I want to make more positions like this.? To go from not personally being rejected, but the concept of the position was, it said to me, ?Hey, you have successfully made the transition from a public school teacher, without losing that part of your personality and your 346 professionalism to higher education. You?re accepted here, not because you?re a yes person.? To the contrary my mouth sometimes gets me into trouble. And then to hear other people in the department say that we need more Pamelas. It?s refreshing and rewarding to hear that they consider me as a colleague. Pamela speaks of moving from P-12 education to higher education without losing her personality or professionalism. She chooses to retain that part of her life experience and incorporate it into her university identity. She celebrates her accomplishments in P-12 schools. Is Pamela?s decision not to be a ?yes? person valued at the university? University faculty generally are not considered ?yes? people, although they seem to feel more free expressing their opinions the closer they get to full professor status. Junior faculty continue to be more guarded in what they do and say. In higher education, there is a faculty culture of academic freedom and most often faculty are hired because they have expertise in a particular area. Perhaps Devon did not feel her expertise was valued in that she could be replaced in the courses she would be teaching. Devon did not want to take the PDS Coordinator position because she could see the ways in which being off campus in a PDS had impacted negatively her colleague?s attempt to get tenure. Did she fear that her attempts at promotion might be compromised if she were not visible on campus? For a faculty member who has not yet attained the rank of full professor, this is a concern that strikes at issues of professional identity. For PDS Coordinators who began their careers in P-12 schools, it might seem that this is not such a concern. They already have built successful professional identities and are ready to expand their horizons. They will add to the identity they have already built, like an in-law apartment added onto a house. However, for some the move to a 347 position in higher education is a welcome change. Sue reflects on the aspects of her university position that are appealing: The flexibility and the feeling that you?re a professional and we trust you to do this job, whenever and however that you deem that you can best do this job. That is, I think, when I felt stifled in the school system. I would spend a whole weekend developing materials for a Monday presentation, but then at four o?clock on Friday, someone would tell me that I had to stay until five because I wasn?t done for the day. Sue needs respect for her sense of professionalism. Like Lenore, she is willing to leave a position if it becomes too constrained for her. She is not afraid of working hard or putting in extra time, but she does not see herself as a forty hour per week employee. She is ready to make the transition to being at the university. Transformation: Becoming the Bridge As the liaisons do their work, they are transformed. To transform is ?to change the nature, function, or condition of; convert? (American Heritage College Dictionary, 1997, p. 1436). A transformation is defined as ?a marked change, as in appearance, usu. for the better? (p. 1436). To transform is ?borrowed from Old French transformer, and directly from Latin transformare change the shape or form of (trans - across + formare to FORM? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 827). The role of PDS liaison is a transformation of a faculty role, and the liaisons form this experience across the boundaries of P-12 schools and the university. In doing so, they change the nature, function and condition of a faculty role. In Sue?s metaphor of the caterpillar, she speaks of getting out of the well, suggesting that when she gets out of the well, she will move on to something new. Sue?s reflection on this metaphor hints at the transformation she is seeking: 348 I have a feeling that the day I get out of the well is the day that I?m on to something else. Part of it is taking a look and seeing if it takes enough time for you to turn into a butterfly. That will help you get out, it will put you some other place, it may not be in a well, but you will have so much more of the world to look at. It?s a very ideal thing to be at that final goal, so it?s going to take a long time to get there and a lot of sliding back. Sue uses the metaphor the caterpillar crawling out of the well because, as a former mathematics teacher, she remembers this mathematics problem. She says that she did not give too much thought to the well as a place, concentrating more on the back and forth movement needed to get out of it. O?Donohue (1997) opens up a perception of the well as a source of nourishment: The face of the well is on the surface; it is such a pure and surprising presence. Yet the biography of the well is hidden under eternities of mountain and clay. Similarly, within you the well is an infinite source. The waters are coming from deep down. Yet as long as you are on this earth, this well will never run dry. The flow of thought, feeling, image and word will always continue. (p. 13) Transformation is inherent in the life cycle of the caterpillar as it undergoes a profound physical change to become a butterfly. Sue?s butterfly metaphor opens up the nature of this transformative process. On one of my Florida writing excursions, I almost became transfixed watching the movements of butterflies. Butterflies are continually active, flying high, attracted to flowers, flitting from one place to another, brightly colored, nesting momentarily but in continuous movement even while at rest. Their wings are moving constantly to keep them elevated. When butterflies perch on a flower, they fold their wings together and close themselves up, almost blending in with their surroundings. Butterflies appear somewhat frenetic, as if they do not know where they are going nor have a specific destination in mind. Butterflies exemplify an openness to movement. Is this interest in the transformative process part of Sue?s identity? Perhaps there are persons who like to 349 be at the vanguard of change, whatever the change might be. Creating a liaison role is a process of transforming a traditional role, thus transforming oneself. For some, once the transformation is complete, it might be time to move on to something else. During the group conversation, when I share my metaphor of the bridge with the liaisons, I am met with silence. I can tell from their expressions that none of them are particularly drawn to this metaphor, even as I share with them my fear and fascination concerning the transformation inherent in the crossing of a bridge. I can see elements of beauty and movement, all themes I hear in the metaphors they share. Diane is the first to break the silence, commenting that a bridge seems ?static.? As I have engaged in conversation with the liaisons, I have come to understand that their experiences are certainly more frenetic than static. What I have seen also, however, is that despite their constant activity, they are the relational bridges that enable the PDS community to exist. Without them at the center, PDS would not happen. I recently attended a presentation by Linda Darling Hammond who read excerpts from the following Langston Hughes poem to bring forward notions that find resonance in a PDS liaison?s experience. I choose to end this chapter with these excerpts, as they illuminate the strength and faith that the liaisons exhibit as they build personal and professional identities through building communities. ?Freedom?s Plow? When a man [sic]starts out with nothing, When a man starts out with his hands Empty, but clean, When a man starts out to build a world, He starts first with himself And the faith that is in his heart- The strength there, The will there to build. 350 First in the heart is the dream. Then the mind starts seeking a way. His eyes look out on the world, On the great wooded world, On the rich soil of the world, On the rivers of the world. The eyes see there materials for building, See the difficulties, too, and the obstacles. The hand seeks tools to cut the wood, To till the soil, and harness the power of the waters. Then the hand seeks other hands to help, A community of hands to help- Thus the dream becomes not one man?s dream alone, But a community dream. Not my dream alone, but our dream. Not my world alone, But your world and my world, Belonging to all the hands who build. (Hughes, 1959/1990, p. 291) Building bridges in a PDS begins with faith in the dream that it is possible to form collaborative relationships between P-12 schools and universities. As the liaisons build their PDSs, they engage others in this community dream. What remains to be seen is how the role of the PDS liaison will develop and be maintained as the number of PDSs continues to increase. What supports can be provided to ensure that those who do this work will feel both lifted and supported as they lift and support others in this dream of a PDS community? In Chapter Five, I suggest ways in which the role of the PDS liaison might be re-examined in light of the insights brought forward by my conversants. 351 CHAPTER FIVE: REDESIGNING THE BRIDGE BUILDING STRUCTURES TO SUPPORT PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT SCHOOL LIAISONS Looking at the Landmarks from the Bridge We take bridges for granted in the early twenty-first century. Yet bridges have always been major achievements. They remove rivers as barriers. They move us forward on our journey. But historic bridges also allow us to look back in time, to appreciate where we have come from?The stunning landmarks they left behind have a story to tell. (Maryland Historical Trust Press, 2002, p. 13) As I reflect on this opening quote about the often unappreciated importance of bridges, I am reminded of the reason I have been drawn to the question at the heart of my research study: What is the lived experience of university faculty in Professional Development Schools? Just as bridges and the work of those who build them is taken for granted, so, too, the work of those who build bridges of relationship in PDSs can be taken for granted. I find this disconcerting because the liaisons are at the center of all of the activity in a PDS, yet they are not recognized for the intricacy and importance of the work they do. The purpose of this study is to tell the liaisons? stories so that others can come to a fuller understanding of their experiences of removing barriers and moving forward on the PDS journey, to define the work they do as bridge builders. Sometimes, bridges are named to acknowledge someone?s contributions, such as the George Washington Bridge in New York. Sometimes, there is a closer, more meaningful link. I remember a trip that my son and I took with a friend and her children to Williamsburg, Virginia. As I was examining various possibilities for traveling there, my friend insisted that we take the Potomac River Bridge, also known as the Governor Harry W. Nice Bridge, named after her grandfather. She wanted her children to see the 352 toll receipt with their great-grandfather?s name printed on it. As I have been engaged in this study, I discovered that the bridge was named in his honor because of his support for a major bridge building initiative in the mid-twentieth century (Maryland Historic Trust Press, 2002). Although the bridge is named for him, I doubt that many people understand the connection. I certainly did not at that time. In a similar manner, even though the liaisons are crucial to the building of the PDSs, they often are not honored for their leadership in PDSs or even recognized as integral to the success of the PDSs. It is my hope that by telling their stories through this research study, I will honor the work they and others across the state do as PDS liaisons and coordinators. Through conversations, six university faculty shared their lived experiences of being PDS liaisons with me. They also welcomed me into their world, providing opportunities for me to attend meetings and participate in programs. Through this insider?s perspective, I experienced a transformation in the way I view their role in PDS work, developing an increased respect for the work they do. The combination of listening-to in conversation and being-there as they do their work has helped me to come to a fuller understanding of the essence of the PDS liaisons? experience, but also has raised additional questions. Gadamer (1994) says: ?Thinking is reflecting on something that one knows. It is a movement of thought to and fro, a being moved to and fro by thought, by possibilities, offers, doubts, and new questions? (p. 183). I have spent much time thinking about the lived experience of the liaisons since the time of our conversations, and the questions that arise prompt me to reflect on ways in which the work they do can be validated and supported. I wonder if those who continue working as liaisons will remain in their 353 positions. I wonder if those who have gone on to other opportunities might have stayed in their positions if there were additional supports in place to encourage them in their work. Throughout this chapter, I bring forward my understandings about the essence of the liaisons? lived experiences that lead to pedagogical implications for the ways in which universities and schools can provide an environment in which the liaisons can do their work in a manner that is supportive of their personal and professional identities. Each step in the process of pursuing my interest in the liaisons? lived experience leads closer to understanding why some liaisons find a home in the PDS, while others choose to leave. Throughout this chapter, I examine issues in the PDS landscape that dramatically affect what the liaisons currently are required to do in order to set the stage for examining ways in which the liaisons? role might be re-designed and ways in which universities, school systems, and schools can be supportive of the liaisons. Reflected in this examination are the notions of exuberance and sacrifice, both of which are the essence of a liaison?s experience. An understanding of these notions leads to possibilities for re-designing both perceptions about and structures surrounding a liaison?s work. I also reflect on the manner in which I have experienced personal and professional change as I have engaged in this research study. Building the Bridge of Understanding through Metaphor Rainbow Colors of light Connected-reflected Natural bridge Linking earth to earth. (Madden, 2002) 354 Some bridges, like a rainbow, occur naturally when the right combination of elements and light come together. A rainbow is a reflection of the elements in nature, reflecting the light that is in the spectrum. The liaisons have created connections of relationships that shine like a rainbow bridge. The rainbow also is the symbol of God?s covenant with Noah to never flood the earth entirely again. The presence of the liaisons is evident in all of the colors of the rainbow, in their covenant with those with whom they work in their PDSs. The metaphors of bridge and building continue to inform my thinking about the phenomenon, particularly in light of ways in which bridges are re-designed to meet the challenges of a changing environment. To design is ?to think up and draw plans for; to arrange the parts of? (Webster?s New World Dictionary of Basic American English, 1998, p. 232). Re- is a prefix meaning ?again? or ?back? (Webster?s New World Dictionary of Basic American English, 1998, p. 722). In re-designing, we look back in order to begin again the process of planning and arrangement. This process of continual planning and new beginnings is consonant with the manner in which a PDS works. It is appropriate, then, for those who do this work to be engaged in re-examining and re- designing their work on a regular basis. This re-designing, however, always must take place with the understanding that relationships and personal connections are the links that bind the entities of the school and the university together. A bridge connects two things that would not have been connected otherwise, and repeated use can cause a bridge to show signs of stress. Examining the stresses that bridges experience leads to understandings that inform future design. So, too, the liaisons experience the stress of building and being the bridge of relationship in the 355 PDS. As we look toward the future, it is important to identify these stresses and to bring forward ways to alleviate them. In reflecting on this notion of examining stress to aid in re-design, I look first to an example of a physical bridge. At the time the Chesapeake Bay Bridge was built, it was a marvel, providing access between the Eastern and Western shores of the bay. However, it did not take long to discover that this new bridge would not be able to handle the increased traffic that ensued. Although the bridge provided access for those who previously had to travel a lengthy circuitous route, time continued to be a problem. A driver either could spend time traveling the familiar path or sit in long traffic jams with other travelers who wanted to traverse the bridge. To solve this problem, roads were widened, and more toll lanes were built, but finally one solution became clear. There would have to be another bridge built to handle the load. This phenomenon is true, also, in the case of the liaisons. As the relationships the liaisons create increase, the work they are required to do also increases, so much so that they need other bridge builders to help them. Some will be other university faculty, but some also will need to be P-12 faculty and university administrators. The burden of making a PDS work should not lie solely with the liaisons. Because the building blocks of a PDS are the relationships that exist within it, the building process is even more tenuous than the building of the physical structure of a bridge. The tenuous nature of these relationships is a constant challenge for the liaisons as they bridge the gap between the school and the university. Bridges and relationships share the common structure of lifting above something that is physically impassable while providing support for transit across it. A bridge 356 allows persons to get from one place to another. A PDS liaison uses the connections of relationship to bring persons into place with one another so that P-16 faculty and administrators come into relationship with one another as persons, not just as roles. In a PDS, this process of lifting and supporting occurs through the leadership of the PDS liaisons. If PDSs are to be successful, there needs to be recognition that relationships are the real support for the infrastructure and that the liaisons must be supported as they do this work. They provide the link. Without them, the work would not occur. The essence of what the liaisons experience is quite complicated. When I began this research study of the lived experience of PDS liaisons, I learned that what the liaisons are required to do is changing constantly, and that it is they who often are the ones who add to their own duties. The longer the liaisons are involved in doing PDS work, the more possibilities they see for it. If the liaisons see the possibility, they feel they must follow up on it. They love the satisfaction of expanding out to include more relationships and programs in their already full professional lives. Yet, this same zest they exhibit for the work they do can lead to feelings of burnout and exhaustion. They lift and support others through the relationships they create, and now it is time for those others to hear their stories and examine new ways of thinking about the way in which they do their work together. Re-Designing for a Changing Landscape In order to recognize the implications this study has for future liaisons, it is important to understand the changes in the PDS landscape made manifest by these liaisons and their colleagues statewide. Since I engaged in conversation with the six PDS liaisons two and one-half years ago, there are many more liaisons and coordinators 357 doing this type of work and resultant changes in the ways in which this work is accomplished. PDS liaisons continue to shape the landscape of this work as they learn from their own experiences and those of others. An often repeated statement about a PDS is ?A PDS never is; it is always becoming.? Being a PDS liaison means being involved in a process-oriented way of life. The most significant change in the Maryland PDS landscape is the use of the Maryland Professional Development School Standards (Maryland Partnership for Teaching and Learning K-16, 2003) (See Appendix C for the chart from this document that shows an implementation model). My conversants, along with many P-16 faculty and administrators and state representatives, crafted, piloted, revised and finalized these standards and an accompanying Professional Development School Assessment Framework for Maryland (Maryland State Department of Education, 2003) that is essential to the approval and accreditation of teacher certification programs. As a result of this work, the PDS standards now provide a framework of maps and models for liaisons to use and to share with others. The liaisons built these bridge models together, sharing with each other along the way. This working together to make changes is a hallmark of the manner in which they work. Huebner (1999) speaks to the notion of others as co-journeyers: We journey with others. Some precede us, some accompany us, and some follow us. Consequently, we have paths, maps, models, scouts, and co- journeyers?Life with others is never a substitute for the individuation required of us. Others cannot take our journey. Yet, being with others in the journey is a source of hope, comfort, and love?and manifestations of the transcendent. (p. 405) My conversants were co-journeyers and scouts, leading the way in this standards development and implementation. As the liaisons became involved in working together, 358 they gave voice to issues that concerned them. It is up to us now to listen to their voices, to remain co-journeyers with them as they move forward. Their challenge is to create something beautiful, described by Gadamer (1977/1986) as that which, ?bridges the chasm between the ideal and the real? (p. 15). Changes in PDS work have not come about easily. Therein lies the challenge: to make real the ideal put forth in the standards. In doing so, will the liaisons be recognized for their accomplishments or become relics like many covered bridges that have become too small to accommodate modern vehicular traffic. These liaisons and their counterparts serve as change agents as they bridge the chasm between the ideal and the real, having identified the ideal through the development of the PDS standards that serve as a guide for others and then making it real through their implementation. Peck (1993) says, ?The journey of life is not paved in blacktop; it is not brightly lit, and it has no road signs. It is a rocky path through the wilderness? (p. 13). In order to make the PDS work, the liaisons often sacrifice themselves in order to meet the needs of others. However, O?Donohue (1999) brings forward the exciting nature of being a change agent, saying: ?The most exciting discoveries happen at the frontiers. When you come to know something new, you come closer to yourself and to the world. Discovery enlarges and refines your sensibility? (p. 20). Peck and O?Donohue bring forward two elements that are inherent in a PDS liaison?s experience: exuberance and sacrifice. Examining these elements may unearth pedagogical implications for the manner in which PDS liaisons are expected to do their work. 359 Building with Exuberance As I travel around the state visiting my assigned universities and attending meetings, I often find myself in my car listening to National Public Radio. On such an occasion, I heard an interview with Kay Redfield Jamison speaking about her newest book, Exuberance: The Passion for Life (2004). I was intrigued by the topic, but did not make a connection to the liaisons? experiences until a second airing a week or so later. I had been thinking about what draws the liaisons into this type of work and whether there was any connection to personality types and preferences. Jamison?s (2004) notion of exuberance struck a cord with me as a way to come to a deeper understanding that would point toward determining whether someone is, or is not, suited to PDS work. The decision to have wide faculty involvement in PDSs becomes a concern for colleges and universities who seek to have as many faculty as possible involved in PDSs. Are their expectations realistic? I suggest that in order for university faculty to be successful as PDS liaisons, they must be exuberant about the prospect of doing PDS work. Tracing the origin of the word exuberance, Jamison (2004) tells us that it is ?derived from the Latin exuberance ? ex, ?out of,? + uberare, ?to be fruitful, to be abundant?? (p. 24). She states that the word ??is at its core a concept of fertility. Exuberance in nature is defined by lush, profuse, riotous growth; it is an overflowing, opulent, and copious abundance? (p. 24). Certainly, the liaisons demonstrate exuberance as they engage in the building of structures that support growth. They build intricate webs of relationships, finding satisfaction when the web expands to include more and more persons in the process. 360 Building something new is exciting. This excitement produces adrenaline that fuels growth. Even when procedures become routine in a PDS, there always are new people to get involved and new initiatives to plan that keep the energy alive. However, the initial excitement of being a PDS liaison is fueled by a belief in a concept that is deeply felt and lived out through commitment. In reflecting on the way in which exuberance about a concept, such as PDS, is manifested, Jamison (2004) says: There are dead ideas and cold beliefs, wrote William James, and then there are hot and live ones. When an idea ?grows hot and lives within us,? he believed, everything must recrystallize around it. The exuberant life, bursting as it does with feverish beliefs, is one of constant recrystallization; in this lies much of its value, complexity, and potential danger. (p. 245) It is not difficult to see how belief in a ?hot? idea such as PDS can be exciting, even in its complexity. What is not so easy to determine at the beginning of such a commitment is that there might be danger in pursuing the idea too feverishly. A PDS is about the recrystallization of making changes; it is not about maintaining the status quo. This exuberant atmosphere can be energizing for those who are hired with the understanding that constant recrystallization will be their life, but for those who were trained as faculty with an emphasis on research, it perhaps is not tenable to require them to do this type of work. Is that person enough of an extrovert to build relationships under pressure? Jamison (2004) sees a distinct link between being an extrovert and being exuberant. ?The extrovert?is energetic, outgoing, lively, cheerful, enthusiastic, forceful, active, and talkative, and tends to seek excitement. Extroverts have low levels of social anxiety, high levels of self-esteem, and are exquisitely alert and sensitive to reward signals? (Jamison, 2004, p. 102). Exuberance does not need to be loud and talkative. I think of Pamela?s calm demeanor that is cheerful and positive as 361 she works with her interns and school faculty. Nor does exuberance need to be frenetic. I think of Sue?s incredible in-person and email communication system, or the manner in which Devon carefully greets everyone she encounters when she is in her PDS schools. What distinguishes these examples as characteristic of extroversion is the willingness of the liaisons to reach out of their comfort zone to bring others in. All of my conversants demonstrate that they are willing ??to take the lead in doing new things,? exemplifying Jamison?s (2004) notion that one who is exuberant demonstrates a propensity toward action. A PDS liaison is typical of the exuberant person who ?far from simply responding to the environment in which he finds himself, acts vigorously upon it or seeks out new ones?those who are exuberant act? (Jamison, 2004, p. 99). Lenore?s willingness to act led her to answer the call of synchronicity in becoming a PDS Coordinator. In addition to their willingness to initiate action, PDS liaisons can seem fearless in their pursuit of a new concept or way of being. This attitude transfers to others in the PDS community. Jamison (2004) links this emphasis on the positive to the rapidity at which change can occur. Barandes (as cited in Jamison, 2004) says: ?When you feel exuberant?you believe you have a good chance of doing something new and important and exciting. You downplay obstacles and personal limitations, anticipate the joy of doing something special and worthwhile. Exuberance increases risk-taking, innovative thinking, and the anticipation of success? (pp. 212-213). Diane?s exuberance is manifest in her willingness to write ?just one more? grant in order to secure funding for her PDS initiatives. 362 However, in a PDS, the building process often is fraught with delays and setbacks. Those who are exuberant also demonstrate another aspect that Jamison (2004) brings forward: the ability to keep moving forward despite obstacles. Here, again, the liaisons exhibit exuberance that ?not only drives people onward, it sustains them in time of drought? (p. 185). Even though Frank found himself often swimming upstream, he built connections within his college and out into the schools, leaving a legacy for those who have come after him. Far too often, the liaisons fall into the trap of downplaying their own needs as they attempt to build over obstacles. Jamison (2004) refers to this as ?the danger of overcommitment? (p. 218). Burnout is a very real possibility for the liaisons because, in caring for others, they neglect to take care of themselves. If they are not attentive to their own needs, the liaisons can become resentful. At times, their initial exuberance to build the bridge carries too much weight for them to bear. Just as a bridge can collapse when the load becomes too heavy so, too, the liaisons can collapse under the weight of constant sacrifices on behalf of the PDS. How many times can they work well into the evening to catch up on all of the work they have not had time to attend to during the day? If the liaisons are not careful, this tendency toward sacrifice becomes habitual and, as we know, habits are hard to break. Sacrifice The Webster?s New World Dictionary of Basic American English (1998) defines sacrifice as ?the act of offering something, such as the life of a person or animal, to God or a god; the act of giving up one thing for the sake of something else? (p. 770). The origin of sacrifice comes ??directly from sacrifus performing priestly functions or 363 sacrifices? (Barnhart, 1995, p. 679). This notion of a priestly function is related directly to the notion of being called to a vocation, such as the exuberant call the liaisons can feel for doing PDS work. Sacrifice is a notion that is essential to the Judeo-Christian tradition as reflected in both the Old Testament and, for Christians, in the New Testament. The Dictionary of Biblical Theology (Desclee & Co., 1967/1973) describes the manner in which sacrifice is displayed in the Old Testament. Sacrificial rites developed simply as nomads erected altars to sacrifice animals, but there were no specified ministers. Eventually, special priests and ministers assumed the responsibility for sacrificial activity. As the responsibility for sacrifice became centralized, rites were developed and passed on from generation to generation. Across time, the emphasis on rites expanded to the ?primacy of the soul over the rite? (p. 514) with the aim of sacrifice as both communion and reconciliation. This distinction between the doing of the rite and the calling to a meaningful communion is essential for understanding what might happen to cause a liaison to give up PDS work. According to the Dictionary of Biblical Theology (Desclee & Co., Inc., 1967/1973): ?Without the proper disposition of the heart, the sacrifice is reduced to a vain and hypocritical gesture? (p. 514). If one is not called to this work, the sacrifices one makes do not carry a meaningful connection that makes the sacrifice bearable. When the call to do something new arises, it is time to move on. The story of Abraham and Isaac (Genesis 22: 1-19) puts a personal face on the depth to which sacrifice can extend when belief is strong. God calls Abraham to go to the mountain to offer his only son Isaac as a sacrifice. Imagine the pressure Abraham 364 feels as he takes Isaac, for whom he has waited so long, to the mountain where he erects an altar and prepares for the sacrifice. Abraham responds to God?s call because of his faith that God would not ask him to give more than was necessary. Just as Abraham is about to proceed, however, God calls out to him to hold back, providing instead a ram caught in the nearby bushes that can serve as a substitute. Isaac is spared because Abraham is willing to offer up this ultimate sacrifice and, thus, is rewarded. This willingness to sacrifice provides a benefit for Abraham as he is assured of many future blessings (American Bible Society, 1966/1971/1976). In being willing to sacrifice, Abraham has passed the test of faith put forward by his God. The liaisons also are tested daily, as they sacrifice themselves in the name of their commitment to the PDS. They are willing to give of themselves in ways that may appear quite unreasonable to others. In later books of the Old Testament, ?The prophets insisted on the extension of ritual action into daily life; what is more, Ecclesiasticus likened virtuous conduct to sacrifice? (Desclee & Co., 1967/1973, p. 515). Sacrifice became an essential aspect of a good life. This same notion of sacrifice carries into the New Testament and the rites of sacrifice evident in Christian liturgies. In the Roman Catholic Mass, for example, the Offertory prayer that precedes the celebration of the Eucharist proclaims, ?May the Lord accept the sacrifice at your hands for the praise and glory of his name, for our good and the good of all his church? (GIA Publications, 1986, p. 241). Here the congregation acknowledges that the one having the ritual responsibility for the sacrifice is doing so for the benefit of the community. The liaisons provide guidance for the rituals associated with the PDS. 365 Not only are the liaisons the priests in this new temple of education, they are the sacrifice as well. The liaisons sacrifice themselves both for their own benefit and for others in the PDS. Sometimes, they make sacrifices to maintain their own credibility, to be sure that things are done ?right.? Yet, the liaisons also demonstrate through their sacrifices that they are committed to those who are engaged in the PDS, particularly the interns and mentor teachers. In this way, they offer themselves for the ?good? of all in the PDS. This notion of being the sacrificial giver comes forward also in the schema of the Enneagram (Palmer, 1988), a tool for persons to come to an understanding of their dispositions, including their shadow side. I first became acquainted with the Enneagram during a leadership retreat sponsored by my church. Using the Enneagram requires one to read descriptions of nine ?personality? possibilities to determine which one resonates most with the reader. Although I tried to find myself elsewhere, I kept coming back to the description of Type Two, the Giver, and perhaps that is why I resonate so with the liaisons and their ethos of giving. I am not alone among my friends in having this tendency toward sacrifice. I recall an occasion when five of us met at an outdoor restaurant for dinner. I was the first to arrive and noticed immediately that one chair decidedly was more uncomfortable looking than the others were. So, as a Type Two, I sat in that chair. As the others arrived, none of them asked if I wanted a more comfortable seat, except for the other Type Two in our dinner group. He and I had an extended conversation whereby he tried valiantly to get me to move, but the sacrificial giver in me was not about to let that happen. 366 Old habits die hard, but now I do not hesitate to seek a comfortable position. For many of the liaisons, sacrificing themselves for others can become an ingrained habit, difficult for them to break. Yet, when it is obvious that they are sacrificing themselves too much, others must come forward and make them move to the more comfortable chair, even if it is only for an occasional dinner, to ensure that sacrifice does not outweigh the joy inherent in exuberance. Looking at where the liaisons now are underscores the importance of a balance between exuberance and sacrifice to encourage the liaisons to remain in their positions. In order to understand the way in which the notions of exuberance and sacrifice lead to possibilities for redesigning the position, I now turn to where the liaisons find themselves. Choosing a Position: Finding Balance Regardless of how much whining and complaining we do, I think all of us are here because we really like what we do and love the position regardless of the problems we put on ourselves or have someone else place on us. There is so much sense of accomplishment for a lot of the different aspects of things we do, for preservice, inservice, university people. (Sue) As I reflected on the reason I chose a particular position at the restaurant, I uncovered a deeper meaning than simply taking the first seat I saw. I had a reason for making that particular choice. Making life choices requires an awareness of who one is, and I definitely saw myself as one who ?gives.? The frenetic lifestyle that liaisons lead hardly leaves time for such reflection. Perhaps, if the liaisons had time to reflect, they would be able to identify their own needs in relation to their work and make changes accordingly. They could seek to find the balance needed when sacrifices begin to outweigh the exuberance they feel for the work they do. 367 Just as I chose a position at the dinner table, the liaisons also must choose a position. Since the time of my conversations, only two liaisons are in the same position, having found the liaison experience to be an authentic way to be at home for them. Sue, quoted above, is not one of them. She and the other three liaisons are either in a different institution, a different role within their institution, or out of the institution entirely. These changes in their work bring forward questions about their reasons for leaving the position, and what they might have experienced differently in order to stay. Would a re-designed bridge have been appealing to them, or were they merely ready for a change? Did they feel supported or misunderstood? Was the workload too heavy, or did it become too routine? Perhaps a combination of reasons came forward in questions such as these to cause liaisons to rethink their initial calling. Gilman, in Shaffer and Anundsen (1993) says, ?The lesson of the crossroads is that we cannot get off the old road and onto the new without going through the intermediate place. In cultural terms, this means that dis-integration always precedes re- integration? (p. 217). The dis-integration that implies discomfort indicates that there is a threshold at which discomfort becomes too overwhelming to bear. For the liaisons, the bridge can become their crossroads, somewhere at the top of the span where they must decide to move forward or re-trace their steps in search of something new. Even if they move on, however, the intermediate place of the bridge stays with them. For those who choose to stay on the bridge, the education community needs to provide support structures so they can continue to build bridges between universities and schools, or perhaps we need to create these supports before they are pushed into the crossroads. 368 These supports include providing both a clear definition of a liaison?s responsibilities and the resources they need to do this work. One of Diane?s metaphors brings forward the nature of being a liaison that speaks to this possibility of structural changes: ?Sometimes I have this vision of the circus person with the poles trying to keep all of those dishes going. If a dish falls or you take your eyes off of it, what impact does that have on the rest of the dishes?" Another question to ask might have been, ?What happens to the juggler?? In the case of a liaison, the juggler keeps the poles high and the remaining dishes moving as s/he picks up and repairs the ones that have fallen. As they build bridges, some liaisons might be able to work within preexisting structures, but others feel they must make radical changes. I begin first to look at those who have found a center in the work they do within their PDS. Building a Community of Nurturance A Being centered receives ongoing nourishment and energy to continue to strengthen self and reach out to community. Centering can be described as a returning home, a sense of place to come back to, finding comfort in renewed self-awareness, and in hearing a call for response to greater human need beyond oneself. Centering means being authentic, more whole, creative, and free?keeping the call alive. (Lashley, 1994, p. 203) As Lashley indicates in the above quote, nourishment is required to provide the energy needed for doing work in community, both in developing self-awareness and in meeting the needs of others. Without nurturing, the call to do PDS work easily can die. Pamela and Lenore are the only two of my conversants who remain centered in their same positions today. Pamela continues to work with her interns and mentor teachers at a dual-site PDS. She is one of a growing number of faculty at her institution who are responsible for a cohort of interns in a single or paired site, with an education 369 department staff person who coordinates the university?s overall PDS network. Having someone in place as a PDS Network Coordinator at her university enables Pamela to focus her attention on the teaching and administration in her two schools. At the time of our conversations, Lenore was working in a dual-site PDS. Since that time, the school system determined that a number of schools identified as low performing would be pulled from their current partnerships, and one of the affected schools was part of Lenore?s PDS. Lenore chose not to add a new school but just this past year, the school was returned to PDS partnership status. Lenore now has her combined PDS family working together again. Being in a PDS is different from being in a traditional student teaching experience because, in a PDS, a university makes a commitment to the school through the relationship building presence of the liaison. Both Pamela and Lenore have found a home in their PDS work as it is focused on developing and maintaining relationships in two schools. Their work is made manageable because they spend a significant amount of time in their schools and are not penalized for doing so. They can be centered in the work they do by having peripheral responsibilities eliminated, spending most of their time working directly with interns and mentor teachers. When I have visited Lenore?s schools or engaged in intern portfolio reviews at Pamela?s schools, it is easy to sense that they are at home there. There also is a climate of welcome extended to their interns, whom both view as their own children. Both Pamela and Lenore have built the relationships of an extended family within their schools and are able to focus their energies on maintaining the relationships they have 370 developed across time. Even when a significant person, such as a principal leaves, the other relationships sustain them and their work. According to Lashley (1994), ?Although for some, being called has some clear decision point or breaks in our lives, for all of us the sustaining of a call has a claim upon us as we dwell within communities that nurture that call? (p. 7). For Pamela and Lenore, the nurturing nature of their experiences provides support for them to continue. What does it mean to be nurtured? To nurture is ?to bring up with care; help grow or develop? (Webster's New World Dictionary of Basic American English, 1998, p. 596). Certainly, Pamela and Lenore help in the development of interns and mentor teachers, but it is the little things like having the school media specialist offer her a place to leave her belongings in Pamela?s case, or having the principal ask her for advice about a new initiative in Lenore?s case, that make the nurturing reciprocal. Both their physical and professional needs are taken into account. They are valued as members of the PDS family at the school. Hearkening back to Heidegger?s (1953/1996) notion of care, Pamela and Lenore work toward care as ?leaping ahead? by providing opportunities for growth that also help them. Pamela encourages her mentor teachers and former interns to take an active role in her current interns? portfolio review, and they reciprocate in their support of her in this process. When Lenore is unable to attend a meeting, she does not hesitate to send a mentor teacher in her place, and her mentor teachers are happy to do this for her. These seemingly minor incidences create an atmosphere that says, ?We are in this together.? I recently witnessed this commitment to nurture when faculty members from a local university covered classes, hall duty and other functions so that school faculty 371 could attend the funeral of a former principal. It is when persons recognize others as persons that a nurturing community evolves, but it cannot be assumed that this will happen automatically. Problems occur when a nurturing community becomes a one-way activity, with the liaisons sacrificing themselves as the givers. In a nurturing community, the giving should be reciprocal. What might a community of nurturance in a PDS look like? Shaffer and Anundsen?s (1993) notion of conscious community ?emphasize[s] members? needs for personal expression, growth, and transformation. Conscious community nurtures in each of its members the unfolding from within that allows them to become more fully who they are?and it nurtures its own unfolding as well? (p. 10). By nurturing individuals, the community is nurtured toward the riotous growth of exuberance. This notion of conscious community emphasizes the need for all community members consciously to provide support for one another in order for each individual to grow and, consequently, for the community to grow. The liaisons serve as models for nurturing others, but being the designated ?giver? often keeps them from seeking and accepting the nurturance they require. The challenge in PDS work is creating a nurturing community that includes nurturing the needs of the leader, the PDS liaison, as well as others in the PDS. Because the liaisons generally are responsible for the community norms in a PDS, they must be aware that structures should support them. The responsibility for nurturing self and others starts with the recognition by the liaisons that they need this support. Huebner (1999) says: ?We have no choice but to risk ourselves. The choice is whether to risk privately, or to build a community that accepts vulnerability and shares the risks? (p. 372 385). The recognition that they cannot do all that needs to be done could be a threatening concept to a liaison?s identity. Yet, if the liaisons are not honest with themselves about the sacrifices they make, they might lose the exuberance they had at the beginning of their work. Peck (1987) says: ?True communities are invariably contemplative?To survive, a community must repetitively stop whatever it is doing to ask how it is doing, to think about where it, the community, needs to go, and to be empty to hear the answers? (pp. 211-212). Opportunities for reflection by all PDS members are essential for growth and creating a nurturing environment. Through planned time for listening-to, opportunities for new understanding are more likely. When I asked Lenore how she felt about being part of this research study, she expressed the need to have time to listen to herself: It wasn?t something that days later was a revelation or a reflection. It happened immediately while we were talking when I started thinking, ?Wow!? I remember thinking about it then. Part of it is for me there is no time to create once I?ve left the situation. There was just too much going on, so I thought how sad that it was that I don?t take the time to think. Because the life of a liaison is so filled with the activities of being-with people, there is little time for reflection unless time is set aside specifically for it. Lashley (1994) says, ?It is self in relationship with others that allows the authentic self to be understood and affirmed? (p. 44). Through coordinating council meetings and strategic planning sessions, a PDS community has the opportunity to come together in a search for authenticity as well as to examine where the community has been and where it is going. In order to build a nurturing community, time must be devoted to thinking about ways that PDS community members can support one another, which for the liaisons might mean giving up some control by stepping out of the 373 leadership role for every program or activity, delegating instead to others. In a PDS, no work is done in isolation. If it is a PDS, it should be about ?us.? Even so, sometimes a liaison chooses to change positions. Making Changes: A One-way Trip across the Bridge The longing in the human soul makes it impossible for us ever to fully belong to any place, system, or project. We are involved passionately in the world, yet there is nothing here that can claim us completely. (O?Donohue, 1999, pp. 3-4) Not everyone chooses to remain in a particular position forever, even if it is something in which s/he believes. Sometimes the stress becomes too great and the challenges outweigh the benefits. Only martyrs choose to remain in an untenable position forever. Sometimes, also, there is a call to something new that prompts a move. This does not mean, however, that those who have left their PDS liaison positions do not believe in the concept. Some move to other positions where they can advocate for PDS at a different level. Diane has changed institutions, moving to a different college as its PDS Network Coordinator. As she coordinates college liaisons who are responsible for multiple-site PDSs in one or two local school systems, she is involved even more in PDS than in her former institution. Diane says the reason she made this change was to see ?if it is different or if the problems are different.? Lack of resources such as time, personnel and funds fueled Diane?s decision to leave her former position. Diane finds a home in doing PDS work, but she wants a situation where resources are provided to support her work, so she does not feel like she is building on shifting sand. Frank has returned to the role of an administrator, to his comfort zone, where he can ensure the PDS is supported. He has made two shifts, initially to the chair of his 374 department and currently to the Deanship of a division at his college. On more than one occasion, Frank asks, ?Can you play two different roles?? Frank?s experience of a split position speaks to the combination of administration and teaching that many liaisons find difficult. This dichotomy seems to be the most prevalent reason that liaisons move on to other work and offers a challenge to colleges and universities in terms of how they structure faculty time in a PDS. Sue also illuminates the difficulties involved in doing administrative work and being out in the schools, citing, ??the different roles of being the coordinator and doing the administrative kinds of things, and then also being out there making sure that the nuts and bolts fit doing the practice piece.? Sue has made three changes in her role, two within the institution as a PDS Network Coordinator, and then as a grant coordinator. Currently, she is continuing her work as an author of curriculum materials and consultant at the national level. Prior to our conversations, Devon already had returned to teaching, but has now moved on to combine teaching with duties as department chair. I wonder if this combination will prove as stressful for her as her liaison work, although the department chair position will keep her on campus in a recognized and respected position. If we examine the liaison role in terms of the exuberance that seems to be needed to make the PDS work well, it is not surprising that some liaisons will be called by new concepts just as they were called by the new adventure of a PDS. O?Donohue (1999) says, ?There is something within you that is not content to remain fixed within any one frame. You cannot immunize yourself against your longing. You love to reach beyond, to discover something new. Knowing calls you out of yourself. Discovery 375 delights the heart? (pp. 18-19). Certainly, those who chose to leave were called to new ventures, but I suggest that if structures such as clearly defined roles and adequate resources, as well as a positive perception by others of the work they do, would have been in place to support their work, the liaisons might have chosen to seek new opportunities within the context of PDS and the myriad possibilities for building within it. For those who are attuned to building relationships, there always are more persons to bring into the community, as well as options for program development and research. However, without the time and resources to support these efforts, the liaisons face the difficult choice of remaining in place or moving on. Although Frank, Sue and Devon are no longer actively involved as PDS liaisons, my conversants still are committed to the concept of PDS. As they continually strive toward authenticity, they manifest their support for PDS in different ways. Perhaps PDS is not for everyone, or forever. Beginning the Re-Design: Listening-to the Bridge Builders As I engaged in conversation with the liaisons, I wondered how they felt about being part of this research study so, at our group conversation, I asked them to share their feelings about this with me and with one another. Huebner (1999) says, ?The listener cannot listen to satisfy his own desires. By his attitude, his interest, he listens actively; he extends himself to the other, making himself available to the other? (p. 79). In listening beyond satisfying my own desires, I learned the liaisons feel that being listened-to is an element that often is missing from their experiences. The liaisons spend much of their time listening to others in order to build relationships, but they themselves are so rarely listened-to. The American Heritage College Dictionary (1997) defines the word to as being, ??in a direction toward so as to reach? (p. 1421). A notion of 376 listening-to implies a focused intention. In listening-to, there is a conscious interest in reaching out to the other. The liaisons reach out to others, but how often do others reach out to them in order to understand their life experiences, both through exuberance and sacrifice? I wonder if anyone really is interested in reaching out to understand the liaisons' experience or if, indeed, my understanding that they are taken for granted as always being there, doing whatever needs to be done, is accurate. Perhaps they were willing to participate in my research study because I demonstrated an interest in listening-to them. Listening-to them prompts my understanding that it is important for the liaisons to feel that people are interested in reaching out to them as persons, not just as individuals, filling roles. They need to feel valued for their unique contributions to the PDS, just as they recognize and show interest in the uniqueness of others. Showing Interest The Webster?s New World Dictionary of Basic American English (1998) defines interest as a ?a feeling of wanting to know, learn, see, or take part in something; curiosity or concern? (p. 456). Interest, then, involves intention, concern and, potentially, action. Interest is manifested in an atmosphere that supports listening-to through opportunities for dialogue with the intention of reaching out to the other. A dialogue is ?the act of talking together, especially an open exchange of ideas made in an effort by persons to understand each other?s views? (Webster's New World Dictionary of Basic American English, 1998, p. 236). The liaisons need time to engage in dialogue with those who are in similar positions and also with others doing PDS work at the university, school system, school and state level. Listening-to through dialogue 377 promotes understanding. Unlike merely talking-with, listening-to combines having a common interest and an interest in the other. For Devon, being listened-to in our conversations made her feel ?special,? particularly since she no longer was involved actively as a liaison, but still her previous accomplishments were being recognized. Sue felt the experience of being listened-to in conversation was like the mental therapy that is helpful in times of stress. She speaks of the need to engage in this type of dialogue with others: I found it kind of cathartic just to be able to sit down. I almost felt like I could have been lying on a couch for those two hours in therapy because where else do you have someone you can talk to for two hours about PDS, your struggles, what you?re doing. There aren?t that many people we know in our same situations that we could sit and hash things over with. When Frank and I have a meeting, we stand in the parking lot for 45 minutes because another PDS Coordinator is the only person who cares to hear what you have to say. Frank agrees that being listened-to was therapeutic: I appreciated being able to share this information with someone who was truly interested in this from a different perspective and somebody who really understands what PDS is and has a perspective that is beyond most people involved in this except for this little group and maybe a couple of other people. I don?t have anybody to talk with about those kinds of things. A key part of it was the catharsis, for somebody to be able to understand what the situation was when I got there. The group conversation provided an opportunity for the liaisons to engage in focused dialogue with one another and with me, as a researcher, in an environment that demonstrated interest in them and what they had to say. Although both Frank and Sue indicate that being in our conversations was therapeutic, the conversational dialogue in which we engaged differs from the therapist/patient relationship involved in therapy. In therapy, the intent is for the patient to open up to the therapist, bringing forward concerns that need to be resolved. In therapy, the patient is the only one doing the 378 sharing; it is not appropriate for the therapist to become involved in the life of his/her patients. In my conversations with the liaisons, the relationship was reciprocal and honest. Although the intent of the conversations was not to be therapeutic, the conversations proved therapeutic for me, as well. Having a fuller understanding of the liaisons? experiences helps me in my work. I began to realize what is, or is not, realistic to ask them to do. As a research methodology, phenomenology provides opportunities for the researcher and conversant to engage in dialogue that can be cathartic for both. The American Heritage College Dictionary (1997) defines catharsis as, ??the relief of tension and anxiety by bringing repressed feelings and fears to consciousness? (p. 221). The liaisons indicate that they feel comfortable sharing these unconscious fears only with one another. Peck (1987) says: ?The need for control?to ensure the desired outcome?is at least partially rooted in the fear of failure. For me to empty myself of my overcontrolling tendencies, I must continually empty myself of this fear? (p. 99). Being in control allows the liaisons to cover over their fears about the work they are doing. At the time of this study, PDSs were not accepted universally, so any failures impacted the liaisons and possibly the concept of PDS as well. Without an avenue for listening-to, the liaisons? fears can remain dormant, thus adding to feelings of stress. When Devon shared her concerns about how she felt her teaching suffered during her tenure as PDS Coordinator, she was moved to tears. I could see that she was taken aback by this, not expecting such a disclosure to come forward in our conversation. When she shared this experience during the group conversation, she opened up an opportunity for Frank to come forward with a similar fear. Our group 379 conversation, then, was as therapeutic as some of the individual conversations. In sharing with me and with one another, the liaisons created a climate of comfort for each other. Both Frank and Sue identify understanding and interest as essential for a dialogue in which they find comfort. What can happen when opportunities for listening- to are made available to the liaisons? When the liaisons feel comfortable, they open up to opportunities for reflection and subsequent action. Sue speaks of feeling appreciation for more of her accomplishments instead of focusing on everything that still needs to be done. For Frank, the conversations enabled him to put things in perspective in order to ?feel that everything that had transpired in the past couple of years really had a purpose.? During the conversations, Frank surfaced issues that led him to question, ?Is this going in the right direction?? He sees the conversations as ?professional renewal, something that helps me to renew my interest or my drive or my care or my concern.? Frank?s words illuminate the need for this type of professional dialogue not only as a support, but also as an opportunity for professional growth. Interest shown to him prompts his interest in moving himself out of isolation and the PDS forward in community. Frank recognizes that time set aside for professional dialogue is helpful to him on many levels. He is able to feel supported as he gathers new ideas from others who experience similar feelings of isolation. Coming Out of Isolation Although PDS liaisons are constantly with others as they build community, they are isolated in their role. As a result they recognize the importance of coming out of 380 isolation and providing opportunities for other liaisons to do the same. Diane speaks to the need for a forum for listening-to: PDS coordinators at the college are really an isolate to some extent. There does need to be some kind of effort for them to come together which the state provided many times in an organized manner, but I think this [the research study] was a unique manner. How do you integrate that? If you can?t talk about it to somebody who understands, then you end up getting burned out. Diane?s sensitivity to the need for conversation is made manifest in her establishment of monthly meetings for her liaisons whereby they have an opportunity to share and problem-solve together. She establishes a climate in which open and honest communication can occur so her liaisons feel supported by knowing they are not alone. Huebner (1999) says: By speaking and by listening, man can become aware of what he is and what he may become, and may help his fellow man to do the same. Within the shared confidence of conversation, man may feel free to express that which he has not been able to express before and hence to find the next step in his pathway of self-realization and the realization of the other. It is this man needs today?to be able to accept that in conversation as a form of human encounter reality is found, solitude transcended and life shaped. (p. 81) Having been part of the group conversation, Diane speaks of the relief she feels knowing now that she is not the only one feeling alone: ?As an isolate, not hearing some of the others, I felt it was just me feeling those kinds of things that everybody else is sharing, that I wasn?t doing it right, so to speak, that I?m creating these things for myself, so I really appreciate this opportunity.? This sense of being isolated permeates deep within for the liaisons and Diane has used this understanding to create a structure where listening-to can occur. However, this type of meeting together is fruitful as a time for listening-to only if it has that emphasis brought forward. All too often, meetings can 381 degenerate into doing rather than being-with others. The liaisons need time to talk, not just time to do. Coming out of isolation involves a conscious effort to be open to what comes forward through dialogue. Peck (1987) says, ?Virtually everyone enters a new group situation with his or her guard up. That guard goes very deep. Even if a conscious attempt is made to be open and vulnerable, there will still be ways in which unconscious defenses remain strong? (p. 67). The liaisons must realize that they need to be vulnerable if they are going to be listened-to. In trying to be all things to all people, the liaisons cannot spend much time thinking about being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is a feeling they reserve for themselves, not sharing their perceived inadequacies with others, except for those other liaisons whom they feel will understand them. Bridges of Meaningful Conversation During the group conversation, I commented on the significance of what the liaisons said and how it opens up an issue that goes beyond their particular experiences: Imagine that there are six of you. Just reflect on what?s happening to lots of other people who do burn out because they don?t have another person to talk to about it, to get the kind of support they need, who were pushed into something they didn?t want to do. I keep thinking how difficult it must be to be in a position where you have to do all these kinds of things when it?s not your choice. As I listened to the liaisons, I realized that their experiences of not being listened-to, particularly for those who have been called upon rather than called to this work, points to the need for being listened-to that is reflected in the development of structures for communication at the university, state, school system, and school levels. Such communication structures already in place should continue to be encouraged. 382 Lashley (1994) says, ?A context for listening and centering?could be a deliberate gathering of persons committed to creating a different way of being with one another? (p. 198). Envisioning possible structures to support listening-to the liaisons evolved throughout the course of this study as I have come to a deeper understanding of their struggles. O?Donohue (1997) says, ??the deepest things that we have inherited have come down to us across the bridges of meaningful conversation? (p. 110). For meaningful change to occur, the liaisons need to be able to give voice to their concerns through open and honest communication. Whenever there is a possibility for re-design in a PDS, the liaisons must be part of the conversation because they can speak to what really happens in PDS work. Any changes in a PDS affect the liaisons directly, so a mechanism for them to share should be incorporated into the PDS structure within the university. It is not uncommon for colleges and universities to make decisions without listening to those who will be affected by them most. An idea that appears ideal in theory can fall apart at the level of practice. Frank illuminates issues that arise when the liaisons are not included in such discussions: Our college changed in a manner in which we started to have leadership who believed in and understood PDS and said, ?Okay, what can we take off your plate? What can make this work? How can we share some of these responsibilities?? But you know, then, in sharing responsibilities, sometimes the responsibilities that are shared with other people are the ones that the Director or Coordinator really needs to keep because it just adds another layer. Re-designing a PDS or a PDS liaison?s position needs to be done strategically, not just by adding layers. Diane says, ?Everybody feels like they have their own defined roles and part of the problem is that the community isn?t communicating and sharing in the full picture.? Even if decisions are made to change structural supports, there must be 383 recognition of what these positions entail in order for liaisons to feel lifted and supported. However, more often than not, decisions are made according to the bottom line of salaries and funded faculty positions. Some universities convene meetings of their PDS liaisons, often concentrating on the nuts and bolts of details about their work. These meetings also provide a way for faculty to share with one another in a manner similar to the group conversation that was part of this research study. What happens, though, about issues that surface at these meetings? Are they shared outside the group, or are these meetings an opportunity for voicing fears and concerns only, without a way to share these concerns with others, such as those in administration who might be able to help? These meetings could be shaped to have a focus on advocacy, with one or more of the liaisons bringing forward issues that could be addressed. Support is not likely to be provided unless the liaisons come forward with their concerns. This need for sharing concerns goes past the university door. At the state level, we try to create ways in which the liaisons can respond to new initiatives before they are enacted. Opportunities for listening-to include committee meetings to draft the standards and three-day leadership academies to refine them. We also bring liaisons together to help with planning conferences and other activities, thus establishing a statewide PDS community. We have seen that being in relationship with like others allows for the opportunity to be understood, surrounded by other people who have similar notions of being-with. This bringing-together has provided a means of listening- to in both group and private conversations. Currently, there are fewer opportunities for dialogue because of limited funds. 384 We want our liaisons to know that we are interested in them. My colleagues and I at the department of education also provide support for individual PDS Coordinators through our personal relationships with them. We particularly are conscious of the pressure created by Maryland?s PDS Assessment Framework and what the liaisons must do to document the work of the PDS. Those who came into the position seeking to build meaningful relationships did not come into it with the idea of the continual documentation they are required to do. A technical assistance model is crucial for both individuals and institutions. If people and institutions are to be held accountable, they may need guidance and support. Our State Superintendent of Education once said that people do not wake up each morning and go into schools with the intent of not doing a good job. Rather, they often do not know what to do. It is our ethical responsibility to provide guidance and support for PDS liaisons when needed. In another attempt to bring the liaisons together, local school systems hold network meetings. Whether held monthly or semi-annually, these meetings are an opportunity for liaisons to be kept informed of school system priorities and to maintain personal connections with others. Either I or one of my colleagues try to attend all school system network meetings, particularly when sensitive issues will be discussed. Our liaisons have come to trust us as representing their interests with the school systems, helping to voice their concerns or to acknowledge their accomplishments. However, these meetings often provide little time for conversation whereby the liaisons are listened-to. What might be put in place to allow this to happen? I wondered if, 385 indeed, it is realistic to expect school systems to devote time for such listening-to opportunities. While I was considering what shape these opportunities might take, I attended a school system network meeting that involved the liaisons and the school system Network Coordinator. I had not been able to attend the previous meeting, so initially I was struck by the minimal nature of the agenda for this two-hour meeting. There were only three items listed, one of which was the usual round of introductions. The bulk of the meeting, about one and one-half hours, was to be spent talking about action research. The liaisons had come prepared to talk about the logistics of doing action research, some bringing samples of their interns? projects. What happened, though, was that the initial conversational focus on the nuts and bolts of doing the work gradually gave way to a deeper and richer conversation about the pride they have in their accomplishments and the challenges they face as they do this work. I was beginning to see how a space for listening-to could happen, and was happening. This type of conversation was forging a bond among the liaisons and also with the system coordinator. It was obvious that she really was listening-to them and they were listening-to one another. As problems are bound to occur in any PDS relationship, a positive relationship between the school system coordinator and the liaison can ease the pain when changes in a PDS are about to occur. The liaisons also need support from faculty and administrators in their schools. Principals particularly can establish a welcoming climate within their schools and with any partnerships in which the school is involved. One of Lenore?s principals 386 demonstrates this welcome as he includes her in discussions about new initiatives at the school. For me, one of the most rewarding aspects of being with the liaisons both in these school and network settings is seeing how much they have come to trust one another across institutions. They are not concerned with the rivalry involved in recruiting students to their programs. Left to their own devices, they have problem- solved issues around placing interns in schools and arranging for mentor teachers when another institution is having a problem. They have listened-to one another in ways other faculty in their own institutions sometimes do not. As PDSs continue to grow nationally, conferences have provided a means for PDS practitioners to share with and learn from one another. Three Maryland practitioners, including Diane, have become founding members of the National Association of Professional Development Schools (NAPDS). Through this association, they and their national colleagues will establish a forum for a national conversation around PDS implementation and, perhaps, issues about the liaisons? work. The focus of these conversations should reveal the reality of doing PDS work, providing a means through which the liaisons are able to give voice to their issues in order to approach those who control compensation, in time, money and other resources. Let us begin to examine ways in which structural supports can be provided to aid the liaisons in their work. Building Structures of Support A call to be a teacher often wears thin. But disillusionment after two or three years, or ?burnout? after fifteen, does not mean that the call?the vocation of teaching?is over. It means that the school is not designed to support the living that teaching is. (Huebner, 1999, p. 379) 387 Not all who answer the call to be liaisons remain in those positions throughout their careers. The question becomes whether the call to doing this work is over or whether, as Huebner suggests, the design of the PDS does not support this vocation. However, through the many types of relationships the liaisons have, they certainly provide support for others in their schools. If they are to continue working as liaisons, that support must be reciprocal. Throughout this study, the liaisons have opened up the complicated nature of their work that is more often than not misunderstood. They are frustrated by their feelings of responsibility for all of the expanding and ambiguous details of their work. One way of enhancing the liaisons? experiences is to effect changes in the support structures in which they do their work, to enable them to be response-able. Changes in the support they receive may make them more receptive to staying with the work. Feeling Responsible: Becoming Response-able Responsibilities always are at the forefront of the minds of the liaisons, who feel responsible for everyone and everything in their PDSs. Feeling responsible for so much can be overwhelming when professional and personal supports are not available to allow the liaisons to be response-able. The distinction between feeling responsible and being response-able opens up areas that need to be addressed as institutions consider ways to support their PDS liaisons. The Webster's New World Dictionary of Basic American English (1998) defines responsible as ?supposed or expected to take care of something or do something; deserving the credit or blame, able to be trusted or depended upon? (p. 746). Being responsible implies expectations and resulting credit or blame when those expectations 388 are not met. If someone is responsible, s/he is expected to take care of things, to give in order to accomplish something. One who is responsible can be trusted. Examining the components of the term response-able, we see that a response is defined as ?something said or done in answer; a reply? (Webster?s New World Dictionary of Basic American English, 1998, p. 746). To be able is ?having the means or power to do something; having the skill or talent that is needed,? or, used as a suffix, able means ?capable of being; likely to? (p. 2). Being response-able, then, combines having the power and resources, as well as the capability, to make something happen in reply to a request or a need. If one is response-able, s/he replies to a need with the benefit of his/her talent and resources. While responsibility includes being depended upon to make things happen, it does not indicate necessarily that a liaison has the disposition, talent or resources to warrant such expectations. A response-able liaison, though, does have that disposition or talent as well as access to resources. It is appropriate, then, to question how much responsibility for PDS work should be placed on the liaison and in what ways others can assume some of this responsibility, so that all can become response-able. Kreisberg (1992) describes Surrey?s notion of empowerment and its connection to response/ability: ?At the heart of these empowering power relationships is ?response/ability,? the capacity to ?act in relationship. Response/ability involves ?the capacity to engage in an open, mutually empathic relational process? (p. 6). Surrey?s connection between empowerment and response/ability is centered in building the types of reciprocal relationships required to make a PDS work well. 389 Shaffer and Anundsen?s (1993) notion of conscious community envisions an environment in which all are striving to become response-able, where listening-to others is the basis for determining actions that can be done together. In such a conscious community, others in the PDS would come to understand that the liaison should not be the only one viewed as the ?giver.? Giving of self to others would be reciprocal. As PDSs progress, I have witnessed what happens when school faculty begin to take ownership and become response-able for certain aspects of this work. Their doing so frees the liaison from some of the administrative duties that become burdensome, as it empowers them in their roles in the PDS. Kasl (2005) encourages: ?Instead of thinking of yourself as the doer, consider that you are the channel, the messenger, the vehicle of consciousness, part of the stream of All That Is. Imagine yourself like a single cell in a body. You are intrinsic to the whole, and your moment to moment experience results from a vast web of interconnection? (p. 216). Understanding that giving should be reciprocal seems not to come naturally to the liaisons. For an environment of reciprocal giving to emerge, the liaisons have to want it to happen. When the liaisons feel responsible, they do whatever they need to do, at whatever cost, to get the job done, and they are accustomed to this manner of being. In a conscious community, providing support for the liaisons to be response-able could help to ensure that their giving is reasonable and, perhaps, is not so intense as to drive them away. In order for this to occur, a liaison needs to acknowledge that s/he is not the only one who can ?do it right.? Developing a forum for listening-to others provides comfort for the liaisons in coping with their challenges. Other support structures should be examined for re- 390 designing the perceptions and structures of the PDS liaisons? work. However, this re- design must begin in the mind of the liaison. To be response-able, the liaisons must identify and recognize their own needs as well as those of others, and then they must be willing to share those needs with those who have the power to help them. They also must be willing to accept the praise of others for all that they accomplish each day by being in relation with others. Building Power with There is a decidedly political nature to doing PDS work and, quite often, the liaisons are caught in the middle. The liaisons deal with power issues in terms of their own power or lack of it within their institutions, and their feelings that they need to be in control. In order to be response-able, to have the power needed to reply to the needs of their PDSs, the liaisons must determine the ways power will be manifested in their work as agents of social change. Kreisberg (1992) offers a comprehensive look at issues surrounding power and empowerment. He advocates for empowerment, a movement away from the paternalistic notion of power over which implies control, toward the notion of power with, through which persons solve problems together to help both themselves and others. Kreisberg discusses the etymology of power and how it relates to his notion that an alternative concept of power with is made possible. He states: ?The English word power derives from the Latin posse: ?to be able??It is significant that the notion that one is ?able,? while implying the ability to assert oneself in the world, to be able to fulfill one?s desires, does not necessarily imply that effectiveness can occur as a result of controlling or dominating others? (p. 56). However, Kreisberg goes on to say that an 391 examination of the Oxford English Dictionary and the Webster?s New World Dictionary both suggest that power is power over. It is this notion of power over that permeates much that happens in schools and universities today. Peck (1987) speaks of the need to control as the barrier with which he struggles most. Even though he advocates that each group member in his workshops is as responsible as any other, he still feels that he, as the workshop leader, is the most responsible. He says, ?I am constantly tempted to do things?manipulations or maneuvers?that will ensure the desired outcome?Paradoxically, then, to be an effective leader I must spend most of the time sitting back, doing nothing, waiting, letting it happen. As a basically overcontrolling person, I don?t do that very easily? (p. 99). Peck experiences the personal struggle between wanting to establish a climate of power with, even though he has a natural tendency to use power over as a means of accomplishing things. His tendency is not to use power over for evil purposes, but rather as a means of doing ?good? things. Peck?s comments bring forward his recognition that he almost must plan for his own obsolescence. He must be conscious of the need to step back so that others can step forward in order for them to meet in the middle. He must give up the idea that the leader always must be in control. For those such as the liaisons whose identities are built on relationship-with others, and being in control, this ?doing nothing? can be a frightening concept. Yet, since the concept of power with is relationship focused, the liaison would not move out of the picture, but take a more ?equal? place within it. Starhawk (as cited in Kreisberg, 1992) describes what generates power: ?The source of power-with comes from the willingness of others to listen to our ideas. It is 392 manifest in groups in which there is mutual respect; that is, respect not for one?s role, but for each unique person? (p. 69). As the liaisons seek to build their PDSs, they have access to power with through relationships that flourish in an atmosphere that encourages listening-to, but not power over the resources needed to support their work. However, Starhawk indicates that power also refers to accessibility of resources, although this accessibility, too, is determined by relationships with people. The liaisons can develop a sense of power with in their partnerships, but those in administration at their universities ultimately control the resources. Is it possible to develop power with relationships with deans and others who control resources? Perhaps the answer lies in building opportunities for listening-to that include those who have access to resources such as allocation of faculty and funding. In opening up the notion of power with, Kreisberg (1992) refers to Katz?s notion of ?synergistic community? that often is used to describe a PDS. Katz says: ?Within the synergy paradigm, a resource is activated by individuals and communities who function as its guardian not its possessor, and who, often guided by the motivation of service to others, allow the resources to be shared by all members of the community? (as cited in Kreisberg, 1992, p. 80). A synergistic community is a natural outgrowth of a conscious community as the members empower one another in the search for authenticity. In their calling to be of service to others, the liaisons not only share resources, but they constantly are seeking more resources to share. For example, most of the funds they secure through grants go directly to encouraging inservice teachers to participate in professional development. In order to be able to share resources, however, the liaisons 393 must have access to them. They cannot establish a power with climate without resources to share. Kreisberg (1992) speaks of power as ??being able to participate in dialogue and decision making? (p. 134). However, the liaisons can share power with P-12 faculty by encouraging them to engage in the decision-making processes of the PDS, through coordinating council meetings and strategic planning sessions, that support a synergistic community. Kreisberg (1992) also speaks of the importance of creating a listening space: ?Really listening means creating space for people to share their concerns. More importantly it means being willing to change one?s opinions, to integrate the concerns of others into an evolving decision? (p. 127). I feel comfortable with this notion of power with because of my previous association with the Maryland Writing Project, where such a process is the norm. Those who have been exposed only to situations of power over, where decisions are made and resources are allocated by someone else, might find the switch frightening because it distributes responsibility among the members of a community rather than centering it in an individual. The dominant power over paradigm creates feelings of fear from those who are afraid to act because of what might happen to them if they do not listen to those who control resources. When Kreisberg (1992) asked his research participants, members of the steering committee of the Boston Area Educators for Social Responsibility, what having power meant, they all agreed: ?being listened to? (p. 134). The steering committee acknowledged that, ?Powerful people are those who are listened to more attentively by a group? and are listened to because of ?the integrity of an individual?s words? and an acknowledgment of the speaker?s commitment to the concept (p. 135). Although they 394 might not realize it, the liaisons actually are power brokers because they create opportunities for listening-to. In a PDS, a liaison can generate opportunities for listening-to, and even make decisions about some of the day to day activities of the PDS. Yet, the liaisons still are at the mercy of those in their universities and schools who have power over by virtue of their roles. If a Dean or Department Chair does not want to support the PDS, it will not flourish. Similarly, if a principal does not want his/her school to be a PDS, the liaison might want to think about packing bags and beginning to look for another school. To engage those who have power over, opportunities for listening-to should not reside only at the PDS level, but be opened up to include those who have power over as well. Lenore speaks of the way in which empowerment is manifested in her PDS: ?There are things that are happening in our PDS going into our eighth year that didn?t happen years ago, where teachers are stepping up and saying, ?This is what I?d like to do next year. I?d like to run a small group with more action research.?? Diane agrees that her good days occur when, ?The PDS people that you have been working with suddenly step up and take charge.? Shaffer and Anundsen (1993) refer to this acceptance of responsibility as ??the mystery of synergy: Individuals gain rather than give up power and freedom when they participate in committees such as these? (p. 11), leading to what Peck (1987) refers to as ??a group of all leaders?[where] there is a ?flow of leadership?? (p. 72). Once again, however, empowerment must begin with the liaisons being willing to listen-to themselves. Lashley (1994) speaks of this empowerment as ??strength that emerges from inward listening as well as intentional listening to others?Listening to 395 messages from within inspires, directs, and makes audible expression of our inner world: inner listening empowers? (p. 201). Although inner listening is as important as being listened-to by others, the perceptions of others color the liaisons? experiences. Re-designing Perceptions: Building Respect There are widely varying perceptions concerning PDSs, and the concept of PDS still is not understood by all. Devon compares understanding PDS to understanding the nature of a school: ?The school is an established identity all over the United States. PDS is a new enterprise, and it looks different in different places. It?s the parameter thing. You don?t know yet where they are.? Sue echoes this feeling with concerns she has about the perception of a PDS Coordinator: For a principal, everyone understands it, and it is a position that people respect. You?re not fighting for respect for your position, understanding for your position. I feel a lot of times I have to overachieve because someone is looking at what a PDS Coordinator does, and if they are equal to me, or if they are different. I feel like I am always trying to prove myself, to show that I can do it, that this is a respectful position to be in. I find that people don?t know what it is you do, so you overcompensate to show that it is something that is worthy of respect. Sue is concerned about respect for herself, but also for her position. Peck (1987) says: ?If your theology or ideology is different from mine, it calls mine into question? (p. 97). Having one?s position called into question can have a destabilizing effect as the liaisons attempt to find the balance between exuberance and sacrifice. If the liaison position is not understood and respected, talented people will not be called to it. To provide support for those who are new to working as liaisons and to attract others to this role, universities need to determine whether they wish to configure the liaison position for full-time tenure track faculty, for adjunct faculty who are hired specifically for this work, or a combination of both. If the liaison position is designed for full-time faculty, 396 respect comes from acknowledgment that the institution values this work. If it is designed for adjunct faculty, the liaisons need to be included in the structure of the university as valued members. If the liaisons are not perceived as essential to the university?s mission, they will be marginalized and not respected. When the liaisons live in an environment conducive to power with and do not have to be concerned about their standing in the university, they can focus their energies on their work. The liaisons demonstrate exuberance about their work, and this exuberance can change the perceptions of others about the work they do. According to Jamison (2004): ?Exuberance also unites members of a group by inducing a synchronous emotional state: it rouses a community to act together and to realize its best and common interests? (p. 150). Sue refers to the almost subversive way this uniting around a common interest sometimes happens: ?The more people who are ex-PDS Coordinators that move into faculty positions, the more they are infiltrating the ranks with people who buy into the PDS.? Giving voice to the nature of the work of the liaisons is one way in which perceptions can be changed. Devon brings forward this understanding. She sees having left the coordinator position as beneficial: ?We now have another PDS Coordinator, so there are two people adamant about PDS within the department. There are two voices, and my voice is now on campus, when the other voice is not on campus.? Kreisberg (1992) links this giving voice to his notion of synergistic community: ?The synergistic dynamics of listening and being heard; of cultivating one?s own and other?s voices simultaneously; of developing new insights, new solutions, this is the process of dialogue, and it is characterized by power with? (p. 131). The liaisons seek 397 opportunities to engage others in giving voice to the work they do as a means of changing perceptions. Frank speaks to the way in which one of his colleagues steps forward to protect his well-being: One of the best things that happened departmental-wise was sharing an office with somebody who was not a PDS person. This person became a spokesperson. She believed in PDS to begin with, but knowing about the intricacies of what was happening, she could say, ?No, we can?t ask him to take on something else.? It was nice having another voice like that, another pair of eyes. Frank feels supported when others are aware of the PDS. However, these instances of happenstance are not enough to provide the liaisons with the understanding that they are supported and respected. Recognition of the valuable nature of their work needs to emanate from the highest levels of the university. The challenge, then, is how to make this awareness happen. Gardner, in Shaffer and Anundsen (1993) says, ?A healthy community affirms itself and builds morale and motivation through ceremonies that honor the symbols of shared identity and enable members to rededicate themselves? (p. 308). PDS ceremonies and celebrations serve the dual purpose of honoring those in the PDS for the work they do and putting forward their accomplishments to demonstrate that their work is valuable. Jamison (2004) speaks to the effect such celebrations can have on others: ?The quick dispersal of exuberant or triumphant emotion accelerates the spread of the news of victory, opportunity in the environment, or a new idea. It sends the message that it is time to explore, to gather as a group, to celebrate, to have fun. When there is cause of celebration or collective enthusiasm and energy are required, infectious fervor will further a swift dissemination? (p. 138). 398 If the PDS and the PDS liaison role are to be respected, there must be a conscious attempt to spread the word at many levels about the nature of their work and their accomplishments. Frank, Sue and Devon speak to the importance of having others give voice to their work. Speaking on their own behalf, although important, is not sufficient to change perceptions. If support for the PDS and university faculty who are connected with it emanates from upper levels of administration, their support can prompt a chain reaction in changing perceptions. Frank provides an example of what can happen when a liaison gives voice to the experience of being in a PDS as he speaks of an unintended consequence of his end of year PDS celebration: The college leader was there and because he heard what the state representative said, and saw her enthusiasm in the way she talked about how PDS is a very good thing, he said, ?We need to support that.? The college leader talked to the public relations person and said, ?We need to support that.? Somehow, we need to get these key people to come to these things beyond our department. I just thought it would be nice for our people, our interns, to understand that there is a state department of education. This [the PDS] is not something that the department chair or I created to make life more difficult for students. But I never thought the college leader would pick up on that and say, ?We?ve got something here.? Now, how are we going to build on that? Frank?s enthusiasm for his work, echoed by others outside the institution, provides his college leadership with an opportunity to see how the work of the PDS is valuable to the college. Frank was able to use this public celebration both to honor the interns and mentor teachers and to spread enthusiasm among others at his college. Satir, in Shaffer and Anundsen (1993), speaks of the nature of this enthusiasm: ??every time you talk, all of you talks. Whenever you say words, your face, voice, body, breathing, and muscles are talking too? (p. 255). Unwittingly, Frank makes 399 connections because of the way he is, as a liaison. However, Huebner (1999) illuminates the need for this enthusiasm ??to become intentional about our surroundings, creating new coalitions and building suitable communities? (p. 385). Frank realizes that having his administration?s support is crucial to his college?s PDS efforts, and he used his personal connections as well as this public celebration to give voice to the positive nature of doing PDS work. Frank was fortunate that his president not only recognized the positive nature of PDS, but also did something about it. At Frank?s college, the President and the Provost make it obvious that they are supportive in their words of recognition and allocation of faculty time and monetary resources. However, the liaisons speak about the difficulties they have in getting some faculty to buy into what they are doing because of its relationship to state policy. Peck (1987) says: ?By and large, people resist change. So the healers and converters try harder to heal or convert, until finally their victims get their backs up and start trying to heal the healers and convert the converters. It is indeed chaos? (p. 91). At the time of this study, the liaisons spent an inordinate amount of time convincing others that PDS is not going away anytime soon. University faculty expressed their concerns that the mandate from the state to prepare teachers in a PDS intruded on their academic freedom. In approaching this need for understanding of the PDS, Frank seeks ?ownership? for his PDSs, but settles for ?buy in.? Sue speaks to the reality of trying to engage faculty in a concept that they do not own yet: Someone up there said I have to do that. So, first I am going to dig my heels in awhile, and I am going to resist and say, ?Why, what difference is this going to make?? Little by little we chip away at them until they feel like they can live with this and then we start trying to get the enthusiasm for it. They didn?t create it. They were feeling like it was plopped down in front of them. 400 The attempt to engage faculty in the PDS initiative is complicated even further when the initiative emanates from the state. Many higher education faculty and administrators do not trust the state and thus resist new state policies and initiatives. For the liaisons that do this work because they believe in it, this resistance by other faculty is another stress for them to handle. In one adversarial conversation at his college, Frank tells one of his senior colleagues: ?You know I really don?t care because I truly believe in this. And it doesn?t matter that they created it; I would have.? Sue likens this negative reaction to the PDS to the initial response teachers felt for the state assessments. She seeks to encourage faculty to get over the fact that the PDS initiative was brought forward initially by the state: It?s like stop thinking about the state department of education, stop thinking about mandates, just let?s thinks for a minute. Doesn?t this make sense just to do it this way? Why are we fighting the principle behind this? I look at it beyond the fact that the department of education says that all teacher candidates should be prepared in a PDS. So I can go beyond that and just talk about the partnership. You?ve got to think about it beyond a mandate. Think about whether you can buy into the principles. What can be done to help the liaisons make a case for what they are doing? Part of the answer lies in doing research about PDS to demonstrate that the principles behind the PDS concept are manifested successfully for preservice and inservice teachers. Building a Foundation of Research The liaisons not only have to prove that they are worthy individually of respect, but also that what they do is making a difference for teachers and students. In the early days of PDS, the aim was to try to link PDS with student achievement on statewide assessments. With so many interventions happening in schools that could affect student achievement, the research focus has shifted now to research on teacher retention. 401 Currently, some school systems and university practitioners are tracking retention of PDS trained teachers and early results suggest that these teachers are staying in the profession longer than those not trained in a PDS. Towson University and Baltimore County Public Schools, as well as Prince George?s County Public Schools with the University of Maryland and Bowie State University, are engaged in such studies. (Maryland State Department of Education, 2004). Positive research such as this provides support for liaisons as they try to change the perceptions of other faculty and those who control resources. The liaisons and other PDS practitioners know that they require positive ?impact? data in order to secure and maintain funding for what they do. Once again, the liaisons, whose satisfaction is found in being-with others, are forced to spend their time trying to quantify what they do. They are witnesses to success stories every day, but their gut feelings that they are making a difference go unacknowledged unless these successes can be quantified. Research that attends to these stories in a meaningful way needs to be encouraged. Full-time faculty who serve as liaisons are held accountable for their teaching, scholarship and service. It is not difficult for the liaisons to substantiate their teaching and service. However, finding time to do research that is acceptable for university credentials can be quite challenging. This need to justify what they do, even though they are required to do so, places a tremendous responsibility on the liaisons. In each instance, the liaisons are required to justify their reasons for being liaisons. This need to do research is not limited to full-time faculty. Frank, who is not in a tenure track position, speaks of his situation: ?I have to do everything that a full time 402 tenure track person would have to do in terms of documentation and dossier. I was told it?s not waived according to half?time faculty, so I have to go through all the steps, yet, I?ll never get tenured, but that?s okay.? What avenues are available to support the liaisons in this respect? What creative ways exist for liaisons to demonstrate that scholarship, teaching and service can be linked in a PDS? Some institutions have begun to accept research done in PDS for promotion and tenure. For full-time faculty to become interested in becoming involved in PDSs, accepting research done in a PDS must be encouraged. Frank speaks to this need: ?I?m not going to create another avenue for research. I?m not going to create another avenue for service and live two separate lives.? This dichotomy between being-with and administering occurs again with this professional requirement for faculty to do research in order to receive promotion and tenure at their institutions. What structures can be put in place to support the liaisons in their research efforts? Their time, which already is stretched thin, must now be used for survival. At many institutions, the liaisons must do PDS research themselves because no one seems to be stepping up to the plate to do it for them. To address this need for research in and about PDS, Towson University has developed an Institute within its College of Education devoted to Professional Development School Studies, which is currently part of a grant-funded project to establish a national clearinghouse for PDS data and research. This university has realized that doing PDS research cannot be solely the responsibility of the liaisons. Thus, the structure of an Institute that focuses on research in and about PDS helps liaisons at all Maryland institutions. 403 The expectations and perceptions of school faculty and administrators also affect the liaisons. P-12 faculty and administrators who are excited about being in a PDS value the time that the liaisons spend on site in schools. Having liaisons spend time in schools is an expectation that can become unrealistic, depending on what other duties a liaison might have. If school faculty have the perception that the role of the liaison is centered in the PDS, they are disappointed if the liaison is not there on a regular basis. The perception of the liaison position must acknowledge that it is okay to spend time in schools. The liaisons will not be satisfied with their work unless they find a home in it. Re-designing Structures In order for perceptions about the liaison position to become more realistic, the ways in which a PDS and its university network are structured need to be examined and, perhaps, re-designed. In some instances, this examination may lead to repairing existing structures, while others might require re-building. Those in power over positions in universities and schools need to recognize the overwhelming nature of the work of the liaisons and provide the support needed to sustain them. The liaisons have identified that the dichotomy between building relationships and doing administrative tasks is quite problematic. When I ask the liaisons about the primary source of their frustration, Diane says, ?Time is number one.? Lenore extends this further, ?Time is actually number one. Probably numbers one, two and three.? Sue, then, brings forward an underlying reason why time and its relationship to responsibilities is such a problem: ?There is just not enough time to do all of the different kinds of things you have to do.? Frank echoes their concerns about the time required to do administrative work and 404 ??not having people to share responsibilities with. If I had a half-time person, think how much we would get accomplished.? Diane says that even though her university understands the release time needed for teaching, ??all the additional university responsibilities don?t go away part-time, so you really are trying to do at least a job and a half, even in the recognition of release time. I think the university?s expectations of coming to committees and serving on search teams has been the same.? For tenure track faculty, being expected to continue to meet all of these expectations is a dilemma for the liaisons because they want to be inside the university, using Neapolitan?s (as cited in Bryant, et al., 2004) definition of an insider as one who is part of the decision-making process. Diane says, ?I want to be included, but I don?t have time to be included.? What choice does a liaison make? Does s/he continue to sacrifice opportunities for being an insider in the name of responsibility? Solving the problem of time devoted to university expectations becomes a resource issue in terms of how faculty are compensated and acculturated to represent the university in the schools so that a teacher preparation program is not just traditional student teaching. Structures in place at most universities currently do not support this clear role definition sufficiently. Now that PDSs have become more established entities, university faculty and administrators need to examine what their liaisons and coordinators are doing and determine a humane manner in which the liaisons can continue to do this work with exuberance. The liaisons' experiences vary based on the way the role of each is defined. Frank speaks of how this role definition is made manifest in his life: ?Faculty teaching 405 can be half-time because you?re given a certain load based on how much time you put there, if you don?t have another role.? If one is contracted to teach two courses, there are parameters in place to define the duties. However, in many cases, the liaisons do have other roles and associated responsibilities. This issue of roles and responsibilities is the basis of many frustrations for the liaisons, as expectations often do not reflect reality. It is time to examine the reality of doing PDS work so that structures become more realistic. My conversants continually referred to their expanding roles, a combination of their own desire to extend the reach of their PDSs, and, as they become more integrated into the life of the university, requests for them to become members of committees and task forces. As they become more valued members of a university community, their work load and duties can increase dramatically. The liaisons speak to the importance of examining options for redefined positions in universities to support PDS work. Some institutions have begun already to do this type of examination, recognizing that the position as originally envisioned covers far more responsibilities than one person is able to accomplish. The role of PDS liaison or coordinator is beginning to attract more attention. For example, Salisbury University recently received sixteen applications for a PDS Network Coordinator position. This university also has negotiated a one-course reassigned time for full-time faculty who work in PDSs, in recognition of offering courses on site in schools whenever possible. These changes in the way in which the university structures its PDS reflects the examination done by the university in order to create a more humane environment in which their PDS faculty can work and still retain their professional identities as university faculty. Gardner (as cited in Shaffer & Anundsen, 1993) 406 reinforces the importance of this professional identity: ?We know that where communities exist it confers upon its member?s identity, a sense of belonging, and a measure of security? (p. 28). If the liaisons are to be expected to remain in their positions, they must feel secure. Just as teacher retention is a serious problem for P-12 schools, retaining talented PDS liaisons also is problematic. With building the bridge of relationships at the heart of PDS work, each time a liaison leaves his or her position, relationship building must start again from the beginning. In order not to lose those who initially choose to do this work, universities need to examine responsibilities and determine which of them the liaisons are to be response-able for in light of the reality of being at the university and in schools. What duties might be removed from a liaison?s responsibilities so a liaison can focus on being-with instead of doing? More clearly defined roles as teacher or network coordinator should be established, instead of having liaisons try to be all things to all people. The more clearly defined roles that Pamela and Lenore experience seem to induce less stress than the roles of some liaisons who also have a heavy administrative load. To address this, some institutions have established PDS Network Coordinator positions that are primarily administrative. Diane currently is in such a position and seems to find a home there, feeling centered by providing organization so that her liaisons can do their work. As a result, she has a stable cadre of liaisons working in schools. Some institutions collaborate with their local school systems to create joint PDS positions, although cuts in school and university funding have severely affected these possibilities. Other universities collaborate with a school system to release a 407 teacher full-time as a PDS Coordinator-in-Residence. Even with all of these options, however, if the university is large, administrative support positions are necessary as well. For liaisons who work directly in PDSs or those who are PDS Network Coordinators, the key to feeling at home is to find a match between the work and the one doing it. In some universities, new faculty positions are advertised as including work in a PDS. Those who are chosen to fill these positions should demonstrate elements of exuberance, particularly a belief in the concept of a PDS. Successful PDS liaisons come from both P-12 and university backgrounds, but those who choose to stay are able to work well with people and willing to reach outside their comfort zone. They are both flexible and tenacious in their work. While advertising alerts new faculty to their role expectations, long-term faculty who were hired before PDS did not buy into this way of preparing teachers. What supports can be put in place for those who find themselves involved in something they did not apply to do? Supports might include mentoring by an ?experienced? PDS liaison, or the development of Co-liaison positions where full-time faculty share the position with someone who has a background in P-12 schools. A reward structure also must exist for PDS research to be valued in the promotion and tenure process. For any support to be successful, there must be opportunities for all who do PDS work to share their successes and concerns. Long-term retention will be possible only when the liaisons develop a realistic attitude toward how much work is too much. Without this acknowledgement, supports are essential but not sufficient. However, building these supports presumes that a university is willing to make a commitment of resources. 408 Providing resources. A financial commitment to the PDS concept is essential to its continuance. Adequate funding is needed so the liaisons do not have to worry about how they can sustain their work. One example of the stress the liaisons feel as a result of inadequate funding concerns ways in which they provide professional development for inservice teachers. The liaisons take quite seriously the need to involve school faculty in professional development, through opportunities such as mentor training, graduate courses, and action research. However, because the liaisons become so intimately aware of the ever- increasing responsibilities placed on teachers, they find that teachers are not participating unless they receive a stipend for doing so. Once again, the liaisons feel torn because they understand all too well what it means to have too much to do. Even when the liaisons have been able to secure grant funds, though, it is becoming more difficult to get P-12 teachers involved. This lack of participation in extra professional development by teachers is a common concern for liaisons who are spending increasing amounts of time documenting that their PDSs are operating according to the Maryland PDS standards. For those who are readying for upcoming accreditation visits, the new accountability measure of the PDS Assessment Framework is at the forefront of their work. While it is imperative that universities provide incentives such as reduced fees for graduate level courses, it still becomes the responsibility of the liaison to make these courses seem beneficial so that inservice teachers will want to take them. Universities with a network of PDSs can offer courses across PDSs in order to make it fiscally feasible; yet, it is the trusting relationship a liaison has with teachers that often 409 convinces school faculty to become involved. Although the desire to provide for the professional growth of teachers is the ultimate goal of the liaisons, the reality is that accountability also is a force behind their persistence. Being accountable. In the PDS world, accountability is becoming increasingly important, both at the school and the university levels. The liaisons and coordinators are collecting data constantly and providing it in various ways to the university and state agencies. In order for universities to have their programs approved and accredited, they must demonstrate that their liaisons use the PDS standards to guide their work. Thus, the liaisons are placed in a position where they are responsible for ensuring that PDSs meet the standards, although the reality is that miraculous things can happen when re- accreditation looms. Where does the responsibility for the documentation of PDS work sit? Most often, it sits with the liaisons because they are the ones guiding the work. They keep track of their interns, professional development offered for teachers, and action research that is done by all in the PDS. As the liaisons are responsive to everyone in the PDS through being-with in relationships, they also must demonstrate response-ability for building and maintaining the PDS according to standards. This issue of standards has significance for the PDS, but also for a university whose teacher preparation programs are reviewed as a whole on the basis of what is happening in individual PDSs. It is ironic that a liaison, often not a tenure track faculty member with assigned power, is responsible for a significant portion of a university?s accountability, thus the importance of building an environment of power with. 410 Handing Over the Blueprints You know your community has entered the synergy phase when the visionaries begin paying attention to the numbers and the get-the-job-done types start tuning into the emotional climate and taking time to clear resentments and clarify communication. You also know you have achieved it when the founders or the natural leaders among you can leave and take a back seat and your group continues to flourish as new leadership emerges from within the group. (Shaffer & Anundsen, 1993, p. 216) My conversants have created roles for PDS liaisons and coordinators at their institutions, and those who have gone on to other positions have acknowledged the necessity of mentoring and providing guidance for those who take their places. Devon recounts, ?We had a full year so the Chair asked me to keep a monthly list of everything that I did, so I had a record which was wonderful for the new PDS Coordinator.? Since Devon was the second PDS Coordinator at her college, her department chair recognized that doing PDS work is not completely intuitive. Certainly, those who have an interest in being-with people are attuned to it, but the ?nuts and bolts? of practice that Sue refers to are different for each institution. Liaisons have created various ways in which they can provide support for those who take their places. Devon wrote a grant to fund a summer experience through which she worked directly with her successor, explaining the logistics of the work, as well as the complicated relationships in her multi-site PDS. Some universities make arrangements for new liaisons to be mentored, before and/or during their initial experience. Hiring those who have an affinity for the work, particularly those with a strong background in P-12 schools, makes the process of becoming involved easier. 411 Becoming Dispensable: Being Reachable As I come to the close of this research study, I have reflected on the changes I have undergone as a result and what I have contributed to benefit the liaisons. I have come to the understanding that being involved in PDS work, at any level, must be grounded in the notion of power with. My background with the Maryland Writing Project predisposed me to this manner of being but, like Peck, I need constant reminders that power over is not the answer. While engaged in this study, I realized the importance of power with and being able to share responsibility when I developed pleurisy and was out of work for two weeks. Our PDS standards work was beginning, and I had all of the materials for the opening workshop in my car. However, I needed to change plans quickly when I was told I needed to go home and stay there until I recovered. A friend took the materials from my car and delivered them so that my PDS colleagues, Cheri, Kim and Michelle, could facilitate the workshop. Although I personally was disappointed not to be there, the work went on without skipping a beat, and I no longer felt totally responsible for everything that needed to be done. It was a freeing feeling. My hope is that the liaisons will come to the acknowledgment that they are not responsible solely for everything that happens in their PDSs and be willing to delegate to others. When I work with the liaisons at my institutions, I can say to them: ?You are doing too much. Do not create more work than you can handle.? Although I cannot accept responsibility for their actions, anymore than they could for mine, I can remind them that in a synergistic community, all should be response-able. 412 I have become increasingly aware of the sensitivity needed as we at the state are in relationship with our PDS liaisons. My colleagues and I are committed to providing opportunities for communication and direct technical assistance. I am committed to finding ways to bring the PDS community together, creating spaces for listening-to and avenues for sharing their research. As a representative of the state, being-with those in the PDS as they do their work supports a climate of change more so than mandates. My question continually needs to be, ?How can I best facilitate change?? I find that, for me, I am able to facilitate change best by working through the process with the liaisons and those in their schools. Then I can recognize when the liaisons and others in their PDSs are at a point where they can move forward on their own. This moving back from such direct involvement occurs first by remaining as a physical presence, but letting the voice of others come forward, followed by a gradual moving away physically. My goal is to become dispensable, but always to remain approachable and reachable. I hope that my sensitivity to what is possible in real world situations continues to grow. This is particularly important in light of the PDS Assessment Framework. We begin our work with universities preparing for accreditation at least a year in advance and offer to work with them and their school faculties as they engage in the self- assessment process. In most of my assigned colleges and universities, I now feel that I am trusted, even by school faculty. It is essential that school faculty, in particular, have faces to associate with the concept of the state, which most view as a detached entity, to bridge that gap. In meetings, I often say that those of us at the state were not hatched in 413 the basement of our building. We all had lives in schools or universities before our work with the state. Standing Together for Change My conversants and I have come a long way since we first began building bridges together, and, though some have gone on to pursue new options, all of my conversants remain committed to the notion of PDS. Lashley (1994) says, ?Strength evolves from knowing why we choose to stand together? (p. 200). I choose to end this chapter and this research study by using the words of my conversants about why we stand together in our commitment to this work. We are eager to provide the best possible preparation for beginning teachers, and to help university faculty join with PDS practitioners as they continue the work of re-designing and re-building their learning communities. Frank recounts a comment by one of his interns during a debriefing session: ?Before we start, I want you to know that no matter how much complaining, griping, or bitching you hear around this table today, none of us would have given up this experience for anything because we?ll be better teachers for it.? Understanding that the interns realize their preparation in the PDS has been worth it fuels Frank?s energy. The liaisons see that by building the relationships essential to a PDS, they provide an experience that supports the interns? needs to feel competent. Lenore also brings forward the personal satisfaction she feels in seeing that the work she does translates into a polished beginning teacher: I sometimes feel sorry for other faculty members that are not in schools. They have no idea whether what they are doing impacts anyone or anything. They don?t get to see those interns take what they?ve learned in the classroom situation and go out and try it. They don?t see them in the beginning when they 414 look so scared and like such rookies, and then at the end to compare it to when they are so polished and looking good when the internship is over. As a liaison who spends the majority of her time in schools, Lenore keeps the spirit of the Redesign alive despite the sacrifices she and other liaisons make in doing this work. Frank and Lenore realize that the reward for doing PDS work does not come always in accolades or public rewards, or even in having their names associated with the successes. In this work, the rewards are found in the work itself, in the words of interns, inservice teachers, and administrators who can speak to positive changes at the individual and school levels. Since a PDS always is in the process of ?becoming,? the work seemingly has no end. Peck (1987) says, ?The tensions between entropic laziness, pulling us back repeatedly into traditional ways of behaving or well-worn defensive patterns, and that part of our nature that stretches toward the new, better ways of creating things or relationships are omnipresent in community? (p. 136). Doing PDS work is not a static process, but rather one that continues to change and grow as relationships continue to be built. Frank brings forward the importance of this recognition that college and university faculty should be models for embracing such change: I see the college and university people as being in a position to really lead the way to think about things, to research things, to act on things, to try things. When I hear my colleagues refusing to think outside the box, I?ve actually heard the term, ?This is the way we?ve always done it.? If that were the case, we would still be using McGuffy Readers. I become very disappointed when tenured colleagues are saying, ?You know this is how we?ve always done it.? I cringe inside. But it?s disappointing and I think to myself, ?I send kids to college and you know, hopefully, this isn?t how they come out. ?This is the way we?ve always done it.? 415 We should be the ones taking the risks. We should be the ones who are willing to learn from it and then say, ?Hey, don?t go in that direction because you will fall on your face. I know because I did it.? And that?s what I would like to see us do, really take pride in being the change agents. As change agents, the liaisons should take pride in what they are doing, building bridges in PDS implementation and research. I look forward to continuing this work of building bridges with these liaisons and others across the state as they build and maintain supports for themselves and others. 416 Appendix A Nancy S. Grasmick State Superintendent of Schools 200 West Baltimore Street ? Baltimore, MD 21201 ? 410-767-0100 ? 410-333-6442 TTY/TDD Maryland State Department of Education Program Approval and Assessment Branch Maryland Professional Development School Network Guidelines for Multiple-Site Professional Development School (PDS) As teacher education institutions and public school systems work together toward full implementation of the Redesign of Teacher Education in Maryland, the number of PDS sites will continue to increase. Many existing PDSs consist of a partnership composed of a single higher education institution, a public school system, and an individual school. There are, however, multiple-site PDSs which involve more than one school. A multiple-site PDS might also be referred to as a cluster or a network. A multiple-site PDS reflects all of the attributes of a single site PDS, with the expectation that the characteristics of a PDS are present as undergirding for the partnership of the higher education institution, the local school system(s), and the participating schools. (See attached Common Understandings About Professional Development Schools.) There is a commitment of public school and high education faculty and administrators to the PDS partnership. The Maryland Professional Development School Network has developed suggested guidelines for establishment of a multiple-site PDS. These guidelines are meant to be viewed as a work in progress and are intended to assist colleges and universities, schools, and school systems with their planning. Some elements of the guidelines are not exclusive to multiple-site PDSs, but are included because of their crucial nature in implementation of any multiple-site PDS. Guidelines for a Multiple-Site Professional Development School (PDS) ? A representative from the central office of one or more local school systems takes part in the identification of schools which comprise the multiple-site PDS. 417 ? A PDS coordinator at the higher education institution and a PDS coordinator from the school/school system are identified by the PDS partnership. ? Teacher candidates comprise one cohort. In a semester previous to the full-time internship, teacher candidates have a practicum experience in the same school where they will have their full-time internship. There is a critical mass of teacher candidates in each school (typically 5 or more). Within a multiple-site PDS, the number of teacher candidates at participating schools might vary, depending upon the capacity of the school or its stage in PDS development. In some cases, a school may choose to participate fully in professional development for inservice teachers while not having teacher candidates in the school for a period of time. Ideally, some classes for teacher candidates are held on-site at one of the schools. ? A co-chaired committee/council is formed to give all stakeholders input into the policy and operations decisions affecting the PDS. Suggested membership includes: the higher education institution PDS coordinator, another higher education institution representative, an identified central office representative(s) of the school system, an administrator from each participating school, a teacher from each participating school, teacher candidate(s) from the cohort, a parent/community representative, a teachers?/administrators? professional association representative, and a participating school student (secondary school). ? Close geographical proximity of the participating schools is ideal, but not essential. ? Professional development opportunities occur within and across sites: e.g., common staff development days, workshops, etc. These professional development activities are open to all interns, faculty and administrators in the schools and the higher education institution. Revised 4/5/2004 lgm 418 Appendix B PARTICIPANT CONSENT FORM Title of Research: Bridging the Gap: A Phenomenological Study of the Lived Experience of University Liaisons in Professional Development Schools Principal Investigator: Mary Margaret Madden Period of Research: January 2001-June 2001 I agree to participate in a research study exploring the phenomenon of university faculty liaisons in Professional Development Schools. This study is the focus of the doctoral dissertation research of Mary Margaret Madden, who will examine the lived experience of university liaisons in Professional Development Schools using the research methodology of hermeneutic phenomenological inquiry. The study will consist of participation in three two-hour taped conversations and reflection upon the themes generated through these conversations. I understand both the purpose and the nature of this study, and I am participating voluntarily. I grant permission for data collected from me, in whatever form (including audiotapes and written materials), to be used in the completion of this study, which I understand may include future publication. I further understand that my name and information that might identify me will not be used, and that data collected from me will remain confidential. The tapes will be kept in a locked desk and the researcher will be the only person with access to them. To further assure this confidentiality, I ask that the following pseudonym be used to identify me in the study: I understand that as a part of this study, I will participate in individual and group conversations, and that portions of the audiotapes and any written material produced by me may be shared with others in the research study. I agree to such participation. I also understand that I may terminate my participation in the research study at any time. 419 PARTICIPATION CONSENT FORM (continued) Further, I agree to treat all information I receive in writing and all conversations I engage in with other research participants in the context of this study as confidential. If you have any questions about participation in the study, you may contact Mary Margaret Madden at 410-882-0537 (home) or by email at (madden@towson.edu). 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